The worst ever

[SRHowen]

Hi all,

I am looking for examples of the worst fiction you have ever seen.

This is for the writers group I run. New members need to crit a sample before they can join the group.

Any ideas?

Shawn

[Duncan J Macdonald]

I am looking for examples of the worst fiction you have ever seen.

Atlanta Nights

R/
Duncan

[SRHowen]

LOL

I did think of that one. But the errors are so glaringly obvious that it's not much of a test.

Shawn

[detante]

Trying to get a feel for what you want. Just published fiction? Do vanity press or web published things count? Any particular length?

Jen

[reph]

You could borrow something from the Share Your Work forum. Just don't ask its author for permission now that you've revealed your purpose.

[evanaharris]

I could send you some of my early Psycho Gerbil stories.</deadpan>

[SRHowen]

Even from the share your work section--it's a test to see how the person crits, not of the work itself.

I've had a problem with crits where people are downright rude, have no idea how to crit in a diplomatic way and insert -- how can I say it nice? Personal opinions, bigotry, and declaring absolutes based on opinions on how they would write it. (with no base in grammar or any other story "rule" other than their own idea) Does that make sense?

For the most part I've had a good group--but before I go through that again, I want to make sure the person knows how to word a crit.

Any piece will do, so long as I have permission to use it.

And I am looking for 3 new members right now, possibly 5 all together if I don't hear from a couple of group members this week.

Shawn

[aadams73]

Any Danielle Steel book ought to suffice.

[macalicious731]

An excerpt or two from da Vinci Code? Of course, if this is a test, that might be too prominent since people might recognize it.

Try something from the YA genre. Some of that can be pretty terrible. I'll think more on a specific example.

[maestrowork]

Shawn,

Start reading from here: p197.ezboard.com/fabsolut...&stop=2620 (http://p197.ezboard.com/fabsolutewritefrm3.showMessageRange?topicID=257.to pic&start=2601&stop=2620)

We've posted a few published work for crit to prove some similar points. Maybe they'll be useful to you.

[detante]

There's always The Eye of Argon.

[Euan Harvey]

I say go for Atlanta Nights. It made my eyeballs bleed, it was so bad.

[maestrowork]

Atlanta Nights won't be a good test, as Shawn said.

[red423]

that tie for first place. Going back to Heinlin and many others, most of what I have read in the last couple years ties for first place.
I liken it to this, if you ever read "The man who sold the Moon" and could feel the pain of it as you read every word. It isn't hard to see many tie for first place, as worst.
Fiction to me is the ability to be able to put the reader into first person, that is the true meaning of fiction,science or otherwise to me anyway.....red

[novelator]

I'd say if you want to compare the differences between POV shifts in a scene (slick versus annoying) take Stephen King's Needful Things and pit that against Paul Thereaux's Ozone.

I was impressed with the shifts in Needful Things, so smooth and well-done, while Ozone annoyed to the point of distraction, enough so that I almost didn't finish the book.

Just my tenth of cent's worth.

Mari

[Vomaxx]

Robert Newcomb's "The Fifth Sorceress" sets very high standards of awfulness.

[sc211]

If you want to see how mercifully and/or unhelpfully critical they are, ask their spouses. :D

But really, you could simply write your own piece - like three paragraphs - because if you use "the worst ever," your workshop members might not be able to see past the crap to a workable solution to the various problems. Make the errors obvious - pov, verb tense, possessives - but not wretch-inducing.

From there you could go into how to and how not to give critiques, giving examples of both helpful and unkind comments.

For one of the poor-critique examples you could use what I received back from a classmate in a writing class: "Well, looks like you @#%$ up everyone again."

(But hey, cosmic justice was served - my instructor, Dennis McFarland, happened to ask for my papers that day to see how well we were being critiqued. :p )

Long Live Psycho Gerbils!

[katdad]

"The White Hotel" by D.M. Thomas made me bleed out the ears.

You may also want to try Whitley Schreiber's (sp?) UFO abduction "non-fiction" books. Stupefying.

[Trapped in amber]

Shawn, is this an on-line writers group?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[PixelFish]

There's always Left Behind, if you are looking for exerpts, but it's so well-known potential critters might have read it already.

[SRHowen]

Yes, it's a small on-line writers group. We mainly focus on crits, but have weekly chats, and support each other as well.

We have both a Yahoo mail group, and an EZ board. It's not a substitution for AW by any means--as it's a private group limited to 12 members.

Some people are just not a good match for a particular group. Some just drop out, no reason ever given.

We do send around chit chat e-mails--but that's part of the support system. At times we get downright silly. But the crits fro the most part are good, honest, helpful. It's when they turn otherwise that I turn into head female dog type person and say enough.

Shawn

[red423]

I look at reading as entertainment, the one statement that keeps running, like a loop in my mind, playing over and over,"were you not entertained, is that not the reason you are here? To be entertained?" When I mark my place, so I can return to the exact page where I left. Yes, I have been entertained. And the only sadness I will have,not wanting to ever admit it, is knowing there is a last page............red

[HollyB]

How about The Celestine Prophecy? (shudders)

It seems unfair to make people buy/check out of the library, or take the time to read, a book you know they'll hate. Why not have them critique an online short story? (The only problem is finding a bad one.)

