Overusing Words and Phrases

AnneMarble · Apr 9, 2007

As I edit the draft of my fantasy novel, I keep coming across all those bloody words and phrases I used too often. My characters are always turning (And sloooowly I turned..

). Not to mention glaring, smiling, scowling, grinning, whispering, rolling their eyes, and breathing. They say "Oh" and "Well" too often (as those pour out a lot when I'm writing a first draft). And they often start sentences with "And" or "But." (I know it's OK to do that, at least in dialogue, but they do it too often.) They also say "By Liplan" and "Liplan help us" a lot, but as Liplan shows up as a character, that might be OK. Then you have ... well, the word "then." I have a lot of "thens," and I'm sure some could be harvested out. Then, that, etc. Bleh little words that tend to be like the 96-pound weaklings of words.

So what are the words or phrases you realize you use too much? And by Liplan, how the !@#$ can we find substitutes? Aaargh!
:Hammer:

Also, are there times we tend to get too hung up about this? Sure, most of the times, we should delete "I turned and said..." But sometimes, are we deleting the appropriate phrase because we get too caught up in "reaping" those phrases?

P.S. I think I did find a good substitute for one character, who tends to thwack another one across the butt or pinch him whenever she's angry with him, but that's only in character for her. Besides, her scenes were so much fun to write.

NeuroFizz · Apr 9, 2007

In the edits for Something Bad, the editors caught the following words as being overused, which I changed the indicated number of times. Some were left in the ms. (103,000 word manuscript):

“so” – 62 changes/deletions
“now” – 31 changes/deletions
“toward” – 35 changes/deletions
“half” – didn’t count
“giggled” – didn’t count

Rob B · Apr 9, 2007

What a great question(s). When I edit my drivel, I often find my characters "look" too much; i.e., at, up, down, around, over, under, into, etc.

I think there are two issues:

1) If your "direction" is used as an addendum to an attribute, it is one of those skill set issues which only you and your ultimate publisher/editor can pass judgment. For example, if you are using the movements to break up dialogue and give the reader time to catch his/her breath, this is not only important but critical. This is what many times separates the average writer from good writer, and from the very good writer.

To answer you question, however, you can go to the http://dictionary.reference.com/ website and the thesaurus will likely give you more examples than most writers can exhaust, no matter how large the novel. Look up the words "motive" or "involve" and you'll see what I mean.

2) The other issue is if character actions are tied to interior monologue, which from your post, I wasn't sure if this was a concern. If it is, you might find
it best to pare this down dramatically or as some suggest, eliminate them completely. As the best example I know of how to overuse these "add-on's," read a Ludlum novel. His works give a fledgling writer a sense that it's okay to eliminate redundancy by using every adverb or adjective attribute in the dictionary, when all it does it get one tossed in the slush pile--and with enthusiasm. Of course, some genres provide a degree of leeway that, say, literary fiction doesn't.

I hope this helps a little bit.

ccarver30 · Apr 9, 2007

This can get sooooo annoying. In Dune, the author used the word "Presently..." about 3493289 times. Ugh. I got so sick of that word!
Also, one of my fave authors kept saying the same word over and over - it was probably only a dozen times, but I noticed it. She could have used several other words- that also got annoying. Be careful.
I know it stinks to have to come up with other words/phrases to use. I am constantly on dictionary.com !!

AnneMarble · Apr 9, 2007

Rob B said:
What a great question(s). When I edit my drivel, I often find my characters "look" too much; i.e., at, up, down around, over, under, into, etc.

Oh how can I forget the looking and staring and gazing. And now and then examining.
:e2smack:

Rob B said:
I think there are two issues:

1) If your "direction" is used as an addendum to an attribute, it is one of those skill set issues which only you and your ultimate publisher/editor can pass judgment. For example, if you are using the movements to break up dialogue and give the reader time to catch his/her breath, this is not only important but critical. This is what many times separates the average writer from good writer, and from the very good writer.

Yup, I'm mostly using these thingies to break up dialogue. While I read over my printout, I realized there were times I should just stick to "said."

I'll check out the dictionary site.

To answer you question, however, you can go to the http://dictionary.reference.com/ website and the thesaurus will likely give you more examples than most writers can exhaust, no matter how large the novel. Look up the words "motive" or "involve" and you'll see what I mean.

Rob B said:
2) The other issue is if character actions are tied to interior monologue, which from your post, I wasn't sure if this was a concern.

I hope I've cut down on my interior monologue ever since my second novel.

My psychopathic orphaned eighteen-year-old spent the whole story thinking all the blasted time. When I reread it years later, I was horrified to find long paragraphs consisting just of his (boring) thoughts. I'm surprised he didn't keep walking into light poles.

JPLangsdorf · Apr 9, 2007

I do this, too. I hate it. Argh!

I tend to write like I speak, I think, so that brings out certain 'pet' phrases repeatedly. I try to mix it up in the edits, just like you're doing now. It still sucks.

I don't know how to fix it pre-emptively. I'm still working on that myself.

Michael Murphy · Apr 9, 2007

I'm always developing new repetitive favorites that I had to my list. Sure glad word has the word and phrase find feature that allows me to find these words and phrases. Some I try to avoid are "it", as the reference is often wrong; began and start, they're often unnecessary, as in "She began to pace the room, instead of she paced the room. Put and took are other words that I search for better substitutes.

Gee, we could get quite a list put together. Oops, there's that put again. Should have used assembled.

Will Lavender · Apr 9, 2007

An embarrassing thing happened to me recently.

On Tuesday of last week, I was editing my novel. I noticed that the word "suddenly" came up quite a bit, but didn't think much of it.

