How/when to disclose?

Susan B · Jun 8, 2007

How and when do you disclose to other people that you've written about them? Do you let them read what you've written beforehand? Give them the option of being identified by their real/full names or not? Do this before or after you have found a publisher?

I'd be very interested in hearing from others who have faced this.

I've written a memoir, now in the hands of two publishers who requested the full manuscript. So the odds are looking better to me now (after months of "no's" from the editors who'd read the proposal my agent submitted.)

I have let some people know already, and have shared the writing with a few of the most important who figure in my book. (The most central person is dead.)

This is nothing controversial or racy in my book (might be easier to publish if there were

The issue is mostly people's sense of privacy, I'd think. It's peculiar to be a "character" in someone else's story.

I'd be happy to go into more detail about what I've done, and what my questions are, if there is interest in discussing this.

I thought about posting this in the life story forum (where it's been touched on) but it's an issue for nonfiction in general, not just memoir, so I'm putting it here.

Thanks!

Susan

Mysti · Jun 8, 2007

In all the non-fiction I've written that has been placed anywhere for public view; I've used alternate names for anyone who has specifically not given me permission to use their real name. For those who are minimally touched upon that I can't reach (an old ex-boyfriend for example) I would generally use their first name.

johnrobison · Jun 8, 2007

My experience was like this:

When I was just writing a book, my friends said, "yeah, great, it's funny . . ."

And then when the book deal was announced, and my friends realized the public was really going to read about them, there were a hundred little changes.

They did not amount to anything in terms of changing the story, but they were big deals to my friends. I'd rather have made the changes earlier on, but outside of the nuisance factor, it really did not matter.

It's better for the credibility of your book to use people's real names whenever possible, and I think you have a duty to tell the people who appear in the book prior to submitting the book for publication if you know it's going to get published, or immediately after if you don't know if your manuscript is going to be accepted.

I suggest you have major figures read what you've written if you are concerned about accuracy. You may be surprised how other people's memory differs from yours.

Susan B · Jun 8, 2007

Mysti said:
In all the non-fiction I've written that has been placed anywhere for public view; I've used alternate names for anyone who has specifically not given me permission to use their real name. For those who are minimally touched upon that I can't reach (an old ex-boyfriend for example) I would generally use their first name.

Thanks, mysti, for the reply.

As it stands, I figured on sticking to first names only for people touched on minimally, if they were just people who had been part of my personal life. If they didn't feel comfortable with that, I'd completely change the name.

The trickier ones would be people who are to some extent "public figures"--ie, recognized names in the particular music world I depict.

Susan

Susan B · Jun 8, 2007

johnrobison said:
My experience was like this:

When I was just writing a book, my friends said, "yeah, great, it's funny . . ."

And then when the book deal was announced, and my friends realized the public was really going to read about them, there were a hundred little changes.

They did not amount to anything in terms of changing the story, but they were big deals to my friends. I'd rather have made the changes earlier on, but outside of the nuisance factor, it really did not matter.

It's better for the credibility of your book to use people's real names whenever possible, and I think you have a duty to tell the people who appear in the book prior to submitting the book for publication if you know it's going to get published, or immediately after if you don't know if your manuscript is going to be accepted.

I suggest you have major figures read what you've written if you are concerned about accuracy. You may be surprised how other people's memory differs from yours.

Thanks, John, for your always helpful comments. You've expressed something similar on the "life story" forum--and I do agree in principal.

I have questions about the logistics. Like:

Did you contact everyone who was identified, even if just by first name?
Do you ask for permission, without necessarily offering to let them read
what you'd written?
Any differences in how you handled more central or public figures, who couldn't be altered or left out without drastically changing the book?
Did you get a signed release for everyone identified?

My concern is not really about libel (the focus of the thread on the life story forum) or even accuracy. Mostly has to do with maintaining good relationships in what is a fairly small, interconnected music community.

Interesting, that people didn't much care until publication became closer to a reality. I did send a few chapters to a friend I'd been a little concerned about about a year ago, and I never heard back. Sounds like this might be a good time to get in touch!

I haven't done much checking in up till now, because I felt publication--even finishing the book--were far from assured. So why get people worked up over nothing? But maybe that was a mistake.

Thanks again!
Susan

slsherwood · Jun 10, 2007

Susan B., this has been one of my biggest concerns as I work on my own memoir. It is something I really pay attention to when I read memoir too. How do you handle people, especially those people who are minor characters? Is it fair to publicly expose them just because they happened to cross paths with a writer? As a reader of memoir, I know I have experienced times where I cringed because of the writer's depiction of a minor character.

