Changing Your Title--Any Strategies?

David I · Mar 30, 2007

Actually, changing my title is the problem at hand.

My novel is (and always has been) entitled Smite the Waters. It's an offbeat thriller (and does touch on the clash of religions, hence the King Jamesey tone of the title). Should you want all the details, hop over to my blog, but the bare bones of the situation is that I liked the title, my editor liked the title, plenty of folks liked the title, but the booksellers don't like it. They think it's too oblique.

Okay, they have to sell the books, so I'm more than willing to concede they know when there's a problem. I'm happy to change it...in principle.

But how on earth do you go about it? Above all, how do you clout your imagination so hard that it knocks the old title out of your head? We are nearing the date where the jacket needs to be finalized and proofs need to be pulled...

I'm sure some of you on this board have faced this situation in the past. Any words of wisdom?

Will Lavender · Mar 30, 2007

The point you make on your blog about "acquired resonance" is well-taken.

But thrillers have become so ubiquitous on the shelves that things like packaging and title are exceedingly important. You see, more often than not, titles that have an immediate resonance.

For that reason, I'll have to agree with the booksellers: Smite the Waters doesn't work for me.

At first, I thought something like The Smite might fit a noir. It has a sort of Elmore Leonard-esque immediacy. But I think my problem is with the word "smite." That "King Jamesy tone" clashes, for me, with the more pulpy spareness of noir fiction.

I'd go on, but without knowing much about the book I can't say too much about specific recommendations.

I will give you this example:

I'm an avid reader of thrillers. I've walked into Barnes and Noble twice in the last three weeks with little idea of what I might pick up. The first time, I chose Peter Spiegelman's Red Cat, mostly because I loved the title and how it seemed to fit with the noirish cover art. The second time, I picked up William Landay's The Strangler because I loved the simplicity of the title and the cover art.

So: I would aim for directness. At least that's what I, personally, like in a title.

Toothpaste · Mar 30, 2007

David it is darn hard that's for sure. I had to change my title and it was a very arduous process. What I first did, is what you did, ask people their advice since they weren't as married to it as I was. I also looked at other titles in my genre and other titles I liked. I also tried to find something completely different in my book, an object, a person, something that had nothing to do with my original title.

Could you give us a bit more info on the book and maybe we could all brainstorm together! You have my complete and utter empathy on this one!

lostlore · Mar 30, 2007

WET LIGHT

johnzakour · Mar 30, 2007

Will Lavender said:
For that reason, I'll have to agree with the booksellers: Smite the Waters doesn't work for me.

Just chiming in. I agree with Will and the Sellers (sounds like a 60s band), the title does not say, "buy me" to me.

No idea how to change it though, sorry. I always pick my titles then write the books to match.

thedrafthorse · Mar 30, 2007

When the going gets tough, it's time to smite or be smitten.

I wish I knew a little bit more about your "noir in bright sunlight" so I could try and help you out. Which is more important: the "Smite" or the "Waters"?

Spiny Norman · Mar 30, 2007

I agonized over my title. I'm still not in love with it... It's like performing surgery on yourself, it's so damn difficult.

gp101 · Mar 30, 2007

The word "smite" in a title would make me think the story is more fantasy than thriller... that's coming from a mainstream reader, not a connoseur of fantasy. So I can see the bookstores' hesitation if the book is a thriller.

Without knowing more about your story I can't offer any suggestions, lame or otherwise. Good luck.

Cav Guy · Mar 30, 2007

Hmmm....I quite often don't have a title until I'm halfway through a novel (at least), and they're hard for me to come up with at times.

I'd say shake the main bits of your plot (or theme) and then free-associate them until you get some bits that work. I've done that with four Western WIPs and come up with good titles as a result. All tie back into the novel (either plot or, in two cases, theme) and are reasonably short (the longest is five words, "A Killing at Waller's Camp").

Good luck with it!

Penguin Queen · Mar 30, 2007

I had the same thing recently (albeit with a completely different genre). I bent my mind and left it to bend itself for a couple of days, and then one morning when I was out running, I had a brainwave & came up with five alternative titles. And I'm usually really crap at titles.

I then came on here & another messageboard & asked about poeple's gut reactions about all of them - no additional info, just: which of those titles on the back of a book woudl make you pick that book up? - and the proud result can now be observed in my sig line.

The publisher took a while to convince, but between the booksellers, the editor & me we got it done.

I'd play around with what are the central events of your story -- is there one key scene or chapter? Could you imagine that as a short and give it a title? Something original & intriguing, or short and snappy. Something that sticks out, something memorable.

Chumplet · Mar 30, 2007

Instead of 'Smite', how about 'Strike'?

Siddow · Mar 30, 2007

David, why don't you do what Penguin Queen did, and make a list of possible titles and bring them to us? You know the plot and themes and characters; come up with...however many will fit on a poll, and bring them back. We'll let you know when you find the winner.

aadams73 · Mar 30, 2007

How about Water Smite? Siddow had a fab suggestion. We'll let you know what has pep and what makes us snore.

Claudia Gray · Mar 30, 2007

Has the publisher offered any suggestions?

My first thought is that, if you are seeking a King James feel to the title, you should do the tried-and-true Bartlett's search for quotes from the KJV Bible. The trouble there would be finding a title somebody hadn't already used! But you might easily find another phrase that would have that kind of resonance but sound punchier and more saleable.

FWIW, I agree that "Smite the Waters" isn't the catchiest.

David I · Mar 30, 2007

Wow!

Thanks to all. I never expected so many responses in so short a time!

I guess I ought to mention that the book is being published in the UK rather than the US, for whatever difference that might make.