[SRHowen]

I have found a story--given to me by someone well known who didn't find a home for it--an early work.

But this list of the worst is very interesting.

No, I wouldn't have someone crit a whole book, only a portion of a short story--sent to them.

Shawn

[sc211]

There's a great essay called "Critique Group Dysfunction" by Hope Vestergaard in the 2005 Children's Writers and Illustrators Market that sums up the situation you're facing very well.

I tried to find it on the web a few months ago, to post it here, but it's not yet up on the boards.

In the essay she lists out the types of people in critique groups and lists their strengths and weaknesses, as well as how to work with them.

They include the Bulldozer, the Cheerleader/Gusher, Contrary Mary, the Drill Sergeant/Chairman of the Board, the Green-Eyed Monster (read as envy), the Hog/Center of the Universe, the Mother's Hen, the Mouse, the Battleaxe, the Star Pupil, the Stickler, and the Dreamer.

She also has a page on "Giving Good Feedback," which splits the criticism between Big Picture - characters, plot, structure, freshness, and theme, and Little Picture - mechanics, literary devices, character development, pov, voice, and authenticity.

Worth checking out, if even in a bookstore.

[Ketzel]

De-lurking in the face of this irresistable question, may I suggest "The Ladies Farm" by Viqui Litman? Legitimately published, with many positive reviews on Amazon, it is nonetheless a virtually unreadable (to me) collection of Creative Writing 101 clunkers. See the author set up the backstory by "reminding herself" of things or "scolding herself" about things! See the amazing stomach lurch, the eyes leak and many other body parts take independent action! But wait, there's more. You'll have to read it to see...:)

[red423]

I too am critical of works I read, especially time lines, I have read more than a fair share with inconsistancies, but the true crit. is the person buying not someone sitting in a glass office with a free sampling.
I know, I know, how can I talk like that? my personal library speaks for itself.Several hundred if not a thousand. (There are no donated books, only a few that were gifts) And yes, I usually glance over at least one chapter for quality before I spend the green. Seems some of the pro readers have forgotten some basics.

[Ketzel]

I'm not sure if the above post was meant in response to mine, and don't want to hi-jack the thread, but just for the record: I have indeed purchased and read nearly every page of Ms. Litman's novel, at least to the point where it somehow bounced off the wall and into the nearby bin. :)

[katdad]

How about The Celestine Prophecy? (shudders)
You had to say that, didn't you? Now I'll start those nightmares again!

Yes, that book was stunningly bad. I found a ratty used copy and started it, since it was at the time such a big hit.

This went on and on and it became goofy and so deadly earnest at the same time.

And there's another book of similar awfulness. I can't remember the name of it (having wiped it from my conscious mind), but it's about this sentient gorilla that tell the author all the truths about life and the world's problems.

Thing was, at the time I was dating this lovely young woman who was so very excited about this book, and I got a copy to show how much I was "into" her lifestyle.

I never finished the book because we broke up in time for me to save my fevered brain. Whew!

[red423]

see me bash someone else, When I first read celestine, it wasn't over my own fascination, it was because I had run into a group of younger people I believe in New Orleans,who were romanticizing over it. I read it cover to cover twice, trying to grasp what those kids were talking about, maybe the copy I had was missing a page or two. I never did find it........of course the book disappeared, maybe that final prophesy is true and the book knew it???????

[Gala]

SRH--
I wonder how your exercise goes when you show your prospects "the best ever".

Don't use page one of The Sound and the Fury or they're all sure to fail.
<img border=0 src="http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/eek.gif" />

or a bit of your writing.

I guess one could ponder this endlessly.

[SRHowen]

using some of my own writing. Or a very very good something.

I settled for a not so bad something, that falls into a place where a lot of members are at themselves--donated by someone from this board but not a group member.

As to my own, I thought it best to keep that for the group.

As far as failing--no real answers to this test (beyond the obvious of grammar ect, and even that can be worked on in a group) I'm more looking at if the person has any idea how to critique and not criticize. Some people don't know the difference. Make sense?

Shawn

[katdad]

I just remembered that most awful book:

The Urantia Book

A stunningly bad book (but not a novel). Still it's hall of un-fame material.

[anatole ghio]

Get the collection of Might magazine "Shiny Adidas Tracksuits" www.amazon.com/exec/obido...82-8748848 (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0425164772/qid=1107471706/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/002-3470582-8748848)

and look at the fake obituary on former TV star Adam Rich (from 8 is Enough).

It contains mixed metaphors, over use of adverbs and adjectives and inconsistencies in tone.

This is the best/worst piece I have ever read.

- Anatole

[anatole ghio]

And there's another book of similar awfulness. I can't remember the name of it (having wiped it from my conscious mind), but it's about this sentient gorilla that tell the author all the truths about life and the world's problems.

That book was Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. I looked over the reviews of it at Amazon; quite funny, 4 out of 5 people give it the highest rating, while 1 out of 5 give it the lowest possible rating. HA!

Strange how a work of art can sometimes wildly polarize an audience

- Anatole