Summarize your novel in Bookaminute form

[JoNightshade]

Inspired by activities on another thread... take a look at this site (http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/).

Done? Okay, now summarize your own novel using the Book-A-Minute format.

[Zoombie]

Wrong thread!

[swvaughn]

Wow, this is... hard!

DISCLAIMER: This is a WIP. It's probably not gonna end like this...

Gavyn

I have the worst luck ever. Why am I a thief, again? Hey, this thug is shooting at me!

Ian

*steps in the way of the bullets. fails to die*

I am a djinn. You are my master. I hate you.

Gavyn

See what I mean?

Ian

Forget you, stupid human. Help me save my world.

Gavyn

I thought I was your master. Besides, you hate me.

Ian

Please?

Gavyn

Fine.

(Gavyn and Ian save the djinn world.)

Gavyn

Uh... now the evil djinn are trying to take over my world...

Ian

Sucker. *goes home*

[JoNightshade]

Hahaha, swvaughn, that was pretty good. Okay, I will do mine in a few minutes. Working on something else just now.

[Danger Jane]

lmao.

Aello

I'm sick of being a bitch.

(falls in love)

Demetrios

I hate you. No, I love you.

Aello

Too bad.

(abandons)

[JoNightshade]

TIMOTHY

I know you screwed up my life but I love you anyway, will you be my dad?

ROGER

I can't tell you. Go away.

ELLIE

I'm lonely, will you love me?

ROGER

I can't tell you either.

OWEN

I hate myself and want to die.

ALL

We know!

(Lots of shooting happens and people are horribly injured but nobody dies.)

ELLIE

I guess I'll stay.

ROGER

I won't order you to leave.

TIMOTHY

That means you're in love, genius.

[Zoombie]

Jimmy

Hey, look at this thing I found

Hir

MAH BUKET!

Jimmy

Run away!

Pix

It is his bucket, you know

Anna

I don't like you cause you remind me of my traumatized adoptive daughter.

Ed

I am not traumatized! I'm whimsical! There is a difference, mom!

Hir

Buhahaha, neck snap!

Ed

Argh, I'm dead. Croak.

Pix

No, you're just in my head.

Ed

Buhahahahaha

Jimmy

Eh?

Pix

Sex?

Jimmy

Kay

Ed

You guys are gross.

Jimmy

Save the world?

Pix

More sex?

Jimmy

Both!

Hir

Thwack, thump, shoot, bang, explodes.

Jimmy

Woot! World is saved!

Pix

I'm gonna climb a tree

Jimmy

Ain't getting me up there.

Pix

<throws panties at him>

THE END!

Well...that might be a bit too long and have to many internet memes in it...well ladidah.

[swvaughn]

Jo, Danger Jane, Zoombie -- awesome! These are too funny!

I might try this with some of my other novels. It'll be a welcome distraction.

Thanks for posting this, Jo. You may have saved my life tonight.

[JoNightshade]

Thanks for posting this, Jo. You may have saved my life tonight.

All the blood running to your head? That'll happen when you hang upside down like that.

Oh, wait, that's Gara. ;)

[blacbird]

Sux.

caw

[JoNightshade]

Sux.

caw

Is that your summary or your opinion of this thread? ;)

[Danger Jane]

WIP #2.

Callianessa

I don't want to die!

(meets people and turns into a human; loses her voice)

Callianessa

...

Lysandros

You're such a good friend

(time's up; turns back into a mermaid and resigns self to eventual DEATH)

[blacbird]

Is that your summary or your opinion of this thread? ;)

Summary. Sorry for being so wordy.

caw

[SomelBalance]

Sir Glorious: I hate you evil Overlord.

Sinistario: I hate you goody goody knight, but we have to work together.

Sir Glorious: aye lets go to the bad guy base and kill things.

Sinistario: word.

cute farm girl love interest: hello!

Sinistario: OMG HAX!!1 a Grlll!

Glorious: stop this silliness, killing must be done.

they go to the bad guy base and kill things.

Sinistario: about time.

Glorious: help us kill more things.

Sinistario: no.

Glorious: You're a pansy.

Sinistario: ok, I'll help.

They kill more things.

the end.

[swvaughn]

All the blood running to your head? That'll happen when you hang upside down like that.

Oh, wait, that's Gara. ;)

Gara RULES!

