Take time for the condom?

Signfish · Jul 30, 2007

Okay kids, I am inspired by the 1970's open marriage thing and writing a story set in present. The MC is female, smart and educated. In her extracurricular activities, do I mention the safe sex issue? Maybe I could mention it once in the back story set up and from there it could be assumed without ruining the mood during the scenes? Since this story deals with open marriage and I want it to be as much about the characters as about the sex, I don't want to gloss over it and not address it. She's obviously going to go home and do her husband too. No smart girl is going to miss a detail like this.

OR am I making too much of something that doesn't have a place in what I am writing? Let the therapy begin...

PattiTheWicked · Jul 30, 2007

If it takes place in a contemporary setting, I'm not sure you can avoid at least some mention of safe sex. However, you don't necessarily have to include it as part of the description of the sex act itself, as in "Wait, my love, she said, as she wrapped a Magnum over his ****."

If she's a smart woman, she's both responsible and forethinking -- which means as she gets ready to go out, she'll toss a condom in her Chanel bag along with her car keys and a pack of mints, and that will be the only mention it needs.

kristie911 · Jul 30, 2007

I agree with Patti...it always pays to mention it somewhere, even if it's not during the act. Though I've read some pretty good erotica that mentioned it during the act without slowing down the action.

Stacia Kane · Jul 30, 2007

This is why I don't write non-paranormal contemporaries...

Dawno · Jul 30, 2007

Will this be set in the 70s? "Safe Sex" wasn't on people's minds at that time unless it came to contraception then - AIDS was a decade away - and most women who were sexually active used the pill.

eta: upon closer reading I see "set in the present" - sorry, I need more of my morning tea!

JulesJones · Jul 30, 2007

If it's set in the present, I want to see the condom mentioned. No condom, I start thinking that the characters are idiots.

ZannaPerry · Jul 30, 2007

I'm thinking about ditching the whole condom entirely in my book.. it happens in real life where you just get caught up in the moment and don't even think about it.

Signfish · Jul 30, 2007

Fantastic! You've all had the exact same thoughts as mine. If there's not some mention of it, especially given the scope of the main story, (an open marriage in present day), no matter how educated I make her--she's going to seem like an idiot. Then, when she goes home to the husband, there's no way the reader is going to be able to submerge him/herself in the details is he/she's thinking, "hmmmm? and he's agreed to this?" Personally, that's when I throw books across the room.

I was thinking describe breifly her feelings of purchasing the condoms after so many years of not needing them. Nervousness, flushed face, feeling the cashier was judging her, etc. Making it a comical, neurotic trip to Wal-mart or something. After that, it should be assumed she's 'prepared' and not need mentioned. What do you think?

davids · Jul 30, 2007

Signfish said:
Fantastic! You've all had the exact same thoughts as mine. If there's not some mention of it, especially given the scope of the main story, (an open marriage in present day), no matter how educated I make her--she's going to seem like an idiot. Then, when she goes home to the husband, there's no way the reader is going to be able to submerge him/herself in the details is he/she's thinking, "hmmmm? and he's agreed to this?" Personally, that's when I throw books across the room.

I was thinking describe breifly her feelings of purchasing the condoms after so many years of not needing them. Nervousness, flushed face, feeling the cashier was judging her, etc. Making it a comical, neurotic trip to Wal-mart or something. After that, it should be assumed she's 'prepared' and not need mentioned. What do you think?

Lurker lobster here-the last paragraph above is the thought that came to my mind-I think it a great way to bring the subject in and have a bit of fun with it-as you describe!

Signfish · Jul 30, 2007

Great! I think it will also be a good opportunity to give more insight into her character without telling it. Wonderful, thank you so much.

davids · Jul 30, 2007

Yup!! and you are entirely welcome-I would like to read that scene when you have it done-so if you feel like posting it-hint hint!!!!

pepperlandgirl · Jul 30, 2007

DecemberQuinn said:
This is why I don't write non-paranormal contemporaries...

Heh. Vivien only likes to write paranormal contemporaries for the same reason. Dealing with condoms can be quite the pain in the ass, (especially when writing m/m. Hey-o!).

Signfish · Jul 30, 2007

davids said:
Yup!! and you are entirely welcome-I would like to read that scene when you have it done-so if you feel like posting it-hint hint!!!!

