Stupidest Thing You Ever Wrote

dclary · Jun 2, 2007

Admit it. 90% of the fantasy we write is pure dreck. And it gets dreckier the longer it sits on the shelf. And then in 20 years you pull that dreck out of the file cabinet, looking to plow your old fields for new ideas and you find that one thing you wrote that not only was bad then, but is infinitely worse now.

My friends and I were worldbuilding once, and had done quite all right with ourselves, until we started running out of names for one particular land's royal lineage.

We ended up with King Arararareckaru III.

In the process of actually writing it down we realized how ridiculous it was, burst out laughing, and went to the kitchen for more root beer.

You ever write something down that upon seeing it again, realized it was just idiotic, ridiculous, or downright stupid?

scarletpeaches · Jun 2, 2007

Mind if I use that name if I ever decide to write fantasy?

dclary · Jun 2, 2007

I'll have to ask him. It's a family name.

dclary · Jun 2, 2007

And thanks for derailing the thread at post TWO you red-lipped hussy-headed harlot!

glutton · Jun 2, 2007

I'm young enough and new enough at writing to still be able to think nothing I've written completely, unsalvageably sucks. Though, I have freaked out trying to clean tons of excessive adjectives/adverbs out of older stories.

Relating to your example, however, I have a demon named Azatharaxus in one of my SOLD and soon to be published stories, named so just to be stereotypical.

I also have a major villain named Deathend in a novel, and a guy named Helrish in another.

And what the freak is wrong with that, huh?!

Saanen · Jun 2, 2007

Since we're on names, I once named a minor character Mrs. Fillin. I honestly didn't notice, until many years later (the story never sold, for reasons that hopefully didn't have anything to do with the name), that her name sounded like something I stuck in temporarily and then forgot to change later. I thought I'd made it up. Eep.

As for actual writing--oh, let's not even go there! I forgive myself all the stupid, derivative crap I wrote in high school and college, but I can't yet forgive myself for the stupid, derivative crap I wrote ten years ago. Of course, the stuff I'm writing now is neither stupid nor derivative.

Death Wizard · Jun 2, 2007

I would change it to King A-rah-rah-rah-reckaru III. You'd have a winner there.

SilverVistani · Jun 2, 2007

One of my stories was going to be about a dog that surfed. *nods a bit* But one thing to keep in mind was that I was pretty well on my way to deciding I wanted to be a writing as early as third or fourth grade... And in fourth grade, a story about a surfing dog sounding just plain awesome... ><*

Zoombie · Jun 2, 2007

My first story was PURE horrible awufullness. I stole characters directly from movies, books, forgot entire plot lines, threw together an ending at the last second and didn't even use a spell checker.

Ugh.

triceretops · Jun 2, 2007

27 years ago--it was called the Teons. About an alien race that takes humans for a zoo.

Journey to Serpents Rest. A LOTR ripoff if ever there was one.

Tri

JPSpideyCJ · Jun 3, 2007

I remember I used to write Harry Potter rip-offs when I played the PS1 Video-Game and read the first book.

And I'm always told that the book I'm writing now has a plot exactly like the Lord of the Rings. But, I don't beleive them.

Eudaemonic · Jun 3, 2007

I once tried to write an epilogue to the Alvin books by Orson Scott Card.

But it was a long time ago (2 months)

And I was very young (29)

daemon

Why why why - I ask myself

Anne Lyle · Jun 3, 2007

What I wrote as a teenager was probably naive and cheesy, but thankfully I don't have any of that stuff any more. The oldest stuff I still have is maybe 15 years old - I haven't looked at it in ages but I'm pretty certain it's not dreck. Incomplete, certainly; not up to my current standards, hopefully; but not dreck. My long-term problem is quantity, not quality

yappo · Jun 3, 2007

Total rip-off. I was 14. Enough said.

tony1 · Jun 3, 2007

Afraid to look...

I know I have written some crazy stuff. I'm afraid to look at some of my old boxed-up stuff. But your right: it has to have been when I was writing fantasy, and trying to come up with names.
I can kind of remember some of the stuff that used to roll off my tongue... I couldn't even spell half of it.

dclary · Jun 3, 2007

SilverVistani said:
One of my stories was going to be about a dog that surfed. *nods a bit* But one thing to keep in mind was that I was pretty well on my way to deciding I wanted to be a writing as early as third or fourth grade... And in fourth grade, a story about a surfing dog sounding just plain awesome... ><*

I'm right with you on that one. It WOULD be awesome. (My first two known stories, according to the Clary Archive of Early School Works, is a retelling of the Snoopy Vs. the Red Baron short, and a mystery wherein a man was able to commit ten crimes before getting caught because he used a different fingerprint each time. But a surfing dog would have rocked!)

badducky · Jun 3, 2007

I try to look at the worst thing I ever wrote as a personal challenge.

I KNOW I can write something worse then that if I just keep applying myself.

AceTachyon · Jun 3, 2007

When I was 11, I wrote a Hitchhikers rip-off. The Earth wasn't demolished to make way for a bypass, but the main character was whisked off by his alien friend and they had adventures on different planets.

I think I got about 80 pages (single spaced) into the story when it ran out of steam. IIRC, the MC and his companions were stuck in a jungle planet being chased by the natives for desecrating their temple.

Or something...

Robert L.B. · Jun 4, 2007

Named one character in my fantasy story Mr. Generic. His relatives were Klee Chay, and Hahs Ben.

I was in a punny mood.

Nakhlasmoke · Jun 4, 2007

Er...*looks around, shuffles up to the podium*

I once wrote a vampire fic set to The Cure's Fascination Street. And one of the vamps was called Misery.

You can all point and laugh now

preyer · Jun 4, 2007

too many to list. i blame that partially on laziness, partially on al gore for not inventing the internut sooner.

not poorly written, per se, but 'sex cop' was intentionally supposed to be the worst book ever in terms of content. i still steal ideas from it.

about a hundred years ago i was sick and stayed home from school (i was probably faking it). i was in the third or fourth grade, got bored and wrote a sci-fi story. not able to think of names for my villains, i called them grahams, based on the box of graham crackers i was munching at the time. i still have a few of those pages buried away somewhere, though the pencil marks are probably too faded to read by now. and that might be a good thing.

BarbJ · Jun 4, 2007

Seventh grade, a gothic mystery so immature and derivative, it was ludicrous. My teacher liked it so much that she read it aloud to the class over a period of two days. Very embarassing.

Mel · Jun 4, 2007

Short story titled The Chosen One :e2thud:

Laura_Siri · Jun 5, 2007

Ironically enough I was looking through a box of old writing several days ago and found something I wrote when I was fourteen... I had attempted to write a Star Trek: Voyager novel, and I laughed so hard while reading it I almost fell over.

For your viewing pleasure:

It was dark. Eve's crescent moon had not yet risen. On the shore of a vast and tremendous ocean, a lone figure stood contemplating the tide. Her long, obsidian curls fell tempestuously around her face, and she was strangely magnified by the great water rather than diminished by it.

-----

So yeah.... I was an adjective whore.

Feathers · Jun 6, 2007

Oooh, my turn, my turn: I wrote a story about a hidden doorway to another world, where the MC had to learn magic, and in the end, had to sacrifice herself to save everyone else. I think I was twelve.

It has about every cleche ever written.

I then watched the Bourne trilogy and got obsessed with amnesia--i think thats the closest i've ever gotten to fan-fiction.

Stupidest Thing You Ever Wrote

Unabashed Mercenary

Unabashed Mercenary

Unabashed Mercenary

Tumhe na koci puujetha

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emerging from the writing cave