So attached to character, having a hard time doing what is right for story... tips?

pisqualie · Jul 7, 2007

Hi there - I have been a lurker for awhile and am finally getting my feet wet in this game of writing and agents and all that - taking it up a notch, trusting fellow writers enough to come out of my little hidey hole...

I am really trying to build my fiction skills (journalist by trade) and am finding myself lost in a story that is a challenge to write. I am quite passionate about this story and I think it is a good one to cut my teeth on... but I am having a tougher time than I thought. I am so emotionally involved with the two main characters, I am having a hard time putting them through the obstacles they are facing. It is not a happy upbeat story... I feel like they are real, living in my head or out in the world somewhere and...

Well, am I insane or is this the key to a more realistic storyline? I am having a hell of a time. Like, near tears thinking about the outcome...

Should I just embrace it and use the emotion to hopefully convey the story and power? I feel like I am tiptoeing around the pool instead of diving in for my own personal emotional state... heh.

Thanks for any insight... curious how other people handle that.

Zoombie · Jul 7, 2007

Embrace the emotion. Just as an actor who is in a fake fist fight will use the accidental blows in his acting, a writer should work with the emotion of their minds and put it into their book. It'll make it stronger, I swear!

Xx|e|ph|e|me|r|al|xX · Jul 7, 2007

Xx|I think it's a great thing. You write what you know; when you're right there, so into it, so much a part of it, you know it, and thus, your writing is (probably) better for it.

I think I must be a rather sadistic writer though. While I'm probably unhealthily attached to my characters, I revel in going up and down and around in the rollercoaster on which they ride. I have no trouble sporking two of my characters' relationship to death, and yet, as I'm finding, I'm having no trouble making either party any less identifiable. I actually can't wait to write the scene in which Aelfric goes off on Michael and calls him "worthless". I will thoroughly enjoy detailing every last one of their hardships. It's almost scary.

Sometimes I think, "How can you struggle with the goings-on in your story because you're too attached?" I think that mostly when someone is talking about their inability to kill one of the characters because they love them too much. Well, I think, all but one or two of my dolls die in the end of mine. Can't say I'm having trouble with it. Then I realize that I probably would hate to kill one, especially one I particularly love, in the middle of the story. So I can't say I don't understand that aspect, at least.

And yeah, I'm kind of one of those who says her characters talk to her. But personally, with the way I write, I'd be more worried if I didn't, or couldn't, speak with them, like I do. Love them, like I do. I find it helps pass off the emotion as genuine, almost like some kind of magic that makes the same, or similar, words sound entirely different give or take the author's heart behind them. Knowing my characters as well as I do, I really feel it all--which brings me back to "you write what you know". I needn't elaborate, I think I got my point across. So to anyone who says they get the same feeling of knowing or speaking to their characters but question it, I say, "Embrace it."

But hey, welcome here! I'm in the same boat as you, finally popping out of the woodwork and testing the waters. Still a little cold for me, but I'm warming up to it. One day I've got to learn to dive right in on the deep end, though. The shock is great.

Heh, I love drawing out analogies.

Ta, ta, for now! :tongue

|xX

Chasing the Horizon · Jul 7, 2007

I know exactly how you feel. I'm very attached to my characters and hate doing anything bad to them. In the beginning I always had someone or something happen to spare them any real pain. I eventually realized I would never have an emotionally meaningful story unless I let the characters suffer. I took it in steps; let little bad things happen first and work your way up to the really horrible ones. I've come to enjoy writing a lot of the drama, though there are still some scenes that make me feel as sad and hurt as my characters. Oddly enough, those difficult scenes often end up best. I do still draw the line at killing main characters or writing anything with a tragic ending, though.

Ziljon · Jul 7, 2007

I knew that one of my characters was going to have to die, but I couldn't decide, couldn't plan it out. Then one morning, sitting in a coffee shop and just letting go--writing without really thinking--it just happened. I was so moved . . . as though it really did happen! I actually got a little teary-eyed, and the character was only a horsefly!

pisqualie · Jul 7, 2007

Ah, thanks you guys... that REALLY does help me alot... if nothing else, simply to feel I am not insane. Yes, I am so attached to my two main characters and one dies, and the other is mourning so hard she can barely function. I am right there with her, guilt-stricken, because I had the control to not put them through this.

They aren't real...they aren't real... my mantra.

This is truly an up at night, stomach-punching feeling. But it has to happen... it is their fate. I feel like a fortune-teller watching someone's death and not giving them fair warning.

Embrace it, I shall. Wish me luck! This is my first novel-length. Eek!