*SPOILER: Naruto fans who haven't seen the Shippuden saga yet, read no further...*

Gara

I had a horrible childhood. Everyone hates me. I'm going to kill everyone.

*kills almost everyone*

Naruto

Hey! You can't kill my friends! I had a horrible childhood too!

*tries to kick Gara's ass*

*Gara kicks Naruto's ass*

Naruto

*bleeding a lot*

I... have... a... demon inside me!

Gara

My demon is bigger.

*Gara kicks Naruto's ass some more*

Naruto

Ramen is great. Believe it!

Gara

I like Ramen. Okay, I won't kill you. Now I will become the protector of my village, and protect everyone, even though they still hate me.

Gara's village

Some evil guys are going to kill Gara. Let's let them, and elect another village protector while he isn't looking.

Gara

I hate everyone.

[JoNightshade]

Oh, oh, I'm gonna do my first (trunked) novel.

Henry

I'm back from the war. Ow.

Mary

Dance with me.

Henry

Dude, I'm crippled.

Mary

Oh, right. Well, do it anyway. Oh, fine, don't. Marry me.

(They get married, Mary gets pregnant, gives birth, and dies.)

Henry

I know I'm a pretty lame dad (pun intended), but your mom was awesome. (Dies)

Daisy

Oh. (Runs off to the city.)

[SomelBalance]

this thread is awesome, by the way

[Alexandra Little]

Here is one of the two novels I'm actively working on (YA fantasy)

Lark

I'm an outlawed Shadoweaver and I have to run away from the evil Vashien.

Falcoun the Rogue

I will protect you O Pearl of Mine, now give me a kiss.

(They travel)

Vashien

Now I will take your hidden powers!

Lark

Ha! Your measly attempt to take my magic has given me control of it! I capture you now!

Vashien

Ah! I would have succeeded if it weren't for you meddling kids!

Falcoun the Rogue

Good job O Great Shining Moonbeam, now give me a kiss!

Lark

I'm only fifteen, Falcoun.

Falcoun the Rogue

Oh well, I'll wait a couple years for the sequel.

The End.

[mscelina]

:roll:

Fair enough, I'll give it a go.
{Up on Mount Olympus}
Dis

I'll bet you.

Artemis

You're on, buddy.

{Scene pans down to Elven forest)
Kaldarte

No, the Elves didn't fight in the Trojan War.

Tamsen

Seriously? I can take care of that. Hell, no wonder we're cursed.

Brial

I won't permit it.

Tamsen

Screw you buddy. Now get out of my way.

[maestrowork]

GREG
My father didn't love me.

LIAN
Grow up.

GREG
You had sex with my dad.

LIAN
Grow up.

GREG
I still love you.

LIAN
Grow the fuck up.

GREG
Bitch. I hate you.

She disappears.

He learns something.

GREG
I am all grown up now. And I love someone else.

LIAN
Great. Let's be BFF.

[Alexandra Little]

:ROFL: :roll:

[sadron]

Fun and hard to do.

Sadron
I rather stay and fight!

Shadedil
No! You go to east get help, I'll watch over here.

Shadron
Alright...

(goes to east and somewhere else too.)

Maethor
That Wizard is evil, I can sense it!

Sintar Sornion
I must lead. This is your end, moon elf!

Moreme
I kill you once more, moon elf!

Falian
Why I have to be the leader??

Sadron
Because you're good person. Now It's time for me and Shadedil to leave.

THE END!

[julief]

in the spirit of the original site---

Gloria: I don't want to talk about my life.

(precedes to remember her life...with several characters giving their own views and lots of magical type stuff happening)

Gloria: I guess maybe I will talk about my life.

[Alexandra Little]

Very fun and hard to do--it's making me look at my stories in a different light.

Scarlet

I'm a female detective in Victorian London who has very little opposition to her activities!

Scarlet's Father

Go sneak out in the middle of the night and investigate, and I won't worry one bit.

Scarlet

Oh look! A murder to solve and high society to prance around in! Anthony, come be my partner and btw I love you!

Anthony

I don't love you, maybe, possibly...I might love you. I don't know. I like to read my books and be a good looking geek.

Big Damn Villain

Aha! It was me all along and I have a fetish for hair!

