Help w/making a character sympathetic

[Coco82]

My main character is a womanizer, and I'm going to have him soon cheat on what'll be his first wife, how do I make that sympathetic?

[wurdwise]

Maybe he is very affectionate and kind to his wife, a good friend to all his buddies, well liked by his coworkers, the kind of guy you would like except for this fatal character flaw.

[reph]

Spouses who cheat in real life are often looking for something that's missing in their marriages. Why does your character cheat? I mean, how are you setting up the situation so he has a plausible motive? Did he marry too young, before he knew what he wanted? Is his wife distant or hostile? Does he drink too much and lose impulse control? Is it something about the marriage, or would he cheat on any wife?

[Coco82]

His wife unexpectantly got pregnant and he's too young. He's only 22. That's one reason that's come up so far.

[macalicious731]

I think if she's pregnant, that would give the wife more sympathy than your character.

Usually people don't seem to have an issue with it if the wife is a witch (or, insert other consonant at beginning of term) and he's the nice guy. Or mayb she's a workaholic. Or he's in love with her, but maybe she had an affair first. There's numerable possibilities.

[Coco82]

I'm not going to have him leave during the pregnancy, but a while after the child is born. I haven't got the details set out yet, this idea just popped in my head, and I thought to get some advice. He could be married to the smae woman, and be a serial cheater, but that kinda takes away from my original idea of this character as being married multiple times.

[maestrowork]

Maybe stop trying to make him sympathetic. He is what he is. It's kind of hard to make a womanizer who cheats on his wife sympathetic... You can make him to be more rounded, a nice guy in other ways -- a good person who has a problem with commitment... the readers can still empathize with him. Other ways is to make the other person (the wife?) unsympathetic--giving him the reasons to want to get out of the relationship, but he can't... so he cheats... etc.

[azbikergirl]

Readers feel more sympathy for those who are vulnerable (babies, animals, etc.). If you can make him vulnerable in a way, give him a wounded heart or make his wife really mean to him and degrade him when they're in public, those are some ideas.

[dannyne330]

Other Possible considerations. Don't know if these will help, or make him even more hated:


-His wife's been cheating on him, so he's getting even

-He picked it up from his father

-He never had a father, saw his mom in abusive relationships, so that's what he knows

-Had an abusive mother, now he can't respect women

I guess what i'm thinking is, check out a few basic psychology theories on habitual cheaters. I bet a lot of the theories have to do with the man's relationship with his mother/father. Maybe Freud has some theories. I have no clue.

Another though: Maybe search on the Internet for the fear of abandonment issue? Where the guy breaks the girl's heart before she has a chance to break his? I could imagine feeling sympathetic for someone in that position. Maybe.

I'm sure there're plenty of movies about womanizing men, and at least some of those have to have leading men you feel sympathetic toward. Check those out and see how they did it. I'll try to think of some too.

Cheers.

[maestrowork]

Another thought. What does the character tell you? What's his story? What makes him a full blooded, good person, despite the things he does? You need to listen to your characters, instead of trying to shoehorning him into something and give him a reason.

[Coco82]

Well, he's a guy who growing up wasn't popular w/the girls and when he went to college he changed. He was able to appeal to women so he likes the fact that he can get any woman now due to his success.

[reph]

Your task will be different if he's the POV character than if he's not.

[Coco82]

Well, it's not him telling the story per se, he's not the narrator, but the story is beneficial to him.

[anatole ghio]

When you have a character doing unsympathetic actions but you still what him to be somewhat sympathetic, it's best to play up their vulnerabilities, or give them a reason to justify their unsympathetic actions.

For this character, it will make all the difference in the world if he got into the marriage because he was ready for it, or whether he did it because it was the right thing to do.

If he was ready for marriage, you can play up the vanity of his character by having his infidelity occur because he had weak boundaries and went to far because he felt validated by having a girl be interested in him, even though he was married. Then you can show him remorseful afterward and any action he may take in covering it up could be done in order to preserve his marriage.

If he got married out of obligation, it then becomes necessary to show the wife in a more unflattering light, so it will seem to be more understanding when he looks for comfort elsewhere.

Also, was his wife aware of his reputation before they got married? If so, she will be more complicitous because she knowingly got involved with a known womanizer and shouldn't be shocked when he does stray... a snake once is a snake twice.

[Stlight]

Depending on the timing of the action, it might help if the wife told him she was pregnant to get him to marry her and then she wasn't. (here you could go into whether that was an honest mistake on her part or not and if it was, why didn't she tell him before they were married. Unless they eloped before she knew.) Even if it was an honest, if slightly misinformed mistake on her part he might not believe it. He might be cheating to get a subconscious revenge for her cheating him into marriage and not become aware of why he cheated for several chapters.
Some action to save another person at his own risk would help with the sympathy. It's not going to be there if he believes he is "above the rules" and I don't think you will be able to get much sympathy for a serial cheater, could be wrong on that.
What makes the sympathy thing difficult is a number of younger men, who married quickly and early do cheat when their wive's pregnancies reach the point of no sex. It's going to be hard to get sympathy women readers for this one.
But if you can do it, you will have done well indeed.
Stlight

[reph]

Well, it's not him telling the story per se, he's not the narrator, but the story is beneficial to him.

Could you explain what you mean by "beneficial"?

A point-of-view character isn't necessarily the narrator.

Another factor in how forgivable his cheating is is who seduced whom. Did he take the initiative, or did the woman, and what was at stake?

