Open letter to Tad Williams (Feel free to add your own pearls of wisdom)

Nateskate · Sep 27, 2007

Tad, you may not visit Myspace or Absolute Write, where I hang out. But if you do, then I have something to say. I really like your writing style, but- and you knew this big but was coming- your books are like New York City phone books.

Honestly, if you cut them in half, to let's say between 400-500 pages, you would have three times the fans, and twice as many books, and you would be making ten times the money!

I was so intimidated that it took years for me to finally buy one of your novels, and I thought, "Hey, this guy can really write!" I could have plowed through your series by now if you simply cut your novels in half and sold them each as a two-book series!

Of course we fantasy writers have a higher tolerance for long novels, but I'm just thinking of your career!

Nate

Of course, if you've read this feel free to add your own pearls of wisdom to help out the established fantasy/sci fi novelists of your choice.

Calla Lily · Sep 27, 2007

Note to Patricia McKillip:

Please add some humor and uplifting elements to your next books. The Riddle-Master series was awesome, fantastic, amazing, and the next few boks were good. But your last few books are heading down the slippery slope to Margaret Atwood-ville.

Note to Robin McKinley:

More YA fairy tale novels, please! Less psychobabble! Beauty and the Hero & Sword books were phenomenal. The newer ones, meh. And while you're at it, another vampire book!

Wintermule · Sep 27, 2007

Tad Williams: You know, Christopher Paolini stole the ending of Eragon from the ending of Dragonbone Chair almost exactly. Publicly slap the guy.

aadams73 · Sep 27, 2007

Christopher Paolini: please go away or you're grounded.

III · Sep 27, 2007

Tad Williams: I really enjoyed Otherworld but haven't read the rest of the series. What happens?

Doodlebug · Sep 27, 2007

Neil Gaiman - *love* your stuff but could we cut down on the extreme tortue and scenes of grotesque female body parts. Also, please, please, please do not write any more stories about Aslan and the White Witch getting it on (in such lurid detail!) in front of the Pevensies. E-gads...I'll never get that terrible image out of my mind for as long as I live. :e2cry:

Doodlebug · Sep 27, 2007

callalily61 said:
Note to Robin McKinley:

More YA fairy tale novels, please! Less psychobabble! Beauty and the Hero & Sword books were phenomenal. The newer ones, meh. And while you're at it, another vampire book!

A big AMEN to that!!!!

rugcat · Sep 27, 2007

To all F/SF writers:

Please stop selfishly writing books the way you think they should be written, and start concentrating on writing them the way I think they should.

Tirjasdyn · Sep 27, 2007

Dear Mercedes Lackey,

Please stop using characters who already know everything about the world. Can't we let tradition have it's way sometimes?

Thank you

Nateskate · Sep 27, 2007

rugcat said:
To all F/SF writers:

Please stop selfishly writing books the way you think they should be written, and start concentrating on writing them the way I think they should.

I think I'm already in too deep to fix this now, but I will take your suggestion into consideration with future novels, if I should undertake them.

MattW · Sep 27, 2007

Steven Erikson: You can go ahead and write the phone book, and I'll still read it.

Marian Perera · Sep 27, 2007

Dear Mr. Martin,

No more nipples being amputated, please? The first time I read this, my eyes got "as big as boiled eggs", but now it feels almost routine.

Thanks!

Calla Lily · Sep 27, 2007

Doodlebug said:
Neil Gaiman - *love* your stuff but could we cut down on the extreme tortue and scenes of grotesque female body parts. Also, please, please, please do not write any more stories about Aslan and the White Witch getting it on (in such lurid detail!) in front of the Pevensies. E-gads...I'll never get that terrible image out of my mind for as long as I live.

Yet another reason I quit Neil Gaiman after 3 of the Sandman books. I know he's an icon and all, but... augh.

III · Sep 27, 2007

To Terry Goodkind: Please don't let this last book suck. Please?

Wintermule · Sep 27, 2007

You people ask far too much from these authors.

Deirdre · Sep 27, 2007

Doodlebug said:
Neil Gaiman - *love* your stuff but could we cut down on the extreme tortue and scenes of grotesque female body parts.

