I need a word

Anonymous Traveler · Jan 19, 2007

MC is leaving all he has to be with his first and true love. The sound of a jail door slamming came to mind but that doesn't fit. Opening cell doors is pretty low key (except for the one inside).

Sidney pulled the door behind him, the quiet click of the latch reverberated in his ears with the intensity of…..????

He was leaving, finally.

Cathy C · Jan 19, 2007

Sidney pulled the door behind him, the quiet click of the latch reverberated in his ears with the surety of Fort Knox's deepest vault.

My best offering.

Del · Jan 19, 2007

purgatory

Michelle Hoppe · Jan 19, 2007

perhaps - finality is the word you're looking for. or perhaps irrevocability, although you would need to reword the sentence to use the second word.

jennifer75 · Jan 19, 2007

It may help if you tell us what the relationship he is leaving was like.

"with _____'s intensity." sounds better to me also.

alleycat · Jan 19, 2007

Just a suggestion . . . I think you could do a much better sentence to say what Sidney is feeling. Concentrate on Sidney, rather that the door (if that makes sense).

Sidney slowly pulled the door closed behind him. With the sharp metallic click of the latch, Sidney felt as if he was closing the door to one world forever and entering a new one. He was really leaving. Finally.

Something like that anyway. Just a thought.

Anonymous Traveler · Jan 19, 2007

alleycat said:
Just a suggestion . . . Sidney slowly pulled the door closed behind him. With the sharp metallic click of the latch, Sidney felt as if he was closing the door to one world forever and entering a new one. He was really leaving. Finally.

I rather like that best.

By the time I'm done, I will have ten pages of credits.

--- Snipped --- Leading up to leaving

She stepped back and her look became very serious.

“If you could change one thing in you life what would it be?”

“The night I turned you against me, I should have never said that.” Sidney’s voice was wavering.

“And if you could have just one thing in your life and nothing else?

There was no hesitation in his voice.

“The rest of my life with you.”

“You would walk away from everything? Right here and right now?”

“Yes”

That was all he had to say.

She took his hand and walked to the ticket agent. She dropped her credit card on the counter and proceeded to order an airline ticket for Sidney.

“He has no luggage. I would like the next available flight.”

She turned to look at him and saw the weight of forty years of failure dissipate from his face. He looked truly happy to abandon all he had to be with her.

ruecole · Jan 19, 2007

Hmmm...

A coffin lid?
A trap being sprung?
A cell door opening?

Just a suggestion, but maybe try leaving it for now. When it comes time to revise the perfect image may present itself.

I've had that happen a few times.

Hope this helps!

Rue

Anonymous Traveler · Jan 20, 2007

OK, thanks so far, but slowly not quite dramatic enough.

Sidney slowly pulled the door closed behind him. The sharp metallic click of the latch signaled he was finally leaving this part of his life behind. His destiny lay beyond.

I'm still working on this. It's the idea I want but I can't seem to express it to my satisfaction. And it is an important turn in plot.

Tallymark · Jan 20, 2007

Maybe Sidney dragged the door closed behind him, or Sidney drew the door shut behind him. Just trying to avoid those deadly adverbs.

I need a word

Anonymous Traveler

His servent for life

Cathy C

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Del

Sky isn't falling, ground is rising

Michelle Hoppe

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jennifer75

SupahStah!

alleycat

Still around

Anonymous Traveler

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ruecole

Chronic Lurker

Anonymous Traveler

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Tallymark