Hey guys,
I've got the next 10 of a piece I'm working on called "The Buffalo Runner" posted in SYW, and of everything I've written, I like this piece best, but it seems to me the most problematic, because it's about buffalo hunters and that simply entails a lot of stalking and searching. Now, as a hunter, I'm into that kind of thing, but if you guys could let me know how it reads, I'd appreciate it.
The link is below.
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=79467
Just a few comments about the pages I read.
At one point, someone pulls out a roll of bills. If we're talking about California during the gold rush, I don't think there was any paper money that anybody would accept. California at the time -- 49, wasn't part of the Union. It wasn't even officially a territory. It had been ceded by Mexico after the war, but wasn't actually anything at all for a time. It was just open land, sort of operating, by tradition, under Mexican law -- but really, it had no official legal system, and certainly had no legal tender. It was all real money -- that is, coin, or barter.
Also, regarding the cable. A cable isn't a letter. It's much more expensive. You pay by the word. It's sent by wire, and the cable operator wouldn't normally paraphrase it's contents to the recipient -- nor would someone send a cable to sort of "chat" -- to talk about the news of the day. You send a cable when somebody died, or if you were coming and you needed somebody to meet you.
And Jennifer -- common name today, not so common then. Jenny much more so.
As for the buffalo hunting stuff - I didn't particularly mind it, but I think it's a bit familiar. There were scenes like it in Wyatt Earp and my overall sense in reading was -- where is this going? What is it setting us up for? That's probably the most important thing. If this stuff is setting us up for something -- then it's fine. If it just here to be here, then it's problematic.
Also -- given that the term "Lame Duck" has such a distinctive meaning in contemporary society -- as in a "Lame Duck" presidency -- you don't want to give one of your Sioux Indians that name. It comes across as comical.
You also didn't indicate whether your Indians were speaking English or their own native language, which would be translated in sub-title. The current standard is to do the latter, especially when they're speaking amongst themselves.
Finally -- maybe you know differently as a result of some first-hand research, but it seems to me that when you've got men who are pretty much always going around armed -- there's no particular reason why you'd need to go to the trouble of making a "poison pill" for yourself. In the event that it became clear that you weren't going to make it out alive, you'd just save the last bullet for yourself.
NMS