[katdad]

Well, consider whether you actually want to make him sympathetic or merely an interesting character.

But if sympathetic, maybe his wife is a shrew and he's been loyal and faithful all this time, and finally he snaps.

Or, he's a good father to his kids and (as was suggested), a good guy at work and generally fair and decent.

I'd resiste the temptation to make him too goody-two-shoes however. Statistics are that at least 50% of spouses cheat at least once.

Maybe some extraordinary woman takes a liking for him while he's on a business trip, or something, and he succumbs just once. Doesn't make him "bad" or "good" but just human.

Now if he's a "serial cheater" that's another matter.

[pianoman5]

I think you're in danger of flogging a dead horse with this idea that 'just popped into your head', Coco.

There are plenty of plausible reasons for why he might cheat on his wife, as per the examples you've been given. But to give him a 'just' cause that elicits reader sympathy, the only option I can see is to portray him as a thoroughly nice guy in every other respect and make his wife a cheating b*tch, or one who entrapped him into marriage in some way for her own ends, or is a loony of some kind.

His being a testosterone victim is not enough to make him sympathetic; well, at least to half of your potential readership, even if the other half declares him to be 'a legend'.

And leaving shortly after the baby is born? He'd need to be a saint going through unendurable torment not be perceived as an a'hole.

[simple man]

Hmmmm… If you’re character is displaying behavior that is not socially redeeming, the best way to make him sympathetic is to show the reader why he’s behaving that way - the root causes, and then throw some conflict at him.

But remember, it all depends on the story and what you’re trying to say.

To me, this guy was born and raised dirt poor. White trash. He had nothing going for him all his life except his looks. His family was the laughingstock of his community and he grew up hating being poor more than anything else in the world so, of course, he used his only resource – his good looks - to marry a rich girl.

She knows he comes from poverty and she’s not that hot to begin with so she uses her money as a form of power over him, to control him - and belittle him when necessary of course. So he gets his revenge by having fly-by-night flings with all her friends and God knows who else. She kind of knows about his little affairs, but as long as he behaves like a good little boy and displays all the attributes of a good trophy husband, she doesn’t make too much of a fuss.

This by itself doesn’t really make him fully sympathetic yet. It merely sets up for the reader why he is that way. Now you need to add some good conflict. Pose a real dilemma.

Now what if he finds himself actually falling in love with someone! A beautiful stranger, chance met, who knows nothing about him - who can totally relate to him, who he can totally be himself with, who doesn’t care anything about his looks or his money? He never knew it could be like this! For the first time - he is actually in love! Real, true, honest to goodness love!!

Now what does he do? He has sworn to never be poor again. But he is beginning to feel like he cannot live without this woman. The money or the girl???? There are now two forces driving this man. Which will win?

Place him in a dilemma that readers can sympathize with. Who hasn’t had to make a heartbreaking decision at some point in their life? It doesn’t have to be so drastic - you can make the dilemma something else – as long as it is something the reader can easily identify with.

If you can get the reader to understand why he is that way -and then identify with him, and his problems – they will be willing to hitch along for the ride and hear his story.

[three seven]

Maybe they're not married yet, but living together?
Now what if he finds himself actually falling in love with someone! A beautiful stranger, chance met, who knows nothing about him - who can totally relate to him, who he can totally be himself with, who doesn’t care anything about his looks or his money? He never knew it could be like this!And then his girlfriend deliberately gets herself pregnant in order to trap him, due to her own desperate insecurity and consequent need to control him? Sounds feasible to me :|

[Meryena]

I'll toss in an idea. He could be like my ex-husband (thought I felt no sympathy for, but a reader might).

He was in the military and I worked at an architect's office. All our friends were "married" military couples. A few months later, our married friends moved away, stationed elsewhere. While I was at work, hubby made new friends - all SINGLE friends.

He starting longing for the "single" life again, watching his new buddies date a new gal every week and hearing them boast on Monday mornings about their new conquests. So, he started a sort of double-life thing - until he got caught. Once confronted about his extra-marital activities, that's when he decided he just "didn't feel like being married anymore."

Just an idea to add to the mixing pot here. Good luck!

[Nateskate]

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[James D Macdonald]

My main character is a womanizer, and I'm going to have him soon cheat on what'll be his first wife, how do I make that sympathetic?

Get into his head. Show his hopes and dreams, his fears. Don't present rationalizations, just get the readers to react to him as a person. Let them feel what he feels.

Easy? No. That's the art of it.

[reph]

Is it worthwhile to try to make readers like a character if you don't like him yourself? Such a project seems doomed–just a gut feeling here.

[Coco82]

I never said I didn't like him. I'm sorry if that feeling came across. I love this character despite his faults.

[pianoman5]

Yeah, but it's not your loving him that counts. Your original question was about making him sympathetic to readers. He can have all the roguish charm in the world and be a fascinating character, yet still come across as a complete b*****d if he behaves badly without good cause.

Making people like him is a taller order when you have to scrupulously avoid letting your own sympathies get in the way.

I'm reminded of the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding" starring Julia Roberts. The original ending had Julia successfully stealing back a guy from the perfectly nice woman he was about to marry. But at test screenings the audience hated it because they thought she'd done wrong, and they had to rewrite and re-shoot the ending. Even star power of that magnitude isn't enough to get away with unworthy behaviour.

[Coco82]

Well, I'm working on a scenario where his wife cheats on him. Its being developed right now, set up, so probably in a week or so I can tell more where I'm at there.