i'd say the 'hazy' issues are cheating if there's 'intent to cheat' involved. there's emotional cheating and physical cheating, imo. if i say to some member here something flirty, it's just trying to be humourous, never have i PMed someone asking for their picture and inappropriate details. i have shared details of my life with anyone interested, but there's no intent involved.
another standard i use in deciding what's cheating and what isn't is how *i'd* feel if the shoe was on the other foot. for example, i know some guys who don't think oral sex is cheating, but i bet they'd have a different tune if they went home early from work to find wifey on her knees giving the mailman a good time on the couch. i find people are often a lot more jealous than they let on and when it comes to this stuff not only is there a double-standard (both ways), but a lot of hypocrisy.
in general situations, and to answer your question:
*on-line affair, but never meeting in person ~ meaning cybersex? yes, because, as mentioned, there's a breach of trust. not only that, but it's a cinch there's intent involved if the two were to ever meet
*heavy flirting, but no physical contact ~ it's also a cinch that your SO flirted heavily with you. asking them to tone it down is okay, but i wouldn't count on it or expect it. it's rather like you girlfriend dressing like a slut while you were dating, now that you're together she should stop. well, ideally, yeah, you hope she will (maybe), but if it's a matter of contention you shouldn't have hooked up with a hooch in the first place. i assume, though, that this heavy flirting isn't in character, but since no other context is provided i have to say no off-hand. it can be, though.
*kissing ~ definitely, it's intent that's likely to escalate
*having a member of the opposite sex as a close friend and confidant but no physical contact ~ no, that's silly. that said, i don't trust men around my wife if they're alone. that's why i have to trust my wife. if i didn't trust my wife, i wouldn't have married her.
*sex with a prostitute while out of town ~ yeah, i think that qualifies, lol.
what constitutes cheating isn't necessarily what you think is cheating, it's what your SO thinks it is. if the other person feel betrayed, that's cheating to them and that's all that really matters, eh? in my opinion, of course, and speaking in general terms without specifics. hope that helps.
