Incomplete sentences / fragments

Stealth66 · Mar 15, 2007

What is the final word on using imcomplete sentences in narrative/description? I'm seeing a lot of "don't do it," yet more than half the scripts I've read have done the exact opposite.

Is it really so awful to write: Tannen rifles through the photos. Sticks four of them into his notebook.

I would never do this with a novel, but aren't scripts supposed to be short, crisp, to the point? It's certainly not confusing to the reader in cases like the above.

icerose · Mar 15, 2007

The problem with incomplete sentences is it's lazy writing, and can just as easily be avoided by adding one or two words. Complete sentences are not going to incumber your work. From everyone I've talked to in the industry (granted it's not a whole lot), they despise incomplete sentences, it shows sloppy work, it also makes it harder to break it.

But do what you think is best and see how it works for you. I started out with the incomplete sentences, before I had actually read a script because I pictured short little snappy directions. I now write in complete sentences and it reads much better. You also have to remember you are writing first for a reader, then for a producer and director, actors, and financial companies.

Use your best judgment and go from there. As for me, I'm going to stick with complete sentences.

zeprosnepsid · Mar 15, 2007

I had never heard not to use incomplete sentences. As mentioned, most scripts I read have them and I always use them. They can really help with the impact of the script.

"Joan turns around to find Jack holding a knife. A big knife." <--- adds emphasis. I think it's better than "Joan turns around to find Jack holding a big knife".

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icerose · Mar 15, 2007

Oh well I can handle "A big knife." I just can't handle the constant incompletes, thats poor writing.

zeprosnepsid · Mar 15, 2007

Yeah, I think 'sentence fragments' in this case are actually different than 'incomplete sentences'.

In the end, as you noted, you just want to do whatever is going to read the best.

Stealth66 · Mar 15, 2007

You make some good points, IceRose. I guess this is why you have to be careful when reading other scripts. Many break the "rules."

You're certainly farther along than I, so for now I'll stick with complete sentences. A fragment, like the one zepro wrote, might work at times, though. I liked the way it read.

maestrowork · Mar 15, 2007

Sentence fragments are fine. Get the point across with punchiness. Like with anything else, don't overuse them. I use them in novels, too, for emphasis:

"I put a coat on her; it saves her from getting cold. Saves me from gawking [at her breasts]."

billythrilly7th · Mar 15, 2007

icerose said:
The problem with incomplete sentences is it's lazy writing, and can just as easily be avoided by adding one or two words. Complete sentences are not going to incumber your work. From everyone I've talked to in the industry (granted it's not a whole lot), they despise incomplete sentences, it shows sloppy work, it also makes it harder to break it.

I agree with you.

I don't like sentence fragments.

Tannen rifles through the photos. Sticks four of them into his notebook.

IMO, and the opinion of many others I know, that kind of writing is frowned upon.

Just put the "and" in there and all is well.

whistlelock · Mar 15, 2007

I like to use a phrase I learned in the Army when it comes to frag sentences: Fire for Effect.

In other words, the right frag sentence at the right time will have a dramatic effect in your writing. Use it at the wrong time, and you'll look like an idiot.

Of course, frag rules are thrown out the window for forum posting.

bison · Mar 15, 2007

I don't know why you people are so...

dpaterso · Mar 15, 2007

'Cause everyone's entitled to their own opinion, that's why.

Take what you think is the best advice from what's offered, and go get some writing done!

-Derek

BottomlessCup · Mar 15, 2007

I like sentence fragments, especially in scenes that are moving fast.

I use them to control the tempo of a scene. You can give a quiet, slower scene a more deliberate pace by filling out the sentences. In a tense, exciting scene, let 'er rip by cuitting it down to fragments and staccato writing.

Fragments are all over in produced scripts. Like [Redacted--JDM] says, they're our stock in trade. Since we can't write lush, word-stuffed prose, they're our best hope of preventing things like: "Mike walks across the room. He opens the desk. He takes out a letter. He reads it to himself. He..." or whatever.

You can cheat that with 'and' or a comma, but what's the difference? Fragments look cleaner, break up the action, and IMO are more "scripty."

Now, you want a really bizarre 'rule'? I had a line in a script like, "Tom and Maggie's eyes meet, as the waitress fills their coffee." And someone told me that it has to be two distinct sentences because they're "two seperate actions." WTF?

Joe270 · Mar 15, 2007

WTF indeed. I don't get the two separate actions bit there. I don't recall that rule, maybe I did hear it and simply dismissed it outright.

That last sentance is two separate actions; recalling and dismissing. If that's right then I've always been wrong, and always will be. To be, or not to be, so much for active voice, eh?

dpaterso · Mar 16, 2007

Maybe whoever read the line was thinking of shots? Or just liked short, clear fragments. At least they didn't ask for CAPPED actions: Tom and Maggie's EYES MEET. The Waitress POURS COFFEE.

Chris, glad to see your blog hasn't been updated in a while, that must mean you're writing like the wind!

-Derek

creativexec · Mar 16, 2007

It's a personal choice. There are no rules.

As a screenwriter, the "writing" goals are different. In a script, the words strive to create a cinematic experience and not a literary experience. IMO, this is the line that separates writing (in general) from screenwriting and why most cannot quite seem to master the form.

