Jennifer75's "I have a question" thread...
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It means you assess what the person is made of (not as in, water, bones, and skin, but power/physique/ability).
Sunkissed27f
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Sunkissed27f
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I know, I'm crazy. But you know, I'm sitting here writing, and I really need somebody at my side for when I have these questions. I'm not the kind of writer that can just put something on hold and continue with the rest of the story. I have to know right then and there if I'm correct, or if I'm using the wrong word. This why I have my word web... 
So what better than a thread where I can ask my questions? I thought so.
Stay tuned, I'll have more.
So what better than a thread where I can ask my questions? I thought so. Stay tuned, I'll have more.
Sunkissed27f
Banned
Here is the paragraph from which the sizing up came from.. tell me if this can be better:
Some time had passed and Christine was out on the floor with another fellow when he reappeared. He walked over to my table and asked if he could sit down. We talked for a while, I wasn’t drunk or even buzzing yet so I was capable of holding my end of a conversation. It turned out that he was in town for the weekend, staying with his father. He was from Oakland and would be moving to L.A. soon. I immediately began sizing him up, he definitely had mate potential. I couldn’t help but get excited at the potential he offered. I couldn’t help but do this when I met somebody new.
Some time had passed and Christine was out on the floor with another fellow when he reappeared. He walked over to my table and asked if he could sit down. We talked for a while, I wasn’t drunk or even buzzing yet so I was capable of holding my end of a conversation. It turned out that he was in town for the weekend, staying with his father. He was from Oakland and would be moving to L.A. soon. I immediately began sizing him up, he definitely had mate potential. I couldn’t help but get excited at the potential he offered. I couldn’t help but do this when I met somebody new.
WHAT A FANTASTIC IDEA! WHO'S WILLING TO GIVE ME THEIR GMAIL! I SOOOOOOOOO HAVE QUESTIONS FOR YOOOOOOOOOU!
Shoot, I'll even download yahoo msgr if it helps me. Who's game?
I don't bite.
Sunkissed27f
Banned
Er...I use hotmail.
Yahoo, craps out on me.
My internet is satellite here and it gets slow. At work is another story!
Yahoo, craps out on me.
My internet is satellite here and it gets slow. At work is another story!
Sunkissed27f
Banned
Sunkissed27f
Banned
OK...back to the questions... DANCING
Girls, Ladies, shoot maybe even Gents:
Kids now days do some crazy stuff on the dance floor, I was one of them, but what I want to know is how would you literarily refer to freaking on the dance floor?
Now, some of you are wondering - WHAT THE HELL IS FREAKING?
And some of you are saying - OH YES, THE GOOD OLD DAYS ON THE DANCE FLOOR (if of course the G.O.D's aren't that long ago).
Here is my sentence, please tell me if you get the picture, or if I should just use the F word.
I could feel somebody dancing behind me, his knee slowly and rhythmically grooving down my leg to the music forcing my knee to follow and end in boucing squat.
This was the best way I could describe the scene, can you do better?
Girls, Ladies, shoot maybe even Gents:
Kids now days do some crazy stuff on the dance floor, I was one of them, but what I want to know is how would you literarily refer to freaking on the dance floor?
Now, some of you are wondering - WHAT THE HELL IS FREAKING?
And some of you are saying - OH YES, THE GOOD OLD DAYS ON THE DANCE FLOOR (if of course the G.O.D's aren't that long ago).
Here is my sentence, please tell me if you get the picture, or if I should just use the F word.
I could feel somebody dancing behind me, his knee slowly and rhythmically grooving down my leg to the music forcing my knee to follow and end in boucing squat.
This was the best way I could describe the scene, can you do better?
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I can try. Sorry if its so close to what you wrote.
He danced behind me, moving as I moved, his knee pressing against the back of my leg. The music beat rhythmically against my skin as we moved, his body pressed to mine as we spooned on the dance floor in a slow, sensuous upright prelude of the night to come.
Helluva effort, Ferret. I especially like "sensuous upright prelude."
I do not like the word "spooned" in that context, however. Spooning connotes cuddling, which is a much more passive activity than the one Jennifer's describing.
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I guess you're right on that. I merely meant spooning to convey how close and conforming their bodies were.
Hmmmm.....well, there was no "to come" afterwards. God what do you think I am! lol. kidding. I am. hahaha.
i think you should say,
As the floor bumped to the rythym of the music, he started backing my thang up.
As the floor bumped to the rythym of the music, he started backing my thang up.
OK ... I have a question. Some of you have read my Paragraphs posted in the Post your last paragraph.... so some of you kind of know what I'm writing about.
My question is, should I hint at the ending throughout the book or NO? I think the subtle yet not so subtle hints kind of add to the story and keep the reader involved in the story for lack of a better word. OR do you think I should not mention the "possibilities" until they happen?
I'm torn. Sun and Mel will really know what I'm talking about, but for those who don't.... here's a tidbit:
Should I remove the "never be his goal" part and just let the reader continue on thinking all is glorious?
My question is, should I hint at the ending throughout the book or NO? I think the subtle yet not so subtle hints kind of add to the story and keep the reader involved in the story for lack of a better word. OR do you think I should not mention the "possibilities" until they happen?
I'm torn. Sun and Mel will really know what I'm talking about, but for those who don't.... here's a tidbit:
Should I remove the "never be his goal" part and just let the reader continue on thinking all is glorious?
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As one of the lucky ladies who's glimped into your story, I say leave it open-ended. It's already happened in other chapters where the MC is disappointed but continues to hope this one might work out, and if you clue us in too soon we might get frustrated that she's not getting it. JMO.
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Are you sure it's the dropping hints that excite you?
I like to leave clues too, so really, whatever makes you happier you should do. I don't want to tell you what direction to take.
I like to leave clues too, so really, whatever makes you happier you should do. I don't want to tell you what direction to take.
Yes you do. hahaha...
I am thinking of some major changes in my direction. Rewriting is going to be fantastically painful!
I am thinking of some major changes in my direction. Rewriting is going to be fantastically painful!
How should I word this:
I’d only ever been with one person and was still shy to the idea of another.
Is there a better way of saying this?
I’d only ever been with one person and was still shy to the idea of another.
Is there a better way of saying this?
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