amateur words....

[preyer]

are there some words you see in a story you read on the 'net that just screams 'hack!' or 'amateur!' or 'loser!'? my big one is 'azure.' great word. maybe that's why every hack amateur loser with a romantic bent uses it to describe eyes, lol. upon the hundred viewing of it, however, it tends to lose its appeal.

[katdad]

If I see that the beautiful gal has "violet" eyes, I'm gonna scream!

Doesn't that make you wish you had that big steel 12-ton Monty Python weight to drop on the writer's head?

[Man with twohanded sword]

On the first page, more than 5 instances of the word "had" plus one or more unpronouncable name presented as back story.

[Writing Again]

Ichor instead of blood.

[SRHowen]

Exclaimation marks everywhere, and the the word as-as he did this, as she did that, as as as as ---!!!!!!

Shawn

[mistri]

I hate cheesy dialogue tags - especially when there's more than two to a page.

'Hello,' she snorted cheerfully - UGH

I know this is a personal preference, however, and that some people like them

[stormie267]

I'm with Shawn. Whenever the "writer" uses a plethora of exclamation points. Shouldn't even use one. (Well, maybe one, if there's dialogue....)

Mixing up their/there/they're. That drives me nuts. If someone is posting their work on a web site, or creating a web site, they should go over their writing with a fine-tooth comb.

The use of "awesome" in their bio.

Okay, I'm getting nit-picky so I'll shut up.

[SRHowen]

its and it's

and the there thing--yup that is one that gets me, too.

Shawn

[sc211]

Just read an article on this topic this morning:

www.holtuncensored.com/ten_mistakes.html (http://www.holtuncensored.com/ten_mistakes.html)

The first one is just what you said - repeating certain words too much.

For me it's the exclamation points. F. Scott Fitzgerald said that outside of dialogue, you're allowed only five in your entire life. I agree! (Oops - down to 3.)

[dblteam]

I think my top "hack" indicator is shutter in place of shudder, i.e. "She looked at the body on the floor and shuttered."

Drives me nuts.

On the exclamation points issue, interestingly enough, I went through the (large bestselling fantasy) novel I'm reading right now and found frequent exclamation points. Perhaps ten in a block of a hundred pages. They were all in dialogue, I believe, but I hadn't noticed them until I actually went through and looked. They didn't stand out to me as out of place or overkill on the author's part.

Valerie

[maestrowork]

I was reading a best selling novel this morning, and you could tell clearly it was the author's first novel... the use of exclamation marks (not in dialogue), bad dialogue tags, describing the narrator using "mirror," etc. etc. It's not to say it's not an engaging read -- the premise itself is interesting. But there are so many nits in the book that I wonder why her editor didn't say anything?

OK, on to the words... How about "ergo"? AGHHHHHH. Please don't use it in your ms.

"Suddenly" -- it's a crutch word for so many writers.

The over use of "ing" -- "She was walking down the street. I was having an ice cream. He was taking his dog for a walk. The car was going down the hill."

"Beautiful" -- it's another one of those over-used crutch words. Everything is beautilful. She is a beautiful girl. The sky is beautiful. The flowers are beautiful. Please, don't tell me they're beautiful. Show me. "Beautiful" is such a generic word, it weakens your prose and make the readers go "ugh."

[Greenwolf103]

1. Narrative writing. ("I drove home and talked with Ann about it. She agreed it was the right thing to do. Then Bob showed up, ranting and raving over this decision. We finally calmed him down and had coffee.")
2. Multiple exclamation points
3. Emotion words after dialogue tags (as in "he said, humorously").
4. "However" at the beginning of sentences. Or "unfortunately" and "predictably." It just sets us up for something without letting the story do the job.
5. Describing a character's personality through words, not actions. Such as: "She was meticulous, polite yet had a good sense of humor." Why not show her carefully folding each piece of laundry? Saying "please" to her waiter or telling a joke to a friend?
6. Littering a paragraph with five sentences SAYING THE SAME THING!

[Fillanzea]

Nearly, maybe, almost, somewhat, a bit, sort of...

I could go on... ;)

Sometimes something really is 'nearly' or 'mostly' or 'perhaps,' but much of the time it's better to just come out and say what you mean. I cheerfully break this rule on internet discussion boards because what comes across as authoritative in fiction can come across as arrogant in discussion.

[SRHowen]

This:

John was mad. He kicked the cat and crushed the beer can with his bare hands, before he punched the wall.

Or the other way around:

John kicked the cat and crushed the beer can with his bare hands, before he punched the wall. John was mad.

First telling then showing, or showing then telling, like the author wasn't sure the reader got it.

Shawn

[arkady]

"If I see that the beautiful gal has "violet" eyes, I'm gonna scream!

Doesn't that make you wish you had that big steel 12-ton Monty Python weight to drop on the writer's head?"