I have a bit of experience in this because I write a column that appears in newspapers. I know how people react when they realize they've been written about without any advance warning. If it is something good, I use their name. If it is bad, I don't use a name, and I may also blur some other details. For instance, I might say "a waitress at a restaurant" instead of "Sally at The Corner." I think this might work as a strategy for you in writing about the more public figures in your book.

I've given most of the people in my life who figure prominently in the book the opportunity to read the book at a variety of stages. I have also requested input from them. For instance, I sent out a bunch of questions by e-mail to my brothers and sisters. I did this primarily to make sure what I remembered was accurate.

The biggest objection came from my mother about my title. Her response was along the lines of "You're going to change it, right?" My title is "Fat Man's Daughter."

I haven't let my children read it although they figure prominently. My children are now ages 13, 11, 10 and 8. My oldest really wanted to read it, but I refused to let her read early drafts. I did finally finish some of the chapters, and I let her read those. I think my other children are too young to understand it, and perhaps my 13-year-old is too.

I can think of only one secondary character, and I only mention him to illustrate one of my dad's character traits. For that person, I describe him only by his relationship to my dad. I don't think I'd notify this person in advance. A determined researcher could figure out who he is because I mention an event that could be tracked -- the man's house burned down.

There was a negative depiction of one of my brother in law's in my earlier drafts. I ended up taking it out, but I think I may end up putting it back in. If I do, I will put it back in a more fleshed out version, something that explains more of the context. It was one of those moments where someone says something, and the words sting so much you remember the comment for the rest of your life, but the person who said it probably forgot it 10 minutes later.

johnrobison · Jun 10, 2007

I have questions about the logistics. Like:

Did you contact everyone who was identified, even if just by first name?

* I contacted everyone with whom I was still friends, or with whom I'm been in contact in the past decade. So there are some people who may be surprised to find themselves in my book. But there's only so much you can do to track people down on a maybe.

Do you ask for permission, without necessarily offering to let them read
what you'd written?

* I didn't ask their permission to appear in my book. I told them they appeared in my book. That's a bit different. And I let them read what I wrote and comment for accuracy. One person didn't like how he appeared at first, and I said, "Well, I can change your name if you want." But in the end he was flattered by the idea more than he was troubled by certain portrayals and his name stayed.

Any differences in how you handled more central or public figures, who couldn't be altered or left out without drastically changing the book?

* In my book's case, examples of public figures would be the musicians in KISS. I have been out of touch with them for years, but I did use their real names. The Random House legal department vetted it all, though. That's a very important step.

Did you get a signed release for everyone identified?

* No, because I do not need their permission to write them into my story.

My concern is not really about libel (the focus of the thread on the life story forum) or even accuracy. Mostly has to do with maintaining good relationships in what is a fairly small, interconnected music community.

* I think the approach I used accomplished that goal.

Interesting, that people didn't much care until publication became closer to a reality. I did send a few chapters to a friend I'd been a little concerned about about a year ago, and I never heard back. Sounds like this might be a good time to get in touch!

* The thing is, people hear, "I'm writing a book all the time," but the book never appears in stores. That's how it was with me. The people just didn't take it seriously. Then, in my case, the upcoming publication of my memoir made the news and all of a sudden people who said, "yeah, ok" actually thought about it. Hence the surge of comments.

I haven't done much checking in up till now, because I felt publication--even finishing the book--were far from assured. So why get people worked up over nothing? But maybe that was a mistake.

* That's the thing you have to balance. You have all the time in the world now, and no assurance of publication. Once it's sold, you're on a deadline of some sort.

Stijn Hommes · Jun 10, 2007

Even if your particular story is nothing racy, someone's sense of privacy could be important. I'd contact everyone beforehand (at least the people you're on speaking terms with). If you talk to them early, they're more likely to agree than after you spring a surprise on them that the book is getting published. You want to tell them before that.

Susan B · Jun 10, 2007

slsherwood said:
Susan B., this has been one of my biggest concerns as I work on my own memoir. It is something I really pay attention to when I read memoir too. How do you handle people, especially those people who are minor characters?

Thanks, Linda. Very interesting and helpful.

Where are you in the process (ie, looking for an agent or publisher, already have a publication date...?)

Your book sounds fascinating--and obviously much more of a family memoir than mine is. I've been focused more on the other people who appear in the book, but my family does know I'm writing this.

