Another agent question

[JosephR]

I have another question about an email I recently received from an agent after she read a revision of my nonfiction proposal, which she had requested. Her email reads:

This material is coming along. Please consider reducing the amount of personal information, it detracts, at least for me, from the strength of your professional voice. The material about your experiences are excellent for the publicity but not for the text itself. And, then the level of language throughout needs to be refreshed, edited, thoroughly considered. It's coming along nicely.

I’m assuming she is referring to the part of the proposal that includes author bio, market, marketing and publicity, and other incidental elements because the sample chapters do not include any reference to personal experiences.

What is she really saying? Does she like the project? Is she expecting another revision of the proposal? What does “refreshed, edited, and thoroughly considered” mean? And her ending comment, “It’s coming along nicely,” seems to suggest that she still is considering representing me. Would that be a safe assumption, or am I reaching?

The limited contact I've had with her so far has been positive, and I was thinking of simply dropping her an email and asking her what she means.
Thanks

[reenkam]

I would assume that the "refreshed, edited, throughly considered" might mean to check some of your phrasings to see if there are better ways for you to say things. Or maybe that you were wordy in places and you should decide what is actually need and what is just added.

But I could be completely wrong, since I haven't read your work. And about the "does she want to see it again" maybe you could email her? You're right, she wasn't really clear about that in the email (if that's all of it).

[ORION]

Drop her an email for clarification --That's much better than asking here IMHO.

[JosephR]

Yes, I think emailing her would be the best and most honest approach. Thanks.