Go to the "Share Your Work" forum and pick the genre suitable for your excerpt.
I STRONGLY suggest--based on your posting above--that you spellcheck, proof, and start capitalizing the personal pronoun "I". Otherwise people will be telling you to do that instead of giving you feedback on content.
Best cure? "
Strunk & White's Elements of Style." Every pro writer has that one on the work desk.
You get into the habit now of writing correctly according to the rules and your words will flow better later.