I'm a little concerned about my mother's reaction, because I do talk briefly about some painful parts of the family history (her parents' alcoholism, their disavowed ethnic heritage, the deaths of my infant sister and my father.) Not the focus of the book, but even to bring this up could be painful.

It is also a little loaded because there is something of a tradition of "failed writers" in the family: my father and brother both made short (6 month) attempts at focusing intensely on creative writing, then moved on to more conventional work.

Susan

Susan B · Jun 10, 2007

johnrobison said:
I have questions about the logistics. Like:

But there's only so much you can do to track people down on a maybe.

* I didn't ask their permission to appear in my book. I told them they appeared in my book. That's a bit different. And I let them read what I wrote and comment for accuracy.

* No, because I do not need their permission to write them into my story.
at's the thing you have to balance. You have all the time in the world now, and no assurance of publication. Once it's sold, you're on a deadline of some sort.

Thanks, John, for replying in detail. Very helpful in thinking this through. You are right; to ask someone's permission to write about them sets you up for problems. Much better to give the choice of being identified or not, and also to offer to let them read for accuracy.

I do think your approach (which you'd described a bit before) does go a long way towards easing any uncomfortable feelings.

Thanks again!

Susan

Susan B · Jun 10, 2007

Stijn Hommes said:
Even if your particular story is nothing racy, someone's sense of privacy could be important. I'd contact everyone beforehand (at least the people you're on speaking terms with). If you talk to them early, they're more likely to agree than after you spring a surprise on them that the book is getting published. You want to tell them before that.

Thanks, Stijn. Many (but not all) of the people concerned know I am writing a book. And I was being a little tongue-in-cheek about the "racy" comment--privacy is the issue, more than anything else.

To everyone--this discussion has really helped me think this through. So thanks again. It it does seem like this is the time to contact everyone and offer to let them read, if desired. "Serious interest from a publisher" will get people's attention, without making making them feel taken by surprise or pressured.

One other advantage: it gives me something productive to do during this awkward waiting period.

Susan

slsherwood · Jun 11, 2007

Susan B.,

Right now I'm working on my book proposal, query letter and researching agents. My memoir isn't complete, but what I do have (9 chapters) are pretty polished. I've been working on this project for about 18 months in my spare time.

Linda

Susan B · Jun 11, 2007

slsherwood said:
Susan B.,

Right now I'm working on my book proposal, query letter and researching agents. My memoir isn't complete, but what I do have (9 chapters) are pretty polished. I've been working on this project for about 18 months in my spare time.

Linda

Hi Linda,

Sounds like you have a solid chunk of work done already! When do you plan on starting to query?

Good luck!

Susan

Susan B · Jun 11, 2007

I just made a list of everyone I mention by name in my book and could conceivably contact. It's a lot: 20 or so people, not counting my family who haven't yet read anything (mom, 2 sibs, 2 sons in their twenties.)

Think it's enough to keep me busy for awhile!

Susan

slsherwood · Jun 12, 2007

Susan B said:
Hi Linda,
Sounds like you have a solid chunk of work done already! When do you plan on starting to query?
Susan

Thanks, Susan. I hope to start querying as soon as I get the proposal done. I haven't set an exact date as a goal yet, but I'd like to get started within the next month.

Citizen Rob · Jun 13, 2007

When I turned in my manuscript to St. Martin's, the first thing they asked for was a list of everyone who appears in the book and whether or not I am using their real name. That list was sent in with my edits, and the whole thing is being vetted by the legal department. (I get a little queasy, imagining a bunch of lawyers reading my book.) I imagine that's standard for any publisher.

Right after I signed with StM, I asked my editor about who should have fake names, what was actionable, etc. She said to simply write the book I wanted or needed to write, and when the time came, it would be run by the legal department and edits would be requested accordingly.

I still worry about it, but that's because I'm a freak, not because I should.

How/when to disclose?

Susan B

Accordion Dreams

Mysti

Aurora, CO is my new home!

johnrobison

A Free Range Aspergian

Susan B

Accordion Dreams

Susan B

Accordion Dreams

slsherwood

johnrobison

A Free Range Aspergian

Stijn Hommes

Know what you write...

Susan B

Accordion Dreams

Susan B

Accordion Dreams

Susan B

Accordion Dreams

slsherwood

Susan B

Accordion Dreams

Susan B

Accordion Dreams

slsherwood

Citizen Rob

I'm swell.