Parents Who Write

Doodlebug said:

Not sure if this belongs here or in the Coffee Break area, but here goes...

I'm just looking to hear from other writers out there who have kids. When/how do you find time to write? Any tips? Ever feel like you are ignorning the family to set down a few hundred words? Do you let your kids read your work? Ever have a teacher/coach/parent come up to you and say, "So little Jenny says you're a writer..."

Just curious

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When I worked full time, I would write any time I could get at least a ten-minute block. My rule was that if I had fewer than ten minutes, I could surf the internet. More than ten minutes, and I had to be writing. I gave up TV and reading for pleasure while that draft was in progress. I usually cook, so I learned to either throw something together in a few minutes (note: couscous takes five minutes to rice's 25) or put something in the oven that would cook for an hour or so without needing to be checked.

My kid was beyond toddler stage, so didn't need to be hovered over, which helped. Still, my family life did suffer. Days off were for long, luxurious blocks of writing, not hanging out or going somewhere. It was a struggle to balance the needs of my day job, family, and writing--most of the time, one or the other had to suffer. And no, that was never fully resolved until I quit the day job and started writing full-time.

Yes, I get the teacher/parent/coach question. And answer it honestly: Yes, I write gay romance, these are my books, you can look up my web site here. Some people seem more enthusiastic than others. But I'm used to that.

Doodlebug said:

I'm just looking to hear from other writers out there who have kids. When/how do you find time to write? Any tips? Ever feel like you are ignorning the family to set down a few hundred words? Do you let your kids read your work? Ever have a teacher/coach/parent come up to you and say, "So little Jenny says you're a writer..."

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I wrote before there were kids, while there were kids and now that kids are gone off to college (20 & 22).

Because writing was always part of my routine (usually in the evening, after dishes were done--but I always got down words whenever the opportunity was available), they grew up with it. They knew if Mama was at the computer, they had to stand and be good and wait to be noticed--unless there was blood. I never had any guilt about it because, as far as I was concerned at the time, I was going to get published and make big money any day now and then I wouldn't have to work the money job and have more time with them. (I think those delusions are common--or so I keep telling myself.)

When they got older, like 6-8, I read chapters of the Fantasy novel I was writing (it was a quest story) to them as their bedtime stories. I'm still not sure if it's a good thing that my son was asleep within two or three pages, and my daughter was still awake, pointing out continuity errors and giving commentary. LOL!

I usually found way to incorporate the kids into what I was working on. Can't decide how many baddies to pit against the heroes in a fight? "Kids! Pick a number between 10 and 100!" What color, size, shape, anything? "Kids!" Had a plot tangle I couldn't work out? Trying to explain it to my child usually made me see where I'd gone wrong. And the plus side is--the kid feels--and is--they're actively helping you do something important.

Now, the kids never strutted around and said either of their parents were writers (their dad was too), however the effects were noticed, especially by teachers. In second grade, I went to my daughter's Parent/Teacher conference and the first thing out of the woman's mouth was: "Are you aware your daughter uses words like 'inane'?"

Me: "Did she use it correctly?"

Teacher: "Yes, but I didn't appreciate her telling the class the assignment I'd just given was inane."

Me: Peels of laughter.

And she considered this a BAD thing. ROFL!

My kids are 16 and 11, and I have a FT job. Both kids are in soccer and 2 bands. Some of my most productive moments are "waiting time"--before the concert, between halves, waiting for them to gather their gear. Those are 10-30 minute blocks, and they can be mega-productive. My brain likes deadlines and seems to gear up for them.

I also make notes in the morning, waiting for the kids to get ready, while supper is cooking, pretty much any bits of "found time." Because the only sit-down time I really get is after 9:30 pm, and sometimes I'm just too tired to concentrate by then.

I'm a SAHM/unpublished writer with two little guys, and it's hard to get uninterrupted time to write. So I've had to learn to write with regular interruptions. Sometimes I do ignore my family. This usually involves getting the kids dressed, packing a picnic, finding all the fishing gear, and telling them and their father not to come home until dinnertime. I feel no guilt, either.

The older they get, the easier it gets.
I've arranged my office in a corner room overlooking the yard. I can write with one eye on the computer, and keep the other eye on them while they play. I've set the office up so the kids have their own area with Leap Pads, books, art supplies, etc. If I'm writing, they are welcome to join me in the office, but they're expected to occupy themselves, and they're getting much better.

I try not to use TV as a babysitter, but allow them one video per day, and that's when I get the least interruptions. They get a lot of input into my children's stories, and I explain the plots of the romance novels.

