How do I keep a tortured hero from being too annoying?

AnneMarble · Mar 12, 2007

I had a wonderful idea for a tortured hero years ago and finally got around to writing his story (a contemporary). He was raised by a creepy family and made to believe he was disfigured, and even forced to wear a mask. He got away from them long ago, but while he knows he is not deformed, he is still not free of the past. He still has to wear a mask. (One guess what musical inspired this. :tongue

) The heroine finds out early into the story, but of course, they still have that major hurdle...

He will eventually deal with his problems, of course. But that comes later. For now, some people have read passages about the character and said he comes across as whiny, or even gotten the impression that he is less manly. (Eek!) Others have seen his problem as a vanity issue, while I see it as more like body dysmorphic disorder (not a vanity issue but a legitimate problem). How do I keep people from seeing him as a neurotic whiner? How do I show him as strong and heroic despite his problems?

Rich · Mar 12, 2007

Kill him off. The whining won't work unless he gets some kind of believable epiphany. If you can't kill him, give me his address.

Marlys · Mar 12, 2007

Honestly? This kind of psychological damage seems too extreme to make a sympathetic romantic hero--he sounds deeply disturbed, not charmingly quirky. It also seems stretching the boundaries of believability that a family could get away with that kind of visible abuse (forcing a physically healthy kid to wear a mask).

Tallymark · Mar 12, 2007

The easy way to keep him from being whiny is to have him not complain about it. Perhaps he could be somewhat withdrawn, and never willingly talks about his appearance, his past, or how he thinks of himself. Everything the heroine learns must be through observation, or dragged out of him during a conflict or some other moment of tension. I like tortured heroes, but I find it more effective when they don't like to show it--when they work to bear the burden alone. This can make them more masculine and mysterious too, if done right.

Don't let him feel bad for himself a lot, or at least, don't let him express it out loud. Just have him believe these untrue things about himself, without letting him harp on it. Or mope. Maybe an occasional manly rage, but no moping.

Like, take your average overdone vampire story. A tortured vampire may harbor some deep self-loathing for things they've done in the past, or just an overall hatred of the animal they are inside. But, if you let him think about it all the damn time, then "angsty-vampireness" becomes his overriding personality trait, which doesn't make him a very 3D (or interesting) character.

I think an important question to ask is why, exactly, does he still wear the mask? You said he is cognizantly aware that he is not disfigured; is the mask a crutch? Or is he wearing it to sort of spite himself, or spite his family? Maybe it's to never let himself forget where he came from--part of the shame is not just about his own appearance, but that his heritage is such an disturbed group of people (ugly on the inside). Coming up with a reason that is more masculine may help you salvage this idea.

I dunno, maybe posting a few sample paragraphs would help us see better what exactly the problem is.

MajorDrums · Mar 12, 2007

Tallymark seems to have given good advice, but man, I've always considered tortured heroes to be hella annoying.

AnneMarble · Mar 12, 2007

Rich said:
Kill him off. The whining won't work unless he gets some kind of believable epiphany. If you can't kill him, give me his address.

Killing him off might work if he were a character in my fantasy story. He'd come back as a ghost. I actually had one hero accidentally kill off the other hero, who came back as a ghost. People will hate me for that, too.

Rich · Mar 12, 2007

I would not want to be a character charactized in one of your stories. I would not have friends, nor any decent enemies.

AnneMarble · Mar 12, 2007

Tallymark said:
The easy way to keep him from being whiny is to have him not complain about it. Perhaps he could be somewhat withdrawn, and never willingly talks about his appearance, his past, or how he thinks of himself. Everything the heroine learns must be through observation, or dragged out of him during a conflict or some other moment of tension. I like tortured heroes, but I find it more effective when they don't like to show it--when they work to bear the burden alone. This can make them more masculine and mysterious too, if done right.

Thank you! That might make him work.

Tallymark said:
Don't let him feel bad for himself a lot, or at least, don't let him express it out loud. Just have him believe these untrue things about himself, without letting him harp on it. Or mope. Maybe an occasional manly rage, but no moping.

Rage is more fun to write anyway. As long as he doesn't hurt the heroine. Or piss me off.

