New contender for world's worst poem

William Haskins · Oct 5, 2007

http://books.guardian.co.uk/news/articles/0,,2182129,00.html

William McGonagall is under the direst threat today in his apparently unassailable position as author of the world's worst poem.

The 19th century Scots bard's notorious lament for The Tay Bridge Disaster:

And the cry rang out all o'er the town,
Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down

has been challenged in favour of a single appalling last line by a more exotic British versifier, Theophile Jules-Henri Marzials: "Drop / Dead. / Plop, flop. / Plop".

A Tragedy by Theophile Marzials

Death!
Plop.
The barges down in the river flop.
Flop, plop,
Above, beneath.
From the slimy branches the grey drips drop...
To the oozy waters, that lounge and flop...
And my head shrieks - "Stop"
And my heart shrieks - "Die."...
Ugh! yet I knew - I knew
If a woman is false can a friend by true?
It was only a lie from beginning to end--
My Devil - My "friend."...
So what do I care,
And my head is empty as air -
I can do,
I can dare
(Plop, plop
The barges flop
Drip, drop.)
I can dare, I can dare!
And let myself all run away with my head
And stop.
Drop
Dead.
Plop, flop,
Plop.

RumpleTumbler · Oct 5, 2007

lol.....you think he wrote it while he was taking a dump?

Priene · Oct 5, 2007

I don't know. Drop dead plop flop has a certain strange beauty. In my mind, it just doesn't match the sheer lyrical deafness of McGonagall's

ALAS! Lord and Lady Dalhousie are dead, and buried at last,
Which causes many people to feel a little downcast;

C.bronco · Oct 5, 2007

I couldn't help but laugh. It reminded me of "Hop on Pop."

Hop, Pop,
We like to hop
We like to hop on top of Pop.
"Stop!"
You must not hop on Pop!
Plop, flop
Plop.

scarletpeaches · Oct 5, 2007

ATTENTION HASKINS:

I sincerely hope you're not dissing the McGonagall.

benbradley · Oct 5, 2007

Not only is this bad, but it may violate copyright. It appears derivative of an Alka-Seltzer commercial from decades ago that went:

Plop plop fizz fizz oh what a relief it is.

mkcbunny · Oct 5, 2007

I like "Drop / Dead. / Plop, flop. / Plop," though its Seussian foreshadowing is undeniable. It has a certain post-modernness to it (though written well before). I can read the Marzials piece and think on it as seriously as I would any poem, flawed or sublime. The McGonagall bridge rhyme bothers me because, even as a simple rhyme, its has uneven, clunky rhythm.

Aren't there "worse" poems out there? I mean, really. I could write a worse poem. Plenty of people do. (LOL. A contest!) How does ye olde plop flop get near the record? "The epitome of awfulness?" I don't think so.

Jacob · Oct 5, 2007

I think its brilliant. That is most likely because I am quite sure that I still hold the title for the worst poems ever written

Jacob · Oct 5, 2007

In all the blogs I have read on the subject "What makes a poem good" I have yet to hear a clearly defined answer.Or maybe I have . Its all subjective I guess.

mjlpsu · Oct 6, 2007

This is so bad it's wonderful. I love cheese! I think we should turn it into a movie... get Jon Waters to direct.

JRH · Oct 6, 2007

T'is true that most of McGonagal's Verse has been dismissed as Poetry, but those who claim that Alka-Selzer commercials preceded it or that Dr. Seuss, with his intentional silliness has any relation to or influence on such, only show their own ignorance, and those who claim the quality of all Poetry is subjective show lack familiarity with what has been written, (and accepted) in the past, but, alsom a lack of understanding of the underlying tenet of Poetry, which is "COMMUNICATION".

Moreover, those who claim that anything is Poetry are simply too indescriminate and/or too lazy to utilize elements that can distinquish levels of quality. (either that or they are, by their nature, total fools, - Those who believe that McGonagal is equal to Yeats or any of the recognized Masters may freely consider themselves among those.)

Think about it.

JRH

ddgryphon · Oct 6, 2007

benbradley said:
Not only is this bad, but it may violate copyright. It appears derivative of an Alka-Seltzer commercial from decades ago that went:

Plop plop fizz fizz oh what a relief it is.

But lacks the sense of rhythm and lyrical quality of that ad.

larocca · Oct 6, 2007

My love is like a red red rose
Are you wearing any panty hose?

That's an ORIGINAL composition, thank you very much. Don't be stealing it and making my millions.

larocca · Oct 6, 2007

Jacob said:
In all the blogs I have read on the subject "What makes a poem good" I have yet to hear a clearly defined answer.

It's good if I say it's good. Wow, that was easy. Next question, please.

scarletpeaches · Oct 6, 2007

larocca said:
My love is like a red red rose
Are you wearing any panty hose?

That's an ORIGINAL composition, thank you very much. Don't be stealing it and making my millions.

It doesn't scan. Take out the 'any' and it does.

larocca · Oct 6, 2007

Never scan my poetry, Nicola.

KTC · Oct 6, 2007

Judas cannot help herself. She is paid by God to judge grammar.

scarletpeaches · Oct 6, 2007

larocca said:
Never scan my poetry, Nicola.

Nichola.

scarletpeaches · Oct 6, 2007

KTC said:
Judas cannot help herself. She is paid by God to judge grammar.

God, I love you sometimes. But only briefly. Then I get over myself.

KTC · Oct 6, 2007

ricola.

KTC · Oct 6, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
God, I love you sometimes. But only briefly. Then I get over myself.

And I will never get over you.

scarletpeaches · Oct 6, 2007

Stop it, Kebin.

KTC · Oct 6, 2007

reflex.

Jacob · Oct 6, 2007

JRH said:
T'is true that most of McGonagal's Verse has been dismissed as Poetry, but those who claim that Alka-Selzer commercials preceded it or that Dr. Seuss, with his intentional silliness has any relation to or influence on such, only show their own ignorance, and those who claim the quality of all Poetry is subjective show lack familiarity with what has been written, (and accepted) in the past, but, alsom a lack of understanding of the underlying tenet of Poetry, which is "COMMUNICATION".

Moreover, those who claim that anything is Poetry are simply too indescriminate and/or too lazy to utilize elements that can distinquish levels of quality. (either that or they are, by their nature, total fools, - Those who believe that McGonagal is equal to Yeats or any of the recognized Masters may freely consider themselves among those.)

Think about it.

JRH

I really dont agree with anything you said here.
I still think there is enough room to leave open the element of subjectivity in poetry and personal taste.Unless of course you can present a factual case otherwise. You may say people are "ignorant" if they think it is all subjective but I am quite sure that there are those more informed on the subject than yourself who would hold quite the opposite opinion.

ddgryphon · Oct 6, 2007

Honestly I always thought "Will I think of you" by Leonard Nimoy as the worst poetry I've ever read

. . .

I stand corrected.

New contender for world's worst poem

poet

Loves Joni Mitchell

Out to lunch

I have plans...

It's a doggy dog world

Bufflehead

unidentifiable food tester

practical experience, FTW

King of Sloth Town

Proofreader

Proofreader

Proofreader

Stand in the Place Where You Live

Stand in the Place Where You Live

Stand in the Place Where You Live

Stand in the Place Where You Live

King of Sloth Town