My kids and husband are incredibly supportive of me. My husband "knows" I will be published someday; my kids tell me I write the best stories ever.
They boast about me all over the place. It gets a bit embarassing.

Deleyan - loved the story about your daughter and the "inane" assignment. People regularly comment on my children's extensive vocabulary. When I was explaining the plot of my latest novel to my six year old, I was trying to explain how the man changes because he meets someone he just loves soooo much. "So you're saying he undergoes a metamorphosis?" replied the six year old.

callalily61 said:

My kids are 16 and 11, and I have a FT job. Both kids are in soccer and 2 bands. Some of my most productive moments are "waiting time"--before the concert, between halves, waiting for them to gather their gear. Those are 10-30 minute blocks, and they can be mega-productive. My brain likes deadlines and seems to gear up for them.

I also make notes in the morning, waiting for the kids to get ready, while supper is cooking, pretty much any bits of "found time." Because the only sit-down time I really get is after 9:30 pm, and sometimes I'm just too tired to concentrate by then.

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Yup. This is my life. FT job. 2 kids. Soccer. Cub Scouts. 4H. Choir.

I drag my notebook everywhere. Some of my best writing time is "waiting time" at the soccer fields. In fact, I just sold a story last week that I wrote while sitting in the choir loft at church. (hope I don't get struck with a lightning bolt for that one.)

I have a job and a one year old. Job's hours are flexible (I teach).

Let's just say, I don't sleep a lot.

I'm porting this over to the Roundtable.

Doodlebug said:

Not sure if this belongs here or in the Coffee Break area, but here goes...

I'm just looking to hear from other writers out there who have kids.

When/how do you find time to write?
Writing is my full time job so my family knows this is what I do. For the most part, I work during the day now that all three kids are in school. That alone makes it much easier. When my twins were babies, then toddlers, it was much harder but I had my mom watch them when I had a deadline or my husband. I worked much more in the evenings then than now. With my son (now in first grade) it was easier. I kept him with me in my office much of the time and so it was "normal" for him to see me writing. I had a crib, later playpen, later toys and yes, a tv for him.
Any tips? Ever feel like you are ignorning the family to set down a few hundred words?
No more than my husband feels like he ignores the family to go off to work.
Do you let your kids read your work?

Yes, often. My daughters read most of my fiction; the twins are eleven but read at 12thgrade+ on their AR scoresEver have a teacher/coach/parent come up to you and say, "So little Jenny says you're a writer..."
Yes and no. First, I live in a small town and many, many people know I am a writer. I have a column in the local paper each Wednesday. But I have had teachers ask me to come give a talk about writing at school several times and did. In PSR (Parish school of religion, Catholic Sunday School) this past weekend, the girls' teacher told the class that there were links to the history of the parish and to St. Canera (church's patron) on the parish website that I wrote

I do have strangers in the supermarket, clerks at Wal-Mart, etc. that come up to me and say "Oh, you're the writer" or "I read your column" or "I saw your article in Catholic Digest". Although I have been a working writer for years (ten plus full-time) I still get a slight thrill when I'm "recognized"

Just curious

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My answers are above!

dolores haze said:

Deleyan - loved the story about your daughter and the "inane" assignment. People regularly comment on my children's extensive vocabulary. When I was explaining the plot of my latest novel to my six year old, I was trying to explain how the man changes because he meets someone he just loves soooo much. "So you're saying he undergoes a metamorphosis?" replied the six year old.

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LOL! Gotta love kids.

I got my extensive vocabulary because my mother had been an English teacher prior to her marriage to my father. At age four, my grandfather was telling us grandkids some tall tale (along the lines of "When I was your age, I had to walk fifteen miles in the snow to school, barefoot--uphill both ways") to which my reply was "That's patently absurd!" Which cracked my grandfather up.

I guess it runs in the family, eh?

I get up at 4:30-5:00 am, sit at my little plywood table in the garage with the door open and write away. Stop at 6:45 to get the kids up and ready for school. During this time I ONLY write and it is much easier to keep it going than get it started ie: don't do it 3 days a week and stop on weekends.

I edit, research and everything else at night after the kids go to bed.