I sort of blogged about this once (indirectly), but there are some interesting examples of different sorts of writing styles in the post - some using fragments and others complete sentences.

http://twoadverbs.blogspot.com/2006/05/white-devil.html

icerose · Mar 16, 2007

whistlelock said:
I like to use a phrase I learned in the Army when it comes to frag sentences: Fire for Effect.

In other words, the right frag sentence at the right time will have a dramatic effect in your writing. Use it at the wrong time, and you'll look like an idiot.

Well put. I can deal with fragments and in the right places can add so much to the narrative. However fragments and incomplete sentences, as mentioned above, are two different animals. Incompletes are sloppy, pure and simple, fragments at least have their place.

billythrilly7th · Mar 16, 2007

BottomlessCup said:
Now, you want a really bizarre 'rule'? I had a line in a script like, "Tom and Maggie's eyes meet, as the waitress fills their coffee." And someone told me that it has to be two distinct sentences because they're "two seperate actions." WTF?

PFFHHHHH!!!

icerose · Mar 16, 2007

It only has to be on a seperate line if it's a new angle shot.

scripter1 · Mar 16, 2007

SIGNIFICANT

and seperate actions should be seperated, if not by a line space then by a period at least.

I would agree that incomplete sentences are annoying and should be avoided and that fragment sentences are very useful.

I use fragments all the time to convey pacing, intensity, and put a sharp focal point on something important.

What I see that might be confusing some new writers is that many scripts are formatted to LOOK fragmented. The description/action lines stop halfway across the page.

Very rarely do I see a printed script
where the lines go all the way across
to the other margin. So, even though
the sentences LOOK short, they are actually
fully complete.

The pages all look like this ^

Pulling up some recent pages to see what you guys think of the sentence fragments I use.

scripter1 · Mar 16, 2007

Fragmented pages

and man, these pages are!
I wrote em this way because a lot of little detail things are going on, we're jumping around to three different people/actions/reactions, and I wanted to make sure each event was noticed.
BUT, I also wanted to make sure that the scene physically moved.
That the reader feels like they are just flying through the script.

So, lots of white space and short sentences.

Salih begins the ceremony, repeating lines from a scroll.
The effort is intense. Salih shakes, his hands tremble.

Adam watches, fascinated.

Blue vapor forms from the mush on the floor.
Grows.

Adam backs away.

UPSTAIRS
The four men watch.

ON THE FLOOR
Exhausted, Salih forces out the last words.

The vapor triples in size, fills the room.
Lingers, gathers itself and then –

EXT. INN – NIGHT

RUSHES OUT THE WINDOW –

THROUGH THE FORREST –

HEADED TOWARD THE BOG

INT. INN – NIGHT

ALL are slumped over.
Dead?

UPSTAIRS
The four men rouse.
Question each other, whispering.

GROANING from below.

Kasim quiets the others.
They peer over.

ON THE FLOOR
Adam gets to his hands and knees.
He stares at Salih.
The old man lies still.

Sorry for the formatting.
I haven't proofed this or polished it yet. I'm still tinkering with the presentation. So don't hound me for too many imperfections. It's just an example of style and how one might use fragments.

Is one word considered a fragment? :Shrug:

Um, sentence fragments are also a nice way to get the page count down AND remove orphans.

dpaterso · Mar 17, 2007

Yeah I'm OK wit dat.

I'd consider one word to be a very short sentence, not a fragment.

-Derek

maestrowork · Mar 17, 2007

I'm sorry, Derek, but let's be consistent.

GROWS. -- that's a frag, or incomplete sentence if you will. So is "Lingers, gathers itself."

There's absolutely nothing wrong with frags. They're punchy and gave a different feel and pace. They are very useful to create a certain tone and mood.

bluejester12 · Mar 18, 2007

Just. Don'twritelike. William Shatner. Talks! :tongue

Joe270 · Mar 18, 2007

So much of this is a style thing, 'cept for the GROWS hit. That doesn't work. All the same, I read "The African Queen" and don't recall any frag work. Once you get a foot in the door, you can write how the heck ever you want, frag like crazy.

On the TV show I sat in on, the producer/writer wrote lengthy descriptions. The hour-long episodes had 120-130 page scripts, but we had plenty of time to fill episodes with long shots of horse riding, blacksmiths banging on anvils, bad or good guys checking the bullets in their guns (a couple of those shots were my hands.). He's regarded, quite rightly, as a great writer. But I doubt he could break into the business in the current environment.

I need to read a Quinton T. script, but I don't like his stuff, and don't understand why everyone wants to kiss his backside. I seriously doubt his scripts follow many conventions. . . and I fully expect frags and incompletes.

So what the F, over? Are we only picking at what rejects stuff, missing the picture somehow? Seriously, now, what really matters? Besides the obvious: submitting a script in crayon, no structure, no ending, whatever.

Where is the devil in the details?

dpaterso · Mar 19, 2007

Joe270 said:
I need to read a Quinton T. script, but I don't like his stuff, and don't understand why everyone wants to kiss his backside. I seriously doubt his scripts follow many conventions. . . and I fully expect frags and incompletes.

I recall reading Quentin's KILL BILL script (early draft) long before I saw the movie, I enjoyed the read lots, it's witty, it's clever, it flows, it's visual. Don't make assumptions, judge for yourself. Like him or hate him, QT knows how to write an entertaining script and make a visually memorable movie with hugely wide appeal. If that isn't what we're all supposed to be aiming for, I guess I'm misunderstanding the entire point of screenwriting.

-Derek

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