Anthony

I don't love you Scarlet but you had better not fall for the extremely good looking aristocrat who supports women's rights.

Scarlet

Aha! A new murder case and a cliffhanger to make the reader buy the next book!

Reader

Oh no! A love triangle and a mysterious clue! I must buy the next book!

The End

[burgy61]

Don't know if I am ready to give this a try but I sure do love the thread.

[Alexandra Little]

Give it a try! It is so fun to try and summarize your story in a funny way.

[burgy61]

IRAN
we want nuclear power
UN
no you can't have nuclear power
IRAN
we don't care what you say we will do it anyways
USA
stronger sanctions are needed to stop Iran
IRAN
we only want nuclear power for peaceful proposes
IAEA REPORT
Iran will have full nuclear power in three months
USA
strong military action is needed to stop Iran
UN
you have 30 days to stop all nuclear activities
USA
no we will attack now and we invade Iran
IRAN
we will fight back and they attack America
Iran blows up and America blows up
UN
USA terrorist must stop calls for a shipping embargo
USA
OH MY GOD no more imports America in trouble
UN
pull troops out of Iran or we will attack America with coalition force.
America fights world until we blow up Iranian nuclear plants and bring troops home
goods get imported again and we survive

WHEW

[Nakhlasmoke]

here's mine. This is fun.

Richard
Oh noes! Zombie-dad is trying to kill my mom.

Arnold
Come with me, foolish human, and together we will stop this. O Hai, i'm a fairy.

Aiken
Ha! I use this time of turmoil to further my own ends

The Rain That Sings
*is silent*

Richard
Crap, I just killed my undead girlfriend. This sucks.

Arnold
Cool, I just killed my boss and now I have all his power

Aiken
*is dead*

The Rain That Sings
*is rescued*

Zombies
*pwned*

Richard
Oh hey, mom's still alive. I guess I'll start dating my ex.

[Bayou Bill]

Maybe it's just me, but some of the posts would take a speed reader to finish in under a minute. It really is a challenge. :)

Here's my try at a B-A-M version of my 90,000 word love story.

MARK: Amy’s beautiful, tolerant, my best friend and I’m in love with her but she’s way out-of-my league. Bebe’s sexy, a racist, and hated by all my friends, especially Amy, but she’s hot and puts out.

AMY: Do I want Mark, or just want to keep that bitch from having him?

BEBE: Whatever Bebe wants, Bebe gets, and little man, little Bebe, wants you.

MARK: I’m horny for Bebe who I can have at the slight cost of self-respect and old friends, but in love with Amy who I’m too afraid of losing as a friend to even try for. Oh, what to do?

Blew that one, Mark.

Bayou Bill :cool:

[thethinker42]

JARAH

My life sucks.

ISANDER

Being a prince sucks.

VANADIS, TEREUS, & ARSIMAN

We're going to make Isander's life REALLY suck.

JARAH

Wow, my life REALLY sucks now.

ISANDER

Holy crap, Jarah's hot.

JARAH
Yay! My life doesn't suck as much anymore.

VANADIS, TEREUS, & ARSIMAN

Dammit, Jarah's screwing up our plan. We're going to make her life suck.

JARAH

My life sucks again.

ISANDER

You guys suck -- I'm saving Jarah!

JARAH

You saved me - my life doesn't suck anymore!

VANADIS, TEREUS, & ARSIMAN

We're dead. This sucks.

[Siddow]

Mary
I want a baby.

Scott
Uh, I'm scared of repeating the sins of my parents. Can it wait until I'm sure?

Mary (naked)
Okay. How about we practice?

Scott
Hot damn!

Mary (pregnant)
The baby is talking to me and telling me to kill you.

Scott
Why are you looking at me like that?

BAM

Mary
It wasn't my fault.

[Alexandra Little]

JARAH, ISANDER, VANADIS, TEREUS, & ARSIMAN--I like those names.

[thethinker42]

JARAH, ISANDER, VANADIS, TEREUS, & ARSIMAN--I like those names.

Thanks. :)

[michelle-a-go-go]

The only thing wrong with this thread is that it's too short.

More!

[Alexandra Little]

Thanks. :)

Where did you find them? I vaguely remember hearing about Isander, but I'm not familiar with the other ones.

[thethinker42]

Where did you find them? I vaguely remember hearing about Isander, but I'm not familiar with the other ones.

