When is it an acceptable turn of phrase and when is it a cliche?

paulm · Sep 27, 2007

Take this for example:

'She kissed him gently on the cheek causing the frown furrowing his brow to melt away.'

It's a throwaway line, it doesn't need to be dressed up in purple prose, so I am tempted to talk of "brows being furrowed" although it is a well-used cliche.

I've got a few examples like this when I'm trying to quickly get a simple image or message across but I just can't decide whether such cliches will grate with the reader.

Any advice?

lkp · Sep 27, 2007

I think if you have to ask, it's a cliche and you should try to avoid it.

Sunkissed27f · Sep 27, 2007

Honestly? I don't like furrowing.....maybe creasing?

It read too...oh I don't know, like you are trying too hard.
'She kissed him gently on the cheek, melting away the frown creasing his brow.'

jdparadise · Sep 27, 2007

How'bout:

Her lips, gentle against his cheek, melted the sorrow from his brow.

?

That said... A furrowed brow is a cliche; a kiss on the cheek is a cliche. But they both happen, so there's nothing inherently wrong (especially in a non-pivotal line) with having them occasionally happen. Because:

She licked his eyeball. He didn't exactly enjoy it, but at least it wiped that damn frown off his face.

has an entirely different feel...

NicoleMD · Sep 27, 2007

jdparadise said:
How'bout:

?

That said... A furrowed brow is a cliche; a kiss on the cheek is a cliche. But they both happen, so there's nothing inherently wrong (especially in a non-pivotal line) with having them occasionally happen. Because:

has an entirely different feel...

Eyeball licking is sooo 2006.

Trying to do something new and exciting with every sentence gets old really quick for a reader. Sometimes comfortable and worn-out is a good thing.

Nicole

jdparadise · Sep 27, 2007

NicoleMD said:
Eyeball licking is sooo 2006.

Well, I -was- going to have her lick something else, but seems a family-friendly place...

preyer · Sep 27, 2007

it used to be a family-friendly place until macallister took over. now it's a den of villains. that's why i hang out.

i do these kinds of things sometimes, but i don't spend too much time on it. if i can't divide it in half, flip it around, find some synonyms and sprinkle powdered sugar on top and it not sound too contrived, i'll find some other way to say it. (you guys think i'm kidding about the powdered sugar. this is why my desk is a mess.)

Azraelsbane · Sep 27, 2007

Cliches are to be avoided when they jolt you out of a story, and when you find yourself relying on them in situations when you can't think of anything else to write. For instance, if you're writing a medieval fantasy and you write something that is a time/technology based cliche from the 20th-21st century it'll pop the reader right out of the story. "That sucks" does not fit in medieval fantasy. Although, I once got called out for having a character think "As usual, he wouldn't let the situation lie," because "to let something lie" is a cliche, but I kept it anyway. *shrug*

I don't have a problem with a brow furrowing or a kiss on the cheek, because, well, those things happen. Now if they were happening every third sentence, or three or four times a chapter, then I'd be worried.

Though I'm probably the wrong person to talk to about this, as my characters are known to smirk far too often.

Prawn · Sep 28, 2007

jdparadise said:
Well, I -was- going to have her lick something else, but this seems like a family-friendly place...

She can lick my family-friendly place.

maestrowork · Sep 28, 2007

I agree that if you or your readers are asking, then it's a cliche. Find a different way to phrase it. Furrowed brows? How about a pout instead? Or crinkled nose? Or something else? You are the writer!

Sunkissed27f · Sep 28, 2007

maestrowork said:
I agree that if you or your readers are asking, then it's a cliche. Find a different way to phrase it. Furrowed brows? How about a pout instead? Or crinkled nose? Or something else? You are the writer!

Do men have pouts or crinkled noses in novels?
Hmm, maybe they are in touch with their feminine side. JK!!

Shadow_Ferret · Sep 28, 2007

Silly me, I was going to ask what WAS the cliche in that sentence.

*slinks off to hide his Friday stupidity*

C.bronco · Sep 28, 2007

I'd say "She kissed him gently on the cheek." That way you can avoid any melting furrows.

maestrowork · Sep 28, 2007

Actually the entire sentence is cliched: Kiss to "melt" something away.

Sunkissed27f · Sep 28, 2007

C.bronco said:
I'd say "She kissed him gently on the cheek." That way you can avoid any melting furrows.

Then we wouldn't get the mental picture of her some how easing his supposed frown.

Maybe rewording it to allow the kiss to come AFTER his brows stop furrowing or whatever.

His furrowed brow melted (eased) away, as she kiss him on his cheek.

Moon Daughter · Sep 28, 2007

I don't see anything wrong with the sentence, except maybe I would use a different word besides "melt".

BTW, Maestrowork, your avatar is making me hungry!

Sunkissed27f · Sep 28, 2007

You know. Just do away with it all and have her say...."I will never kiss you again, unless you stop that damn frowning!" Unless of course she isn't a love interest...eep!!

Shadow_Ferret · Sep 28, 2007

I would have written:

Her kiss melted his frown away, where upon it immediately got into his eyes, blinding him and causing him to lose control of the car and they both died a horrible death.

The End.

Azraelsbane · Sep 28, 2007

See that's just plain wrong, SF. There is no mention of brows, so I am immediately wondering why it dripped upwards into his eyes. Bad Ferret!

Shadow_Ferret · Sep 28, 2007

preyer · Sep 28, 2007

ideally, 'his frown melted explosively.'

When is it an acceptable turn of phrase and when is it a cliche?

paulm

lkp

Sunkissed27f

jdparadise

Talker of Good Games

NicoleMD

Onomatopotamus

jdparadise

Talker of Good Games

preyer

excessively spartan

Azraelsbane

Agony is defeat

Prawn

Writing is finite,revising infinite

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

Sunkissed27f

Shadow_Ferret

Court Jester

C.bronco

I have plans...

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

Sunkissed27f

Moon Daughter

Sunkissed27f

Shadow_Ferret

Court Jester

Azraelsbane

Agony is defeat

Shadow_Ferret

Court Jester

preyer

excessively spartan