Ewww. I think you've cured me of ever wanting to read his work.

Ravenlocks · Sep 27, 2007

To most of the authors I used to like: Could you please write books that are as good as your older works?

Azraelsbane · Sep 27, 2007

Dear Terry Goodkind:

Stop. Just stop.

Dear LKH:

You are whoring around my SF/F section, and I hate you. Cease and desist before I send my pyrokinetic angel to burn Anita & Co. to a bloody, screaming crisp. Do not tempt me, for I am a fan of bbq slutmonsters.

Edit:

Dear Elizabeth Haydon:

Please create a strong, intelligent female lead, or none at all. Should you continue to discredit my (our, for God's sake!) sex with obnoxious, gullible, idiotic whore-gone-heroine MCs, I will be forced to hunt you down with my sniper rifle.

badducky · Sep 27, 2007

To: All Readers

Buy my book. Pre-order it, please. I'm poor, and I don't like to eat mac and cheese for weeks at a time.

Pretty please?

drachin8 · Sep 27, 2007

Dear badducky,

Done. But please stop spending so much on alcohol that you cannot afford to eat.

-Michelle

Doodlebug · Sep 27, 2007

Deirdre said:
Ewww. I think you've cured me of ever wanting to read his work.

Yeah, he tends to go over the top, but he really is a great writer. "Anansi Boys" is very good. Less torture than average.

Ali B · Sep 27, 2007

Dear Orson Scott Card,

I love you, man, but stop rewriting the Bible and get back to good old sci-fi!

Ava Jarvis · Sep 27, 2007

Deirdre said:
Ewww. I think you've cured me of ever wanting to read his work.

His work is extremely good and most of what he writes is non-sequeamish stuff. And I don't really know what it is with the concern about female body parts because it isn't presented as exploitation.

And to tell the truth he doesn't write very much in the way of torture.

Goodness, I'm squeamish and I don't think he writes very much about torture or body parts. Weighing the body of his work against all that... most of it's definitely not torture or body parts.

Gray Rose · Sep 27, 2007

MattW said:
Steven Erikson: You can go ahead and write the phone book, and I'll still read it.

Amen. On the other hand, dear S. Erikson, why have you waited three books to write about Karsa Orlong?

Lois M. Bujold: For Bastard's sake, stop writing sappy romance drivel badly disguised as fantasy. Please write some more Vorkosigan books. Kill Aral. Write a book about Cordelia. Write a book about Ivan and Mark. Heck, I will be even happy with another Chalion novel. But two more books in the Lakewalkers universe? Eep....

Laurel K. Hamilton: go away, pu-leese.

Orson Scott Card: the next time you want to write a book based on fairytales (e.g. Enchantment), please consult a folklorist, a historian, or both. The book your character is writing was written 70 years ago.

Doodlebug · Sep 28, 2007

Ava Jarvis said:
His work is extremely good and most of what he writes is non-sequeamish stuff. And I don't really know what it is with the concern about female body parts because it isn't presented as exploitation.

You're right, of course. Most of his stuff is extremely good. But it is probably because he is such a terrific writer (so gripping and descriptive) that when he goes over the top, I start to get ill.

The female body parts was a bit in "American Gods" (not exploitation, but just very, very gross), and the tortue I was thinking of had been written in "Fragile Things". Although there were some terrific stories in this collection ("Forbidden Brides of the Faceless Slaves in the Secret House of the Night of Dread Desire" was awesome), others were so yucky that I stopped reading halfway through (including the one about The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe).

Whenever I pick up one of his books, I feel like I do when I'm about to look inside my disgusting refrigerator... Do I really dare open this thing? :scared:

Open letter to Tad Williams (Feel free to add your own pearls of wisdom)

On hiatus

A Work in Progress

rockin the suburbs

Lost in the Fog

Outline Maven

Company Man

starting over

On hiatus

rockin the suburbs

practical experience, FTW

How novel.

Agony is defeat

No Time For Chitchat, Kemosabe.

post-apocalyptic bunny

Just Hanging Around

Too stupid to know fear

Beware of the Thorns!