Help me with this sentence.

Sohia Rose · Aug 2, 2007

I'm editing my memoir manuscript and came across this sentence. A group of friends are trying to get me to go to a place that I don't want to go to because I had a bad experience. But this one sentence seems a little awkward; it came out that way. the sentence: "My legs moved inchly." :tongue

Part of the context:

...

“Yeh,” said Tara, snapping her fingers, “that sounds like an idea.” She shimmied her hips. They knocked the wind out of me.

They started marching.

“Hey, wait, guys. Are you sure you don’t want to stay out here?”

“Com’on girl,” Tara said.

My legs moved inchly.
...

Bufty · Aug 2, 2007

I'm afraid I haven't a clue what you mean by that sentence as written, but would 'reluctantly' fit?

I'm editing my memoir manuscript and came across this sentence. A group of friends are trying to get me to go to a place that I don't want to go to because I had a bad experience. But this one sentence seems a little awkward; it came out that way. the sentence: "My legs moved inchly."

Part of the context:

...

“Yeh,” said Tara, snapping her fingers, “that sounds like an idea.” She shimmied her hips. They knocked the wind out of me.

They started marching. [Her hips? ]

“Hey, wait, guys. Are you sure you don’t want to stay out here?”

“Com’on girl,” Tara said.

My legs moved inchly.
...

BarbJ · Aug 2, 2007

I'd probably put something like: "My legs moved, inch by reluctant inch," but that may not suit your style. Or: "My legs moved. I tried to stop them." "My legs moved as if on stilts." "My legs moved ... darn them." Whatever fits. I just wouldn't "inchly"; it's distracting.

Pat~ · Aug 2, 2007

I like Barb's first idea. (I don't think 'inchly' is a word, is it?)

Sohia Rose · Aug 2, 2007

Pat~ said:
I like Barb's first idea. (I don't think 'inchly' is a word, is it?)

I don't think it's a word either. :ROFL:

Bo Sullivan · Aug 2, 2007

my legs moved uncontrollably.

Sohia Rose · Aug 2, 2007

BarbJ said:
I'd probably put something like: "My legs moved, inch by reluctant inch," but that may not suit your style. Or: "My legs moved. I tried to stop them." "My legs moved as if on stilts." "My legs moved ... darn them." Whatever fits. I just wouldn't "inchly"; it's distracting.

I like this one: "My legs moved as if on stilts." I think I would write it as, "My legs moved on stilts."--more as a metaphor.

Funny, I'm getting a mental picture of what that looks like.

maestrowork · Aug 2, 2007

My legs moved like a snail's.

(snails don't have legs, but you get the idea)

birdfeeder · Aug 2, 2007

I like Barb's "My legs moved . . . darn them."

Or you could reconstruct the sentence:

I trudged behind her.
or

I don't know why I followed her, but I did.

Sohia Rose · Aug 2, 2007

birdfeeder said:
I like Barb's "My legs moved . . . darn them."

Or you could reconstruct the sentence:

I trudged behind her.
or

I don't know why I followed her, but I did.

Lovely sentences, no doubt. But the main character/narrator wouldn't use the phrase: "darn them." It would be out of character for her, though she would say, "I trudged behind her."

Oberon · Aug 4, 2007

I think if it were a word, it would be "inchily," wouldn't it? In any case, it interrupts the flow. You're saying two things: My legs are not under my control, but even so they are somewhat reluctant. Something like, "My rebellious legs inched along after her."

TemlynWriting · Aug 6, 2007

I think "reluctantly" works really well to convey the meaning. Or you could rework "inching" or "inched" into the sentence.

dobiwon · Aug 8, 2007

How about "The best I could do was shuffle"?

Help me with this sentence.

Sohia Rose

Will write for coffee

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

BarbJ

Pat~

Luftmensch Emeritus, A.D.D.

Sohia Rose

Will write for coffee

Bo Sullivan

Sohia Rose

Will write for coffee

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

birdfeeder

Sohia Rose

Will write for coffee

Oberon

TemlynWriting

The Tony Award-winning

dobiwon

Planning to retire for the 5th time