It's absurd!

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megan_d

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The last lines I just wrote in my MS (78 thousand words and counting), was:

The kangaroo exodus had conveniently beaten a path through the bush. It made running from the zombies an easier exercise than their initial hike to Chase’s tree house had been.


My MS is not a comedy, it's not a parody. That line is intended in all seriousness. And in the context of my MS it comes across as such (I hope). But, I mean, well, just look at it! It's so absurd!


So, share time! What lines from your MS are, when taken out of context, really quite ridiculous. Or is it just my MS that lends itselt to such madness?
 

preyer

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all my lines are pretty absurd. not so much those meant to be absurd. stuff wired for weirdness never seems to work for me.

are these zombie kangaroos? that would be t*ts.

i've never understood why zombies were a huge threat when they move at a quarter the speed. i've seen 73.26% of all zombie movies, yet not once did i ever see a hero ride around on a bicycle ~ you know, those things that could literally drive circles around the average zombie. i guess that would be too logical, huh?

'oh, no, we're running out of ammunition?!'

and? what, you mean you can't dispense with a group of the undead with a few gallons of gas and a lighter while a couple of friends hack away with machetes? good gravy, use your imagination, 'heroes'! lure them into a hayfield and fire up the ol' thresher. molotov cocktails are your friends here. let's face it, zombies only have strength in numbers. i wouldn't think it would be terribly difficult to wipe out a nation of the idiot undead when a treehouse doubles as an impregnable fortress and a kid with a slingshot and a handful of acorns should, with good aim, blind several attackers.

and you never see nuns as zombies. why is that? i'm not sure i've ever seen a vampyre movie where a vampyre nun is in a remote nunnery, either, and the mother superior isn't quite sure what should be done.

one thing i think we can all agree on is children zombies are even more annoying than living children.

disregard all this in cases of super-zombies who are lightning fast and zowie-strong.

at any rate, the only regular zombie i might be concerned about are samurai zombies. granny and cow zombies rate pretty low on my list of things to be afraid of. watch out for pimp and red-headed zombies.
 

Esopha

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"Dictionary!" said the gopher atop the horse. "Chippy's looking for you."

"What's more important than chickens?"

Within the first 30 pages. My book is kind of insane.
 

Shadow_Ferret

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I'm hoping my lines aren't absurd out of context. It's hard for me to separate them from the story, ya know?

And the ones that supposed to be absurd, I hope they work.

a
i've never understood why zombies were a huge threat when they move at a quarter the speed. i've seen 73.26% of all zombie movies, yet not once did i ever see a hero ride around on a bicycle ~ you know, those things that could literally drive circles around the average zombie. i guess that would be too logical, huh?
You need to see the other 26.74%. The zombies run. They're fast. They chase you down.
 

Voyager

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"What on Earth is a Ding-Dong?"
 

mirrorkisses

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heh, almost all my lines taken out of context are hilarious. But my book has comedic elements, so yeah...

quite a lot of use from the c__k word, the f__k word, and the word "boobs."

and this is a chick lit book, mind you!
 

mirrorkisses

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"I can utter all kinds of euphemisms for the male genitalia except for penis. . . . and maybe wee wee."
 

Zelenka

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"Christ! It's the Martians! Hide your women!"

and

"After what you just saw, you need Spam."

Actually most of that character's dialogue is absurd when taken out of context. Lot of it still is absurd incontext.
 

Chasing the Horizon

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Ava Jarvis

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i've never understood why zombies were a huge threat when they move at a quarter the speed.

Educate thyself.

And it's a really good book, too!

Out of context lines, out of context lines...

"What the fuck is this bastardization of the Britten suites, which by themselves make cellists cross their eyes on the first read?"

But then again, my sense of humor was surgically removed at birth.
 

veinglory

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“If the dragon is dangerous, that casts a new light on things,” Parlen said.

...because, I guess, it's kind of hard to think of a benign dragons, generally speaking.
 

wayndom

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The last lines I just wrote in my MS (78 thousand words and counting), was:

The kangaroos exodus had conveniently beaten a path through the bush. It made running from the zombies an easier exercise than their initial hike to Chase’s tree house had been.

Does it read less absurd this way?
 

preyer

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don't mean to derail here, but concerning 'WWZ', i'm not inspired to seek this one out simply for these reasons:

NOW AVAILABLE IN PAPERBACK (WAS THIS *REALLY* EVER IN HARDCOVER FORMAT?)

FINALLY, THE WORLD WILL COME TO KNOW THE TRUE STORY OF HOW DANGEROUSLY CLOSE THE HUMAN RACE CAME TO ITS DEMISE (I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS TAGLINE)

WORLD WAR Z
An Oral History of the Zombie War

By Max Brooks

The end was near (YOU CAN'T FIND A MORE GENERIC SENTENCE, BUT, OKAY, I'LL PLAY ALONG). Zombies were taking over. They were infiltrating ever (SEE, THIS IS WHERE THE AUTHOR REALLY STARTS TO LOSE ME. WHEN YOU CAN'T PROOFREAD THE ONE SHOT YOU'VE GOT AT MAKING ME INTERESTED, IT COMES OFF AS SELF-PUBLISHED AND, WORSE, POORLY EDITED) corner the world. No neutral ground existed, no nation was secure, and we were in serious danger of becoming extinct - overrun by hordes of the living dead (AGAIN, THIS IS ABOUT AS GENERIC AS IT GETS, IMO, AND VERY TYPICAL OF A NEW WRITER'S ATTEMPT AT SOUNDING COOL. I'VE SEEN IT DOZENS OF TIMES AND EACH TIME I GROW LESS IMPRESSED. OKAY, I LIED, I WAS NEVER IMPRESSED WITH THIS KIND OF GRABBER TO BEGIN WITH).

