Nice to meet you, and I'm an idiot.

[Spiral Stairs]

As an excuse for making my first post, let me tell you how I have conclusively established my idiocy in the last week, during which time I have sent out my first-ever queries.

- I sent queries to two agents at same agency. I don't know if this makes it better or worse, but it wasn't an accident. For one agent, I added something to the effect of, "By the way, I also submitted to your colleague, Joe Blow. I hope that's okay." I kept the other agent in the dark. Why? Because I am an idiot.

- In ALL of my e-queries (about 12 or so), I failed to include my zip code in my contact information. (Here's hoping they all want to use e-mail to send me my inevitable rejections and don't even look at the address block.)

- I have received one request for a partial, which I have sent out. I did not include a SASE. As I read posts on this board, I realize that including a SASE is de rigueur. (Nor did I do more esoteric but helpful things like write "Requested Materials Enclosed" on the envelope or include a copy of my query.)

- Plus, while not a mistake per se, I have decided that my query letter sucks. How do I know that? Because here I am, FOUR WHOLE DAYS after starting this process, and I still cannot find my book at Barnes & Noble. So it's either the suckiness of my query, or the fact that I am an idiot. I'm taking even odds.

[melaniehoo]

Welcome to AW. Hopefully you can learn some helpful advice here on the writing forums. Good luck!

[PeeDee]

You suck.

Wait! That's not what I meant!

I meant that they are mistakes, but they aren't nearly the end of the world. Honest.

Also, it can sometimes take up to seven days to get your book in Barnes & Noble. And sometimes it takes almost nine days to be Number 1 on the NYT bestseller list. Disgusting, I know.

Welcome to the boards. Here's a cup of tea.

[MarkEsq]

Four days? Wow, what a loser.

Hey, one of the reasons you, and everyone else, first came to this board was because you didn't know how to do it all correctly, all of the time. I have learned a ton from posting and reading here. Don't beat yourself up for the mistakes, just try and fix them and not repeat them. It sounds like you are on the right track, a request for a partial means you are doing something right, so do it even righter and you'll be #1 on the NYT list by the weekend!

[wyntermoon]

The good news is that you've found AW.
The bad news is you've met PeeDee.

Try not to hold that against us.

[III]

:welcome: This place needs some dumbing-down. I'm tired of pulling all the weight. Glad to have you around, Spiral.

[Ziljon]

You're a very entertaining idiot. Welcome!
(btw, I am disgusting.)

[preyer]

nine whole daze? jeesh, why even bother if it takes that long? well, since fame and fortune is guaranteed, i guess i can bang out a few more novels while i wait. oh, how i suffer for my art!

[Shadow_Ferret]

Wow. You are an idi... *notices PeeDee shaking his head* id da right place. Yeah. You're id da right place.

Don't mind me, I'm coming down with a cold.

*glances at PeeDee who gives him the thumbs up*

Welcome aboard. You can hang your duncecap over there.

*PeeDee slaps his forehead*

[joyce]

I was sooooooo ignorant to this whole process before I found AW. Someone was looking out for me when I stumbled in here by accident. My first novel was submitted all wrong and my query letter sucked. I've learned so much from being here. Don't beat yourself up for not knowing how the process works. Chalk it up as experience. Good luck with your writing.

[preyer]

at least SS didn't forget to send the hookers. you *did* send the hookers, right?

[ORION]

Well don't worry. As long as you used the pink perfumed paper with the glitter you'll do fine...

[RedScylla]

If I may borrow from that venerable purveyor of junk (and therefore surely a patron saint of novelists) Fred Sanford: "Lamont, ya big dummy." ;)

Rest assured that most of us have made similarly or exponentially more heinous errors. Good news: in the grand scheme of things, it won't be a blip on your querying radar in another month.

[Wraith]

Hey, I love spiral staircases!

:snoopy:

Ahem. You're in the right place. Here everyone who isn't an idiot likes to act like one. For the fun of it.

But I can't believe that you didn't consider the third option: everyone in the publishing industry is out to get you. I mean, they are. Really. Four days? They sure like their new writers hard-boiled.