They're all from various myths and such -- Greek, Roman, Hindu, etc. Arsiman, I may have made up...I really don't remember off hand. LOL

I love the name Isander. I'm ALMOST tempted to use that name on one of my kids...LOL

[Zoombie]

Okay, here's one from a trunked idea of mine.

Leon

Wow, America sucks.

Monkey

Shut up.

Leon

That Three Mile Island meltdown thing sure screwed this country up, didn't it?

Monkey

Shut up.

Leon

What with the radiation storms and the evacuation of most of the East Coast.

Monkey

Shut up

Leon

You're goofy looking, what with the fur and tail and all.

Monkey

Shut up.

Leon

I'm writing a book about how much America sucks and how it's all Jimmy Carter's fault, but you people are too up-beat and optomistic!

Monkey

Shut up.

Leon

I really hate you.

Monkey

So do I

Leon

Sex?

Monkey

You're a f<bleep>ing idiot.

Leon

Shucks.

Monkey

Go back to Canada, you stupid novelist.

Leon

Fine, fine.

Monkey

Sheesh...that guy sucked.

[maddythemad]

Oh what a fun thread!

Pepsi

I'm troubled. Look at how I treat guys.

Chaser

Ooh! Ooh! Treat me badly!

Pepsi

OK.

...

Gosh I feel bad about that. I guess I'll see the light and become a good person now.

THE END

[Provrb1810meggy]

I need to give this a try.

A REAL FIRST KISS:

Lara
I'm romantic! I need to find a boy to kiss before play rehearsal.

Krista
Wow, you're dumb. *shrugs* I'll help anyway.

Derrick
Ah, Lara stop flirting with me!

Sam
Ooh, Lara's flirting with me!

Lara
Goodbye, Sam. *cough, cough* Loser.

Jeff
Hey, I'm a smooth, suave, charming player, but underneath, I'm just your average guy. I like to take things slow.

Lara
Ah, this is getting so complicated! Betrayal and scheming!

Jeff
Lara, let's kiss.

Lara
Yay!

GOTTA GET A Q:

Bianca
I'm conceited, but in the past, I was a nerd. I guess I'm trying to compensate for all that. I need to be a dating legend. Bring on the Q! Look, there's a guy named Quincy.

Quincy
Woo hoo, I'm flamboyant.

Bianca
Crap.

Amy
I believe in you, Bianca. I'm a nerdy best friend side kick!

Peter
I secretly love Bianca. I hate when she talks about all those guys she dates

Bianca
Uh, I don't like Peter...uh...uh. Okay, I do.

Peter
I'm dead!

Bianca
I'm devastated and turn to Quincy for comfort. We become friends.

Quincy
Woo hoo, I'm flamboyant!

Bianca
Crap. I'm crushing on him.

Amy
I serve as the psychologist. Here is how to get over a guy, Bianca.

Bianca
It's not working. I should tell him how I feel.

Quincy
Sheesh, I'm not gay! I'm just flamboyant!

Bianca
Sweet.

[Esopha]

Provrb, shouldn't that be 'fabulous,' not 'flamboyant'? ;)

[AndreaGS]

Hahahaha, this is fun! Here's mine.

Anestan
I have mommy and daddy issues. I want the First Seat, but I have to kill my husband for it. I don't really love him anyway.
Farahd
I want the First Seat so I can make this country better. Did I mention I used to be a slave?
Anestan
That's hot. I love you.
Helen
I don't care whether you're happy now or not. I've been scheming to get my hands on that Seat since you were both in diapers. Oh, and I happened to find this boy with a weird voice.
Rajheem
So apparently I can persuade people to do things by singing, but I'm not very good at it. Everyone wants to either use me or kill me since I'm part of a deep, dark secret from this country's past. What am I doing here again?

(They scheme)

Helen
Your wife wanted to kill you. Oh, and she killed all your friends, too.
Farahd
Bitch! Get out of this country.
Anestan
Ok.

(a bunch of WEIRD STUFF happens to Rajheem, and he flees into the desert with a pretty lady)

THE END

[althrasher]

Alexia, Waren and Zeroun:
I had weird dreams. Let's go find another world.

(They fall in. Alexia is captured by EVIL KING)

Evil King:

People are stupid! Join me!

