If you read this sentence in a story, would you understand it?
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Make your characters weird and new and cool, not your diction. Unless of course you're doing something literary.
But what exactly is a "handgun gesture"? Do you mean it looked as if the person was going to shoot himself in the head?
I live in Canada.
Oh, and why is it in that sort of strange tense: "would"? Was it booming with noises, or wasn't it? Or do you mean habitually? Even so, the tense is awkward.
I live in Canada.
Oh, and why is it in that sort of strange tense: "would"? Was it booming with noises, or wasn't it? Or do you mean habitually? Even so, the tense is awkward.
I presume that's exactly what he means by handgun gesture, but I agree with the others that it's unneccesary and distracting to the sentence and its meaning. I'd say drop it or replace it with "my fingers" or some such.
And while I'm at it, this isn't the first time I've seen a put-down (at least that's how I took it) of "literary" fiction (I've got this writing book from a few decades ago that really tears it a new one). Do we need a new forum for that topic, or would a new thread be enough?
How is this relevant? Are there no handguns in Canada? Or just no handgun gestures?
ETA: Oh, now I see the OP's "eh?"
From the "It'd" and "I'd" I surmise that this is a hypothetical situation. That part seems a lot more normal than the handgun gestures.
I suppose the OP just wanted a yes-or-no answer, but it looks like we're going to edit the hell out of that sentence...
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This was a bit of a joke but, in fact, there are very few handguns in Canada. I have never seen one. No one I know owns any type of gun.How is this relevant? Are there no handguns in Canada? Or just no handgun gestures?
Ah, hypothetical. I wasn't envisioning a hypothetical situation, I thought he meant it as habitual, as in, whenever I went to Joe's place, it was so loud and booming with noises...etc.
"I plugged my ears as the explosion of sounds resonated through my brain."
Something like this may bring the point across. Just my 2 cents.
Something like this may bring the point across. Just my 2 cents.
benbradley, you bring back horrors of my Waffle House days in Stone Mountain. Uggg I hated those damn polyester uniforms.
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I understand it, but it seems almost cartoon-y to me. Who plugs ears like that? I just press my forefinger against my ear. No handgun-like gesture involved.
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Must be a Canadian thing. I thought pretty much the same thing. What relationship does trying to muffle sound have with shooting yourself with a loud gun? I understand the gesture but it seems all wrong to me. Us Canadians, eh?
Linnea
I just think it sounds awkward, especially in speech.
I'm in Canada. My brother owned a gun. Actually, he had two: one that was registered, and one that was not. I think you have to belong to the Rifle Association to get one (legally), or something like that?
I'm in Canada. My brother owned a gun. Actually, he had two: one that was registered, and one that was not. I think you have to belong to the Rifle Association to get one (legally), or something like that?
I understand it, and after reading the comments here, I can see both why some people would think this is too much and also why you worded it that way. Personally, I do think it's a little awkward.
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It depends, some books have a certain style that isn't just about getting the point across. I mean take a random sentence from the Clockwork Orange and it will just look dumb.
Good Lord!
It's word painting. You took an otherwise dull gesture and added a splash of color.
Hats off!
AND you kept it short, not flowery with the assumption your reader was an idiot.
Very, very well done.
It's word painting. You took an otherwise dull gesture and added a splash of color.
Hats off!
AND you kept it short, not flowery with the assumption your reader was an idiot.
Very, very well done.
In the same context as why not simply say: The hobbit made his way to the mountain.
There, it's the whole story, wrapped up in one sentence.
Ah, but, add splashes of color and seasoning and you create juicy visuals.
I don't think your comparison works. Saying "Little red riding hood eventually made it to her grandma's house for tea" is not the same as saying, "A little girl in a vermillion surcoat sashayed down the street constructed of round stones and cement."
What I meant, to go a little deeper, is that language ought to create a mood, a voice, whatever-- and then disappear. Anything that pulls me out of that world is taking away from the story rather than contributing to the effect. If I have to stop for a minute to mentally figure out what "handgun gestures" are, that's going to pull me out of the story. Unless-- as I said-- you are doing something "literary," in which case language itself is the focus.
Perhaps "handgun gestures" would not pull you out; it would pull me out. The OP asked for opinions, and I gave mine honestly.
Hmm.
Would I understand it? Yes, although it snagged me just a little at first.
Would I like it? That depends.
As somebody's dialogue or deep in somebody's POV, it actually bothers me. On its own, "gestures" just isn't a commonly used word (at least not with the folk I hang with or TV people), so adding "handgun" in front of it makes it even more off and awkward to my ears. Most folk I hear speaking, etc, would just stick with "I plugged my ears". Does that mean your character cannot get ultra specific and use words you don't hear quite so much? Not at all. But just letting you know, out of the blue here without knowing anything else about the character and how they speak, it strikes me as being awkward and unreal.
Also important and lacking in the context for us above is whether or not the "handgun" shape of the gestures is important or just there for flavor. If it is some greater importance than merely picturing for the moment a touch more precisely the shape of the plugging fingers (aka, some bit of literary significance or whatever), then I am merely missing the appropriate context above ot make that clear and might react differently with it there. If it is just for the picture, though, then it still strikes me as unneccessary and awkward.
So, like I said above, it depends.
Just my opinion, though.
-Michelle
I haven't a clue as to what that means: "I'd plug my ears with handgun gestures."
I've plugged me ears with lots of stuff, and I've gestured some with handguns but not much. What I was visualizing for that "handgun gesture" was what a guy does when he gestures with his handgun to indicate to bystanders that they should just keep on walking by.
But I think that sentence is just fine and dandy if it was part of a conversation and the other guy replied appropriately.
e.g.,
Yeah, then that would be just fine. imo.
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