So how do you describe a character whose eyes are the color violet?

http://hicards.com/platinum/stars/star112.html

[tjosban]

There is a series of novels where violet eyes are the key to the entire story. I have read the first two, Through Violet Eyes and With Red Hands. Just thought it was kinda comical with the spewl about violet eyes.

[maestrowork]

Is it important that your character has violet eyes? If not, skip the description.

[reph]

Besides violet eyes, the character has long golden hair, a delicate nose, a pert chin, and a cute rear end. She's 5'6" and suntanned.

So am I reading a novel or a Wanted poster?

[novelator]

You know, I'm writing a novel right now where the heroine has violet eyes. But they're magnificent. LOL Lavender didn't cut it, and purple, well, they're not. Did find an interesting synonym--empurpled...well, you can see the dilemma here. However, (oh my god, another misstep...LOL) my heroine does not have blonde hair or a pert chin or a delicate nose. Her butt I leave to the hero to decide if its cute enough to bother with and so far, he has not complained. LOL I will add, she is not suntanned, but she is 5'7".

Now, the azure is right up there with sapphire to me. I had a writer friend, a romance novelist, who described her hero's eyes as sapphire, then I suggested she google that, along with raven black hair. LOL I happy to say she thanked me. LOL

Mari

[maestrowork]

Oh raven hair. Shivers.

Or pouty lips. Or toothy grins. Or a cheery disposition. Spare me.

[anatole ghio]

I don't believe that is such a thing as a word that would indicate the skill of the writer; words are to malleable to be so strictly defined.

I think it's not so much the words that distinguish the writer, but the way that they are used. Under the right hands, even the stiffest prose can come alive (H. P. Lovecraft).

In general, adjectives and adverbs are traps of fools, as they promote a reliance of description on language that should be inherent in the description itself... in other words, they are a crutch to weak situations and narrative.

If there were such a thing as amateur words, I would have been the first to label and excommunicate them!

- Anatole

[Hapsburg]

Welsh or otherwise overly complex and difficult to pronounce names. If it doesn't have vowels in it I just read it as "blah blah" in my mind, yet, esp in Fantasy, it seems the "in" thing to do. wylshwylkytshwe fought the dragon and saved whysthyklytsh. I mean, what the crap kinda names are those? That's the sound my car made when the timing belt went out.

And though I forgive it on mssg boards and email (I do it), I am unforgiving of spelling and grammar errors in what is meant to be professional. I'm even annoyed by restaurants that have a drive "thru". I started to read a piece tonight that opened with "I begun this when I was a teenager," I couldn't read on.

[Risseybug]

Over use of the word "that". Before I knew any better, I did it. My first beta reader of my first book must have pointed out a dozen or more. Ick!

And I'm with Shawn on the other word - had. I catch myself doing it when I'm just sitting and writing. Those things never make the second draft.

As for the rest - I think things like "toothy grin" have their place, as long as they're not over used. Which they probably are, hence your displeasure with them.

[stormie267]

And though I forgive it on mssg boards and email (I do it), I am unforgiving of spelling and grammar errors in what is meant to be professional.
Exactly. If someone is posting their work, or is a writer and has a website, the spelling and grammar better be polished, or it does scream "amateur." Also, using the lingo of the day (unless it's in dialogue).

[Jamesaritchie]

Over use of the word "that". Before I knew any better, I did it. My first beta reader of my first book must have pointed out a dozen or more. Ick!

And I'm with Shawn on the other word - had. I catch myself doing it when I'm just sitting and writing. Those things never make the second draft.

Those are my biggies. "That" is a word easily eliminated in most sentences. "Had" is almost as bad. A wise writer does a search of the manuscript and eliminates these two words wherever possible, and it's almost always possible.

[wurdwise]

I have always been a voracious reader, but since I started writing, writing has ruined my reading! :eek

I see things I never noticed before. I will go to the library and get 6 books and end up only being able to enjoy maybe 2. It's very frustrating. Not that I am John Irving myself, but the last book I tried to read I will use as an example. The plot was intriquing, but once the writer used the phrase, "just as he always had," three times in less than three pages, I slammed it shut.

[DBBD]

If I see that the beautiful gal has "violet" eyes, I'm gonna scream!

LOL... I'm currently in the middle of a novel that centers around a great number of fairy tale-type princesses, and a good number of them have violet eyes. The sane characters in the story have noticed... :p

-DBBD

[maestrowork]

I'm reading a best-seller now. While the plot is intriguing (takes a few leaps, however), the writing is a little amateur -- you can tell that it is the author's first book. I must say the info dumping in the first chapter was kind of smartly disguised in the dialogue -- it's actually quite clever, but infodumpy nonetheless.

Yes, "had" or "that." Words that always creep in but easily eradicated: "very" (especially in two in a row), "the reason of that is because," "totally," "suddenly" (or "abruptly"), "good" (as in "the food tastes good"), and "just."