Is Sex Overrated? (Adult Content)

Dario D. · Apr 28, 2007

I run into lots of social issues when I write, and sometimes need to know what people think about them before putting them down on paper.

Today's issue is sex, and whether or not you've ever thought the act is overrated.

I have a female character who, when accused of being a whore, says in her defense, "But I hate sex!" When the accuser persists, she adds, "I hardly even like it!"

Of course, she's just blurting out words, but, at this point, the reader is uncertain of her honesty, and won't find out until later whether or not she really thinks that. And so comes the problem: What if the reader says, "What the heck? What kind of person is this?"

So, I need to know if what she says is plausible for a female sex veteran like her (she's not really a whore - she's really more after the guys themselves), and, more generally, if you people think sex is overrated (asking both guys and gals).

I'm a guy, so I can't speak for women like her, but I know from reading lots of Google News Health Section that women can have very up-or-down sex lives, and that their mileage can vary greatly. Thus, being a confusing topic, I'm having a hard time predicting reader response when a girl says she doesn't like sex. I don't want people to flip, but I'm really not sure if they will.

Thanks for the insight.

Elodie-Caroline · Apr 28, 2007

I'm not so sure about younger generations, say since the 1960s, but yes, there are women who don't like sex, they only do it to please their husbands and have children. I know women in their 60s etc, who have never even seen their husbands without their clothes on, these women also don't like, or want, sex.
Whereas, there are also very many women who love sex just as much as men do, if not more lol

Elodie

Sohia Rose · Apr 28, 2007

Some women use sex as a powerful tool against men. For me, I learned early on that women had the power, even with heads of state.

scarletpeaches · Apr 28, 2007

There's a name for women who use sex as a bargaining chip. (Men too, although as Sohia Rose said, it's mainly women).

I know someone of nearly my age who gets freaked out at the thought of anything sexual. Deep-seated problems there, I think. It's not a low-sex drive, it's a phobia...Shame. She definitely thinks it's overrated and won't even entertain any talk of sex. In fact I'd go so far as to say it disgusts her, because she's said "Normal people do it in the dark and under the covers, anything else is just dirty. Who wants to look at someone you're doing that with?"

Me, I enjoy it. But these days I'd rather have no sex than bad sex, or sleep with someone I wasn't in love with or who felt nothing for me.

Is it overrated? I certainly don't think so. It can be fantastic. And because I know that, I'd rather not settle for anything less. Celibacy's preferable to selling myself short, but that doesn't mean I don't still feel the desire.

Maryn · Apr 28, 2007

I've known a great many women who derive little or no pleasure from the sex act itself. They may do it (or refuse to) as a power grab, or to get deeper involvement with a guy they want, or to please a lover, or just to feel physical closeness, or for any other reason the convoluted human mind can come up with. So no, it's not wacky for your female character not to like sex.

In my experience--with frank talk with other women, I mean--many women who've had lots of partners have not had one with whom they have a good, strong relationship out of bed, nor have they had a lover who reliably brings them to orgasm. (For many, it takes the relationship for the other to happen.)

Orgasm is a learned skill for many, and the number of women, including the sexually adventurous or available, who haven't had a lesson is staggering. Sure, some are naturals and learn quickly, but many don't, too.

A friend of our daughter's has lived with her boyfriend for nearly two years and recently revealed she doesn't know what a female orgasm is like. She can't see what the big deal is about sex. Connection? Bingo. I imagine that for such women, the opinion that sex is overrated is pretty common.

Maryn, elicitor of frank conversations

pconsidine · Apr 28, 2007

I think that's basically the crux of the matter, Maryn. Good sex isn't overrated at all. But it can be much harder to come by than some might think.

scarletpeaches · Apr 28, 2007

Pun intended?

WildScribe · Apr 28, 2007

I pounce my husband at just about every opportunity. Even when I don't orgasm, I love the closeness and pleasing HIM, which brings me its own kind of pleasure. But there are lotsa women who are not as fortunate as I.

The_Grand_Duchess · Apr 28, 2007

If you think se is over-rated you're just not doing it right

Serioulsy it all depends on the person and relationship. . . which isn't to say you can't have great sex outside of a relationship but I certiantly find that with my friends that don't think much of the act its becuase they are with people who aren't doing it right.

Elodie-Caroline · Apr 28, 2007

I think, that for the women who haven't had an orgasm, they should try and work out what actually turns them on, then they should tell or show (sounds like a writer here lol) their partner what gets them going. Let's face it, not all men know how to please their woman, so it's up to her to let him know what she does like and how she likes it

Elodie

Sohia Rose · Apr 28, 2007

pconsidine said:
I think that's basically the crux of the matter, Maryn. Good sex isn't overrated at all. But it can be much harder to come by than some might think.

I had vowed to never marry a man who couldn't satisfy me sexually, in EVERY way.

I needed to check out the goods first. And my husband was... well... ((((WOW!!!))))

