Punctuating thoughts

Ziljon · Jul 9, 2007

Had he seen her, she wondered.

In the above sentence, if it were in quotes the ? would be within the quotes, but how does one work it when there's thinking involved and you've been using italics consistently for thinking?

reenkam · Jul 9, 2007

Do you mean italicising the punctuation? A lot of people say they do because it's part of the italicised sentence...I suppose I agree.

Ziljon · Jul 9, 2007

Yes, I guess I'm wondering which is correct:
1) Had he seen her, she wondered.
2) Had he seen her? she wondered.
3) Had he seen her? She wondered.
4) Had he seen her, she wondered?

Silver King · Jul 9, 2007

Number two works.

Unlike number four, the thought is questioned, not her wondering.

Ziljon · Jul 9, 2007

I see, so it's treated exactly as though it were in quotes.

And I bet it's the same way for exclamation points! he thought with a thrill.

Silver King · Jul 9, 2007

Ziljon said:
...And I bet it's the same way for exclamation points! he thought with a thrill.

Yes. Unless you want to try a comma after the exclamation point (!,), which does seem stylish.

Maryn · Jul 10, 2007

Don't overlook the possibility of removing the thought attribute (she wondered, he thought, etc.) entirely, replacing it with the same character's action. It can be not only a handy solution but increase the immediacy of the writing. In general, wonder and thought (and related words like knew, considered, regarded, noticed, sensed, felt, saw, hoped, realized, smelled, heard) are often used in a way that filters the input through the narrator, putting it at a greater distance from the reader.

Had he seen her? She peered through the thick leaves and willed her heart to pound more quietly.

It's pretty obvious that "she" was the one doing the wondering.

Maryn, just wonderin' is all

maestrowork · Jul 10, 2007

Yeah, why not just drop the "she thought"?

Ziljon · Jul 10, 2007

maestrowork said:
Yeah, why not just drop the "she thought"?

For the same reason we don't drop all dialogue tags.

BlueTexas · Jul 10, 2007

Ziljon said:
For the same reason we don't drop all dialogue tags.

I would if I could. I use as few as possible. Hate them!

Cassie · Jul 10, 2007

Ziljon said:
Had he seen her, she wondered.

In the above sentence, if it were in quotes the ? would be within the quotes, but how does one work it when there's thinking involved and you've been using italics consistently for thinking?

Depends on the genre. How formal/informal do you want to be? How many other such quotes are there in your piece?

Ziljon · Jul 11, 2007

Hi, Cassie, the genre is young YA (or late MG) action/adventure.

I don't want it to seem formal or informal, just correct.

I have just a few instances of this, two so far in 23,000 words. Most of the time I do do away with the tags, but not all of the time.

maestrowork · Jul 11, 2007

Ziljon said:
For the same reason we don't drop all dialogue tags.

It's an inner thought, not really a dialogue. But in this case, try:

She wondered, had he seen her?

Ziljon · Jul 11, 2007

maestrowork said:
It's an inner thought, not really a dialogue. But in this case, try:

She wondered, had he seen her?

Maestro, with all due respect, I'm not looking to rearrange my sentence, I'm just wondering about the grammar. Surely you're not suggesting that all thought tags are incorrect? But thanks for your suggestions.

If it comes up again, I will treat the thought as dialogue, and if there's a question-mark or exclamation-point needed, I'll place it as thought the italicized words were inside quotes.

maestrowork · Jul 11, 2007

Reading through this thread, I don't see any consensus.

You are free to do what you want, of course. I'm just offering a suggestion. You certainly don't need to be snippy about it. Not all dialogue tags are needed, and I sure am not saying just kill all tags -- where do you get that from? But when you run into issues like this, sometimes it might be worthwhile to look at rearranging your sentence to avoid ambiguity or possible stylistic problems (say, the editor objects to this type of punctuation and thinks you're wrong). That's all.

robertpri007 · Jul 20, 2007

As the new kid here, I am waaaaay out of my depth. However, I would like clarification because I have used the example.

2) Had he seen her? she wondered.
3) Had he seen her? She wondered.

After the ? [a full stop] shouldn't "She" be capitalized?
What am I missing?

thanks
bob

Ziljon · Jul 20, 2007

Robert, I think your confusion is caused by the lack of italics in your example.

Had he seen her? She wondered.
Had he seen her? she wondered.

I believe both are correct. It is only when you italicize a thought and need a tag (usually a thought needs no tag) that you treat the thought as though it were within quotes.

Punctuating thoughts

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reenkam

aka cupcake

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Silver King

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Maryn

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BlueTexas

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Cassie

I can't get no, oh no no no.

Ziljon

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maestrowork

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maestrowork

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robertpri007

Ziljon

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