The importance of learning a lesson...

gurnie · Mar 5, 2007

I have a short 2,000 WIP aimed at Children in the age range of 6-8. It is an "easy to read" picture book.

Part of the plot has a bully teasing a new student. At the end of the story the new student trumpets. The bully student is pulled aside by the teacher who has a quick stern lecture with the bully and is told to "sit out" from the activities. What is said to the bully is not revealed.

The story ends with the new student making the conclusion that the bully will not bother her again.

Here in lies the question:

How important (for the lack of a better word) is it to have the bully student have a "moment of clarity" where the bully realizes what they did was wrong. Is it important to have the bully apologize to the new student for their behavior.

Or is it teaching the child who is reading, and b/c of the conclusion (the bully was wrong for what they were doing) there is no need to make these children "get-along" in the end. Kinda like "Goofus" and "Gallant" (if anyone ever read that in the paper when they were a kid). Your knew Goofus was a moron and Gallant was the do-gooder/goody-goody without Goofus coming up to Gallant and say "Gee Gallant, you're so right, gee-willikers!"

Susan Flemming · Mar 5, 2007

My first thought was that 2,000 words is a bit too long for a children's picture book.

And my second thought, is that... if I am understanding your description of the story... an adult solves the problem, not the child.

Now to answer your question... in order for the bully student to have a "moment of clarity"... you would have to switch from the protagonist's point of view to the bully's point of view. In my opinion, it is best to maintain a single point of view when writing picture books.

gurnie · Mar 5, 2007

Susan,
Thanks for your response. The adult actually does not make the resolution. The student wins a competition, the students and teachers recognize the win. The bully reacts poorly (the bully was apart of the competition) and is told to sit out. The main character is not a reactive character.

I don't think 2,000 is that long actually. Maybe I am describing my audiance wrong:

http://www.write4kids.com/colum44.html
* Easy readers -- Also called "easy-to-read", these books are for children just starting to read on their own (age 6-8). They have color illustrations on every page like a picture book, but the format is more "grown-up" -- smaller trim size, sometimes broken into short chapters. The length varies greatly by publisher; the books can be 32-64 pages long, with 200-1500 words of text, occasionally going up to 2000 words. The stories are told mainly through action and dialogue, in grammatically simple sentences (one idea per sentence). Books average 2-5 sentences per page. See the "Amelia Bedelia" books by Peggy Parish or other "I Can Read" books published by Harper Trophy.

Now I admit, this is still a WIP and needs to be edited more and some things can be cut, but that's why its called a WIP, right?

moondance · Mar 6, 2007

Your mistake is in calling it a picture book when, as you have noticed from W4K, it's an easy reader (or an early reader, depending on your country's names for the various markets).

My problem with your story is that the main character is too passive. The bullying situation is not solved at all - the teacher tells the bully off, and the main character hopes it won't happen again? Sorry, that's a bit lame! What you should do is change the plot so that the main character has a chance to solve the bullying problem on his/her own, perhaps by standing up to the bully or outwitting the bully in some way. The main character must develop in some way, so that by the end of the book he/she is not exactly the same person he/she was at the beginning. There needs to be a 'journey' for the main character, otherwise, why is he or she the main character?

From the outline you already have, and the problem (moment of clarity) you have come up against, it sounds as though you really want to make the bully the main character. Have you thought about rewriting it from the bully's point of view and showing his/her journey instead?

gurnie · Mar 6, 2007

I know I am not communicating the full story to you, which is why you are getting the impression that the character is passive. I've taken plenty of screenwriting, lit classing along with filmmaking to know the difference between a passive and active character. Just because I am new to the board, do not assume I am new to writing.

It is not the teacher though that resolved the problem, it is the student. the teacher part is just a sideline part, a brief moment, but not a conclusion. The main character "out-does" the Bully. And the MC doesn't "hope" to be left alone. Her actions prove herself being worthy of being left alone, if that makes any sense.

So... what my main question was is this; should the bully come and apologize after the MC has "stuck it to them?" Is this an important conclusion to "spell out" to the reader that the Bully was wrong by having the Bully apologize? Or do you leave it as the MC over-came the bully and therefore the young reader has already made the conclusion that the Bully's actions were wrong?

Toothpaste · Mar 6, 2007

gurnie, maybe you could just give us the plot outline with sepcifics. It's really hard to answer your question because there are different morals to every story. Right now I don't really see what yours is. Is it a quiet kid finally standing up for herself? Is it a brave kid changing how the bully views her classmates? No one will steal your idea if that is why you are worried to tell us the plot of your story.

Would really like to help!

moondance · Mar 7, 2007

I apologise if you thought I was maligning your writing skills or experience - I wasn't - but your latest post has actually made me more confused about the plot of your story!

I think the answer to your question is 'don't think that children need everything spelled out for them; they can interpret situations for themselves' i.e. the bully needn't apologise if it's obvious what 'message' is meant to be gleaned from the story.

Toothpaste makes a valuable request though - can you post the synopsis so that we are more able to answer your question?

gurnie · Mar 7, 2007

Moondance,
Sorry for any confusion. I spoke to toothpaste through PMs the other day and she made some wounderful suggestions. Let me re-think this project a little more (but may i send you a PM with the synopsis?)

moondance · Mar 7, 2007

Yes you may

nealw6971 · Mar 8, 2007

You might consider...

gurnie said:
I have a short 2,000 WIP aimed at Children in the age range of 6-8. It is an "easy to read" picture book.

Part of the plot has a bully teasing a new student. At the end of the story the new student trumpets. The bully student is pulled aside by the teacher who has a quick stern lecture with the bully and is told to "sit out" from the activities. What is said to the bully is not revealed.

The story ends with the new student making the conclusion that the bully will not bother her again.

Here in lies the question:

How important (for the lack of a better word) is it to have the bully student have a "moment of clarity" where the bully realizes what they did was wrong. Is it important to have the bully apologize to the new student for their behavior.

Or is it teaching the child who is reading, and b/c of the conclusion (the bully was wrong for what they were doing) there is no need to make these children "get-along" in the end. Kinda like "Goofus" and "Gallant" (if anyone ever read that in the paper when they were a kid). Your knew Goofus was a moron and Gallant was the do-gooder/goody-goody without Goofus coming up to Gallant and say "Gee Gallant, you're so right, gee-willikers!"

You might consider looking at things from a "Love and Logic" point of view. In as much as the MC is "sticking it to" the bully, there needs to be some sort of issue of moral clarity for the bully. Many times this is achieved through the idea that every action has a natural consequence (this is the main idea of Love and Logic, google it and you'll find tons of info). It sounds like the natural consequence was first of all the MC winning the contest and secondly the bully being told to sit out.

I agree with moondance regarding that type of situation being a bit lame. And I don't say that to offend you. It just seems to me that there are a lot of things happening regarding bullying right now. There is a line of research that shows that bullies are the way they are because they like being that way rather than the old school thought process that went something along the lines of bullies being people with low self-esteem/self-worth issues. These new findings are showing that bullies actually seem to have a lot of confidence and many times are outgoing. Anyway, that's kind of a side thought, but I would consider doing some more research and then let the story and characters take you where they will.

N

The importance of learning a lesson...

THE RECKLESS RESCUE is out now!

nealw6971