On The Nose

Keep the reader interested but not bewildered.


It's an old cliche but 'show don't tell'

Don't tell us how someone is feeling, show us.

As David Mamet says in On Directing, people don't talk to reveal themselves. They talk to get something that they want - approval, affection, money, sex, a reprieve from an impending death.

So figure out what the speaker wants from the person she is speaking to. Then figure out what her strategy - her sales pitch - would be, based on who she is, what she wants from the other person, and her own evaluation of what this other person is like.

You can look at this on different levels. Does the speaker really know what she wants? Is she fully consciously aware? People often decieve themselves about their real intentions.

When someone does explain themselves, it should set off alarm bells. Too much self-explanation can equal lying, self delusion, confusion etc. Somebody who announces, "I'm a really a simple guy," may be telling us that he's hopelessly complex.

And what about the speaker's evaluation of the person being spoken to? Is this evaluation accurate? If so, how did the speaker come to an in depth knowledge of this other person? If the evaluation isn't accurate, exactly how and why does the speaker misread/misunderstand the person they are trying to speak to?

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Another thing to consider is how effective the sales pitch is. Does the listener really hear what's being said, or does he interpret it through his own framework of wants and needs? In real life, people often don't listen to each other. People who've known each other a long time, like married couples, can have selective deafness.

They just don't hear, that is, they just don't acknowledge, what they find unacceptable. Like the devout Baptist mom who never seems to hear the "boy-" part of "boyfriend" when her out gay son talks about his vacation travel plans.

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Crickets! I am a chatty fvck today. Maybe it's the meth flavored soda pop.

Conversations aren't going to be very interesting if there's no conflict. But that doesn't mean that characters can or should speak directly about the conflict. There may be specific reasons why they can't speak to it directly, or they may just not be sure what's really at issue. Each person may have his or her own ideas about just what the conflict at hand is.

If the conflict is resolved too easily, in just the way that's required for the plot to march forward, the dialog might seem on the nose. It can be good to play with expectations, to have people behave in ways that aren't entirely rational. Sometimes people just refuse to go along, and conflicts that ought to be easily resolved, aren't.

Yeah, what they said. People rarely come right out and say exactly what they're feeling or thinking or want (i.e. in dramatic situations, not everyday exchanges like asking for a coffee).

Here's some crazy personal opinion stuff. Let the audience hear snatches of conversation so they can join the dots for themselves, instead of a bunch of clunky infodump statements, it's more fun for everyone. If someone is specifically looking for info then make him work for it, don't let him hit a home run first swing of the bat. Avoid "Yes" and "No" responses that can make conversation sound like dry question and answer sessions. Avoid "I love you" and other "uuuuh..." statements. If your dialogue goes over four lines then the speaker had better be talking about two different things, 'cause four lines is the boredom threshold for most people.

Shrug, no guarantees I'm right. Everyone thinks they're Mamet.

-Derek

Yeah, what they said. People rarely come right out and say exactly what they're feeling or thinking or want (i.e. in dramatic situations, not everyday exchanges like asking for a coffee).

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I vehemently disagree with this, but that's only because as a logical human I actually say what I mean, ask for what I want, and expect the people talking to me to do the same.

I've been told, however, that this doesn't make good dialogue, so I have had to learn to emulate subtext.

Subtext was invented so that people in the 30s could talk about sex without being explicit. Today, you use subtext so that your dialogue isn't on the nose.

On the nose dialogue is dialogue that has only one purpose. At the very least, you want your dialogue to have two layers. If possible, three, four, or more.

If that doesn't make sense, it's because I can only emulate subtext. I can't teach it.

Just how many dramatic situations are you involved in on a daily basis, dc?

-Derek

Whenever he opens Final Draft.

But he closes his eyes before he double-clicks on the icon, so that makes the action subtextual. Are you writing all this down, Rainy?

-Derek

Oh, you wrote "dramatic."

I thought it said "traumatic."

My bad.

Freud would have something to say about that. If he was, you know, reading this thread.

-Derek

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Uh, actually, we were asking if you ever found Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny? I'm not sure how you missed that subtext, where did we go wrong?

-Derek

No, it isn't.

On the nose would have been. "I forgave you the minute you stepped through the door."

Or climbed in through the window...

But when might on-the-nose delivery be allowed to slip through the filter? Just one for-instance, when the character doing the speaking is in a position of authority and can say whatever he damn well likes to his subordinates, who have no choice but to listen. He can lecture, give orders, explain a situation, whatever. Then the problem shifts from avoiding on-the-nose dialogue to avoiding tedious dialogue and a static talking heads situation.