Write down everything you do during a week, how long it takes you. I was shocked to find out how much time I was on the internet and watching TV. I went from 2 or more hours a night watching TV to 2 hours a week and now either read or edit to fill that time. Just decide what is more important in your life. Can you live without seeing what happens next on Heros? I survived it.
And no, since I write mostly suspense and things I wouldn't want them to watch on TV I don't let them read it (9 and 2 years old). But on rainy days we have story contests where we all spend 10 minutes writing our own stories and then read them out loud. I help the 2 year old with hers (kind of mad libbing), Oddly her stories always involve princesses and zebras...

Gray Rose said:

I have a job and a one year old. Job's hours are flexible (I teach).

Let's just say, I don't sleep a lot.

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You are my hero. Really. I work, 8 - 5 Monday through Friday, then I have a night job - MOM, COOK, TEACHER, ENTERTAINER, and then I have to find time to "satisfy" the other adult in the house. AND after all that if I'm not in a coma I get to sleep.

So, doodlebug, to answer your question....well, let me know when you know.

nonamesleft47 said:

I get up at 4:30-5:00 am, sit at my little plywood table in the garage with the door open and write away.

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How on earth do you do it? 4:30??? I struggle with 6:30, and that's oversleeping!

Write down everything you do during a week, how long it takes you. I was shocked to find out how much time I was on the internet and watching TV. I went from 2 or more hours a night watching TV to 2 hours a week and now either read or edit to fill that time. Just decide what is more important in your life. Can you live without seeing what happens next on Heros? I survived it.

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Well, I don't watch much t.v., but there is a total of two hours on Monday that I well deserve, I'm trying for one hour on Wednesday - I want to try to catch Dirty Sexy Money and then my 1 hour on Sundays for those girls on Wisteria Lane. So I don't waste much time during the week on t.v. And I don't surf the net at home - why when I can do that at work???

BUT still....4:30 AM?

Doodlebug said:

Not sure if this belongs here or in the Coffee Break area, but here goes...

I'm just looking to hear from other writers out there who have kids. When/how do you find time to write? Any tips? Ever feel like you are ignorning the family to set down a few hundred words? Do you let your kids read your work? Ever have a teacher/coach/parent come up to you and say, "So little Jenny says you're a writer..."

Just curious

Click to expand...

I have always written after everyone goes to sleep, that includes the wife, kids, and dogs, although the dogs have a tendency to come and investigate to see what I'm doing at midnight when I should be sleeping.

I have never let my kids read my work. So far none of it is age appropriate.

And my kids don't talk about my thinking I'm a writer because I don't talk about my thinking I'm a writer. I think they view it as they would any other hobby I might have. "Dad stuff."

I let the TV be my babysitter and I've stopped wasting time on having sex with my husband.

(Kidding!!)

I have a full-time job, a husband, and a three-year-old. I get up at 4:30 am to run or bicycle, come home, shower, eat a fast breakfast, get the kid ready for daycare, do a quick housecleaning/laundry, and leave for work at 7:30. I've stopped going out to lunch, and can get a solid hour of writing in at work during that time. Sometimes when it's slow, I can sneak in some other writing time at work at taxpayer's expense. I get off of work at 4:30 and I'll either go to a coffeeshop and write for an hour before picking the kid up from daycare, or I'll go to the gym and let my husband pick the kid up. (We alternate.) We squeeze in Quality Time, then I'll give her a bath and he puts her to bed, and I can sometimes get another hour of writing time in. I have a very supportive husband, which helps tremendously.

But ultimately, the secret is that you have to be very very organized and disciplined. I'm not going to say I never waste time online (like, right now!) but I try to keep it under control.

Redhedd said:

I have a full-time job, a husband, and a three-year-old. I get up at 4:30 am to run or bicycle, come home, shower, eat a fast breakfast, get the kid ready for daycare, do a quick housecleaning/laundry, and leave for work at 7:30.

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LIAR. Kidding!!!

I have 2 kids and am supposed to have a f/t job but I work freelance/contract so I'm currently at home while my kids are at school. This leaves more time to write than I usually have. Both my novels and all my short stories have been written "in between". I try not to neglect my family, but my kids are getting a bit older (7 & 10) and are able to be a bit more independent. I also try to keep them to only 2 activities per week each, so I'm not running here and there so much. We all appreciate the extra down time.

I'm going through a period where I'm wondering what the heck I'm doing. I need to get a job instead of writing fiction because I feel like I suck wind and am just wasting time at this frivolous and likely completely fruitless endeavour.

OK, the housecleaning bit was pure baloney.

I'm a writing parent . . .

I started writing in 1999, when my son was three months old (what *was* I thinking?). Back then, things were a lot more challenging - especially when my second child was born. Diapers, nursing, teaching, feeding, playing, cleaning, cleaning, oh, and cleaning . . .

