Zombies at the door?
Something like the police use? Let's say it's a Glock. Very popular law enforcement pistol. What to say in five minutes? That depends on how dire the situation is, I suppose, and what you're up to, storytelling-wise.
So if the zombies are trying to break down your hero's door, goes like this:
1. If it's loaded, it will fire.
2. Point at zombie.
3. Pull trigger.
If you run out of ammunition, push this button (magazine release), dropping empty magazine, stick a loaded magazine in there, bullets forward, and rack the slide. Resume zombie killing.
From there it can get more technical. How much you need?
If you really want to be sure you hit what you shoot at, make sure the front sight is on target (in this case, the caseating cranium). If you want to be slightly more precise, line up the three dots, front one between the middle two of the rear sight, and put that front dot (middle one) on what you want to hit. Pull trigger. Repeat as necessary. (But if the sights are Glock's standard ones, you only get one dot, the front sight, while the rear sights are a square-ish U-shaped white outline against black. Same thing applies, though. Drop the dot in the middle of the U and put the dot on what you want to hit. Now, if you really, really want to be nitpicky, you'd "set" your target atop that front sight, and go BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! -- dead zombies! come get some you lurching fiends! -- BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! -- except at most pistol-shooting distances, this textbook sighting produces merely negligible differences.)
Got a little more time than that? Okay.
1. Here's the magazine release button. Press that, the magazine pops out.
2. Here are your bullets. Load magazine this way: Pointy end to the front. (Depending on model and caliber of our sample Glock, it may be anywhere from six to seventeen rounds. *Oh, and yeah, I forgot, there are 33-round magazines as well, particularly useful for the zombie-matic Glock 18.)
3. Insert magazine firmly into pistol until it locks in place.
4. Rack the slide fully and smartly to the rear, letting it fly forward on its own. (If it doesn't go fully into battery -- that is, fully forward -- give it a swift rap on the back.)
Pistol is now loaded and ready to fire when you pull the trigger.
1. Here is the front sight and here is the rear sight. Line these things up, centering the front sight between the notch of the rear sight, keeping the tops of those sights even-steven. Set what you want to hit right above that front sight.
2. Pull trigger.
3. BLAM! BLAM! -- die zombies! die!
4. If you experience a failure to fire, 1) tap magazine base firmly to assure proper seating, 2) rack slide smartly to rear, letting it fly forward on its own, 3) pull trigger -- BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! -- dead zombies!
5. If you experience a stovepipe jam (empty shell sticking up through ejection port), rake it out of there with a swift sweep of your hand from front to rear. If this doesn't work, the zombies will eat you.
6. When you run out of ammunition, this thingy here, the slide lock lever, will hold the slide open, in which case you, 1) press magazine button, ejecting magazine (and if it doesn't fall, just grab it here, through this little notch at the base of the grip, and rip it out), 2) grab a loaded magazine and shove it smartly into the grip, 3) a) press that slide lock lever to let the slide fly into battery, loading the pistol, in which case you can go -- BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! -- some more, or, b) after slide lock, eject empty magazine, insert loaded one, pull slide fully to rear with free hand (it won't move much) and let it fly into battery, resuming zombie killing with fresh ammo. [The "a" and "b" here represent differing training methods taught by competing schools. Some say "a" is faster, some say "b" is more reliable.]
Oh, but if you experience a double-feed failure ... zombies will likely eat you. Still, if you have time while they're gnawing on your leg:
1. Press magazine release button.
2. Rip that empty magazine out (it will likely be stuck).
3. Rack the slide (three times if you're going all textbookey, and those cadaverous teeth on your shin-bone don't hurt too much).
4. Insert fresh magazine.
5. Release slide to load pistol.
6. Evacuate skull of zombie gnawing at your shin bone.
7. Save one bullet. You'll need it for when you start to change.
Oh, and possibly most important of all: Don't shoot friendlies. In this case, that would be whatever character gave this other one a gun and a quickie "here's what you do."
