Ending a Death Scene

For this reason I usually write from multiple POVs. In this case, where he's dead, he's dead, unless you have another POV character or an epilogue.

In the case of going unconscious, I just leave a double blank space, and pick up where the character regains consciousness.

You can always resort to the dark side. . .you know. . .telling.

Character dies.

Space break.

Action/narration resumes with a different POV character.

Or else you're writing a ghost story.

You can also get a little metaphysical or philisophical and give some last thoughts of feelings. I assume the character has something go thorugh their head as they fade away. Since it's a POV character they probably played an important role at some poin tn the story.

If it's also the last scene of the story, I would keep POV and simply end with the character's last living thoughts and have the death implied rather than stating "oh, I'm dead now."

If I've had multiple POV's and the story's not over...just switch to a new one.

If I've only had his POV and the story's not over...well I wouldn't do this.

CheshireCat said:

Character dies.

Space break.

Action/narration resumes with a different POV character.

Or else you're writing a ghost story.

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That's what I would do, too. Use a different POV character and continues with the story. Do end the scene in which the character dies, however.

Look, if something happens to your character that can logically cause death, you can "end" his POV narration as abruptly as you want to. In fact, it would be more jarring and probably more effective for the reader.

I just wrote a scene something like that, with a POV character getting shot. He felt the spreading numbess and cold of his body, tasted blood -- and then everything went black. What happens in the next scene, from his killer's POV, makes it quite clear he died.

Worked for me.

You can always try this:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/third_person_limited

c.e.lawson said:

My question is not how to proceed with the story, but how to convey the actual point of death.

Ex. Then he died.

But how does he know he died? He's dead. So you're back to omniscient.

Ex. He took his last breath.

Same dilemma.

Is it limited to stuff like: As his life ebbed away, his last thoughts were of... ? Like Danthia and kuwisdelu said.

I guess so.

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Don't mention the actual death, then. Why do you need to say "he took his last breath"? It seems like you really are writing in omniscient but you think you're writing in 3rd limited -- because in true 3rd limited, the character wouldn't know or observe that he is dying... or even if he is dying, he won't know exactly when. That's the author speaking.

I would just say something like: "Dan felt tired, and closed his eyes, and he felt a sudden calmness washing over him. He could really sleep now, and it seemed the most natural thing to do" or "Dan felt the pain in his chest, and then it was just darkness."

Don't even mention the breath or dying or whatever.

Do a scene break, and then take another character's POV:

Sue wept at Dan's funeral...

Not sure I understand the dilemma without actually reading it.

Seems to me you go:

With a loud and violent exhalation of breath, Jack died. "Gasp!"

His body lay rigid on the floor as rigor set in.

The sun rose over the land of Nod that day without so much as one tear being shed for Jack.

The market was as busy as ever, with sellers hawking their wares, and an occasional sneak thief sampling them without their knowledge.

Jack, as it turned, out, was a very insignificant member of that community and his moldering bones still lie in that great hall. His death went unmourned and unnoticed.

Shadow_Ferret said:

Not sure I understand the dilemma without actually reading it.

Seems to me you go:

With a loud and violent exhalation of breath, Jack died. "Gasp!"

His body lay rigid on the floor as rigor set in.

The sun rose over the land of Nod that day without so much as one tear being shed for Jack.

The market was as busy as ever, with sellers hawking their wares, and an occasional sneak thief sampling them without their knowledge.

Jack, as it turned, out, was a very insignificant member of that community and his moldering bones still lie in that great hall. His death went unmourned and unnoticed.

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Not if Jack is the POV character -- that is the OP's question.

Guess that's why I don't write third person. I don't understand it.

Shadow_Ferret said:

Guess that's why I don't write third person. I don't understand it.

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Well, 3rd limited is sort of like first person in that you can only filter through one character's POV... so if we substitute your passage with first person then you will see the problems:

With a loud and violent exhalation of breath, I died. "Gasp!"

My body lay rigid on the floor as rigor set in.

The sun rose over the land of Nod that day without so much as one tear being shed for me.

The market was as busy as ever, with sellers hawking their wares, and an occasional sneak thief sampling them without their knowledge.

I, as it turned out, was a very insignificant member of that community and my moldering bones still lie in that great hall. My death went unmourned and unnoticed.

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It won't work unless the character is now a ghost...

It's tough because no one can actually imagine what it's like to be dying - close to, yes, but not the actual thing, and that's where the blank space comes in handy.

In such a situation, I usually write in detail everything before the important black-out/death/whatever happens - what the character's thinking, feeling, pain etc - and at the end, I describe the death itself very simply, in short sentences that would seem mundane if they weren't dramatic by comparison. And that can be done by sticking to the pov too (something like 'everything went black'). You don't have to go into much detail as long as what's happening is clear and the writing powerful.

