Therapy; The WitchDoctor is IN.

MidnightMuse · Apr 10, 2007

Rejection got you Dejected? Agent Form-Rejection letters making you feel blue? No one said getting published would be easy - but did you realize working your way to the middle would be so damaging to your waistline?

Let's face it - men and women, we're all taking solace in the wrong places. We get a rejection letter from that Dream Agent of ours, and what do we do? We run to the fridge.

Chocolate. Cookies. Ice Cream. We wallow in our sweets, then buck it up, dust ourselves off and send out another query.

Sure, it might take 100 rejections before we get that covetted Contract.

But think about it - that's 99 times we spent a night on the couch pouring our hearts out to Ben and Jerry. If this keeps up, we'll have to hire someone thin and healthy to sit in for our Author Bio Photo.

Why not try VooDoo instead?

It's cheaper than buying stock in Hershey's, won't give you pimples, and you don't have to make a run to the grocery store every time the mailman delivers you another SASE.

http://www.instantvoodoo.com/default.asp?flash=true&

VooDoo. Just one more theraputic service offered by your friends here at Not Affiliated With.us

Nancy · Apr 10, 2007

oooooh, I like that!

As a therapist, I applaud your voodoo idea.

Who could it hurt?

Ouch, what's that stabbing pain in my eye??!!

Jaycinth · Apr 10, 2007

Cool!

So if I can pull a few hairs from an agent's head, or I can find out where the publisher is getting re-hab and get a..um..sample....Voo Doo can help?

MidnightMuse · Apr 10, 2007

VooDoo is your friend. It's not fattening, won't give you a hangover, and it's a great way to get out those frustrations.

And don't think you need a hair or "sample" - all you need is that Agent Form Rejection letter. Roll that up, slide it behind your VooDoo Doll, and viola !

Here at Not Affiliated With.us, Your bad juju is our good mojo.

Jaycinth · Apr 11, 2007

Witch Doc best look at my Laptop cause it has been hit by the 'I do not recognize the power cord' mucho bad juju, and Jaycinth cannot write.

When Jaycinth cannot write, Jaycinth purees strawberries. Jaycinth does not like to puree strawberries without a lot of rum.

Jaycinth has no rum.

Jaycinth mad.

MidnightMuse · Apr 12, 2007

Mr. Mgabutu is at your service.

He's building a VooDoo PC as we speak.

He says "Press Any Key . . . use Brick."

JeanneTGC · May 20, 2007

How did it take me so long to find this particular thread? (No one answer that.)

I could CERTAINLY use Mr. Mgabutu's services.

Does he work on a case-by-case basis, or can I get his services via monthly retainer, for all my rejection needs? This month, in particular, I have a lot of needs based on a lot of rejections.

I can pay by cash, check, credit card, dead chickens, live chickens, teeth of my enemies, fingernail clippings of random strangers, and the hair of the dog. Whatever your fine company prefers.

MidnightMuse · May 21, 2007

Never fear, Mr. Mgabutu works for lunch. He likes chihuahua's, but they're hard to catch sometimes.

How can Mr. Mgabutu help? He can cast spells - one of his specialities is to cause the skin of the agent in question to turn a lovely shade of purple. Very difficult to explain during those power lunches, only lasts a week, but can be spread via touch.

Mr. Mgabutu also has voodoo dolls he can send you, for your own customizable vindiction. Simply visit his showroom here:

http://www.instantvoodoo.com/default.asp?flash=true&

His personal favorite is a torch to the "special soft area" between the legs

oarsman · May 21, 2007

Comments From A Satisfied Customer:

I write to thank you for the great service you provided to me. Up to this point, all I got was rejections for my book, "Mother-In-Laws from the Non-Planet Pluto". Mr. Mgabutu promptly took vengeance on the people who had rejected my ms, implanted fear of me in their mind (allowing them little sleep) and brought peace back into my life. My inbox is already filled with offers for my next book, even though I haven't started it yet. And my mailbox is loaded with empty SASEs from fearful agents and publishers--all requesting my next ms. All I can say is WOW!

Thanks again, Mr. Mgabutu! I recommend your products to all of my friends. Please include my testimonial on your website.

Best regards,
A. Satisfied Customer

MidnightMuse · May 21, 2007

Ahh, Mr. Mgabutu always glad to hear from Satisfied Customer!

JeanneTGC · May 21, 2007

I am being rejected right and left! Not only from agents on my novels, but also from editors of magazines who refuse to publish my short stories, let alone pay for them.