Seven years later, I'm a mom to a seven year old boy, a six (and three quarters!) girl and a five (and a half!) year old boy. Here's a day in my life (in running like a chicken with it's head cut off mode):

• 7:15am: get the kids on their bus (I answer email before they get up and after breakfast is finished)
• WRITE! (query, ect.)
• 10:45am: youngest gets off his bus, eats lunch and we play for about an hour (unless a frantic trip the grocery store is in order, like today)
• 12:00pm - 1:30pm(ish): youngest goes down for nap, so I work.
• 1:30pm(ish) - 2:45pm: he works on art projects, practices writing words and plays with playdough while I read, research or write (or do homework)
• 2:45pm: the others are off their bus, it's snack time! I have a notebook with me (or my laptop open at the kitchen table) while they read, work on school projects, work on art projects or practice writing.
• 4:00pm: let the cooking begin! We eat at five and, well, there's five of us so it usually takes me until then to get everything finished.
• 6:00pm: tubby time! This leads us, typically, into our bedtime routine.
• 7:30pm: after they're tucked in, it's time to tie up loose ends from the day, work on school work and make a list for needs to be accomplished the following day. If homework is complete (or caught up on), I write.
• 10:00pm: huh? what? Yep, zombie mode kicks in and I crash until the day starts again at the crack of dawn.

Add in doing housework, running errnads, carpooling and paying bills and you have my life. Oh yes, I bake cookies, too.

To answer your questions about feelings of neglect: I try to engage my children in a meaningful activity while I'm writing. They feel a certain sense of importance when they're working next to me, so it's important I keep that the focus. I don't like putting them in front of the TV, so we use that as a last resort (like on a rainy day when there's no school, I throw some cartoons on for an hour or so).

Doodlebug said:

writer's garret

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Wow. That's the second time in a week I've heard garret used on these forums. A word I have never previously encountered.

jennhollowell said:

I started writing in 1999, when my son was three months old (what *was* I thinking?).

Seven years later, I'm a mom to a seven year old boy, a six (and three quarters!) girl and a five (and a half!) year old boy.

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So, doesn't sound like you were writing at all young lady

Um, Honey, what about before 7:15AM? That is what I want to know... how do you get to the "they're OUT" part?

jennhollowell said:

• 7:15am: get the kids on their bus (I answer email before they get up and after breakfast is finished)
• WRITE! (query, ect.)
• 10:45am: youngest gets off his bus, eats lunch and we play for about an hour (unless a frantic trip the grocery store is in order, like today)
• 12:00pm - 1:30pm(ish): youngest goes down for nap, so I work.
• 1:30pm(ish) - 2:45pm: he works on art projects, practices writing words and plays with playdough while I read, research or write (or do homework)
• 2:45pm: the others are off their bus, it's snack time! I have a notebook with me (or my laptop open at the kitchen table) while they read, work on school projects, work on art projects or practice writing.
• 4:00pm: let the cooking begin! We eat at five and, well, there's five of us so it usually takes me until then to get everything finished.
• 6:00pm: tubby time! This leads us, typically, into our bedtime routine.
• 7:30pm: after they're tucked in, it's time to tie up loose ends from the day, work on school work and make a list for needs to be accomplished the following day. If homework is complete (or caught up on), I write.
• 10:00pm: huh? what? Yep, zombie mode kicks in and I crash until the day starts again at the crack of dawn.

Add in doing housework, running errnads, carpooling and paying bills and you have my life. Oh yes, I bake cookies, too.

To answer your questions about feelings of neglect: I try to engage my children in a meaningful activity while I'm writing. They feel a certain sense of importance when they're working next to me, so it's important I keep that the focus. I don't like putting them in front of the TV, so we use that as a last resort (like on a rainy day when there's no school, I throw some cartoons on for an hour or so).

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DeleyanLee said:

Now, the kids never strutted around and said either of their parents were writers (their dad was too), however the effects were noticed, especially by teachers. In second grade, I went to my daughter's Parent/Teacher conference and the first thing out of the woman's mouth was: "Are you aware your daughter uses words like 'inane'?"

Me: "Did she use it correctly?"

Teacher: "Yes, but I didn't appreciate her telling the class the assignment I'd just given was inane."

Me: Peels of laughter.

And she considered this a BAD thing. ROFL!

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I love it! Oh man. I'd LOVE for that to happen to me.

yes, i'm easily amused inappropriately now that you mention it.