SUPERMARKET - exercise discussion

For reference, here are the links:

Script thread:
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=65828

Critique thread:
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=66168

Daydreamer said:

Hi guys

Here is the thread where you can put anything concerning the writing exercise in the SYW forum. You can answer questions that have arisen and post comments concerning any aspect of the exercise.

Also: Please comment on whether or not you think this exercise was fun/helpful and whether or not we should do another one (and perhaps change the rules a bit). Any kind of input would be great.
Though, in some of the posts it becomes clear that there are quite a few who don't really see the point in this kind of exercise and therefore probably won't participate in a round # 2.

Click to expand...

I enjoyed it.

I had the vision in my head at first for a guy and a girl in (you guessed!) the produce aisle (that was a popular location for quite a few submissions!) But then when I embarked upon an initial framework for the emotional logistics of such a situation, I questioned: 1) why would a guy and a girl be shopping TOGETHER? and 2) why would he break up with her THERE of all places? So I re-did it so that she was at work, and he came in and "cornered" her like a cad (she's in uniform, on the clock, in front of customers, so if she starts cursing and hitting, she'll get fired) and tells her in front of his cruel and jeering buddies. And when I realized she was incapable of cussing him out, I had two other witnesses do it for her (Deli Manger and Soccer Mom) so we could get a little juiciness and conflict as well as sympathy for her.

The comments I got were almost all unanimous: this is kinda boring and your female is kinda weak and whiney. And I agree. I wasn't to to craft a brillaint scene, just one with a bit of soap opera to it.

As for everyone else's pieces, the comedy really seemed to work well for the posters who chose comedy, since a supermarket has a sort of a built-in comedic feel to it (especially that produce aisle!) Probably the thing I learned most was the slow unveiling of character in such a way that you deliberately lead the reader/audience to initially think one thing of a character, and then to eventually reveal the real truth later on of what that character is REALLY all about. That's a subtle trick I don't quite have a grasp of. I'm usually pretty straight forward with my characters and so I need to get that sort of staged nuance down.

I think next time, if we choose a single scene meant to be part of a larger work, maybe we should ask that everyone give a bit of backstory. Some people did stand-alone pieces, while others did ones that were obviously meant for larger and possibly feature-length films. And those suffered more in comparison I think.

My favorite was probably Oogley Boogley's. It was quite funny and very visual.

But the one that intrigued me the most was jonpiper's. His struck me as MAYBE being about an abused woman. I mentioned to him in my reaction/critique my theory that his male character was an abusive sleeping-with-the-enemy control freak and, this whole scene was her breaking away from him. He has neither confirmed nor denied that suspicion of mine. But if I'm right, then I think he has something substantial there.

i'm against the "should be part of a larger piece of work" idea because it just takes too much time and energy to do a fun bit of exercise. i don't have the time or energy to dig deep into other people's writings and exhaustively discuss every single moment like some of you do... you know who you are (and if you spent that amount of energy on your own writing then you may get somewhere with it some day). some of us have to work for a living.

a quick stand alone scene is so much easier to work with and so much more like the lot* or the 48 hour film projects*. and exhaustive discussions are not necessary.
pick a scenario or genre
pick a location
pick a strange object that must be utilized
pick one strange character
etc...
that's my opinion and i'm sticking to it... whether i participate or not

p.s. - comedy is the easiest and quickest way to present short flicks and scenes. if you watch these flicks* then you can see that's they way people tend to go. it was nice to see a serious 3 minute narrated biopic type get higher marks than the other 4 comedic flicks on the lot last night.

Plot Device said:

For reference, here are the links:

Script thread:
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=65828

. . . jonpiper's struck me as MAYBE being about an abused woman. I mentioned to him in my reaction/critique my theory that his male character was an abusive sleeping-with-the-enemy control freak and, this whole scene was her breaking away from him. He has neither confirmed nor denied that suspicion of mine. But if I'm right, then I think he has something substantial there.

Click to expand...

Plot Device, your interpretation was not what I intended, and I learned that it is difficult to completely reveal your character's motives in a single scene. I need to work on that, a lot. Here is what I intended, but it seems nobody, including you, saw it.

My intention was to show, dramatically, a woman's breakup (I misread who was to breakup with whom) with her husband. The woman was not abused and the man was not a control freak. She was supposed to be a strong woman, somewhat bored in her relationship with a somewhat fawning husband.

He had no idea she was having an affair with Rocky and she intended to announce her desire to breakup after dinner. But his shopping for an expensive wine for dinner, because he wanted to celebrate that evening -- perhaps a promotion -- was too much for her, and set her off prematurely.

She suggested a cheap wine, because she was in no mood for a celebration, and did not want him to wast the money. The evening would not be the kind of celebration he intended.

She accidently dropped the apple juice. His crawling on the floor to clean it up, only made things worse. His calling her honey was supposed to reveal his position in the relationship, the calm and somewhat wimpy husband without a clue.

The conflict was supposed to gain momentum as she threw the expensive wine at the shelf. She was covering her guilt by exploding. She told him right there, without waiting for dinner, that she wanted out.