I'm not sure of what options I should choose. While the voodoo dolls certainly look appealing, I might need a more generalized approach. What do you, or Mr. Mgabutu, suggest?

MidnightMuse · May 21, 2007

Mr. Mgabutu say: This last agent who reject A. Satisfied Client. You want Mr. Mgabutu do for you?

Now, I prefer the voodoo doll method - but the occasional shrunken head among the agent population does send a lovely message. Gets the point across better than Hallmark (though eventually it may cause significant reduction in the agent population).

JeanneTGC · May 21, 2007

I think all the editors already have heads like that.

Can he provide an unpleasant itch in the nether-regions for each editor I send to, only relieved when they read my stuff?

Soccer Mom · May 22, 2007

Oh, Mr. Mgabutu, I have a depressing problem. I sent an email query to an agent and got excited when I didn't get the usual prompt rejection. Except now I've gone past the time on her website when it says she responds. Now I'm pretty sure she didn't get it and I have to resend to get my rejection slip. What can I do to make sure this doesn't happen again,

Yours truly,

Not a Tasty Doggie

MidnightMuse · May 22, 2007

Mmm. First, Mr. Mgabutu sorry to hear you not tasty doggie. Have to look for Chihuhua for lunch.

Agent no send immediate rejection? Mr. Mgabutu hunt down agent, force rejection out of trembling hands. Then Mr. Mgabutu shrink agent head for rejecting Not a Tasty Doggie's submission.

Mr. Mgabutu like teach agent meaning of Submission.

Mr. Mgabutu almost forget - to prevent from happening again - contact Mr. Mgabutu before sending. Mr. Mgabutu have pot of oil boiling in back, always help with memory.

Soccer Mom · May 22, 2007

Thanks, Mr. Mgabutu. You're the best! BTW: I saw a tasty chihuaua running amok in the cabaret. If I catch him with that blond cocker spaniel again, he's all yours.

Haggis · May 22, 2007

Soccer Mom said:
Thanks, Mr. Mgabutu. You're the best! BTW: I saw a tasty chihuaua running amok in the cabaret. If I catch him with that blond cocker spaniel again, he's all yours.

Hello, Mr. Mgabutu. Allow me to introduce myself. I am a platypus.

I couldn't help but notice that little chihuahua Soccer Mom talking to you earlier. Shall I try to lure her back here so you can get some lunch?

Soccer Mom · May 22, 2007

I'm no chihuahua! I'm way too cuddly and furry! He's no platypus! He's just a two-timing hunk of burning love!

Let's not fight this way, Haggis. I'd rather just snuggle and forget about the whole Paris Hilton thing. Just feed him RT and meet me under the counter in the cabaret.

Haggis · May 22, 2007

Soccer Mom said:
I'm no chihuahua! I'm way too cuddly and furry! He's no platypus! He's just a two-timing hunk of burning love!

Let's not fight this way, Haggis. I'd rather just snuggle and forget about the whole Paris Hilton thing. Just feed him RT and meet me under the counter in the cabaret.

I'll be right there--just as soon as I run out and buy you some flowers.

Oh, and Mr. Mgabuto? There's a chihuahua running around here claiming to be an aardvark. I bet he'd be delicious between two pieces of bread.

MidnightMuse · May 22, 2007

Mr. Mgabutu intriqued. Aardvark taste like chicken?

JeanneTGC · May 22, 2007

MidnightMuse said:
Mr. Mgabutu intriqued. Aardvark taste like chicken?

Aardvark tastes JUST like chicken, only better.

Especially if it's defuzzed first.

DeborahM · May 22, 2007

Does this work on any kind of rejection? Like ex-good looking, break-my-heart friend?

MidnightMuse · May 22, 2007

This what Mr. Mgabutu do with last man break woman heart.

No look so pretty now, eh?

You want Mr. Mgabutu do same for you?

DeborahM · May 22, 2007

Sign me up!

Thanks,

P.S. I'll keep your number in my rolodex!

JeanneTGC · May 22, 2007

MidnightMuse said:
This what Mr. Mgabutu do with last man break woman heart.

No look so pretty now, eh?

You want Mr. Mgabutu do same for you?

Okay, THAT'S what I'd like sent to each and every editor who's rejected one of my stories!* That just says, "You will rue the day." But tastefully.

Does Mr. Mgabutu do threats first, as in, sending along this picture with a carefully worded note insinuating that if my stuff isn't given the front page AND paid twice the regular rates, that this "look" will soon be theirs?

*Other than to the ONE who actually provided helpful, constructive feedback. She deserves butterflies and flowers and sugary stuff.

Therapy; The WitchDoctor is IN.

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