I give up! Is this a cliche?

Calla Lily · May 1, 2007

Don't ask how much time I've wasted searching this. If it didn't involve the first page of my book, I'd be much less uptight:

Her muscles turned to water.

IOW, she's so afraid that for a moment her body abandons the fight.

Thanks! I'm wrecking a brand new dye job over this--gray hairs are laughing at Miss Clairol with glee.

davids · May 1, 2007

Sure but if it fits-who cares?

Pomegranate · May 1, 2007

I don't know if it's a cliche, but I've heard it used before.

Personally I don't think it's a very good expression. Have you ever been paralyzed with fear? I feel rigid, not liquid, and it only lasts a moment until the adrenaline starts surging through my system, then I feel kind of like I'm plugged into an electrical current.

If you describe it the way YOU experience it, you're bound to be original.

ccarver30 · May 1, 2007

Pomegranate said:
I don't know if it's a cliche, but I've heard it used before.

Personally I don't think it's a very good expression. Have you ever been paralyzed with fear? I feel rigid, not liquid, and it only lasts a moment until the adrenaline starts surging through my system, then I feel kind of like I'm plugged into an electrical current.

If you describe it the way YOU experience it, you're bound to be original.

De

I agree. Or else something like Jell-O or jelly instead of "water".

Calla Lily · May 1, 2007

Thanks.

I'm picturing the moment when I'm at the top of the roller coaster and the 6-story drop is a heartbeat away. My insides melt for a split-second before I go rigid and the adrenaline hits.

I HATE roller coasters.

My MC is being carried by 4 guys to be tortured--she doesn't know for sure, but she's imagined enough.

janetbellinger · May 1, 2007

I agree. This is one of those cases where the old standard "She was paralysed by fear," would do the job the best. I'm afraid muscles have turned to jello, stone etc too many times and there really is no new way of saying it. Don't feel bad. I'm always running into cliches in my own writing.

ccarver30 said:
I agree. Or else something like Jell-O or jelly instead of "water".

maestrowork · May 1, 2007

Cliches are not necessarily bad. But generally speaking, they're lazy writing. Instead of showing how she really feels, how her muscles tense up and shake and how she feels numb, etc. (the details) you're TELLing us "they turned into water." It's quick, easy and conventional, but lack imagination and vividness and it becomes impersonal and vague.

Calla Lily · May 1, 2007

maestrowork said:
Cliches are not necessarily bad. But generally speaking, they're lazy writing. Instead of showing how she really feels, how her muscles tense up and shake and how she feels numb, etc. (the details) you're TELLing us "they turned into water." It's quick, easy and conventional, but lack imagination and vividness and it becomes impersonal and vague.

Oh, Lord, don't I know it. :Headbang:

But it's one phrase in a rapid action scene where the poor broad goes through a quick succession of emotions before her life goes into the crapper--all in 2 double-spaced pages.

I'll let it go for a bit and then look at it again.

Thanks, everyone.

Petroglyph · May 1, 2007

Her bowels might turn to water....mine might in a similar situation.

Soccer Mom · May 1, 2007

Fear makes my muscles' weak. Not sure about water.

blacbird · May 1, 2007

My rule of thumb: Whenever I run across something like this in my own writing, that makes me pause and wonder whether or not it's correct, or relevant, or clichéd, or whatever . . . it means I need to find a better way to say what I want to say. The last thing you want is for a reader to be doing the same thing.

caw

Calla Lily · May 1, 2007

Y'all are right.

I just killed the sentence.

An amazing thing--the scene moves fast and scary again...just what I want.

AW is home to a terrific bunch of writers! Thanks!

davids · May 1, 2007

Aint life just bowel's of cherries-see now lily that is a canundrumus cliche' and it has definately a place in a canundrumascious book-right! Have fun-don't worry-be happy! Cause we said so-hear!!!!

ccarver30 · May 1, 2007

Thee art welcome.

NeuroFizz · May 1, 2007

callalily61 said:
Her muscles turned to water.

This is physiologically impossible, unless you are writing some kind of fantasy spells or hexes. On the other hand, if you climb into the character's head, he/she can feel as though her muscles have turned to water, sloshing around her bones, and that would be okay. Or, if you want to go with the metaphor, "her muscles were water inside her skin", which is way different than saying they turned to water.

midwife said:
Her bowels might turn to water....mine might in a similar situation.

This is also physiologically incorrect. What's in the bowels can turn to watery, though. Or, the bowels can feel like a water balloon headed for the ground.

It's the "turn to" part that causes the trouble here, in my opinion. It describes an action, not a feeling. Little things like this can stop a reader cold, and it requires just a little modification.

Nolita · May 1, 2007

If this helps...

When I'm afraid, my breathing goes all screwy. It's true. I tremble, and feel dizzy, and my breathing goes shallow and rapid. My heart races. My head starts to pound. My palms go all sweaty. I'm one big cliche. Still, cliches aren't bad. Observationally, be it a cliche, or a stereotype, it exists because there's some truth to it.

Don't you want to tell your characters' truth?

scarletpeaches · May 1, 2007

NeuroFizz said:
It's the "turn to" part that causes the trouble here, in my opinion. It describes an action, not a feeling. Little things like this can stop a reader cold, and it requires just a little modification.

You could say that's a metaphor though.

Personally I wouldn't use the 'her bowels felt like water' either, as 'felt like' could be classed as filtering.

I'll probably think about this more once I've got rid of this damn migraine.

Nolita · May 1, 2007

Hmmm, popped into my head, just riffin'...

Her stomache was agitating like an unbalanced washing machine Too housewifey?

ORION · May 1, 2007

Her bladder released.
Urine warm and wet flowed down her leg.

ORION · May 1, 2007

Jacquelyn Mitchard had a great exercise where she had us write an entire page without "she or he felt"
It made it more immediate.
One shocking fact has more impact than six or seven weak descriptions.

Death Wizard · May 1, 2007

A lot of you might disagree, but the longer the work the more you're able to get away with a few cliches and/or "Joe turned" and "Sarah looked" kind of phrases. In a 20-word poem, everything has to be perfect. In a 75,000-word novel, it should be damn near perfect. But when you get up over 500,000 in a series, you can get away with a few "muscle turned to water" phrases, say one every thirty pages or so.

Devil Ledbetter · May 1, 2007

ORION said:
Jacquelyn Mitchard had a great exercise where she had us write an entire page without "she or he felt"
It made it more immediate.
One shocking fact has more impact than six or seven weak descriptions.

I went through my WIP and searched out all of the feeling/feel/felts and removed every one that I feasibly could. It felt pretty good!

Neeli · May 1, 2007

I usually find cutting the offending phrases is best--my problem is I don't usually recognize them. The water bit didn't strike me as cliched so much as odd. I think the most common phrases would have muscled turning to jelly or rubber.

Suggest: Muscles could go weak or flaccid or shaky.

Joe270 · May 1, 2007

I recall reading the "bowels turning to water" metaphor (I guess) in several books. I figured the character had a sudden bout of the squirts.

Then there's the "muscles turning into rubber" metaphor where a character is plumb tuckered out.

I think this is a case of mixed metaphor, and would not use it.

TrickyFiction · May 1, 2007

I've never heard it before, but I agree with those who say it doesn't sound right. If you told me someone's muscles had turned to water, I would imagine they were extremely relaxed. Maybe ice would work better.

I give up! Is this a cliche?

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