I've had good sex, great sex and non-compatible sex (I don't think it's "bad" sex, just not meshing sex). But I've been able to achieve an orgasm since I was 18 years old. This is not to say that I've had one every time. Well, I don't want to get too explicit, but I've either had an orgasm through traditional sex or what Bill Clinton doesn't consider "sexual relations." *wink* With my husband, I achieved an orgasm both ways (okay, now it's time to call him home from work!). But he was the only man that's been able to do that. And he's still got the magic touch. He is just too sexy!

kdnxdr · Apr 28, 2007

Marrying for sex without a real relationship is like a prison sentence.

Elodie-Caroline · Apr 28, 2007

Why would anyone just marry for sex?

veinglory · Apr 28, 2007

Sex is a behavior like any other, like eating or sleeping. A small proportion of men and women naturally gain no pleasure from sex (google: asexual) and others enjoy it to varying degrees.

Sassee · Apr 28, 2007

Dario D. said:
I have a female character, who has been accused of being a whore, say in her defense, "But I hate sex!" When the accuser persists, she says, "I hardly even like it!"

Of course, she's just blurting out words, but, at this point, the reader is uncertain of her honesty, and won't find out until later whether or not she really thinks that. And so comes the problem: What if the reader says, "What the hell? What kind of person is this?"

And so, I need to know if what she says is plausible for a female sex veteran like her (she's not really a whore - she's really more after the guys themselves), and, more generally, if you people think sex is overrated (asking both guys and gals).

First question... if she's after the guys themselves, does she use sex as a lure? Or does she just happen to attract very horny men? Or does she think it's necessary to "give it up" to someone who might take her seriously? I'd need to know more to help you out with your character, because that affects my answer. There are so many possibilities here I don't even know where to start.

In my opinion sex is not overrated... although, women have varying levels of responses to sex itself which might make them think it's overrated. But there are many responses above mine that explain why.

Sohia Rose · Apr 28, 2007

Elodie-Caroline said:
Why would anyone just marry for sex?

I was just thinking the same thing.

scarletpeaches · Apr 28, 2007

Because they don't believe in sex before marriage and this is the only way they can experience it?

Rolling Thunder · Apr 28, 2007

Scarlet is oversexed. Her opinion dosen't count.

Sohia Rose · Apr 28, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
Because they don't believe in sex before marriage and this is the only way they can experience it?

Oh. I see your point.

scarletpeaches · Apr 28, 2007

Rllgthunder said:
Scarlet is oversexed. Her opinion dosen't count.

A pox on you and all your kin!

Rolling Thunder · Apr 28, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
A pox on you and all your kin!

I guess that's better than a STD. :ROFL:

TrainofThought · Apr 28, 2007

In my opinion, having sex for only the pleasure is a bit overrated. In a relationship with the right person, it hits emotional and physical heights that definitely aren’t expressed enough.

Your question won’t get a majority response. We come in all shapes and sizes exploring levels of sex with multiple partners, with one partner or avoiding the act all together based on our past, present and future.

kristie911 · Apr 28, 2007

Rllgthunder said:
Scarlet is oversexed. Her opinion dosen't count.

In that case, I'll keep my opinion to myself because it wouldn't count either.

Okay, so actually I won't. I was married for 9 years...the sex sucked. I will never, ever, ever again stay in a relationship where the sex was bad. If we couldn't make it better, then I'm not into it. I don't care how wonderful he is, if the sex sucks, it isn't going to work for me.

But I do know a lot of women who don't feel that way...sex to them is just something they have to do to keep their men happy but they don't enjoy it in the least and can't see what the big deal is.

I see what the big deal is...

MMcC · Apr 28, 2007

Generally, when I hear women use the phrase or sentiment that "sex is overrated" it comes across as either bitter and uptight or somebody trying to be funny.

If they are trying to be funny I am usually more amused that anyone would admit to being frigid.

My stock response is "if you think it's overrated you're doing it wrong."

Elodie-Caroline · Apr 28, 2007

It would be a bit of a bugger if he couldn't get it up then wouldn't it? LOL

scarletpeaches said:
Because they don't believe in sex before marriage and this is the only way they can experience it?

Is Sex Overrated? (Adult Content)

Dario D.

Elodie-Caroline

Sohia Rose

Will write for coffee

scarletpeaches

Maryn

I Tried

pconsidine

Too Adorkable for Words

scarletpeaches

WildScribe

Slave to the Wordcount

The_Grand_Duchess

I record everything.

Elodie-Caroline

Sohia Rose

Will write for coffee

kdnxdr

One of the most important people in the world

Elodie-Caroline

veinglory

volitare nequeo

Sassee

Momma Wolf

Sohia Rose

Will write for coffee

scarletpeaches

Rolling Thunder

Sohia Rose

Will write for coffee

scarletpeaches

Rolling Thunder

TrainofThought

A flowering bud of bitchiness

kristie911

Happy to be here

MMcC

Elodie-Caroline