And the vampire comparison is a great point. I like vampire stories, and generally prefer tormented vampires. But sometimes I wanna slap them. "All right, you have to drink blood to live. Yawn. I get it."

Tallymark said:
I think an important question to ask is why, exactly, does he still wear the mask? You said he is cognizantly aware that he is not disfigured; is the mask a crutch? Or is he wearing it to sort of spite himself, or spite his family? Maybe it's to never let himself forget where he came from--part of the shame is not just about his own appearance, but that his heritage is such an disturbed group of people (ugly on the inside). Coming up with a reason that is more masculine may help you salvage this idea.

Hmm. Maybe he does it to spite his family. That sounds really cool. He does, after all, live in a house with antique mirrors on almost every wall, sort of a symbolic rebellion to people like his family. Maybe he can go out without his mask -- he just prefers not to do so.

Tallymark said:
I dunno, maybe posting a few sample paragraphs would help us see better what exactly the problem is.

You might see me in Share Your Work later tonight.

Maprilynne · Mar 12, 2007

Well, I have to treat my tortured hero very gently. His fingers are broken and his ribs are severely cracked and . . . oh, you didn't mean literally.

Sounds like some great advice preceeded my smart-ass comment.

Maprilynne

CheshireCat · Mar 12, 2007

I just really want to know why he still wears the mask if he isn't disfigured and knows he isn't.

Also want to know why the heroine (presumably) falls for him, and how you expect to wrap up the happily-ever-after and make me believe this couple will stay together.

As a general comment, the thing I see too often in romances -- published as well as unpublished -- is that the writer has loaded one or both lead characters down with emotional and/or psychological problems that simply can't be believably resolved or healed within the timeframe of the story.

Actually, I see the same thing in other types of fiction as well. I'm sure some readers like dysfunctional characters, but I'm not one of them.

AnneMarble · Mar 12, 2007

CheshireCat said:
I just really want to know why he still wears the mask if he isn't disfigured and knows he isn't.

Maybe the mask helps him get more chicks.

Actually he is a celebrity (a best-selling writer, but I might change that). Originally I had him avoiding photographs, the limelight, etc. But maybe he is eager for the publicity that his persona creates.

Or maybe it just got stuck. (Kidding!)

CheshireCat said:
Also want to know why the heroine (presumably) falls for him, and how you expect to wrap up the happily-ever-after and make me believe this couple will stay together.

I have wound up making her more normal. I was going to give her some issue, but that got in the way.

Tallymark · Mar 12, 2007

Glad I could be of any help. ^_^ I think a tortured hero can totally be made to work, and I love them, it's just really hard to get right. It's really easy to cross over the line from tortured to angsty, and then your hero goes from Manly McSexy to Angsty McWhiney. I think understating the 'tortured' aspect can help keep it from crossing that line; in some of my favorite tortured hero stories, we don't even really get just how tortured he is until at least halfway through the story (but when we do, we realize there were little things hinting at it all along).

Heh, I agree with your point CheshireCat--about the characters having too many issues that can't realistically be resolved. I had that happen in a story of mine; the hero was so deeply mired in the past that I came to realize that, realistically, it was not within the heroines power (at least within the context of the story that I had already set up) to fix it. Every time she dragged him one step forward, he pulled them both two steps back. And damn, I know exactly how it'll all resolve if she can just get him past one thing, but damned if I know how she'll do it.

Both characters don't have to be totally healed by the end of the story, but they at least have to have begun the healing, and the reader has to know for certain that in time, everything will be right. I like to think that there is something special about each character that will bring about the ability to heal within the other character--that each makes the other stronger. But damn, it's not an easy thing to write. XD

CheshireCat · Mar 12, 2007

Tallymark said:
But damn, it's not an easy thing to write. XD

Well, as they say, if it was easy, everybody would be doing it.

Seriously, there really is a fine line between a character with enough flaws to be human and interesting, and one you just want to slap upside the head.

As a reader, if I catch myself getting impatient with a character, I know I'm likely to put the book aside. As a writer, if that happens with one of my own characters, I know it's time to do some re-thinking.

Getting back to the masked hero -- I have to say, it sounds like you're more interested in using the mask as a gimmick than in tying it in believably to this man's character. Think about it; other than a superhero with a secret identity to protect (dum dum dum!), who wears a mask?