Well, on Wednesday -- I swear to God it was THE VERY NEXT DAY -- I came across a book about the writer Elmore Leonard. Leonard has 10 tips that he gives to writers, and one of them is, "Don't use the word 'suddenly.'"

:Shrug:

Spiny Norman · Apr 9, 2007

I have a lot of smiling going on. Everyone is smiling, grinning, or smirking.

Because I know exactly what my characters are doing, dialogue tags are my worst nightmare.

The Grift · Apr 9, 2007

My characters grin a lot. Sometimes they smile. Or smirk.

They also "find themself" doing this, that, or the other thing. Not only that, but everything is always "suddenly."

And suddenly he found himself overusing certain words and phrases. He grinned as he tossed them out along with all the that's. Unfortunately, soon after, he found himself staring at a whole bunch of so's and adverbs.

Saundra Julian · Apr 9, 2007

"just" is another word I overuse...I think it must be a Southern thing!

Will Lavender · Apr 9, 2007

Saundra Julian said:
"just" is another word I overuse...I think it must be a Southern thing!

Must be. I use it a lot, too.

scarletpeaches · Apr 9, 2007

I overuse just, well, oh, and, like, but...usually in dialogue, and people do say those words a lot, but on the page it grates when they're repeated over and over again.

Devil Ledbetter · Apr 9, 2007

Saundra Julian said:
"just" is another word I overuse...I think it must be a Southern thing!

I'm a northerner and just as guilty of overusing this one.

Look and only are a couple of my bugaboos.

JPLangsdorf · Apr 9, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
I overuse just, well, oh, and, like, but...usually in dialogue, and people do say those words a lot, but on the page it grates when they're repeated over and over again.

Me too. I reread dialogue and think 'That doesn't look right. But if I change it, that doesn't sound right. Gak!'

I managed to pry myself away from 'suddenly', but then I started doing the same damn thing with 'abruptly'. I just can't win.

I've come to accept that I'll have to comb through any given novel I write and cull those things. It's 'just' going to the happen. (Also a northerner - barely)

Maryn · Apr 9, 2007

Anne, if I didn't know better, I'd say I was working on your critique this week--my author is overly fond of the same set of words. (Six references to eye movements on one page!)

What the problem appears to be in her work is twofold.

She wants to direct--tell the actor every nuance of his performance, or rather, tell the reader how to envision the character's expressions and movements in too great a detail, and
She doesn't have enough for characters to do physically during many of her scenes. They're just standing there talking. To break up the dialogue into bite-sized lumps, she has no other possibilities except for turning, smiling, glaring, glowering, grinning, and so on.

What I'm suggesting to her may also help you. Never let 'em stand and talk without doing something else. Even if all they're doing is cutting up green beans, it opens vast vistas compared to what she's got 'em doing now.

My pets include just, actually, very, looked, seemed, about, and murmur, approximately one bazillion times apiece in everything I write.

And that's just about all I'll seem to say, in a very murmur-y way, actually.

Maryn, guilty as charged

Pomegranate · Apr 9, 2007

You're not alone! I have a list of words I overuse and when I finish a piece I search for them and either delete or replace them.

Top on my list are just, really, was, suddenly, and roll (as in rolling eyes. My characters seem to have very loose eyeballs. ;->).

Claudia Gray · Apr 9, 2007

I too have words that I overuse -- now, just and then are big offenders -- and I also have this weird habit where I'll get stuck on one particular word (something odd, like, say, "clarity") and realize upon rereading that I've used it five times in two pages, and nowhere else in my work. No idea why that happens. I just have to be very careful with that reread.

AnneMarble · Apr 9, 2007

Maryn said:
She wants to direct--tell the actor every nuance of his performance, or rather, tell the reader how to envision the character's expressions and movements in too great a detail, and...

Yeah, that sounds like me.

Maryn said:
...What I'm suggesting to her may also help you. Never let 'em stand and talk without doing something else. Even if all they're doing is cutting up green beans, it opens vast vistas compared to what she's got 'em doing now.

Hmm. They spend much of their time on a yacht, so maybe I'll have them pack and unpack and look out the porthole.

scribbler1382 · Apr 9, 2007

"look" has been killing me lately.

The Scip · Apr 9, 2007

my MC "snaches" everything when he is in a bad mood.

Devil Ledbetter · Apr 9, 2007

scribbler1382 said:
"look" has been killing me lately.

I've got 252 in a 62,000 word WIP right now. Gaaaaaah!

Never let 'em stand and talk without doing something else. Even if all they're doing is cutting up green beans, it opens vast vistas compared to what she's got 'em doing now.

This is great advice. Not only does it give them something to do (besides nod and sigh and, er look), it gives them props to emphasise their points (my fave so far has been a dandelion's wicked, white root). The things they're doing can deepen characterization or themes, too.

Captain Morgan · Apr 9, 2007

Two words I feel I am over using are "moment" and "pause". This is because I like to show slices of time going by..

He paused for a moment..
For a moment he wondered...
After a brief pause...
A moment later...
They paused to let it sink in...
She paused...
After another moment...

scribbler1382 · Apr 9, 2007

Captain Morgan said:
He paused for a moment..
For a moment he wondered...
A moment later...
After another moment...

I wrestle with this one, too. I think it comes from what someone else said up thread about wanting to "direct" your characters. In revision, I usually try to give them something to do that takes a moment, instead. But in first draft, the moments fly.

Croque Madame · Apr 9, 2007

Too often, my characters wind up fiddling with coffee cups. Picking them up. Setting them down. Stirring the coffee. Taking a sip. Adding more cream. Pouring another cup.

Unless they're drinking decaf (horrors!), they're going to be strung out on caffeine by chapter 10.

Overusing Words and Phrases

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