When “ouch” or “oh, bother,” just doesn’t cut it.

JohnB1988 · May 22, 2007

Expressions of sudden severe pain in dialogue. :idea:

Anyone got a good strong word that someone might verbalize for sudden pain? A broken arm in this case. None of the made-up words, like agggh! fit the scene, but, without a big rewrite I’m kinda locked into having her scream something out. Oh, she’s with her boss, and not the kind of gal that would use profanity anyway.

scarletpeaches · May 22, 2007

"Oh God?" Or would she count that as profanity?

The worst sudden pain I've ever felt was when - I hope you've got a strong stomach - I had an abscess on my hip. I was limping from the kitchen to my hallway and banged my hip on the doorframe. I didn't say anything as I recall, just a sharp intake of breath or a whimper, then I went down. I remember my eyes watering and I went blind with the pain for a few seconds.

But if the pain's that bad you don't usually say anything.

Rolling Thunder · May 22, 2007

How about, "Son of a..." and let it dangle. Let the reader fill in the blank.

aliajohnson · May 22, 2007

What sort of pain are we talking about here? Is it the hit your thumb with a hammer kind? Or the kind Scarletpeaches gave an example of? With the first, I can see her yelling out a mild oath like "Crap!" or will that not work? As for the second, my experience with that kind of pain also left me incapable of speech. For the first thirty seconds or so after I broke my leg, the only thing that came out of my mouth was an involuntary gurgle. After that, the swearing started.

ErylRavenwell · May 22, 2007

Rllgthunder said:
How about, "Son of a..." and let it dangle. Let the reader fill in the blank.

Sonofa? Short for sonofabitch. Pretty common. "The fatso sonofa..."

FloVoyager · May 22, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
But if the pain's that bad you don't usually say anything.

I second that. The worst pain I've ever had... I didn't say anything. I couldn't even breath.

maestrowork · May 22, 2007

The F-word comes to mind. Seriously, if it's a searing pain, that's what I would say.

Rolling Thunder · May 22, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
"Oh God?" Or would she count that as profanity?

The worst sudden pain I've ever felt was when - I hope you've got a strong stomach - I had an abscess on my hip. I was limping from the kitchen to my hallway and banged my hip on the doorframe. I didn't say anything as I recall, just a sharp intake of breath or a whimper, then I went down. I remember my eyes watering and I went blind with the pain for a few seconds.

But if the pain's that bad you don't usually say anything.

A few years ago I fell from a ladder and fractured both my elbows. I cursed like a sailor when I hit the ground. I also cursed under my breath the entire time I drove myself to the emergency room. And, I cursed while the doctor had x-rays done. Same thing when I ran my thumb through a table saw. Cursing is the most likely and believable response.

aliajohnson · May 22, 2007

Rllgthunder said:
A few years ago I fell from a ladder and fractured both my elbows. I cursed like a sailor when I hit the ground. I also cursed under my breath the entire time I drove myself to the emergency room. And, I cursed while the doctor had x-rays done. Same thing when I ran my thumb through a table saw. Cursing is the most likely and believable response.

About as believable as you driving yourself to the ER with two broken elbows.

I'm not saying you didn't do it. I'm just saying it's un-freaking-believable. How did you manage?

scarletpeaches · May 22, 2007

Yeah? Well I once drove myself to the hospital while unconscious.

And I don't even have a car!

Duncan J Macdonald · May 22, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
Yeah? Well I once drove myself to the hospital while unconscious.

And I don't even have a car!

You young whippersnappers! Why I remember when we counted ourselves _lucky_ to have a car to drive when we were unconscious! We had to crawl both ways, uphill and in the snow while unconscious!

aliajohnson · May 22, 2007

Duncan J Macdonald said:
You young whippersnappers! Why I remember when we counted ourselves _lucky_ to have a car to drive when we were unconscious! We had to crawl both ways, uphill and in the snow while unconscious!

Had to dodge saber-toothed tigers the whole time too. Or was that after your era?

JohnB1988 · May 22, 2007

OK. now I'm going back to "oh, bother!"

Rolling Thunder · May 22, 2007

aliajohnson said:
About as believable as you driving yourself to the ER with two broken elbows. I'm not saying you didn't do it. I'm just saying it's un-freaking-believable. How did you manage?

You changed the key word --fractured-- to broken; a significantly different injury. I guess it was probably due to adrenalin. It wasn't a great fall either; only about 6-7 feet...but onto concrete. I had been working 40 feet up the week before without any problem. I had both arms in slings for a few weeks and took a lot of Advil.