As long as you write, you'll be fine. Glad to have you here. :)

:welcome:

[scarletpeaches]

:welcome: This place needs some dumbing-down. I'm tired of pulling all the weight. Glad to have you around, Spiral.

Ignoer hym, he's an idyut who can't speel.

Weclome! :TheWave:

[KTC]

You're not an idiot...but I do find you lovably quirky. (that's a good thing)

My advice. Get the package together on a table...spread it all out and have a checklist with EVERYTHING on it that you want in the package. Even the mundane. Yes...have a checklist spot for your Zip Code. Check off everything and pile it all together. THEN check it all again from the pile...double check the entire works. Then put it in your mailing envelope and seal it and ship it.

Checklist:

Name
Street Address
City, State
Zip Code
Dear _____________ (Make sure it's addressed to the right person!)
Cover Letter
Query Letter
Synopsis
Submission
Etc
Etc

Why can I name these things off the top of my head...because I actually do this. I've made a few mistakes in my time...and after I thought I checked everything to make sure I was thorough. I compiled a checklist to keep myself accurate and shameless. I don't have the checklist here, otherwise I would post it. But I included all the important things and all the things that seem mundane on my list.

Good luck with your next one.

[KTC]

By the way, your username reminds me of a great Siouxsie Sioux song:

The Staircase Mystery

Staircase lying face up
Stair cat sat on a mat
Looking down
Slide down the banister
Take the escalator
Slide down the banister
Or try the elevator
I was standing on the landing
Now I'm standing in the hall
Looking up

Won't someone assist me
Solve this mystery
Somebody assist me
Arrange the symmetry
Muffled footsteps on the carpet

Spiral steps start spinning
Around me
Which floor which ceiling
You're off balance
Which floor which ceiling
It's all upside down
Staircase lying face up
Stair cat sat on a mat
Looking down...



Just saying...

[OctoberRain]

Spiral, I'm glad I found this board. I was amazed at how much I did not know.

Nice to meet you and welcome!

[CaroGirl]

Nice to meet you too. I love it when people who aren't me prove that they're human too.

Welcome.

[mikeland]

Is this the Idiot Support Group?

Hi, I'm Mike. And I'm an idiot.

All: Hiiiiiiiii, Miiiiiiiiike.

So, just to solidify my status and prove that I belong, I must admit that I never provide a snail mail address when I e-query. Am I violating some protocol here? I figure that if they want to reject an equery, they'll either email or ignore it. If they want more, I'll get an email or a phone call (although so far all my requests for pages have been emails). Am I off-base here?

[c.e.lawson]

Thanks for posting this. I'm sure you've helped a lot of fellow idiots today, before we make the same mistakes. Those types of mistakes are typically the sort of thing that I would do, though I've not yet sent anything out, so I appreciate your candor! Good luck. And welcome!

c.e.

[a_sharp]

Hey, Spiral, welcome on board.

Y'know, all is not lost. I could use my considerable publishing industry influence to help you make it right with the double-agent thing. Just tell me who they are and I'll send an email to both explaining that you were on one of your wild drunks that mostly don't interfere with your work or deadlines.

We at AW offer that kind of support, and we don't even charge for it. You'd be amazed at how much we don't know. Did I say that right?

[Spiral Stairs]

Thanks for all the welcomes. This is obviously a place where an idiot like me can feel perfectly at home. Wait. That didn't come out right.

By the way, your username reminds me of a great Siouxsie Sioux song:
[snip]
Interesting. I don't know that one. Spiral Stairs was the nom de guitar of a member of Pavement. I noticed that another user here is named Shady Lane, a likely reference to one of my favorite Pavement songs.

[RainbowDragon]

Don't worry, it could be worse--you could have called them to say you have the next great international bestseller at 300,000 words and what's their fax number?

I'd let the first two ride (if it's any consolation, they probably wouldn't have responded anyway, statistically speaking). As for the partial request (4 days and a partial request? Way to go!) if the agent's been in touch by e-mail you might e-mail back and mention you sent the materials (and did they get them?) and by the way I may have forgotten to include a SASE, but an e-mail response is acceptable (if it is) or I'd be glad to send one if it can still be attached to the partial.

