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Okay, so I just finished the "romantic" scene for my YA novel and I really would love your feedback. Because I'm not sure if it sucks, how bad it sucks, and if people are going to laugh.
Please respond.
This is insanity, she told herself, it’s Trev; calm down, crazy.
But she couldn’t. The knowledge that she liked Trevor and that he liked her and that, for once, it wasn’t a jerk standing next to her was a lot to take in. As they walked, with Trevor’s ever-hilarious (if slightly mean) running commentary on the people around them going, Caris’ mind spun, repeating things over and over in her head.
I like Trev.
I. Like. Trev.
So am I going to tell him? How would I tell him?
Oh no, now I’m freaking out.
Quit freaking, Caris!
Meanwhile, they were standing in front of the paint counter, waiting for the Home Depot dude to finish mixing the (ugly, brown) paint. The two of them were standing by the rows and rows of paint cans, Trevor tapping his foot on the ground in time to whatever song was playing while Caris twirled her hair.
“What’s with the face?” Trevor asked suddenly.
“What face?” Dur.
“Your face, Sherlock. You look confused or something.”
“I’m not.”
He shrugged, “Okay, then what’s up?”
She wasn’t sure what to say, but was suddenly very aware of the hair twirling. She dropped her hand to her side and felt heat rising in her, if she had to guess, suddenly red cheeks.
A quick expression of something, amusement maybe, flashed across Trevor’s face. Aw crud. But all he said was, “Hey, wanna dance?”
Huh?
“What?”
“Dance,” he said, “To the music?” Some strange, techno-sounding, hoppy song was playing. Caris wasn’t even sure if it was a real song so much as a string of odd sounds. “You know you want to,” he teased, taking her hand.
So they danced. Which I use loosely considering neither of them really knew how to dance and there was a lot of stepping on each other’s feet. They danced, in the middle of the Home Depot, next to the paint counter, with Trevor’s hand around her waist and Caris’ head resting on his shoulder.
And, of course, it was the strangest song in the world to be slow dancing to (Trevor later told her it was the song they played for Disney’s Electrical Parade), but Caris couldn’t help but think that the moment, with her head on his shoulder and people giving them funny looks was as close to perfect as life ever got.
Please respond.
This is insanity, she told herself, it’s Trev; calm down, crazy.
But she couldn’t. The knowledge that she liked Trevor and that he liked her and that, for once, it wasn’t a jerk standing next to her was a lot to take in. As they walked, with Trevor’s ever-hilarious (if slightly mean) running commentary on the people around them going, Caris’ mind spun, repeating things over and over in her head.
I like Trev.
I. Like. Trev.
So am I going to tell him? How would I tell him?
Oh no, now I’m freaking out.
Quit freaking, Caris!
Meanwhile, they were standing in front of the paint counter, waiting for the Home Depot dude to finish mixing the (ugly, brown) paint. The two of them were standing by the rows and rows of paint cans, Trevor tapping his foot on the ground in time to whatever song was playing while Caris twirled her hair.
“What’s with the face?” Trevor asked suddenly.
“What face?” Dur.
“Your face, Sherlock. You look confused or something.”
“I’m not.”
He shrugged, “Okay, then what’s up?”
She wasn’t sure what to say, but was suddenly very aware of the hair twirling. She dropped her hand to her side and felt heat rising in her, if she had to guess, suddenly red cheeks.
A quick expression of something, amusement maybe, flashed across Trevor’s face. Aw crud. But all he said was, “Hey, wanna dance?”
Huh?
“What?”
“Dance,” he said, “To the music?” Some strange, techno-sounding, hoppy song was playing. Caris wasn’t even sure if it was a real song so much as a string of odd sounds. “You know you want to,” he teased, taking her hand.
So they danced. Which I use loosely considering neither of them really knew how to dance and there was a lot of stepping on each other’s feet. They danced, in the middle of the Home Depot, next to the paint counter, with Trevor’s hand around her waist and Caris’ head resting on his shoulder.
And, of course, it was the strangest song in the world to be slow dancing to (Trevor later told her it was the song they played for Disney’s Electrical Parade), but Caris couldn’t help but think that the moment, with her head on his shoulder and people giving them funny looks was as close to perfect as life ever got.