You've got something inherently unbelievable going in, which is going to make the whole story a tough sell.

(And for God's sake, don't make him a "celebrity" writer! Writers aren't celebrities, even the famous ones.)

AnneMarble · Mar 13, 2007

CheshireCat said:
Seriously, there really is a fine line between a character with enough flaws to be human and interesting, and one you just want to slap upside the head.

As a reader, if I catch myself getting impatient with a character, I know I'm likely to put the book aside. As a writer, if that happens with one of my own characters, I know it's time to do some re-thinking.

I have gone back and checked some of his dialogue to make sure it doesn't get too much. As I go on, or in a later draft, I'll probably add other things as well. For example, something physical he can do to let off steam instead of talking all the time.

CheshireCat said:
Getting back to the masked hero -- I have to say, it sounds like you're more interested in using the mask as a gimmick than in tying it in believably to this man's character. Think about it; other than a superhero with a secret identity to protect (dum dum dum!), who wears a mask?

Some of the "Beauty and the Beast" heroes have worn masks -- for example, the hero in Karen Ranney's Tapestry (I think). OK, they were really scarred or disfigured in some way. Maybe this is too different. Who knows? I'd rather give it a try and find out.

I don't really know if it's a gimmick, though. Maybe it is, but I like the character and have really gotten to know him. This is a character I first thought of years ago. When I reread my old outline, I realized I still liked the story and was ready to do it justice. When I first tried to write this story all that time ago, all I could manage were a couple of sucky chapters. Now, with a new take on the story, I'm making some nice progress. I figured that's a good sign.

CheshireCat said:
You've got something inherently unbelievable going in, which is going to make the whole story a tough sell.

CheshireCat said:
(And for God's sake, don't make him a "celebrity" writer! Writers aren't celebrities, even the famous ones.)

It depends on how you define "celebrity." In their home town, authors are often known to some extent. And if he uses the fact that he's masked as a marketing tool, he might generate some publicity. Which might in turn create rumors, which... Hmm.

Anyway, by the time I've finished the final draft, I might have thought of something else for him to do.

Sometimes I'll give characters a profession to give me an excuse to get them in the story. Then by the time they're done, they'll have another job. In this story, the heroine is one of several editors the publisher has sent to his home to work on his story. I know a publisher probably wouldn't do that, and an author that reclusive might pick their own private editor (or refuse to be edited). But my "job" right now is to get them together and write. Then I'll come back later and ask myself "OK, what should her job really be?"

In one case, in the first draft, the heroine was a former cop who became a P.I. In the second, she was an umemployed commercial artist who was helping the hero (a sculptor) investigate an art theft. It fit the story more. Besides, by the time I return to that story, I'll probably change her again, making her his assistant or apprentice or pastry chef or something.

L.Jones · Mar 13, 2007

Tortured heroes only work because they are, at heart HEROES. They are all those bright and shining things that make the reader fall for them, and that is what motivates them to act despite their internal conflict.
Bad guys are motivated by their torment, heroes are heroes in spite of it.

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AnneMarble · Mar 13, 2007

L.Jones said:
Tortured heroes only work because they are, at heart HEROES. They are all those bright and shining things that make the reader fall for them, and that is what motivates them to act despite their internal conflict.
Bad guys are motivated by their torment, heroes are heroes in spite of it.

Oh I like that distinction. A reader (wish I could remember who) said that she distinguished between two types of tortured/tormented heroes. There were the tormented heroes, and there were the tormenting heroes. The tormenting heroes are the ones who come across as jerks.

I posted the scene where my heroine meets Shade (the masked hero) in Share Your Work (as I thought about 700 words was too much to include in a post on this thread

. I might post the unmasking as well, although that one is definitely more melodramatic.

Popeyesays · Mar 13, 2007

I think the best way is to make it slowly dawn upon the reader that your tortured character is, after all, a hero.

In what was a critically panned film, Lady in the Water, the building super is nobody's idea of a hero until half-way through the film. Needless to say, I saw a lot more in the film than the critics did.

regards,
Scott

Cathy C · Mar 13, 2007

Maybe the mask helps him get more chicks. Actually he is a celebrity (a best-selling writer, but I might change that). Originally I had him avoiding photographs, the limelight, etc. But maybe he is eager for the publicity that his persona creates.

