If I do this, will you throw things at me?

Shady Lane · Aug 10, 2007

Okay, my WIP, in a nutshell, is about this boy named Zach who begins to turn into a robot. He runs away, and, turns out, this is part of a big conspiracy and he's been bred by the police and there are about ten other boys just like him, and he's got to kill some people...basically it's action action action until the end, and this is so unlike anything I've ever written, so I'm a bit over my head.

It's in 1st person past.

Originally I was intending to just go with it, and have it bang bang bang right until the end. Now, I'm thinking it might work better to divide the ms into three parts. Part 1: Zach beginning to turn into his robotself, action action action. Part 2: Switch--go to his family back home. Have a few chapters switching among the people he's left, showing how this conspiracy and Zach's absence are affecting everyone he's left behind, and giving the story some depth, I guess, and some roots into the real world. This part would still be about Zach, and we would appear in at least one of the chapters, and the characters are all ones you've already met in Zach's POV. The reader could find out stuff about Zach's history that make the story make more sense, but would not really be things Zach would know (or reveal) about himself.

And then Part 3 would be back to Zach, action action action until the end.

Do you think this part 2 would make the story more interesting, and more...important, I guess, or do you think it's like a big ugly bump in the middle of an otherwise focused story? In short, will you throw things at me if I add this middle section?

Thanks and thanks.

Will Lavender · Aug 10, 2007

If it's action, action, action, DEPTH, action, action, then it might feel like Part 2 is riveted into the book.

You might shuffle through a couple of POVs in the second section and try to give the depth some depth, if you know what I'm saying. This is similar to what I'm doing now -- trying to see who gets to share the narrative spotlight. Perhaps there's a chapter in Part 2 from the perspective of Zach's mom, and then a chapter from the perspective of the evil genius robot creator, and then a chapter from Zach's girlfriend or something.

I don't think moving the narrative so far off "action" is a good idea. It might feel like the author's hand is dipping into the text; we might hear you saying, "Here, I'm going to pull some heartstrings now." You probably will have to find a way to connect both Zach the person and Zach's plight in the narrative into that second section so that when the action returns in Part 3, the reader isn't jolted.

Azraelsbane · Aug 10, 2007

I think putting part 2 in could work and add depth, but it depends on how much it jars the reader away from the actual story. I'm a big fan of first person bang bang bang to tell you the truth.

Shady Lane · Aug 10, 2007

Will Lavender said:
If it's action, action, action, DEPTH, action, action, then it might feel like Part 2 is riveted into the book.

You might shuffle through a couple of POVs in the second section and try to give the depth some depth, if you know what I'm saying. This is similar to what I'm doing now -- trying to see who gets to share the narrative spotlight. Perhaps there's a chapter in Part 2 from the perspective of Zach's mom, and then a chapter from the perspective of the evil genius robot creator, and then a chapter from Zach's girlfriend or something.

I don't think moving the narrative so far off "action" is a good idea. It might feel like the author's hand is dipping into the text; we might hear you saying, "Here, I'm going to pull some heartstrings now." You probably will have to find a way to connect both Zach the person and Zach's plight in the narrative into that second section so that when the action returns in Part 3, the reader isn't jolted.

Okay, awesome. That's exactly what I'm going to do (or exactly what I'm going to try to do.) Part 2's going to have his Mom, his two brothers, his best friend, his sister...sadly, the robot creators will have passed away by then.

Plenty will happen in Part 2, so it won't be like I'm just sitting there telling.

Okay. Thank you.

wayndom · Aug 10, 2007

I suggest you spread part 2 throughout the book, in the form of letters Zach sends and receives from his family, rather than having him go visit them. That way, Zach and the reader can discover the affects his actions are having as they happen. Zach can read his emails (or whatever they are) in between action sequences, and sometimes even have his reading interrupted by an action sequence.

That way Zach can be introspective between shoot-em-ups, though of course, he wouldn't have time to be too contemplative while fighting for his life...

Esopha · Aug 10, 2007

I agree with wayndom.

Shady Lane · Aug 10, 2007

That is a really cool idea, but, plotwise, it doesn't work. He's in hiding, and can't communicate with them that directly...and, in all honesty, he doesn't want to.

Dave.C.Robinson · Aug 10, 2007

You could always have them sending him letters he never receives.

I know I wrote a novel with interwoven plotlines that seems to work better once separated them out. However the structure was different enough from this that your mileage may vary a lot.

OverTheHills&FarAway · Aug 10, 2007

Having this same structural problem with my WIP. In the beginning, it's all set-up, including family members, and then the kid goes away to summer camp for two months, in which he is thrown headlong into evil worldwide conspiracy involving his brothers. And once he goes to summer camp and conspiracy rears its ugly little head, it's all action action action, right up until the very end which involves brothers.

Working the brothers into the middle has proved hard.

There's many ways to convey information. Maybe, instead of showing the family dealing with Zach's absence and finding out about the conspiracy, why not have most of this be about Zach's journey to...robothood and defeating evilness and stuff. If the second part is just to convey information, and is a break from the action action action, which teenage boys are very interested in, most are going to be either tempted to skip ahead to the bang bang or else drop the book altogether. I know I would. And I'm certainly not a teenage boy.

There's got to be other ways to add depth and convey the information you want. If Zach would not reveal these things about himself in first person (my character is very stingy with info about himself as well), then put him in a situation, preferably with a girl, where he's forced to. Or something. People change. Makes for angsty goodness if you ask me.