On the other hand, it depends on the kind of death. And on where the story goes next. If it picks up with another character, who maybe mentions the death or something, the scene doesn't need so much detail and finality. I agree that not mentioning that 'he's dying' is better.

I'm not good at examples, but hope this helps a bit. Trying to describe the immediate feelings of the character seems the best way to me (as opposed to mentioning the last breath or stuff that suggests omniscient). Good luck with it anyway. A lot of good advice around here.

I have never typed "LOL."

c.e.lawson said:

LOL on The Onion article, cletus.

c.e.

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Meg Gardiner linked to that in her blog (http://meggardiner.wordpress.com/) about a week ago. She links to some really odd and funny stuff along with blogging about her writing. Go check it out. Then go buy her books.

I had the same problem in THE NEXT STEP. Written in 1st person, the protagonist had to die at the end of the book. Originally I thought of going literary and having no ending, but decided I didn't really like that approach.

One thought was to have the protagonist dying as a scene. Give the protagonist some time to know he's dying, such as having a massive heart attack, and know he's not going to make it. Implication being that the narrative ends when the protagonist no longer has any conscious thoughts and then he dies.

Instead, I started him on a trail ride while his dinner is cooking. So the last you see from the protagonist is him doing something he enjoys. Then, in a different type face, is a very brief news article that reports the discovery of the protagonist's body. Yes, I leave my POV, but it's quick and at the very end of my book. I don't think it's a problem, but we'll see.

Best of luck,

Jim Clark-Dawe

I need to make my way up to the Writing Novels forum more often! Here c.e. goes and starts a thread that builds of my excerpt, and, despite checking AW obsessively this afternoon (slow day at the office), I don't notice it until now.

If anyone wants to read the excerpt, it's my Nov. Challenge post in the Historical SYW section.

To provide some context, the death is the end of not only the scene, but of the chapter and of the reader's direct experience of this particular battle. As such, hopping to another POV isn't an option, unless I bestow POV on some other character arbitrarily for the sole purpose of witnessing the death.

I suppose my own (probably incorrect) take is that 3rd limited is close to, yet distinct from, the POV character. Most of the time this goes unnoticed. But when the character loses consciousness, the "connection" is severed, and the 3rd limited sort of floats outside of the character's perspective for a moment before dissipating.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess most of you have passed out, been knocked out, put under for surgery, or lost consciousness in some form or fashion and some point in your life. Think back to it. Do you remember everything going black? I sure don't. I passed out from dehydration a few years back, and the last thing I remembered was getting up, heading into the bedroom and telling my wife I was thirsty. Next thing I know I'm lying on the floor sweating profusely and my better half is on the phone with 911. There was no blackness. Just a gap.

So where does that penchant for "everything went black" and its variations come from? In my opinion, it's the 3rd limited narrator being detached from the character's POV. And, of course, the writer giving the reader an idea of what the heck just happened.

Has anyone here ever read All Quiet on the Western Front? I believe it has an ending similar to this where the point of view changes after the death of the main character. It was done pretty well too if I recall.

I have an example here, from my YA novel, where my MC is fighting. He doesn't die, but he could have just as easily using the same technique. I'll bold it.

This was a situation he had trained for, not just with Yumi, but with his brothers as well. He curled into a ball, twisted his body, kicked out with his legs, grabbed up at the massive neck of the animal, pushed with all his might to keep the snapping jaws from his face, and brought the gleen up deep into the monster’s chest. But the animal didn’t fall limp, as he’d expected. Instead, there was a great rush of wind, and the creature was ripped violently off of him.

Duncan didn’t have a moment to watch, but if he had, he would have seen Ziljon at his fiercest. Duncan’s blade had missed the Wolverines heart––the creature would have killed him in the next instant. But now, held helpless in the air, it was at the mercy of its captor, and for the creature that had dared attack the Strømling, there was none. With untempered rage, Ziljon tore into the back of its neck.

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In trying to come up with my own example for this thread, I realized that I've never killed a character while in their POV. Every death I can think of is observed by another POV (usually because it's more interesting to describe and experience that character's emotional state over the death). Huh.

It pretty much depends on the circumstances. Is he alone? Is someone there with him? Did he die on the battlefield? In his bed?
If he's been killed in a battle you could give him thoughts like, he knew the wound was a mortal one, he could tell by the grim faces around him, they held his head and for as long as he could he fixed his eyes on the person holding him etc. Just generally let the reader know this guy's had it so when he finally closes his eyes they know it's over. Next paragraph, new POV.
Linnea