Those who say they don't respond without a SASE mean no form rejection without a SASE. If they like it, they won't let 40 cents stand in their way.

Good luck!

[Azraelsbane]

Welcome to the boards. :) The important thing is that you've learned your lesson on said idiocies. Everybody makes mistakes, but those who learn from them are few and far between.

Also, take heart in the fact that you were asked for a partial. Obviously your query isn't as bad as mine. So far everyone has politely told me to screw off. ;)

[MidnightMuse]

As far as idiots go, you're right there in the middle of them. I wouldn't sweat it - we all learned the best lessons the hard way.

Soon you'll be like the rest of us. When you get that glorious request for a Full, you'll start to sweat, your hands will shake, then you'll promptly forget every single thing you've learned by hanging out here, and in desperation, ask a silly question like: What's Double Spacing? and How do I print?

After the shock wears off, and you spend three days obsessing over the address on the envelope and how you've taped up that manuscript box - you'll be fine.

Welcome to Freaks Anon- oh, I mean AW.

[preyer]

you'll find that once you start living your life like a breakfast cereal commercial, things like this will happen.

[tjwriter]

Welcome! Don't worry, as we're all a little stooopid at some point. Some of us more than others.

Be sure to stop by the Newbie Forum and give us an introduction! There are also some fun questions to answer and a place to hook up with a forum buddy if you so desire.

[Saundra Julian]

Welcome, fellow idiot! I've pulled a few in my time too. You'll live to query again so hang tough, sweetie!

[a_sharp]

Welcome, fellow idiot! I've pulled a few in my time too. You'll live to query again so hang tough, sweetie!

Don't read too much into Saundra's remarks. She calls everyone "sweetie."

Don'tcha cupcake?

[KAP]

Okay, as long as we're outing our idiocies. I queried an independent publisher with three chapters and addressed the editor using the wrong first name. Yes, I'm an idiot.

They asked for the full anyway.

Relieved, I sent it, this time carefully using the editor's correct name. Weeks later, I perused their website, and they updated it to give indication that the editor is a Missus. Oops. I got the name right, but the sex wrong. Now I'm used to getting sex wrong (I am, after all, an idiot), but this was important!

Not holding my breath on the full.

Welcome to the board.

kap

[Nateskate]

LOL- Maybe you have attention deficit like alot of us.

Once I went through this great ordeal to send a copy of an ms to Tor and I didn't include a SASE- because I didn't know what that meant. And they toss them off the bat if there's no SASE.

Welcome to the "Learn as you go" club.

Nate

[WittyandorIronic]

Ha. Welcome to the board...and don't worry, Day 5 may be that lucky day!!

[sneakers145]

That's okay. I had an agent request a full, and I sent it with a postage-paid return BOX.

::crawls back into hole::

I wish I'd met Miss Snark before querying. Next time will be so different. :D

[Namatu]

Welcome! Your gaffes are fixable, as is your query if you think it sucks. See "Share Your Work." *evil grin*

Want to hear idiot? I had an agent. We emailed, you know, like happens between author and agent. She called me by the wrong name multiple times. I did sign my emails. (I have no examples of personal idiocy. I am perfect. :rolleyes: ) She's no longer my agent.

[rhymegirl]

I don't think you're an idiot.

[Prawn]

Don't worry about it. Once I e-mailed a query to an agent and put the wrong name. I even had Attn: Some other agent in the subject line. I felt stupid, and I e-mailed and said I was sorry for the mix up. The agent e-mailed back not to worry about it, and then the next day requested a partial!

[jannawrites]

Whew! You mean I'm not the only idiot? What a relief.

Glad you're here. Welcome!

Signed,
She Who Was Telling People She Was Writing a Fiction Novel...

[preyer]

everyone is being so nice... don't y'all know we've a reputation to live up to?

[Judg]

I discovered AW and Miss Snark and Kristin Nelson and Evil Editor and Nathan Bransford before committing the multiple idiocies I was contemplating. :D

Learning things the hard way is great. Learning things the easy way is greater.

