Agent says no, no, no. Ok, maybe.

What a strange day.

I cold-called a bunch of agencies to find someone, anyone looking for new writers. Needless to say, 97% told me to get stuffed.

Then something odd happened on one call; one of those ring tone goes to hold goes to silence on the line where one is left saying "Hello, hello, is anybody out there?" I thought I was disconnected. Unknown to me, the agent herself had anwered the accidentally transferred phone, while I thought I was stuck in some black hole. Needless to say the "May I help you?" in response to my Marvin quotes from Hitchhiker's Guide was icy at best.

I blurted out a stammering newwritterscreenplaypolishedseeking-representationquiryletterthankssomuch speech. She said under no circumstances does she take said letters, is not looking for new talent, no, no, no, no, and so forth. I said thanks. She went on saying five more scripts, credits, no, nada, no way. I said thanks again and she said "pitch it to me".

I have never pitched anything in my life. I am honored to say I did not soil myself. Sweat actually poured off me over the next twenty seconds. Thankfully, I had spent a few minutes practicing a pitch during one of those Walter Mitty moments. I did ok, probably mediocre at best, but I got the gist out there. I did have to add, at the end, "Oh, yeah, it's a comedy/drama sort of thingy".

She said, "Huh. Send it to me," and gave me her email address. I stuttered a thank-you.

I, after wiping my soaking face with my dog's sleeping blanket, composed an email and actually remembered to attach the script. Then I had to call her back because I wrote down the email address incorrectly. Arrrrrg. At least I got the receptionist that time.

Perhaps it's not much to hang hopes on, but maybe she'll actually read it.

I am trying to land an agent. I've been out of the biz for a while. Things were easier last time. I am seriously open for suggestions.

I had so much dog hair on my face, like some diseased werewolf.

Wow, thanks for the link. My pitch was nothing like that, like I said, twenty seconds.

I read somewhere that pitches were expected to be thirty seconds or less. . . the example I recall was an elevator ride length of time, a short one.

I was not looking for a pitch, nor was I prepared. I only found seven agents willing to take quiry letters on the entire WGWw list. I cross referenced it with another list which showed which agents required what. I was left with a list of maybes, so I called some.

I appreciate the support, we'll see how it goes. She might have it printed out and thrown on the slush-pile, I dunno. When I did the (all unpurchased) teleplays a decade ago, I suppose I pitched stuff but it never seemed like it. It seemed more like a discussion for rewrites or direction of the show. This is altogether a different animal. Scary is the best description.

I was so friggin' stupid to let go fifteen years back. Breaking in sucks. The process is different, the internet does so much for the writers, but changes the whole approach. I search this writers' site for ways in, like some thief.

Thanks, dpat, hill, bill, and ice. I certainly agree with Hillgate on not counting the chickens. The agent did, after all, say no a dozen times from the onset. I never did land an east coast agent with my novels. Still, Grisham's The Firm was rejected by every publisher despite the Tom Cruise film deal. The studio forced the publication because they owned the publishing house. I think it might have been Paramount and Simon and Schuster, but I cannot recall.

Still, the story line is pretty darn fresh. I doubt any script is truly unique since all of this has been done and done and done. Heck, didn't Bill Shakespeare do all the plots? Someone said that once. I read a thread about cliches which humorously covered that everything in screenwriting is a cliche. A screenwriter calling his play original is probably cliche as well.

All that said, I can't recall a story quite like this one anywhere.

I guess that is what I take from the agent asking to read it. The story is unlike anything she has seen before, I suppose. I hope.

Yeah, dpat, on those diapers.

I heard NASA has some heavy duty types. I wonder if I could get some. Might be tough now with the current astronut scandal. Who the heck landed that screenplay? I can say, from reading many threads here, we could all collaborate and come up with a tasteful (read: completely out of line), sensative (read: absolutely unsuitable for anyone to read, much less see), culturally significant (read: full of flatuent gags), and inspiring (read: insulting) script. Who's in for the project?

I know it's approaching four in the morning, I have been hanging out in a casino for eight hours (came out a few hundred ahead, shock of shocks). A Texan displaced to sin city(yes, Icerose, I am just south of you, head for the hills) a few months back must stay out of the casinos. Probably because of the liberal dose of local libations I think this is a good idea. Think about it, everyone.

This sordid tale has absolutely everything, scifi, romance, drama, road trip (with diapers), murder, erotica, some really bad poetry, cops, kidnapping, there must be a gerbil in here somewhere.

I must appologize for this, red wine and roses said don't write after consuming copious amounts of agave or some such. Still, I like the idea.

There you have it, NASA is so flush (sorry) with funds perhaps they might pay us to not write this script. They pay farmers not to grow stuff.

How 'bout "Spaced Out" for a title? I'm working on a logline. . .

A former postal worker, our heroine reaches for the stars and becomes an Astronaut. Caught in a lover's octogon which includes sheep cowboys and their charges, she must narrow the competition to a managable triangle. She blasts off and goes off on earth and in space.

If we got Damon Wayans to sign on for the lead role, I think our chances are quite good people would pay us to not write it, not just NASA. I'm thinking tang, Pfizer, the USDA, PETA, and the Profession Rodeo Association might kick in to nip this film in the bud.

I am pretty sure one cannot cold call agents. I only called the agencies and normally spoke to receptionists or secretaries to find out if they accepted quiry letters. Most do not. If they did accept the letters, I asked who to address it to so my letters did not resemble shotgunned form letters. I got a few names, but most only wanted 'literary dept' on the attn line. Some transferred me to a recording stating writers need not apply.

I got through to the agent due to a phone glitch, I don't know how it happened. Maybe the receptionist was transferring a call when mine came in and switched lines accidentally. I dunno. I was surprised. Like I said, the line went dead, or so I thought, but instead I had an agent listening to my musings. Not a good openner, by the way.

I guess the moral of this story is be prepared, and don't clown around on the phone.

It's probably just a phone glitch, Bluejest. Probably. After all, a phone glitch happened to me, so I feel sure it has happened to you a couple hundred times. Dang phone company conspirators.

So nobody wants in on "Space Out"? You are all just afraid of the Patriot Act, the NSA, wiretapping, and secret CIA prisons. This is not extortion, it's a simple sale like any other movie project, only "Spaced Out" will not be made. Sounds like an option to me, all very legal. Similar government programs have existed for decades, what a wonderful country.

I've already worked out a sequel: "Brokeback Mission".

I see Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson (the Zoolander association should add impetus to this project's goal) as the space cowboys. Dolly, the cloned sheep is a must have for this role. Maybe we could pick up Wil Ferrel to lead up mission control.

I am sure someone would pay me handsomely to not write this one.