Or, alternatively, to make the middle not so introspective and deep, by comparison tone down the action in the other parts, or else add some of that depth in there to balance it out.

I don't know. It's your story. Do what seems right, and good luck.

Shady Lane · Aug 10, 2007

OverTheHills&FarAway said:
Having this same structural problem with my WIP. In the beginning, it's all set-up, including family members, and then the kid goes away to summer camp for two months, in which he is thrown headlong into evil worldwide conspiracy involving his brothers. And once he goes to summer camp and conspiracy rears its ugly little head, it's all action action action, right up until the very end which involves brothers.

Working the brothers into the middle has proved hard.

There's many ways to convey information. Maybe, instead of showing the family dealing with Zach's absence and finding out about the conspiracy, why not have most of this be about Zach's journey to...robothood and defeating evilness and stuff. If the second part is just to convey information, and is a break from the action action action, which teenage boys are very interested in, most are going to be either tempted to skip ahead to the bang bang or else drop the book altogether. I know I would. And I'm certainly not a teenage boy.

There's got to be other ways to add depth and convey the information you want. If Zach would not reveal these things about himself in first person (my character is very stingy with info about himself as well), then put him in a situation, preferably with a girl, where he's forced to. Or something. People change. Makes for angsty goodness if you ask me.

Or, alternatively, to make the middle not so introspective and deep, by comparison tone down the action in the other parts, or else add some of that depth in there to balance it out.

I don't know. It's your story. Do what seems right, and good luck.

Okay, I've totally got you. So....you'd be throwing things at me.

And Dave C. Robinson--I like that idea and I'm seriously considering it--if not as a substitute for part 2, then at least something to anchor it together.

Saundra Julian · Aug 11, 2007

Integrate part 2 into the story and do not make it a stand alone because I fear it would pull the reader completely out of your "action" plot. Do a scene with mother and then go back to Zack. A scene with "sister" and go back to Zach...etc.

"Mother" went to the park were Zach loved to play baseball, yada yada yada and cried. Zack hid in the park the same night and remember how his sister had ..... He felt closer to his family here but couldn't help wondering if they still searched for him. Yaha, yaha, yada

Probably not the best example but I hope you see what I'm suggesting.

goatprincess · Aug 11, 2007

Yes, yes, integrate part 2 into the book, spread throughout. That's my vote.

Being out of your depth can be a good thing. It always turns out to be for me.

Danger Jane · Aug 11, 2007

I agree that integrating it would be maybe your best bet.

Maybe he's in hiding but still being chased so he has to keep running, and we get scenes of that in between the family scenes. That could work really well to heighten the urgency and the emotion.

Shady Lane · Aug 11, 2007

I'm worried about doing that, though, since it's 1st person. I think it would be chunky.

Danger Jane · Aug 11, 2007

Well, all the characters have their own first person POV, correct?

So maybe you have to narrow down the number of different POVs. But as long as it's obvious whose POV it is--maybe by the chapter title: "Zach" "Zach's Mom" "Zach's Friend" "Whoever"--you should be fine. I'm toying with two POVs for one of my WIPs and some of the scenes or chapters or whatever are very short--like two paragraphs or something--but I think it works. At least for now :tongue

Shady Lane · Aug 11, 2007

Hmmm....

I'm leaning towards just not doing Part 2 in any incarnation, at least right now. I think it'll be long enough without it, and...I don't actually really want to write it. I just hope I can make this more than a silly sci fi story.

katrinka · Aug 11, 2007

How about flashbacks? For example, I was thinking of Hemingway's short story, "The Snows of Kilamanjaro." While the narrator slowly dies, his life flashes before his eyes. It's a masterful example of a flashback.
Just a thought.

OverTheHills&FarAway · Aug 11, 2007

And what's wrong with a silly sci fi story, might I ask?

I have a feeling, if it's coming from you, it's going to be anything but silly.

Saundra Julian · Aug 11, 2007

Can Zack be "told" what's happening with his family and friends by someone who is in touch with all of them?

Or maybe a phantom spirit sent out by the police to torture him with tales of sorrow...

Shady Lane · Aug 11, 2007

OverTheHills&FarAway said:
And what's wrong with a silly sci fi story, might I ask?

I have a feeling, if it's coming from you, it's going to be anything but silly.

Awwww.

Shady Lane · Aug 11, 2007

Saundra Julian said:
Can Zack be "told" what's happening with his family and friends by someone who is in touch with both of them?

To an extent, yes. That's in one scene that I've already planned, and that can be from either Zach's POV or his best friend's.

I'm thinking I'm just going to go for it, straight through, and hope poor Zach is thoughtful enough to make it work.

Thanks for all your help, guys.

If I do this, will you throw things at me?

Shady Lane

my name is hannah

Will Lavender

Everything is what it seems.

Azraelsbane

Agony is defeat

Shady Lane

my name is hannah

wayndom

Esopha

bam pow zap.

Shady Lane

my name is hannah

Dave.C.Robinson

... with the High Command

OverTheHills&FarAway

McNifico

Shady Lane

my name is hannah

Saundra Julian

A work in progress

goatprincess

untitled

Danger Jane

Shady Lane

my name is hannah

Danger Jane

Shady Lane

my name is hannah

katrinka

OverTheHills&FarAway

McNifico

Saundra Julian

A work in progress

Shady Lane

my name is hannah

Shady Lane

my name is hannah