How would I word this?

Sunkissed27f · Oct 6, 2007

Emma quelled the urge to snap, don't touch out of habit.

A.
Emma quelled the urge to snap, ‘don’t touch’ out of habit.
B.

Emma quelled the urge to snap, don’t touch, out of habit.
C.
Your examples.

Thanks!!

Ziljon · Oct 6, 2007

Emma quelled the urge to snap, "Don’t touch!" out of habit.

amber_grosjean · Oct 6, 2007

Out of habbit, Emma quelled the urge to snap, "Don't touch!"

Sunkissed27f · Oct 6, 2007

Hmmm, thanks!

gp101 · Oct 6, 2007

amber_grosjean said:
Out of habbit, Emma quelled the urge to snap, "Don't touch!"

That makes it sound like Emma's habit is to quell the urge.

Scrawler · Oct 6, 2007

I'd probably write it something like -
Emma quelled the habit to snap don't touch.

Sunkissed27f · Oct 6, 2007

I went with Ziljon on this one. It flowed better where I needed it.
Thanks every one!!

preyer · Oct 6, 2007

i think scrawler has it,

Emma quelled the habit to snap, "Don't touch!"

fewer words, to the point, no real loss from the original unless 'urge' simply *must* exist for some reason.

PeeDee · Oct 6, 2007

There's a statistically improbable number of "how would I phrase this" threads in the past few days.

Shadow_Ferret · Oct 6, 2007

PeeDee said:
There's a statistically improbable number of "how would I phrase this" threads in the past few days.

I noticed that too. Maybe we need a Phraseology forum.

Sunkissed27f · Oct 6, 2007

Blame it on the full moon!

PeeDee · Oct 6, 2007

There are many woman-things I blame on the full moon. This isn't one of 'em.

Or one of those?

Hm. How would I phrase that?

CheshireCat · Oct 6, 2007

PeeDee said:
There's a statistically improbable number of "how would I phrase this" threads in the past few days.

It does seem odd.

wayndom · Oct 6, 2007

amber_grosjean said:
Out of habbit, Emma quelled the urge to snap, "Don't touch!"

You've reversed the meaning of the sentence. She quelled the urge to habitually snap, "Don't touch!"

blacbird · Oct 6, 2007

PeeDee said:
There's a statistically improbable number of "how would I phrase this" threads in the past few days.

And every one of them is an instant indication that whatever is intended needs to be rewritten. The first law of writing is: Make sense.

caw

preyer · Oct 6, 2007

damnit, i thought the first law was 'send your manuscript along with a hooker.' excuse me, i've some calls to make....

Bufty · Oct 7, 2007

Re the thread title - which is a question from the OP - How would I word this?

Answer - Exactly as you have done. :Shrug:

Sunkissed27f said:
Emma quelled the urge to snap, don't touch out of habit.

A.
Emma quelled the urge to snap, ‘don’t touch’ out of habit.
B.

Emma quelled the urge to snap, don’t touch, out of habit.
C.
Your examples.

Thanks!!

Arkie · Oct 7, 2007

"out of habit" is an unnessary prepositional phrase, a redundancy of "urge."

How would I word this?

Sunkissed27f

Ziljon

Tortilla di Patate

amber_grosjean

AW Addict

Sunkissed27f

gp101

Scrawler

Bored fanatic

Sunkissed27f

preyer

excessively spartan

PeeDee

Where's my tea, please...?

Shadow_Ferret

Court Jester

Sunkissed27f

PeeDee

Where's my tea, please...?

CheshireCat

Mostly purring. Mostly.

wayndom

blacbird

preyer

excessively spartan

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Arkie

a reader's ear and a writer's heart