The dumbest thing you've done for a novel

Tornadoboy · Jun 24, 2007

What is the dumbest thing you've had to do for a novel you're writing?
One of my protags needed to know the exact contents of a bag of Chex Party Mix so I found myself counting them out.

Damn they're stingy with the rye chips! :rant:

Hillgate · Jun 24, 2007

...errr, like anyone's going to check up on you?

Tornadoboy · Jun 24, 2007

Hillgate said:
...errr, like anyone's going to check up on you?

True, but I had no idea what to guess, and I was a little curious.

Hillgate · Jun 24, 2007

As long as you ate them all I'd say it was worthwhile research

Tornadoboy · Jun 24, 2007

Yes, I destroyed the evidence when I was finished.

Hillgate · Jun 24, 2007

You're a man after my own heart: I frequently forget exactly how much wine is in a 70cl bottle and therefore feel obliged to measure it into little tumblers and of course ensure there is no evidence remaining. I find this exercise works best with friends and generally on a warm balmy evening.

My trilogy ('Receptacles I, II and III') could never have found the success it did without such tireless dedication and that of my long-suffering colleagues.

Jersey Chick · Jun 24, 2007

Once I threw a potato at my husband because I needed to know what it sounded like when it hit him. In the WIP at the time, the heroine whaps the villian with a potato, so I had to do it. It makes kind of a dull thud, which was what I thought, but I had to make sure, didn't I?

Sadly, I ended up rewriting most of the book and the potato ended up on the cutting room floor.

Still, it was worth it, for the look of surprise on my husband's face when he got whapped with it

Hillgate · Jun 24, 2007

Aha! So that's why my wife threw a potato at me!

Azraelsbane · Jun 24, 2007

My friends and I spent months designing a chess game play by play. It was for a chapter towards the beginning of a novel where the protagonist and antagonist play chess. Every character coincided with a chess piece, and what piece they were taken by and when during the game coincided with the overall storyline.

3 years later I revamped the chapter completely, and while the game is still there, and still as symbolic of the text as a whole, I took out nearly all of the play by play. A horrible waste of time and nerves

Anonymisty · Jun 24, 2007

I needed to know what it would look like if someone jumped off a low wall and hit the ground rolling. With a sword at his hip. So my husband very kindly strapped on a sword, climbed onto our SUV and jumped off. Six times.

We decided the scene would play better without the sword.

Hillgate · Jun 24, 2007

Anonymisty said:
I needed to know what it would look like if someone jumped off a low wall and hit the ground rolling. With a sword at his hip. So my husband very kindly strapped on a sword, climbed onto our SUV and jumped off. Six times.

We decided the scene would play better without the sword.

You mean you couldn't find a low wall? The angle from the SUV would have spoiled the experiment. At the risk of ruining your marriage, go get your husband and march him to the nearest low wall. You'll definitely notice the difference. I spent most of last year jumping off low walls, and when I couldn't find them I gravitated to SUVs. I'm hoping my neighbour buys that truck he's been talking about, because then I might get a bit of bounce, at last. By the way, ensure a large supply of Anusol or Preparation H as I believe you guys call it...

Jersey Chick · Jun 24, 2007

It's a good thing some of us have very understanding (and probably somewhat crazy) spouses!

I also needed my husband's opinion on how bad it really hurts to be kicked in the nads. I wrote out a scene where it happened to the hero and gave him the choice of reading it, or letting me kick him and then describing the feeling.

I bet you can guess which option he chose. He's a bit crazy, but not a masochist (or is it sadist? I can never remember which is which). He's also a very good sport to suffer in the name of art

Hillgate · Jun 24, 2007

Jersey Chick said:
It's a good thing some of us have very understanding (and probably somewhat crazy) spouses!

I also needed my husband's opinion on how bad it really hurts to be kicked in the nads. I wrote out a scene where it happened to the hero and gave him the choice of reading it, or letting me kick him and then describing the feeling.

I bet you can guess which option he chose. He's a bit crazy, but not a masochist (or is it sadist? I can never remember which is which). He's also a very good sport to suffer in the name of art

I had a whole storyline mapped out where the protag was subjected to electro-shock therapy for 9/10ths of the book (think: One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest) and felt compelled to write with said electrodes attached.