So you all just go on making mistakes and posting them, OK? Hopefully, you'll have covered everything before I actually start submitting.

Did I tell you that my mother loves my writing? And my sister said...

[JamieFord]

Hey, congrats on the partial. And who cares about the SASE. If they're interested they'll call or email.

[wayndom]

- In ALL of my e-queries (about 12 or so), I failed to include my zip code in my contact information. (Here's hoping they all want to use e-mail to send me my inevitable rejections and don't even look at the address block.)

Don't worry about this. No one (to the best of my knowledge) responds to e-queries by snail mail. More importantly, most disinterested agents won't respond at all, and that includes those who (a) insist on snail-mail and (2) insist on a SASE. (So why can't they scribble, "No thanks" on your query, put it in your SASE and put it in the "out" box? I don't really want to know.)

- I have received one request for a partial, which I have sent out. I did not include a SASE. As I read posts on this board, I realize that including a SASE is de rigueur. (Nor did I do more esoteric but helpful things like write "Requested Materials Enclosed" on the envelope or include a copy of my query.)

Actually, a SASE for a submission is no longer the norm, because (1) no one hand-types MS's any more, and it doesn't cost that much to print out a fresh new copy for that fresh new agent who requested it, but (b) more importantly, since 9/11, any mail parcel over one pound must be presented IN PERSON at the post office, and agencies don't have time to run down to the P.O. with MS's they're not interested in.

- Plus, while not a mistake per se, I have decided that my query letter sucks. How do I know that? Because here I am, FOUR WHOLE DAYS after starting this process, and I still cannot find my book at Barnes & Noble. So it's either the suckiness of my query, or the fact that I am an idiot. I'm taking even odds.
As others have noted, if you expect a response to your query in four days, you should be writing fantasy, 'cause that's where you're living.

Calm down, relax, get used to the idea that you're going to send out a tidal wave of queries and maybe get a handful of rejections and one or two requests. And after someone requests a full MS, the REAL waiting begins.

It took me a year to get an agent for my first novel, it took her a year to sell it, and it was another year before it made it to bookstores.

Everything in the publishing world moves at glacial speed (not including the rapid retreat of glaciers lately).

[wayndom]

everyone is being so nice... don't y'all know we've a reputation to live up to?
I hope my post addresses that problem...

[Wolvel]

As long as it was not the writersliterary agency you'll be alright.

Welcome to the land of idiots.

[Wolvel]

lol. "land pf idiots" ;)


It's late I'm tired and the p is too close to the o.:D

[Saundra Julian]

Don't read too much into Saundra's remarks. She calls everyone "sweetie."

Don'tcha cupcake?


It's a Southern thing, sweetie. :tongue

[sadron]

A bit late, but welcome to AW!! *cookies*

[Namatu]

Cupcakes and cookies? Yes, please!

[Spiral Stairs]

Addendum to my original post:

[5.] What? Manuscripts are supposed to be in Courier New? Damn it! The one partial I have sent out was in Times New Roman. At least I didn't include a SASE, so I'll never receive the response I otherwise would: "You, sir, are an idiot."

(On the upside, my book is over 300 pages now, thanks to those widebody Courier characters.)

[preyer]

TNR should be okay. i think either is okay unless it's specified. i believe courier or NTR is used because each one has no kerning, so when you do a 'traditional' word count estimate (that is, using the formula for word count), it's a little more accurate.

[C.bronco]

Ditto on the times new roman, or arial.
Hey, someone is bringing cupcakes. Does that mean it's time for Idiotfest? Count me in. I once queried the same agent twice within a six month period. Then I came to AW, and its twelve step program set me right.
Welcome to AW!

[KTC]

Addendum to my original post:

[5.] What? Manuscripts are supposed to be in Courier New? Damn it! The one partial I have sent out was in Times New Roman. At least I didn't include a SASE, so I'll never receive the response I otherwise would: "You, sir, are an idiot."

(On the upside, my book is over 300 pages now, thanks to those widebody Courier characters.)

You're too funny. You better be planning on sticking around!

[ccarver30]

I think we have all been there, so join the club! LOL