WORLD WAR Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War (I LIKE THE TITLE, THOUGH)(Crown Publishers, September 12, 2006), is a recounting of these apocalyptic and horrifying years (ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF POOR EDITING. I MEAN, REALLY, ISN'T 'HORRIFYING' RATHER REDUNDANT HERE? SAYING 'APOCALYPTIC' AND 'HORRIFYING' IS LIKE SAYING 'FROZEN' AND 'ICECUBE,' EH?) that will make sure we never forget how close we came to total annihilation. Told from the perspective of numerous survivors from all over the world, from Denver to South Africa, Sydney to Yonkers, Malibu to India (THESE LOCATIONS ARE COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY ONCE IT'S SAID 'ALL OVER THE WORLD'), WORLD WAR Z captures the sacrifices and, toward the end, the ingenuity of our race to defend and save our cities, towns, and villages from a plague that seemed virtually impossible to stop.

Brooks tells a moving story of courage and survival and gives us insight into the key military strategies that helped us take our world back. To this day, controversy and conversation still revolves around some key issues that WORLD WAR Z addresses such as:

- How the Walking Plague was initially covered up by corrupt governments
- Why the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services downplayed the Great Panic
- A zealous American President's mistake in putting his party's needs in an election year ahead of the safety of his people

While WORLD WAR Z does remind us of our past mistakes and the vulnerability of the human race, it also serves as a reminder that the only true difference between us and the enemy we now refer to as the "living dead" is the human factor. WORLD WAR Z also warns us not to let our guard down, to be ever vigilant, and to learn from the mistakes made in the past (YEAH, AND HERE'S ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF BAD EDITING. THE FIRST SENTENCE ALREADY MENTIONS OUR PAST MISTAKES, AND HERE IT'S SAID AGAIN). Indeed, as Brooks records from a survivor in Burlington, VT: "The numbers [of zombies] are declining, thank heavens, but it doesn't mean people should let down their guard. We're still at war, and until every trace is sponged and purged and if need be, blasted from the surface of the earth, everybody's still gotta pitch in and do their job. Be nice if that was the lesson people took from all this misery. We're all in this together, so pitch in and do your job (IF THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF UNBALANCED DIALOGUE, I'LL PASS)."

WORLD WAR Z is Max Brooks's life work. Logging countless hours of travel to capture and preserve first-hand experiences from the Dark Years, Brooks records in great detail the one aspect that has been neglected in all previous retellings of this war: the extraordinary job we did in coming together to thwart our extinction and reign triumphant (PRETTY UNLIKELY THAT MANKIND'S HEROISM WOULD GO UNMENTIONED ON CNN, LOL).

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Since the end of official hostilities, numerous attempts have been made to document the Zombie War. WORLD WAR Z is the definitive account of the technological, military, social, economic, and political details as told through survivors' stories of how civilization went from the brink of extinction to a universal victory (NOT QUITE SURE WHAT A 'UNIVERSAL VICTORY' IS) against the living dead (THE LOGIC FAILS. THIS PARAGRAPH IS SAYING, 'HERE'S THE DEFINITIVE ACCOUNT OF COMPLICATED MATTERS AS TOLD THROUGH AVERAGE PEOPLES' ANECDOTES').

thanks for pointing this out, but based on this there's no way i'd ever spend good money on this book. it strikes me as amateurish on several levels. guys, you don't have many chances to get a reader interested, so my advice is if you're trying to drum up sales this way, you best well damn better make sure it's not 'ever' when you mean 'every.'

sorry again for the interjection, it had to be said. :) resume regular programming.

ETA: there's actually an audio version with alan alda, carl reiner and max brooks himself (max is mel brook's son). it doesn't take madam zoso to figure out what kind of bias this book's got, lol.

there'll probably be a movie.
 
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Ava Jarvis

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don't mean to derail here, but concerning 'WWZ', i'm not inspired to seek this one out simply for these reasons:

NOW AVAILABLE IN PAPERBACK (WAS THIS *REALLY* EVER IN HARDCOVER FORMAT?)

Yes. And it is a good book. Have you actually read an excerpt or listened to the audio, or are you just going to quit without actually touching upon it?

Edit: Ah, I see that you have read the excerpts. Oh well, if it's not your book, it's not your book.

Still, next time maybe lighten up on the copy and paste.
 
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Ava Jarvis

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World War Z! That really is a fantastic book, and if I recall correctly I bought based on the recomendation of someone here! Maybe it was you?

Nope, not me.

I was skeptical until a friend read out excerpts to me. Serious and well-done mockumentaries are nice to read. Plus it really does explore a world-wide plague/war idea in very good detail, and thus is on a level with extremely good science fiction.
 

MelodyO

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I love stories with zombies! The kangaroos are just weird, though. Heeeeee.

Here's my own zombie:

Frank laughed nervously and pushed his flap of cheek skin back into place.

I do that when I'm nervous, too. :D
 

Stew21

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Oliver and I agreed I would stay at the hotel with him for a few days what with the drunk June Cleaver and Lisa’s left hook.
 

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“How do you bury bodies in a fridge?”

“I stick them in the fridge,” she invented, “then I bury the fridge. I keep it running. I have an extension cord that comes out of the ground.”

“So at least you have electricity.”

“I use it all for the fridge. It’s big. I have a lot of bodies I need to keep buried and frozen.”
 
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