Boy did I have to use the spellcheck...

Jersey Chick · Jun 24, 2007

Keep it up and you'll owe me a new keyboard

JoNightshade · Jun 24, 2007

Rather than DOING stupid things (although I did drop a bottle of asprin on the floor yesterday to see how it sounded), my thing is that I usually end up doing a lot of research about really weird, bizarre topics. And once you know weird things, it starts coming out in conversation. For a friend who has been trying to get pregnant:

"Well, you know, it could be your husband. He sits in an office chair all day, which can actually decrease your sperm count quite a bit. Does he take really hot showers? That can do it too. And if you are-- uh--"

[Friend looks at me like WHY do you know this?]

"Uh, yeah. That's all I can think of. Really."

That's a pretty normal example. I also know a lot about various congenital birth defects, the entire history of the lobotomy, how to catheterize oneself (and the various types of catheters to be used), how to tap/track phones, etc etc.

Jersey Chick · Jun 24, 2007

You must be a hit at cocktail parties!

Yeah, I've learned all sorts of weird things that get me the look at gatherings. All in the name of art, I say. All in the name of art.

Besides, everyone kind of expects us to be a little off. Ever heard of a sane writer?

sadron · Jun 24, 2007

I didn't take backup file from it.

LeeFlower · Jun 24, 2007

Well, there was that midnight incident involving a fun-noodle sword fight in four inches of standing water at the deep end of a drained pool...

I'm also taking a motorcycle training course, but I don't know if that really counts: the first-hand experience for narrative purposes is just a bonus on top of qualifying for a license for my own twisted ends (like getting a bike).

Anonymisty · Jun 24, 2007

Hillgate said:
You mean you couldn't find a low wall? The angle from the SUV would have spoiled the experiment.

Well, the wall in my book was about 8 feet high, a little taller than the SUV, so I suppose it wasn't all that low. But the real problem with jumping off of someone else's wall is that around here, people are extremely particular about a stranger (us) using their property in a way that has a high potential for injury.

Jersey Chick · Jun 24, 2007

Never mind the fact that it'd probably scare the bejeezus out of you -

**cue movie music, birds singing, harps playing**

You're sitting there, enjoying that first cup of coffee on a fine, sunny morning. Then all of the sudden...

Someone dressed as a pirate comes springing over the garden wall, sword in hand. He springboards off and proceeds to roll through your backyard, scabbard flailing, parrot squawking, eye patch sailing beneath the lettuce.

Ok - I made up the eye patch and parrot, but just imagine trying to tell someone you actually saw this...

AJ Clare · Jun 24, 2007

Sing. It doesn't sound dumb/insane/ridiculous but if you knew my neighbours I'm sure they could explain.

Scrawler · Jun 24, 2007

Asked my husband to drive me to a restaurant 50 miles away (or, a 90 minute drive in Los Angeles miles) because I wanted to be sure of the parking situation (street, valet, lot?). My MC dines there, so I felt I needed to know. I didn't.

Jersey Chick · Jun 24, 2007

My brother was going on a business trip to Dallas a few years back and I was in the middle of a story partially set in Dallas, so I asked him to check whether or not the Dallas Ft. Worth Airport had any sort of shuttle.

He looked at me weird, but he did it. Of course now, I can't remember what his answer was and the book ended up in the bottom of a drawer.

Akuma · Jun 24, 2007

I'm probably going to sound nuts, but I wanted to know what it felt like to get in serious trouble at school for my novel. Not oh-god-I've-ruined-my-life serious, but enough to get me suspended.
I waited the entire year for the ripest opportunity. Ironically, it came when it wasn't meant to.

If you guys are interested, I will share, but I don't want to take up too much space in this thread blaring "ME ME ME".
I seem to do that a lot in threads and I'm trying to stop.

Oh. Wait.

Goddammit.

Shady Lane · Jun 25, 2007

My MC's brother has an eating disorder...so I joined this message board for the familes of people with EDs, posing as him...because you had to join to be able to read everyone's messages, and I needed experiences.

This thread is really entertaining.

Akuma--I want your story.

The dumbest thing you've done for a novel

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