Coming out to your family

I have a female cousin who is gay and was afraid to tell her mom, so she asked me to do it. When I called my aunt I said, "I have something to tell you about Mary." And my aunt said, "Let me guess, she's gay?" So it was really easy for me to do. She was extremely accepting of it and told my cousin she could talk to her about anything.

Hope this helps.

I'm part of a very Christian Revivalistic family, and I realized/decided that I was bisexual a year or so ago. I never "came out" so much as just accepted it myself, never tried to hide it, and let it become an everyday part of life and conversation. My mum thought (and still thinks, I'm sure) that it was just a phase I was going through to be rebellious, but she was never personally offended by it. No more so than she was offended by my ravening lust for male crossdressers, especially those of the Japanese rockstar variety. My dad, on the other hand, is still angry about it. He and I haven't gotten along very well since I was about twelve, though, so it was kind of just another brick in the wall, to blaspheme Floyd a little. He views it as either yet another "lashing out at God" (whom I haven't believed in for a number of years), or a personal attack on him and his beliefs. He once threatened to take me out of his will if I ever got a girlfriend, but, in his usual fashion, he retracted and apologized for that statement the next day. That kind of reaction may be mostly intrinsic to mine and my father's relationship, though, since he takes personal offence at just about everything I do, from music and books to views on society and philosophy.

The rest of my family reacted with varying levels of indifference. My brother accepted it 100%; my homophobic cousin shrugged and makes the occasional teasing fag comment (although those are usually directed at my crossdresser and gay man obsessions); the rest of my Christian family doesn't seem to care at all, aside from periodic remarks about the sad degeneration of society, although those aren't directed to me at all-- they seem to take it as yet another facet of my other unorthodox views; and my boyfriend thinks it's hot.

I hope that helps some.

Female and bisexual here.

I figured out I was bisexual in my early teens when I fell for a girl. Personally, I never had a problem with it - I had few friends of my own age and most of my friends were adult, bisexual women. I also came from a very liberal family, I was brought up as a liberal atheist and basically I skipped the self-hating stage of sexuality.

The part I feared was coming out to my family. Until two months ago I spent my life in tiny rural villages and towns in Nowhere, England. I never mentioned my bisexuality in public, not from fear of the consequences - I still think the reaction would be muted - but because there was little interest in alternative sexuality. Frankly I only cared about my family's opinion anyway. Interestingly enough, I came out to the members of my family on separate occasions, in order from least to most intimidating ...

I came out to my little brother perhaps a year or two after I realised. He would have been in his early teens at the time and we'd always had a good relationship. The specific impetus was that my brother had made some moderately homophobic comments which I knew (1) he didn't mean and (2) he hadn't thought through - something about not minding homosexuals but not wanting one in the family. So I told him I was bisexual and we talked about sexuality and tolerance there and then. I've never, ever had a single problem with my brother about this; we often tease each other about girlfriends, talk about women etc.

I waited some time for the right moment to come out to my parents. I came out to my mother first, then my father. I think on both occasions I was alone with my parent, we were already discussing sexuality and I seized the opportunity. Bear in mind that my family is liberal - when your parent has just said that they wouldn't be upset if any of their children were homosexual, it's a lot easier to confess!

I do remember clearly that my mother suggested it was a phase. I was offended and told her that (1) I'd known for years and (2) she wouldn't say that if I'd said I was straight. My mother is now training as a social worker so back then she recognised a heteronormative comment when I pointed it out.

In short, while the social support in Nowhere, England was zero, I benefited hugely from the fact that both I and my family believe in equality regardless of gender, race and sexual orientation. I've had the occasional tense moment with various members of my family but I never had to fear losing my good relationships with them.

PS: I also have an older brother whom I don't get along with. I never mentioned it to him and I don't plan to; I have as little interest in telling him intimate parts of myself as he has in learning them.
PPS: As far as I know no member of my family mentioned it to another until after I'd finished coming out to all of them. Either that or they're devious people and I never knew.
PPPS: I now live in Bristol where I'm a happy member of my university's lesbian, gay, bisexual & transgender society.

I never really 'came out'. I don't see this as a big part of me...I mean, I didn't walk home before and say, "By the way, Mom, I'm straight". If you asked me to list 5 words/labels that described myself, bisexual would not be one of them. I think sexuality's fluid...I am attracted to whom I am attracted to and I try not to limit myself with things like sex, gender, and gender identity. My friends figured it out when I mentioned The Girl, and my parents I'm fairly sure have either figured it out or will figure it out when they see the Girl and I together when she comes to visit. They're open minded and have said before that it doesn't bother them. I'm unconcerned. I know people in the LGBT community who are like 'but you HAVE to come out' but I don't see the big deal. I am happy in love with a girl, completely comfortable with that, and who is to tell me how I tell other people who I like? I'm sure it will come up in conversation, as it has now for several years with my friends, and that's awesome. But I didn't pull people aside and say, "Hey, by the way, in case you didn't notice, I'm head over heels for this girl...so I guess I should say I'm bi."

Probably didn't help too much but there ya go.