JamieFord · Jul 7, 2007

Never be afraid to torture your protagonist, lay nails in his path, etc. That's what makes it worthwhile when he gets there in the end. Good luck.

WriterInChains · Jul 7, 2007

Welcome! Glad to have you out in the open, pisqualie!

My level of emotional attachment to some characters used to scare me too. When I was a kid, I felt sure I was insane & it was only a matter of time before everyone else found out. Now, I embrace it; it's cool, even when I get caught teary-eyed at work because a new way to torture one of my pretties pops into my head.

It all made sense when I found this quote:

Take full account of what excellencies which you possess, and in gratitude remember how you would hanker after them, if you had them not.
~Marcus Aurelius

But, then, I've always thought odd folks were cool.

Tachyon · Jul 7, 2007

I love my characters. I love torturing them.

I'm really mean to my characters. I put them through all sorts of torment. Last night I was talking plot with my friend and casually tossed in that I have an unstable magical WMD that could go off at any moment, poised to wipe out half a continent. And she just sort of paused and then said, "I can't believe you just said you have a WMD. If you actually use that phrase, I'm going to burn your book."

I love thinking up what horrible thing should happen to a character next. 'Tis great fun.

Carmy · Jul 7, 2007

Use your emotions to affect the reader. After all, it's the reader we write for.

JoniBGoode · Jul 7, 2007

Exactly the right way to feel

If you don't develop a deep empathy for your characters, why should your readers??

I think what you're going through is simply good writing...although I know it can be emotionally draining.

One of my WIPs is set during World War I. One day I sat down and wrote a bloody battlefield scene where a soldier gets his face blown off, but survives. The scene was so violent that I was crying as I wrote it.

About 2/3 of the way through the scene, I realized that the anonymous soldier was actually my MC. I was really crushed, partly because I didn't see any way to get him out of this.

So I do understand what you're going through. I think we just have to have faith that all the turmoil is going to be worth it.

Melanie Nilles · Jul 7, 2007

I always feel something for my characters, but I realize life isn't a bowl of cherries, or it would be dull, dull, DULL!

Besides, I love the emotional aspect of the attachment with my characters. They get to experience things I probably never will, since I write SFF, but I can really enjoy the good and bad because of that. They have to make their own decisions. I just put up the roadblocks and let them decide how to maneuver. When their personalities are that inherent in my thinking, the writing flows. I can't say it's always great, but the emotions come through in what needs to be said. How it's said can be edited later.

On the flip side, I tend to run on with my mind off in fantasyland and end up not always writing or focusing on non-writing work instead of the actual job.

Having those imaginary conversations with your characters is a great way to learn, though, and better organize your thoughts for when you do sit down and write.

Melanie

Sandy J · Jul 7, 2007

In my opinion, a hero and heroine are defined by the obstacles they must overcome. Conflict makes the story, and to have conflict, sometimes bad things have to happen.

pisqualie · Jul 7, 2007

Heh, well mine is sort of a tragedy ... it doesn't end well, folks... in fact, after reading through these responses (and I really love them and take your words to heart - thank you) I am wondering what is the point? My particular point in this story is actually to emphasize a greater debate (nature vs nurture) and winds up probably with more questions than answers, but it is a gut-wrenching hopeful experience. Maybe I am just mean! What is the point in tragedies... why isn't every story happy? I guess because that is real life... I need to probably redefine what I am trying to convey... hmmm. I think it a firmly believe in my cause for writing and am focused on WHAT I am trying to accomplish, I can get past my sadness roadblock and feel their pain is worth it... perhaps that is my problem.

Hmmm.

Scrawler · Jul 7, 2007

Tachyon said:
I love my characters. I love torturing them. I'm really mean to my characters. I put them through all sorts of torment.

I do that to mine, too. I love to come up with the worst than could happen, and make it worse so they suffer more. What doesn't kill them makes them strong. Bwahhhaahhaha.

JoNightshade · Jul 7, 2007

I'm having this same mental conflict but in the opposite direction. I'm with the "love to torture my characters" people. I've been planning from the beginning of my novel to kill off this one guy (not the MC), but now I'm 85% done and it's getting time to do it, and I'm thinking, what is the point of doing it? Why does he have to die? At the moment I feel a bit petty for doing it. Hmmmmm. But I WAAAANT to!

jordijoy · Jul 7, 2007

As the storyteller you know where the characters are headed, just as you know where they've been. You only need to find a way to get it down on paper so the rest of us know whats going on.

