Phone Help

Lady Cat · Aug 18, 2007

I have a scene in my current WIP where the antagonist is talking on a cell phone while driving. Yes, I know it's against the law but he is the bad guy.

My question is, how do I handle a one-sided conversation? Since he's driving he's pretty limited to the actions he can take between bursts of speech, and he's already angry. I don't want to make it one big monologue but it doesn't look right starting a new line every time he says something. He's not the type to put it on speaker phone either - too paranoid.

Any ideas?

Azraelsbane · Aug 18, 2007

Can't you put the other side of the convo in italics? That would be my first thought.

Also, in my state it isn't illegal to talk on a cell phone while driving.

We live dangerously. No helmet law for motorcycles either.

Also, for actions/emotions...driving is a great facilitator. Road rage, banging on the steering wheel, swerving, almost hitting a car for lack of paying attention, etc.

Oberon · Aug 18, 2007

Do you want to include the person he's talking to, or only his part of the conversation? I have done this in my novel. I don't know if it's grammatically correct, but I use ellipses to indicate the other side, and just run it as a continuous sentence:

"Hello . . . No, this is frinkleheimer, you have the . . . What? . . . No, I didn't know that. Who is this? . . . Oh, it's you.

You can just treat it as a normal conversation if you want the other person's words to be heard.

Scrawler · Aug 18, 2007

I'd probably write something like....
Joe listened intently as Bob described his plan. Bob would bring the dead fish to the wharf at noon. "Dammit! Noon is no good," Joe told him. "I got my pedicure at noon." They argued, and finally agreed to meet at three. Bob said to look for a blue Cadillac. "You idiot!" Joe shouted. He pounded the steering wheel three times. "No Cadillacs!"

That's basically how I've done phone calls.

Siddow · Aug 18, 2007

Whose POV is this in? If it's in the POV of another character in the car, then yes, you'd only have one side of the conversation. But if it's in the POV of the guy on the phone, well then you'd also have the other side of the conversation because the POV character knows what is being said. I'd write it like any other piece of dialog.

John61480 · Aug 18, 2007

Wow, Scrawler. That was brilliant. You don't mind if someone else takes a whack at that version in their own work do you? Assuming the need for it ever does occur.

wayndom · Aug 18, 2007

I don't see the problem. Haven't we all, at some time or another, sat next to someone who's on the phone? Why would it look odd in print?

The only problem I can see is if you make the conversation too "directed," i.e., you just have the character say what you want the reader to hear. To avoid this, make sure he occasionally says something, like, "What's that supposed to mean?" Pause. "Oh, you think so, huh?" Pause. "Well, you go back to your boss and tell him, Jake the snake badguy doesn't take orders from two-bit punks!"

In other words, don't try to make his comments flow. Make it sound like one-half of an actual conversation. I can't imagine how that would create a problem.

Scrawler · Aug 18, 2007

John61480 said:
Wow, Scrawler. That was brilliant. You don't mind if someone else takes a whack at that version in their own work do you? Assuming the need for it ever does occur.

Nah, go ahead and whack away. I think it needs some whacking.

Wolvel · Aug 18, 2007

My currents wip's have had phone conversations. I just did mine one sided like if you were next to the person.

Shadow_Ferret · Aug 18, 2007

My phone conversations read like dialog as if the two were together in the same room.

Bartholomew · Aug 18, 2007

"1515 Chaucer, Raymond Speaking. What? Slow down, I-- Frogs, you say? The cupcakes? Good lord, man! I'll send help right away-- goodbye."

DeadlyAccurate · Aug 18, 2007

Oberon said:
"Hello . . . No, this is frinkleheimer, you have the . . . What? . . . No, I didn't know that. Who is this? . . . Oh, it's you.

This is the way I do overheard phone conversations.

imagoodgurl4 · Aug 19, 2007

Talking on a cell phone while driving isn't illegal in all states. It's legal in Massachusetts, where I live, but illegal in Connecticut, where my parents live. Kinda sucks if you're talking while driving on the highway and you cross the borders, lol.

But I would do what Deadly Accurate suggested if you want a one-sided phone conversation. Or else just do it like normal dialogue. That's what I would do.

Phone Help

Lady Cat

Azraelsbane

Agony is defeat

Oberon

Scrawler

Bored fanatic

Siddow

I'm super! Thanks for asking

John61480

The Elements of Style

wayndom

Scrawler

Bored fanatic

Wolvel

Write the Damn Book!

Shadow_Ferret

Court Jester

Bartholomew

Comic guy

DeadlyAccurate

Absolutely Fazed

imagoodgurl4

Attack!