There's a fine line between The Lone Ranger and Michael Jackson in Japan. Crossing that line will turn the character from noble to creepy. I agree that he needs to really not be aware of the mask. It's just part of who he is---like putting on glasses so you can see. Perhaps if the mask was originally to PREVENT some sort of disfigurement . . . maybe he was an albino or some such as a kid who could be damaged by the sun, but then outgrew it? Like wearing an eye patch to correct a lazy eye or having corrective shoes? But then after a few years it just became part of who he is, and nobody even knows what he looks like without it. Then his parents weren't horrible, they were loving---albeit a little weird.

Just a few random thoughts.

AllieB · Mar 13, 2007

I am dealing with something similar in my latest WIP - though the hero doesn't wear a mask

He's just a widower, at 29.

But my critique partners have already pulled me up short and told me I better not make him too depressed over his late wife, too mopey over his tequila bottle every Friday night, or else the heroine won't take a second look at him. Or even a first.

I cleaned up some of his dialogue and inner thoughts and am hoping that works. I'm going for the heroine-helps-heal-him ending. But yeah, I can't make him too tortured or people won't care if he sleeps alone every night for the rest of his life.

Gillhoughly · Mar 13, 2007

Hm.

A co-dependant dude in a mask living in the sewers who brainwashes, kidnaps, and date rapes girls, murders singers who offend him, drops giant light fixtures on innocent bystanders, extorts money from the theater owners, and commits other forms of social mayhem without one shred of guilt attached.

But he loves the chick so that makes it okay.

Calling the Paris SWAT team now...

---Not a fan of the show though I like Michael Crawford's voice just fine. (Lon Chaney Sr. NAILED it. The ol' Phantom was a baaaaaad man.)

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Cathy C · Mar 13, 2007

Did you ever see the version of Phantom done by Robert Englund (of Freddy Kruger fame?) Now THAT was a creepy telling... :scared:

AnneMarble · Mar 13, 2007

Gillhoughly said:
Calling the Paris SWAT team now...

---Not a fan of the show though I like Michael Crawford's voice just fine. (Lon Chaney Sr. NAILED it. The ol' Phantom was a baaaaaad man.)

Have you see the recent restored DVD with film historian commentary? Ooh they did not like the director. It was a good thing Lon Chaney took over directing all of his scenes. It's fascinating. And I've never heard a commentary track where the historians spend much of the time laughing at how clumsy the director's choices were.

Cathy C said:
Did you ever see the version of Phantom done by Robert Englund (of Freddy Kruger fame?) Now THAT was a creepy telling...

But... but... they added a bizarre time travel (or was it reincarnation) subplot, didn't they?

Cathy C · Mar 13, 2007

More like a slipstream. It was happening in both the past and present at the same time. It was a little odd, but VERY well done. Definitely one of my favorite of Englund's roles. Wish I could find a copy again. My DH and I rented it, but haven't been able to find a copy since (even online.) Le sigh...

Stacia Kane · Mar 13, 2007

AllieB said:
I am dealing with something similar in my latest WIP - though the hero doesn't wear a mask He's just a widower, at 29.

But my critique partners have already pulled me up short and told me I better not make him too depressed over his late wife, too mopey over his tequila bottle every Friday night, or else the heroine won't take a second look at him. Or even a first.

I cleaned up some of his dialogue and inner thoughts and am hoping that works. I'm going for the heroine-helps-heal-him ending. But yeah, I can't make him too tortured or people won't care if he sleeps alone every night for the rest of his life.

You should read "White Palace" by Glenn Savan. Excellent love story involving a young widower.

AnneMarble · Mar 13, 2007

Cathy C said:
More like a slipstream. It was happening in both the past and present at the same time. It was a little odd, but VERY well done. Definitely one of my favorite of Englund's roles. Wish I could find a copy again. My DH and I rented it, but haven't been able to find a copy since (even online.) Le sigh...

That's odd. I could have sworn I saw a DVD reissue (to coincide with the Lloyd Webber movie).

Is it this one?

How do I keep a tortured hero from being too annoying?

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