Alexia:

Um...no.

(Punches. Some other STUFF happens and they FIGHT. They win.)

Waren:

Love me!

Kella:

OK.

~Fin~

[Death Wizard]

Torg:
I used to be the baddest ass, but now you are -- and it pisses me off.

Invictus:
Baddest asses don't care about things like that.

Torg:
Yeah, but I have more friends than you, and by the way I'm in love with your sister.

Invictus:
Love her? Hate her? So what? She's mine, regardless. Why? Because I'm the baddest ass!

Torg:
I'll find a way to save her and destroy you.

Invictus:
That's what they all say.

[callalily61]

This is hysterical!

Annie

I'm crucified!

Mystery Woman

You're rescued and healed. Now get out of here.

Annie

I'll track those sickos down!

Siobhan and Jack

We'll help you.

(They succeed, but fight over how stupid it'd be to beard the bad guys in their den. Annie goes in alone anyway.)

Annie

Oh, crap, they crucified me again. Now I'm dead.

Siobhan and Jack

(crying) We'll Carry On!

Bad Guys

We'll be waiting!


ETA: I haven't laughed this much in weeks!

[Namatu]

From my WIP, which may be dead, but this was entertaining to put together.

---
Shekina
I don’t want to be a meek wife. I’m a goddess, so I’m leaving, and you better not come after me!

…

I’m mad because you didn’t come after me. I hate you. I’m going to change the world and it’s all your fault.

Tammu
But…

Glory
Fun!

Menelaus
You all suck. I’m going to destroy the world!

Nanshe
But then you die too.

Menelaus
Shut up! I curse thee to death!

Shekina
Good. She was getting on my nerves anyway. But you can’t destroy the world. I’m changing it.

Menelaus
Nuh-uh. <snap, bang, boom>

Shekina
Uh-huh! <whiz, bip, pow>

Nanshe (not dead yet)
Oh, crap. Imminent universal destruction! Help!

Glory
Screw-ups. Now I have to die to fix things. You’re all lucky I’m so damned noble. (dies)

Tammu
I love you.

Shekina
I’ll think about it.

Nanshe (still not dead, rolls eyes)

[Shady Lane]

Sash
I'm Dmitri's sidekick.

Dmitri
*incapacitated*

Sash
Shit.

[jodiodi]

I'll give it a try. This is my currently being revised yet again for I don't know how many times WIP:


Alexandra
Just a normal flight to Lon--hey! WTF? Who are you? You're crazy! Crap I'm naked and can't remember anything except a hot guy from the plane.

Geoffrey
This naked chick I found in the woods is hot, but I'm noble so I won't mess with her while we go off to find a magic rock. What the hell, let's lock ourselves in my bedroom for a week and see how many different positions we can do.

Alexandra
OK

Graigori
But she was mine several thousand years ago until she died and I had to go back and get her out of her death-dream. I still love her even though she's hooked up with my cousin. Oh, snap! She married him.

Laurence
No son of mine is going to marry a common mortal! You're a prince.

Geoffrey
So what? It's a done deal.

Adumbratus
Now that I've snatched you from your immortal husband, sweet Alexandra, he'll come after you and I'll be able to take him for my slave as revenge for his mother killing me when he was a baby. Plus, it'll piss off his dad.

Alexandra
You bastard!

Geoffrey & Graigori
Here we come to save the day. Let's send Alexandra to Laurence since he's the king and his castle is strong. We'll handle this ourselves.

Adumbratus
Too bad; I've attacked your dad's castle with my nightmare creatures.

Laurence
What's she doing here? Hey, you're a pretty good fighter.

Alexandra
Thanks.

Adumbratus
You're not that good--ooops. Damn. You killed me, biatch! (Dies)

Alexandra
Good thing I had that knife one of the book's extra's just happened to give me as a gift way back in the first third of the story.

Geoffrey & Graigori
Did we miss anything?

Alexandra
Shut up and let's have our big church wedding and go home.

Geoffrey
OK

Graigori
I'll just be over here suffering unrequited love.

Golric
I'm the devil and I can use this love triangle to my advantage some way ... maybe in the next book.

[Ziljon]

Duncan
I'm an imaginative kid.

Pookie
I'm a beagle, but now I can talk and I'm telling you that you're the Strømling.

Duncan
No way.