TsukiRyoko · May 22, 2007

Depending on the intensity, I usually either give a really obscene profanity or a world-less noise (i.e., "Eek!" "Uhn!"), but I rarely use expressions other than that and I don't hear many other using anything more original or different. Every now and then I'd run into a goody two-shoes who does the whole, "Oh my goodness- oh, I'm sorry for cursing!") ordeal, but it's not very often and it doesn't accurately convey whatever that person is feeling at the moment.

aliajohnson · May 22, 2007

Rllgthunder said:
You changed the key word --fractured-- to broken; a significantly different injury. I guess it was probably due to adrenalin. It wasn't a great fall either; only about 6-7 feet...but onto concrete. I had been working 40 feet up the week before without any problem. I had both arms in slings for a few weeks and took a lot of Advil.

My arms ache just reading this. Fractures are different, sure, but enough to make me feel better about this story. Not nearly enough.

*closes eyes and shivers*

Okay, back on topic--I have to agree with Tsuki's comment. "Oh bother" just isn't something people say anymore. I think you can find something more believable. Even if she's a "good girl" couldn't she say something like "darn it!" ? Or you could make her goofy and use some off-the-wall psuedo-swear like "Ah crepe paper!" Only better--that's a terrible example.

JohnB1988 · May 23, 2007

Sorry, “oh, bother” was just my imagination recreating Rgllthunder’s encounter with the concrete floor. Like most people when I’m in serious pain, not much, or at least not much repeatable, comes out. I guess, for a non-profanity verbalization, one of the made-up sounds of distress will have to do.

My wife and I once did that Monty Python routine at a fancy dinner party with humorless people. Got a lot of staaange looks!

Sandi LeFaucheur · May 23, 2007

Rllgthunder said:
You changed the key word --fractured-- to broken; a significantly different injury. I guess it was probably due to adrenalin. It wasn't a great fall either; only about 6-7 feet...but onto concrete. I had been working 40 feet up the week before without any problem. I had both arms in slings for a few weeks and took a lot of Advil.

Actually, a fracture is the same as a break.

If anyone is in intense pain, they will not say "oh bother" or "shiver me timbers" or anything cute. If swearing is not normally in their vocabulary, they will not come out with it in this instance. I think most people would probably shriek. Not necessarily shrieking a word--profane or otherwise--just a shriek.

Jedi Dad · May 23, 2007

What ever happened to the good old %$@& or !*#%

MidnightMuse · May 23, 2007

On topic - my mother never - ever - swears, unless she's just done something like accidentally touched her hand to the burner on the stove. Sudden, intense pain can elicite a "Shit!" from just about anyone.

My kidney stone produced nothing more than impossibly tight pursed lips and the odd, unintelligible gibberish until the pain meds kicked in

Puma · May 23, 2007

I'll throw a contrived one out that I use since it's not appropriate to use more colorful language where I work. My solution is Fudgenuck! And I've gotten so used to using it I rarely have a problem with something stronger popping out.

And, when I was younger it wasn't at all appropriate for women to swear so there were a lot of durns, darns, durn burn its, dagnabits, shoots, hecks, etc. Puma

scottVee · May 23, 2007

There's always incoherent babbling and nonsense. Moaning, choking. Or, depending on the genre, just remember the father in "A Christmas Story."

By the way, pirates say, "Arrgh" all the time because their feet hurt so bad. (Really crappy shoes.) (Guess you had to be there.)

;-)

scarletpeaches · May 23, 2007

What about good ol' "Shazbut!" ?

Pagey's_Girl · May 23, 2007

I smashed the bottom knuckle of my right pinky finger into a cinderblock doorframe in December - It hurt so freaking much I couldn't even see straight for a moment, let alone utter any of the profanities going through my head.

I didn't quite break it, but it hurt for five months. It's a little better now but still stiff sometimes.

JohnB1988 · May 23, 2007

Well, thanks--you’ve all given me good ideas; I’ll run some past my beta readers. In a way it’s kinda funny that for something that we’ve all had to “utter” at some point in our lives there aren’t more choices in common use.

Reminds me of Old story from 1950’s: Lady reports two telephone linemen for swearing outside her house. Said linemen are called into supervisor’s office.

Lineman: (with shocked look on face) “well, Bill when was on top of the pole he spilled melted lead on his hand, and that made him drop the pot. It landed on my head. Some of the lead went down my shirt. So I looked up and said, ‘Bill, you want to be a bit more careful with that lead-pot?”

“Bill said, “sorry Pete, just burned off my thumb off. But I’ll certainly be more careful if that happens again.”

When “ouch” or “oh, bother,” just doesn’t cut it.

JohnB1988

scarletpeaches

Rolling Thunder

aliajohnson

ErylRavenwell

FloVoyager

Will write for chocolate

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

Rolling Thunder

aliajohnson

scarletpeaches

Duncan J Macdonald

Plotting! Not Plodding!

aliajohnson

JohnB1988

Rolling Thunder

TsukiRyoko

Forced into cell phone life

aliajohnson

JohnB1988

Sandi LeFaucheur

Jedi Dad

Writing with Force

MidnightMuse

Midnight Reading

Puma

Retired and loving it!

scottVee

scarletpeaches

Pagey's_Girl

Still plays with dolls

JohnB1988