A couple of folks said they needed to know more. The title, of course, is taken from the book's epigraph (actually one of two epigraphs), which is Exodus 7:20:

And Moses and Aaron did so, as the Lord commanded, and he lifted up the rod and smote the waters that were in the river, in the sight of Pharaoh, and in the sight of his servants, and all the waters that were in the river were turned to blood.

The plot revolves around an act of religious-influenced terrorism. The book has a rather dark tone, without any real white or black hats, but a good deal of the actual events take place during the day in sunny locales (California, Mexico, Baja, the Middle East, Pakistan...); but a big chunk also takes takes place at night at sea.

It is a thriller, I suppose, but it's a thinking-person's thriller, with a good deal of moral nuance. One of the reasons the editor liked Smite the Waters is that he thought it was relevant and also a bit erudite. We've happily gone along with this title for several months, and the jacket already has that title on it. (Looks great there, too.)

He and I have come up with a couple of titles we both agree would work--but one has been used, and the other will be used by a novel published two weeks before mine.

I appreciate the offer to post the possibilities here and take a poll, but I'm not sure my editor would be keen, and time is running short--this happened at the last minute. But I really appreciate all the suggestions about ways to try and shake the bolts in my head loose. And Penguin Queen and Cav Guy and Toothpaste are probably right, the most urgent thing to do is go back and deconstruct my manuscript for clues.

Thanks to everyone, and I'll be checking back. Any insights or personal experiences--or even swift clouts upside the head--are welcome.

Claudia Gray · Mar 30, 2007

Well, we have these verses:

Ezekiel 25:7 -- Behold, therefore I will stretch out mine hand upon thee, and will deliver thee for a spoil to the heathen; and I will cut thee off from the people, and I will cause thee to perish out of the countries: I will destroy thee; and thou shalt know that I am the LORD.

Ezekiel 25:14 -- And I will lay my vengeance upon Edom by the hand of my people Israel: and they shall do in Edom according to mine anger and according to my fury; and they shall know my vengeance, saith the Lord GOD.

Jeremiah 50:14 -- Put yourselves in array against Babylon round about: all ye that bend the bow, shoot at her, spare no arrows: for she hath sinned against the LORD.

Jeremiah 50:24 -- I have laid a snare for thee, and thou art also taken, O Babylon, and thou wast not aware: thou art found, and also caught, because thou hast striven against the LORD.

Is any of that useful?

David I · Mar 30, 2007

Gracias, Claudia

Now if I could just squinch one of those down into 3-5 syllables and have the bookstores agree...

But, yes, that's where I was headed! You rock!

James D. Macdonald · Mar 30, 2007

Get a copy of Hamlet.

Page through it until you see a line that'll work as your title.

Problem solved.

David McAfee · Mar 30, 2007

James D. Macdonald said:
Get a copy of Hamlet.

Page through it until you see a line that'll work as your title.

Problem solved.

The secret's out!!!

Joe270 · Mar 30, 2007

Hey, how 'bout "Pound Sand"?

Just a thought.

Toothpaste · Mar 30, 2007

Blood Water? Water to Blood? Hmm I'll keep thinking . . .tomorrow, it's like 2am my time right now . . .

Joe270 · Mar 30, 2007

Fanatic. Demonic. Home Spawn (Hee-hee) Ark Light. Two-By. Presence.

Adam's Action. Adam's Error. Adam's Ribiqulous. Adam's Damn. Damnation.

Damn It All. Lucifer's Lace. Satan's Satire. Baelzabub's Boo-Boo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Go to sleep, Joe. Too much time in the casinos with free drinks. Lost again.

Hey, 'LOST AGAIN', aw, that's a sequel.

David I · Mar 31, 2007

Yeah, I've been working on it

James D. Macdonald said:
Get a copy of Hamlet.

Page through it until you see a line that'll work as your title.

Problem solved.

Sound advice. And I've been combing those grounds. Shakespeare, the Bible, the Koran, Yeats, and Beowulf so far...Problem is, it's darned hard to find a good short phrase that hasn't already been snatched up.

(Or maybe I just can't tell a hawk from a handsaw?)

Will Lavender · Mar 31, 2007

Toothpaste said:
Blood Water? Water to Blood? Hmm I'll keep thinking . . .tomorrow, it's like 2am my time right now . . .

This was my first thought as well.

Seems like some variation of "blood" and "water" has been put together a million times before, though.

Hmmm. This is a tough one.

David I · Mar 31, 2007

Will Lavender said:
Seems like some variation of "blood" and "water" has been put together a million times before, though.

Hmmm. This is a tough one.

A-yup. And my favorite, THE BLOOD-DIMMED TIDE (from Yeats' The Second Coming) has already been snatched by a prominent and recent novel.

Not to mention that there's ways 'blood' + 'water' can suggest something quite different. Lucy McCarraher has a novel titled BLOOD AND WATER that is about family relationships, spinning off the proverb that blood is thicker than water....

Sigh.

Changing Your Title--Any Strategies?

David I

Will Lavender

Everything is what it seems.

Toothpaste

THE RECKLESS RESCUE is out now!

lostlore

johnzakour

Dangerous with a Keyboard

thedrafthorse

Spiny Norman

gp101

Cav Guy

Living in the backstory

Penguin Queen

Break the rules.

Chumplet

This hat is getting too hot

Siddow

I'm super! Thanks for asking

aadams73

A Work in Progress

Claudia Gray

David I

Claudia Gray

David I

James D. Macdonald

Your Genial Uncle

David McAfee

God of Squirrels

Joe270

Toothpaste

THE RECKLESS RESCUE is out now!

Joe270

David I

Will Lavender

Everything is what it seems.

David I