Ziljon
Way.

King Lothar (king of the world)
Take your team of giant insects and go defeat Sulgon.

Sulgon
I'm a soul sucking demon and I'm gonna suck the world.

Duncan
No way *they wrestle* Ha! I got you!

Sulgon
But I escape and take your place in your family.

Duncan
Dang!

[ChaosTitan]

This is harder than it looks. I've done one of my trunked novels.



Dean
You must help me steal an android prototype away from the same evil organization that once stole you from your parents and turned you into psionic freaks.

Olivia and Nick
Cool! Revenge!

*They successfully steal the prototype and havok ensues.*

Mitchell
You stole a valuable project from my employers and they're pissed. Now I will kill someone you love in order to piss you off, Olivia, and make you do something stupid like come after me on your own.

*He does. She doesn't.*

Olivia
We must follow our dead friend's wishes and keep the prototype safe. But first we have to burn a house down and destroy some secret stuff. And maybe kill Mitchell, if it isn't too much trouble.

Dean and Nick
Cool! Revenge!

*They do.*

The end.

[Death Wizard]

These are all awesome!

[Nangleator]

It's hard to keep these short.

(Max discovers his son is DEAD.)

Max: Crap!

(And there's this android thing that's doing a GOOD JOB of impersonating the dead son, and it is SCARY, but Max ISN'T FOOLED!)

Max: Crap!

Android: But I'm really your son.

Max: Oh, okay.

(A warship shows up to imprison or kill EVERYBODY.)

Everybody: Crap!

(Because of Max and Android, the warship doesn't.)

Android: I'm really not your son.

Max: I know.

Android: (dies)

Max: Crap!

[Tia Nevitt]

Tory: Suncasting is impossible.

Sam: I have built a device that makes suncasting possible. Tory, here it is, because I love you.

Cecil: Too bad. I got the girl.

Sam: Yeah, but you got shot, too.

Yuro: I have stolen the suncasting device! I am all-powerful!

Tory: I guess I figured out how to suncast without the device, after all.

Ashes of Yuro drifts away on the breeze.

[spacejock2]

Hal Spacejock: "I wish I had a new ship."

Gets a new ship.

Hal Spacejock: "Cool!"

[EriRae]

This is fun!

WIP: The Monster at the End of my Pregnancy

Lilly: sex was fun, but we forgot the condom and now I'm pregnant. So what if we've been married 7 years--we agreed we wouldn't have kids.

-Marc told my parents!

Marc: Woohoo! I made a baby!

Lilly: I want an abortion
*Goes to Planned Parenthood*
Okay, maybe not...

Marc: Woohoo! We're having a baby!

Lilly: Do I divorce Marc or have this baby?
-It's too late...I'm not having a partial-birth abortion (gross) so I guess I'm stuck with this parasite for 18 years. Might as well keep the hubby

*hard labor, complications*

Lilly: Aw...isn't he cute? I guess there's no monster at the end of this book after all.

Marc: Woohoo--I have a son!

The End

[Esopha]

Hmm. I'll do a trunked novel for funsies. :D

Amalia
Did you kill my father?

Cast
No way!

Amalia
Damn it! I wonder who did?

(She proceeds to GET ENGAGED to GALEN, the Empress's SON, and kick major political BUTT.)

Amalia
I have successfully kicked major political butt and shown up my half-sister!

Cast
We all conspired with one another to kill your father.

Amalia
That's a fine thing to tell someone who's already a suicidal manic depressive.

(She proceeds to kick major BUTT, and not in a political sense.)

Galen
Holy crap.

(The CAST is eventually ALL SORTED OUT, with minor BRUISING and many bridges BURNED. There is a HAPPY ENDING with speciest oppression DONE AWAY WITH and much REJOICING.)

[IrishScribbler]

(DEIRDRE becomes depressed.)

MAYA
Are you okay? I want to help you.

DEIRDRE
Leave me alone and mind your own business.

WARREN
If you let me be a jerk father to you enough I may love you again, but my wife still hates you.

DEIRDRE
This is so frustrating!

(DEIRDRE attempts suicide.)

LUCY
It’s okay to be sad.

DEIRDRE
I am sad, but I know I’ll get better.

DARCY
Stay away from your father! I hate you!

(DEIRDRE becomes depressed.)