Drummer question

WriterInChains · Jul 14, 2007

Hi everyone,

I'd normally post a question like this in the Experts area, but want to be sure you musically-inclined folks see it. If a mod wants to move it, that's cool.

I need a good insult to use on a drummer (only in a WIP, I swear!

). I read, "He's got half a right hand" somewhere, but since I've already read that somewhere I'd like more options. I've never been around anyone who wanted to insult a drummer before (IME, they're too hard to keep to go around insulting them).

Best case scenario: something that could be said without intentional insult, but overhearing it really ticks-off the drummer in question.

Thanks!

~C

hubbabubbs · Jul 14, 2007

I don't piss off drummers. They've got sticks. All I've got is a guitar.

From my experience most everything pisses them off.
THEY MAKE THEIR LIVING BANGING ON SH*T.

sorry I can't help more

WriterInChains · Jul 14, 2007

hubbabubbs said:
From my experience most everything pisses them off.

Except for one, I've had the same experience! Thanks anyway.

Maybe this is a better question: If you were teaching someone to play the drums or a novice asked what they needed to improve, what're some things you'd say to gently point out their weaknesses?

rugcat · Jul 15, 2007

Hey, what do you call a guy who likes to hang around with musicians?

A drummer.

Ziljon · Jul 15, 2007

You may find something here

http://www.drumjokes.com/

benbradley · Jul 15, 2007

Ziljon said:
You may find something here

http://www.drumjokes.com/

That site is missing a lot of them, for example, the one about the drummer locking himself inside his girlfriend's car, and it taking him four hours to get out.

WriterInChains · Jul 15, 2007

I appreciate the input, but keep it coming if you have anything else. Not really looking for a joke, but something you'd use to assess a performance. Doesn't have to be nasty to tick this guy off.

My favorite drummer joke's not there either, but I giggled. Thanks for the link Ziljon!

JRH · Jul 15, 2007

if they're a member of the band, why would they want to insult their drummer when the point is to get the band to work together as a unit?

If they're not band-members, What is the motivation for the scene you're trying to present. (is the insult made during performance or at a session)

If you're simply looking for motivation for a drummer blow-up. Ask some real drummers rather than just a fan-group.

JRH

RG570 · Jul 15, 2007

Maybe I'm stating the obvious, but it really sucks and is annoying when the drummer can't keep time. You know, they speed up and slow down. Then an hour into the jam they start getting "tired", and you've just become warmed up and have barely gotten started.

Poseur drummers who think that a good drummer is one who has a constant double kick going, and it's rarely actually in time . . . I could go on . . .

WriterInChains · Jul 15, 2007

JRH said:
if they're a member of the band, why would they want to insult their drummer when the point is to get the band to work together as a unit?

If they're not band-members, What is the motivation for the scene you're trying to present. (is the insult made during performance or at a session)

If you're simply looking for motivation for a drummer blow-up. Ask some real drummers rather than just a fan-group.

JRH

Hi JRH,

I posted my question in this area because some drummers (& guitarists & etc.) frequent it.

The insult doesn't come from a band member; two audience members are discussing the performance during a break not intending the band to hear & make a comment that offends the drummer. It's not meant to, but as stated above, some drummers have short fuses. The one in my WIP is a royal asshole.

Thx for your input. I probably could've phrased the question better.
~C

RG570 -- Go on, please, state the obvious! Toss out anything you've got -- here or in PM. If it helps, the band is a rockin' blues band & it's the mid-1980s.

Yeah, it must not be easy to keep that double-kick going & sounding decent, judging by how often it deteriorates. But, I've never dated a drummer so I wouldn't really know.

RG570 · Jul 15, 2007

If it's the audience who is criticizing, it likely wouldn't get too specific.

Maybe he played a beat behind everyone. Or screwed up and didn't fix himself, so that the pattern changed. It's blues, so his syncopation/"swing" could be forced and unnatural sounding compared to the bassist.

The audience might know something was wrong, but maybe not necessarily what it is. Bad drummers ruin a good band, but unless you really pick it apart, it just sounds sloppy.

Soccer Mom · Jul 15, 2007

Look for the member here known as Meow Girl. She's a drummer and a darn good one. She can pass on the best drummer insults.

Bubastes · Jul 15, 2007

Awww, Soccer Mom, you're too sweet. Honestly, though, I suck (mainly because I've only been playing a year!). But I'm still practicing my butt off!

RG570's got it right: if the drummer cannot keep a steady beat, the audience WILL notice. It doesn't have to even be a full beat behind or ahead of the rest of the band -- if they slightly behind or ahead of the beat and it's not appropriate for the music, it can also sound like crap. In a blues band, it will sound particularly crappy if the drummer rushes because the groove is supposed to sound laid back.

Other noticeable stuff that the drummer can do to screw up:
- play too loudly (like that's even possible

)
- throw in lots of crazy fills, stick twirling, and other flashy stuff, which doesn't fit in with blues-style playing (maybe the drummer is a wannabe metal drummer stuck in a blues band)
- crash a cymbal in the wrong place (even more aggravating if it happens repeatedly)

I hope this helps!

rugcat · Jul 15, 2007

MeowGirl said:
Other noticeable stuff that the drummer can do to screw up:
- play too loudly (like that's even possible )

There are drummers that don't?