*Off Topic* Is there any way I can get a notice so I don't miss these excersises?

jonpiper said:

Plot Device, your interpretation was not what I intended, and I learned that it is difficult to completely reveal your character's motives in a single scene. I need to work on that, a lot. Here is what I intended, but it seems nobody, including you, saw it.

My intention was to show, dramatically, a woman's breakup (I misread who was to breakup with whom) with her husband. The woman was not abused and the man was not a control freak. She was supposed to be a strong woman, somewhat bored in her relationship with a somewhat fawning husband.

He had no idea she was having an affair with Rocky and she intended to announce her desire to breakup after dinner. But his shopping for an expensive wine for dinner, because he wanted to celebrate that evening -- perhaps a promotion -- was too much for her, and set her off prematurely.

She suggested a cheap wine, because she was in no mood for a celebration, and did not want him to wast the money. The evening would not be the kind of celebration he intended.

She accidently dropped the apple juice. His crawling on the floor to clean it up, only made things worse. His calling her honey was supposed to reveal his position in the relationship, the calm and somewhat wimpy husband without a clue.

The conflict was supposed to gain momentum as she threw the expensive wine at the shelf. She was covering her guilt by exploding. She told him right there, without waiting for dinner, that she wanted out.

Click to expand...

Okay, thanks, Jon.

So we are now back to the crazy woman. Her choice to throw a wine bottle across a store was just WAAAAY too out of control. So he's a pathetic whimp. And she's a scary scary scare-scare of a case. So neither of them were sympathetic, and together they both made for a vulgar spectacle in a supermarket.

And yet also--neither of them were charicature. So that's a plus.

I think if this was a stand-alone piece, I was unable to relate to either of them. Maybe if you had shifted the focus onto him I could have liked him and felt badly for him. But with this scenario, I was unable to like either of them.

lastlight said:

*Off Topic* Is there any way I can get a notice so I don't miss these excersises?

Click to expand...

Hi, lastlight. Sorry you missed out. I'm sure your offering would have been a good one.

Daydreamer launched a thread here in the Screen Writing forum:

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=65628

inviting people to participate. I don't know if there's a better way to do it other than what she did. But I'm also sure there will be more of these in the future.

jonpiper said:

Plot Device, your interpretation was not what I intended, and I learned that it is difficult to completely reveal your character's motives in a single scene. I need to work on that, a lot. Here is what I intended, but it seems nobody, including you, saw it.

My intention was to show, dramatically, a woman's breakup (I misread who was to breakup with whom) with her husband. The woman was not abused and the man was not a control freak. She was supposed to be a strong woman, somewhat bored in her relationship with a somewhat fawning husband.

He had no idea she was having an affair with Rocky and she intended to announce her desire to breakup after dinner. But his shopping for an expensive wine for dinner, because he wanted to celebrate that evening -- perhaps a promotion -- was too much for her, and set her off prematurely.

She suggested a cheap wine, because she was in no mood for a celebration, and did not want him to wast the money. The evening would not be the kind of celebration he intended.

She accidently dropped the apple juice. His crawling on the floor to clean it up, only made things worse. His calling her honey was supposed to reveal his position in the relationship, the calm and somewhat wimpy husband without a clue.

The conflict was supposed to gain momentum as she threw the expensive wine at the shelf. She was covering her guilt by exploding. She told him right there, without waiting for dinner, that she wanted out.

Click to expand...

Your post is like one of those tv shows or mystery stories where you get to the end and realize you should have realized the answer.

Hi,
I didn't do this, but would have liked to. In the AW email i got there was an article about writing down stuff people say in the supermarket. You know so you can real people speaking real every day stuff. I thought it was just the same thing so I didn't bother to read the post. Only on June 1st did I actually realize what it was. Then it was too later for me to do.

So can there be more of these but PLease make it very clear what it is so we can all join in.

I am willing but NOT this month. I have already lost a week for Script Frenzy coz of my computer so I will need to write up a storm. I should be back on the go by this weekend guys!!!

Kev.

I wouldn't mind seeing a much less specific setup. Reading a half-dozen or more entries featuring Andy and his Grandma is going to cause mental blurring. But, that's just my opinion.

Regular (monthly?) writing exercises can't be a bad idea.

-Derek

I'd be interested to have another go. I wouldn't mind a longer deadline though. As for the Supermarket exercise, yes I enjoyed it too. I didn't put too much thought or effort into it because I felt it was merely an exercise to see what kinds of different scenarios and characters we could all come up with, using a common setting.

I agree with Derek. Regular writing exercises are a great idea. I'd be in.

i'm with dpat - too specific
of course i like my parameters better
1 location
1 genre
1 obscure but significant object
1 strange character

mandy - the short deadline is better for exercising your mind especially if it's just one stand alone scene and NOT a part of a larger project

okay - well i'll just jump in with a impromptu idea

location - city park
genre - dramedy (comedy with drama or drama with comedy)
object - one foot long hot dog
character - a grandma who refuses to act her age

who's in for this one?

I agree that the parameters shouldn't be too specific, but I do think some background of chracter, setting, and story is necessary. We are writing a scene not a short film, after all.

I think the purpose of the scene within a specific larger story should be specified. Give us a hint of what the scene should reveal, how it should advance the story.

Just my opinion. But I'll try the exercises no matter how they are presented. I don't have enough time to participate more than once a month.