What a compliment, thank you so much! Actually, still working it out. It opens as she's waiting for a lover in front of a local 'cheating motel' and I would work the condom scene in as a flash back. I think it will be pretty seamless as I have it so far.

After posting this, I now see the freedom that sci/fi offers. It hit me like a ton of bricks, "Of course!" You don't have all that stuff to deal with. Duh! Well, I'm new to this kids! Thanks again for your help. Ready to attack and devour the piece now. So many places it can go, could be an all nighter.

JulesJones · Jul 30, 2007

Even with sf -- mine generally make reference *somewhere* either to condoms, or to something that makes it clear that condoms are not necessary. But it does offer a lot more scope for things like passing references to having had all your shots.

ZannaPerry · Jul 30, 2007

Why does the woman have to be the one buying the condoms? Just wondering....

Signfish · Jul 30, 2007

Oh! Great question! Well, for my gal, she and her husband just made this monumental, (quite out of the box decision) and this is not a detail she would entrust to someone else. Hence the comical, neurotic scene at Wal-mart. She's mature, forward thinking and has a lot to lose. She's not going to roll the dice on something like physical protection even though she's stepping out of her safety zone,taking this huge chance on a new lifestyle. Quite a dichotomy, don't you think?

veinglory · Jul 30, 2007

If you want to have safe sex you need to buy condoms. If you both have then that's fine, if neither do it's a problem.

davids · Jul 30, 2007

veinglory said:
If you want to have safe sex you need to buy condoms. If you both have then that's fine, if neither do it's a problem.

Well risky to say the least!

ZannaPerry · Jul 30, 2007

Signfish---are they a new married couple who both have never encountered sexual feelings before?

Signfish · Jul 30, 2007

No, actually the premise will be that they will have been married (first and only) about twenty years, kids, and both have had previous sexual relations before marrying.

jennifer75 · Aug 1, 2007

PattiTheWicked said:
If it takes place in a contemporary setting, I'm not sure you can avoid at least some mention of safe sex. However, you don't necessarily have to include it as part of the description of the sex act itself, as in "Wait, my love, she said, as she wrapped a Magnum over his ****."

If she's a smart woman, she's both responsible and forethinking -- which means as she gets ready to go out, she'll toss a condom in her Chanel bag along with her car keys and a pack of mints, and that will be the only mention it needs.

I think mention of condoms is definitely a must. Open marriage sounds more like frequent new partners, not a main fling on the side where protection isn't as big of a must.

You could always work in a steamy elevator scene with a building engineer and no condom is available and the struggle to keep pants on kind of a thing lol.

Gosh, where is my mind....

jodiodi · Aug 1, 2007

I'm writing a modern paranormal romance and my MC spent a couple of days having great sex with a guy (she just met, though he told her she knew him when they were younger) as a reaction to loss. When he leaves, she worries about not having used a condom (she couldn't remember if they had or not) and muses about getting tested when she returns to Chicago since in her small town, nothing's confidential. Of course, she didn't need one because he's a _____ (fill in the blank with your own paranormal entity).

jennifer75 · Aug 1, 2007

jodiodi said:
I'm writing a modern paranormal romance and my MC spent a couple of days having great sex with a guy (she just met, though he told her she knew him when they were younger) as a reaction to loss. When he leaves, she worries about not having used a condom (she couldn't remember if they had or not) and muses about getting tested when she returns to Chicago since in her small town, nothing's confidential. Of course, she didn't need one because he's a _____ (fill in the blank with your own paranormal entity).

I LOVE IT!!!

BenPanced · Aug 6, 2007

Yeah, I have to include at least a glancing mention to condoms in my work, since I mostly write about contemporary gay relationships. If I don't write somebody's putting one on, I mention he's removing one after the fireworks.

rhymegirl · Aug 8, 2007

I remember posing this question in this forum before.

Basically, I feel that even though it is realistic to talk about condoms, it takes away something from the spontaneity of the moment. I don't know that readers really want to read about someone putting on a condom. They know they are reading FICTION, right? It's kind of a fantasy thing.

To solve this dilemma, in my novel, I am dealing with a modern young couple who are living together and only have sex with each other. So they don't use condoms.

If I decide to make the woman fool around on the side, then I'll have to cross the condom bridge.

Take time for the condom?

Signfish

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