Unless it's a Tuesday.

-Derek

dpaterso said:

Uh, actually, we were asking if you ever found Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny? I'm not sure how you missed that subtext, where did we go wrong?

-Derek

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It always makes my nose light up and turns me into a steam whistle when bugs puts the stove on for a dress and wears the metal pail on his head. with the bright red lipstick.

On the nose means your dialogue is too obvious -- lack of subtext. People don't usually say what they really mean, or sometimes they don't say anything at all. Or they hint at things. They definitely don't do a speech telling you what you already know. If it's clear to everyone that the flower is black, there's no need to say it. Or when it appears that the screenwriter fears that his or her audiences won't understand his or her brilliance and subtlety or symbolism or philosophy that he or she must spell it out, thus treating the audiences like three year olds.

dclary said:

I've been told, however, that this doesn't make good dialogue, so I have had to learn to emulate subtext.

Subtext was invented so that people in the 30s could talk about sex without being explicit. Today, you use subtext so that your dialogue isn't on the nose.

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No, people use subtexts all the time. It's human nature. It maybe that you say whatever you want to say -- but most people don't. Besides, subtext doesn't mean "lying" or "holding back the truth." Subtext also means saying something without actually saying it. It's a very high form of communication, acknowledging human's unique, advance cognitive and communicative skills.

Watch a few episodes of The Office and note how wonderfully subtexts are used.

maestrowork said:

No, people use subtexts all the time. It's human nature. It maybe that you say whatever you want to say -- but most people don't. Besides, subtext doesn't mean "lying" or "holding back the truth." Subtext also means saying something without actually saying it. It's a very high form of communication, acknowledging human's unique, advance cognitive and communicative skills.

Watch a few episodes of The Office and note how wonderfully subtexts are used.

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That's what I said, Ray. I don't use subtext. I find it disingenuous and detrimental to accurate communications. If all humans could speak without it, we'd have a better world, because we'd actually know what the hell we were talking about.

Then the world would be a very boring place. It's fun to try to guess if the girl likes you or doesn't like you. It's fun to realize the little note book the girl gave you means something... and you look back and there she is, sitting in the back of the car smiling at you. It's fun to watch TV with your spouse without saying a word to each other, but you can feel the love between yourselves loud and clear. That's what REAL subtexts are about. I don't want a black and white world where everything is spelled out for everyone. The beauty of good subtexts is that the meaning is NEVER lost -- it's always very clear. That's what makes us humans, not insects.


How much better and more interesting it was for Darth Vader to say "there's another" instead of "and there's Princess Leia, his sister."

maestrowork said:

Watch a few episodes of The Office and note how wonderfully subtexts are used.

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But don't concentrate on Finchy.

maestrowork said:

How much better and more interesting it was for Darth Vader to say "there's another" instead of "and there's Princess Leia, his sister."

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*Ahem*

That was Yoda.

Yeah OK, a slip of the keyboard, Yoda says that to Obi-wan doesn't he? Who already knows about Leia. So isn't Yoda's "No, there's another" line on the nose/As You Know Bob, even if he doesn't spell it out and say "And there's Princess Leia, his sister"?

-Derek

Before I give a character a voice I spend some time working out what that voice would be like, how they talk, interact etc. I think it is as important as finding out the back-story of your character. No point creating a three dimensional character and then give them an inauthentic, one dimensional voice.

Some straightforward exercises I find help me with this sort of thing and stop me writing myself into a corner:

Jot down a list of what your character would feel comfortable/like talking about and a separate list for what they would avoid discussing which will help you pace their dialogue, make you aware of what they should be touchy/defensive about and what they would elaborate on/ enjoy talking about etc - where the red flag comes up for them.

Have them explain the same piece of information to two different characters in the story and you will soon start seeing how their evaluation of that character impacts how they talk/interact.

Have them make the same statement but see how that information changes in the way it is conveyed when they are in the grip of different emotions.

To check that your characters voices are unique take a page or two of your script, tipex out the character names and see if somebody else can identify how many people are speaking and what sort of people they are. Does your dialogue work on more than one level to convey emotion and character as well as moving a story along?

Always be aware of what your character wants when they are talking, be in tune with what is going on underneath, the way they use language will always relate to who they are and what they want.

I am a sad obsessive when it comes to writing dialogue, it is what I enjoy the most so please ignore the above if you have a life.