Seriously, an audience member isn't going to give a musical critique. It would be more like this:

"Pretty good band."
"Yeah, but the drummer sucks."

benbradley · Jul 15, 2007

RG570 said:
If it's the audience who is criticizing, it likely wouldn't get too specific.

Maybe he played a beat behind everyone. Or screwed up and didn't fix himself, so that the pattern changed. It's blues, so his syncopation/"swing" could be forced and unnatural sounding compared to the bassist.

The audience might know something was wrong, but maybe not necessarily what it is. Bad drummers ruin a good band, but unless you really pick it apart, it just sounds sloppy.

He might like to twirl his sticks a lot (as in between every beat, like a show-off), but he drops a stick a little too often...
Or they might know that his girlfriend (who would also be how he gets himself and his drums to gigs) drives a Pinto (younger folks, that was a car model, not a bean), or maybe even a Gremlin (again, a car model).

Soccer Mom said:
Look for the member here known as Meow Girl. She's a drummer and a darn good one. She can pass on the best drummer insults.

Wow, I'm so glad she passes on them rather than taking them to heart!

WriterInChains · Jul 15, 2007

Thanks, everyone, this is great stuff!

rugcat said:
Seriously, an audience member isn't going to give a musical critique.

You obviously haven't been to the kind of bars I have. Everyone's a critic & the more there is to find fault with, the more fun they have doing just that, picking the whole performance apart piece by piece!
Kind of like here.

It's just been a while, & I don't plan to rush back to any of them & eavesdrop. Con is in three weeks; I'd much rather be writing.

September skies · Jul 15, 2007

My drummer boyfriend (professional drummer for 30 years so he really knows his stuff. ) was once told, "Oh great, just what we need - another drummer"

simple and to the point. and it hurts (or irritates) drummers. he had just moved into the los angeles area and joined the musician union or whatever it is when someone said it.

poetinahat · Jul 15, 2007

Years ago, a drummer friend of mine told me the thing that irked him was when people referred to a drum set as a "trap kit". He got really wound up about it...

...so, naturally, I took every opportunity. "Hey, Jim, how's that trap kit?"

I have no idea whether he was a representative sample, though. He got suspended from school once for drinking vodka and root beer, so I can't vouch for his taste.

Bubastes · Jul 16, 2007

Ah darn, I had a good drummer put-down, but it's in the wrong decade: "That guy plays like Meg White."

Mud Dauber · Jul 16, 2007

MeowGirl said:
Ah darn, I had a good drummer put-down, but it's in the wrong decade: "That guy plays like Meg White."

Yeeeouch! You're dissing the girl who puts the beat into one of my very favorite bands. I love Meg! She's one of a kind and I'll defend her against all you naysayers. :box:

Bubastes · Jul 16, 2007

Mud Dauber said:
Yeeeouch! You're dissing the girl who puts the beat into one of my very favorite bands. I love Meg! She's one of a kind and I'll defend her against all you naysayers.

LOL!! I personally like her (and the White Stripes) myself. Her minimalistic style is appropriate to their music. But you wouldn't believe how many drummers think she stinks. Ah well, everyone's a critic.

Mud Dauber · Jul 16, 2007

MeowGirl said:
LOL!! I personally like her (and the White Stripes) myself. Her minimalistic style is appropriate to their music. But you wouldn't believe how many drummers think she stinks. Ah well, everyone's a critic.

Forgiven!

But I know what yer sayin'... Just like WriterInChains pointed out, it seems everyone's a critic. Me, I know what I like when I hear it and leave it at that.

Yeesh, you just said it too.^ LOL I need more coffee.

Haggis · Jul 16, 2007

How about "That guy doesn't know a rim shot from a ratamacue."

Haggis, who played the drums a long, long, long time ago

ChunkyC · Jul 16, 2007

Hmmm.... how about audience person A talking to person B and the drummer overhears:

"So what did you think of the band? Pretty good, eh?"

"Good? Good thing the drummer and his wife aren't practicing the rhythm method of birth control or they'd have a dozen kids by now."

Just made that up, WIC, so it's yours if you think it's worth anything.

Sean D. Schaffer · Jul 16, 2007

WriterInChains said:
Hi everyone,

I'd normally post a question like this in the Experts area, but want to be sure you musically-inclined folks see it. If a mod wants to move it, that's cool.

I need a good insult to use on a drummer (only in a WIP, I swear! ). I read, "He's got half a right hand" somewhere, but since I've already read that somewhere I'd like more options. I've never been around anyone who wanted to insult a drummer before (IME, they're too hard to keep to go around insulting them).

Best case scenario: something that could be said without intentional insult, but overhearing it really ticks-off the drummer in question.

Thanks!
~C

I seem to remember in my drumming days that drummers are supposed to drool a lot. But one insult I remember quite distinctly (I don't know if it's been mentioned yet or not; I haven't read the whole thread) is an old saying, "A four piece band is made up of three musicians and a drummer."

Drummer question

Feed my eyes

Feed my eyes

Lost in the Fog

Tortilla di Patate

It's a doggy dog world

Feed my eyes

practical experience, FTW

Feed my eyes

Crypto-fascist

bananaed

Lost in the Fog

It's a doggy dog world

Feed my eyes

cloud watching

Numbers are beautiful

bananaed

writing on the wall

bananaed

writing on the wall

Evil, undead Chihuahua

It's hard being green