Oddsocks · Jul 7, 2007

I agree with what others are saying - if you're emotionally involved with your characters, and the story you're writing is an emotional one, then it's probably a good thing. But I also sympathise - I usually get the main events in a plot before I really know my characters, but once I do know them, and I recall what they've got coming towards them...That can be pretty depressing. But I think the more emotional parts of stories are the bits you remember most vividly, and if a story (when you're reading) can make you really feel something, then it's probably a pretty powerful story. Which is good!

althrasher · Jul 7, 2007

pisqualie said:
Heh, well mine is sort of a tragedy ... it doesn't end well, folks... in fact, after reading through these responses (and I really love them and take your words to heart - thank you) I am wondering what is the point? My particular point in this story is actually to emphasize a greater debate (nature vs nurture) and winds up probably with more questions than answers, but it is a gut-wrenching hopeful experience. Maybe I am just mean! What is the point in tragedies... why isn't every story happy? I guess because that is real life... I need to probably redefine what I am trying to convey... hmmm. I think it a firmly believe in my cause for writing and am focused on WHAT I am trying to accomplish, I can get past my sadness roadblock and feel their pain is worth it... perhaps that is my problem.

Hmmm.

I know I have finished reading a novel and had the thought, "Well, what did you put me through all that for?" If you tear out your reader's heart, mush it to a bloody pulp, and give it back to them with something gained, they'll be pissed that they invested so much into your novel/characters. It doesn't have to end happy--but you can't just drag them through horrible happenings without cause.
But to make sure you're not alone in your "insanity..." my mother says that it cracks her up to watch me write because my face contorts into all sorts of strange expressions. I'm right there with you on emotionally torn.

Tachyon · Jul 7, 2007

JoNightshade said:
I'm having this same mental conflict but in the opposite direction. I'm with the "love to torture my characters" people. I've been planning from the beginning of my novel to kill off this one guy (not the MC), but now I'm 85% done and it's getting time to do it, and I'm thinking, what is the point of doing it? Why does he have to die? At the moment I feel a bit petty for doing it. Hmmmmm. But I WAAAANT to!

When it comes to killing a character, I do pause and ask myself what I am doing. A character's death needs meaning. It may be something minor (hopefully not if it's a major character). If it has no point, then I don't kill the character. It's no fun unless it's meaningful.

Once I've decided to kill off someone, however, I do it with utter joy. 'Tis job satisfaction.

JoNightshade · Jul 7, 2007

Tachyon said:
When it comes to killing a character, I do pause and ask myself what I am doing. A character's death needs meaning. It may be something minor (hopefully not if it's a major character). If it has no point, then I don't kill the character. It's no fun unless it's meaningful.

Once I've decided to kill off someone, however, I do it with utter joy. 'Tis job satisfaction.

You're right, and that's what I'm faced with here: how would him dying advance the plot or grow my characters? Sure, it would make them REALLY really sad, but... what else? I can't just do it to torture them, I have to have a reason. And I don't have one. ::Sigh:: I think he's gonna have to live. This might be the only book I've ever written where I don't kill off anyone significant. Weird.

On the other hand I'm considering pulling a fake-out. IE, so, you think he's dead... oh wait! No! He's alive! Hooray!

Yeah. Yeah, that works better.

Darnit. There's gotta be SOMEONE I can kill. ::Jo marches out holding a long shiny knife::

Ann D · Jul 7, 2007

Sandy J said:
In my opinion, a hero and heroine are defined by the obstacles they must overcome.
Agree. At the outset, I knew one of my main characters was going to die of disease--his death is the pivot for the rest of the story and presents issues for him and for each of the other characters. I wrote with tears streaming the scenes where he and his mother deny, avoid, protect each other from or share their pain. In life, the way we meet the obstacles we face determines whether we advance or regress as human beings. In an emotionally real story, this is true for the characters as well.

Ann D · Jul 7, 2007

oops on not setting your quote apart properly, Sandy. I am still figuring this chat room thing.

bunnygirl · Jul 7, 2007

I enjoy torturing my characters, but it's for their own good. They tend not to learn from other people's mistakes very well and must therefore make their own.

Some scenes can be emotionally wrenching to write, but the sad and scary parts are what make the epiphanies so satisfying.

MelodyO · Jul 8, 2007

I also put my characters through all sorts of hell...but I don't mind because my stories ALWAYS have a happy ending. If you're looking for tragedy, you've come to the wrong author. In my world, there will be tears of joy and possibly also smooching on the last page. Guarantee with every book sold. :0)

So attached to character, having a hard time doing what is right for story... tips?

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