How to do this without sentence fragments

This is fiction rather than formal writing. Sentence fragments wouldn't bother me at all.

But...but...I like sentence fragments. Especially in stream-of-consciousness prose. People think in sentence fragments all the time...

Okay, okay, I'll be helpful: Use italics. They're used for thoughts all the time, so why not telepathic communication?

BTW, there are a couple of threads regarding portraying telepathy down in the Science Fiction & Fantasy forum.

I agree with the above posters. There is no reason to shy away from sentence fragments in such an instance. In fact, it adds a kick to the writing. Poetry is an explosion of emotion- sentence fragments. You should read Remarque, really good example of heightened emotions= sentence fragments.

If someone is communicating with strong emotions, they wouldn't be doing it in complete sentences.

I also see nothing wrong with sentence fragments in this instance. Unless you personally would prefer not to write them that way? In which case, just do your best to describe what the character sees/hears/etc. in complete sentences.

Haphazard said:

It's a personal preference. I don't want it to come out like slam poetry.

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I think you're trying to make a mistake. Lots of writers of fiction use sentence fragments as a natural part of narrative prose, and they by no means automatically sound like slam poetry (which is a subset of performance art have more to do with subject matter and attitude than with specific verbal technique; there's a thread on that issue in the AW Roundtable). In fact, arbitrary avoidance of sentence fragments commonly results in stiff, stilted, artificial-feeling prose.

caw

Excuse us for your intolerance to slam poetry. There is nothing wrong with fragment sentences. You will find them in virtually every novel you pick up today. Good luck.

Frags

When used to good purpose, sentence fragments are not only allowed in fiction, they're realistic and the best way of writing many things.

I was half joking in my previous post...but I agree fully with James. Absolutely. And you really can't pick up many books today where fragments aren't utilized. They are very effective. Don't knock them. They make your prose less stilted in some cases.

Then intersperse sentence fragments with complete sentences. I do something similar when I have a character dealing with something completely unfamiliar. At first there are fragments as the character notes specific, unconnected details, then I use complete sentences as the character connects the details in a way which provides meaning.

I was just going to say the same thing. Intersperse them. I feel I know what you're talking about when you say you're trying to get the abstract thoughts out in full sentence prose...but maybe if you have several fragments interspersed with a few full sentences it will work. And have all the other prose around these scenes as full sentences to show the reader that, hey, this broken fragmented sentence part is the bit about the telepathy. I know this has been done. I can picture it, but I can't recall an example for you. What keeps coming to mind is Koontz...I wonder if he did something like this, with a telepath?

Whoa...who's slamming poetry? *looks around* Knock it off!

While slam poetry may be 98% frags, not all frags = slam poetry...

You could intersperse your telepath's thought fragments with rational thought sentences:

"Bright light, a red door. The door looked familiar; wasn't that Celia's? The light reminded him of fireworks."

Just a thought. You can have the telepath trying to rationalize what he's seeing to break up the flashes of vision.

Can I ask what bothers you about sentence fragments?

Haphazard said:

Nothing bothers me about sentence fragments themselves, but for this particular device, when seen in other works, signals murderous rage for me. I have no idea why. I'm hoping that there's another way.

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Hard illegal drugs.

caw

You know, it's entirely possibly you're being hard on yourself too early. Just rip out the story--fragments and all-- and give yourself some distance from it. Then later, when can look at those sections with an editor's eye as opposed to an author's eye. It might give you a bit more perspective.

Trust me. Sentence fragments are a particular bane of mine, yet I found them all over the place in my manuscript. It was one of those things that I'd compulsively change every time I did a read-thru then change right back the next time I did. It took some serious soul-searching and lots of reading aloud on the final rewrite to accept them.

Why don't you actually pick up some books that contain telepathic characters and see how they handle it?

If you're going to on and on for paragraphs at a time, either italicize or use indents. Personally, I might skip or lose interest if the writer went on and on about telepathic stuff that didn't advance the story, but only you know what works for your story.

Haphazard said:

Sorry. This isn't going to be done in sentence fragments. That's final. I haven't even written this yet, and I already know. I know I'm being rather pigheaded, but the mere thought of using sentence fragments for this is making me sick.

I'll figure out a way. Never mind me.

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*shrug* if that's the case then why agonize over it? There's really nothing to figure out. Write it in sentences.

I experiment to bore...

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obnoxious fragments
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Blips. Like memory. A lemon. An orange peel. Fright and pain. What is there about the Tick-Tock man and what lives in a brain? Never. Never. No one tells. Garbage and pails. These are the things a memory smells.

Jimmy blinks. Opens his eyes. Looks around at four walls, dim lights, a couple of open windows, silent home as familiar as the dreams are unfamiliar. What he saw, what he felt, what he smelled ... it's going away. All going away now. Leaving him feeling runny, drained, a bottle left on its side with the cap open, everything once inside now run out. He feels it coming on again. Telepathy. Dream-sprinkled fragments over eyes, over senses, wash of a tide he sees, feels, carrying him once more away.

Blips again, and the Tick-Tock man wears a watch, a timepiece in his hat, dials for eyes. Knife for a hand. He's peeling a lemon, an orange, and what he peels is not fruit. Whines. Cries. Sheds its hair. Bone shining bright and white. These are the things seen beneath pale moonlight.

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same thing, no fragments, minor changes
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Images blip in his brain like memories. He sees a lemon, then an orange. He feels afraid. He even feels pain. A mysterious figure, the Tick-Tock man, looms mightily in darkness, and no one knows who he is. No one knows why he is. But rusted garbage pails sit on a dirty floor, and from them seep awful smells.

Jimmy blinks open his eyes and looks around. He's alone in his double-wide, two open windows letting in a spring breeze stirring velvet curtains, and the faint stink of memory fades in the sweetness of spring blooms. He feels drained, like a bottle left on its side, cap open, everything once inside now run out. Oh but he feels it coming on again, telepathy, like glittering fragments of dreams sprinkled over eyes, over senses, washing him in a tide he sees and feels, carrying him once more away.

Images blip again in his brain, and in them he sees a silver watch on the Tick-Tock man's wrist, another timepiece in his hat, even greenly luminous dials in his eyes. He has a knife for a hand, peeling lemons and oranges that are not fruit, eliciting from them whines and cries. Hair floats around the working blade. Bone shines bright and white. All of these things gleam beneath pale moonlight.

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2-cents and conclusions...
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Not sure I have any genuine preference for one over the other, at least reader-wise, but I certainly preferred writing the fragments more, simply because that approach seemed more fitting to the notion of fragmented imagery. (Not trying to sell you on fragments, by the way.)

But since you're not keen on fragments, it seems that the more-or-less proper-sentence approach can certainly be used, too, and that the clarity of your writing will do just as much to signal readers that "ah, now we're into telepathy" as, say, italicizing those bits.

In short, sample two, above, might be the way I'd go if I were aiming at your goal. So, yep, there's certainly another way to go besides sentence fragments.