What about intimacy while MC is pg?

Ronnie · Jan 15, 2007

Could I get a few opinions, please?

Would it be a no-no to have a MC who is pregnant (acting as a surrogate for a family member) in a romance? Obviously it's medically fine to have sex while pregnant, I'm just concerned about introducing a new partner while pregnant. Would readers find that distasteful?

Thanks!

MMcC · Jan 15, 2007

I wouldn't have a problem with it. I can't imagine mainstream romance readers being bugged by it, either.

WildScribe · Jan 15, 2007

Not as long as it is, well, tasteful.

Ronnie · Jan 15, 2007

Well, sex when you're REALLY pregnant and huge does get...interesting...but my intentions are to keep it pretty vanilla.

sunandshadow · Jan 15, 2007

I do that in my romances - whether people object to it depends on how it is handled in specific cases, although a few people dislike the idea inherently, but these people often don't like the rest of my story (religious objections usually) so I don't worry about them.

Cathy C · Jan 15, 2007

There might be one or two category lines that would take issue, but beyond that, I think you're fine.

Susan Gable · Jan 16, 2007

No problem at all. It's done frequently in category. (Okay, not in the inspirational lines. <G>)

There have been a number of books where the heroine is pregnant by another man, only to get invovled with the hero.

As to the plain and simple sex while preggo aspect...two of my four books have featured preggo heroines and they did have sex "on screen."

Susan G.

Kasey Mackenzie · Jan 17, 2007

Ronnie said:
Could I get a few opinions, please?

Would it be a no-no to have a MC who is pregnant (acting as a surrogate for a family member) in a romance? Obviously it's medically fine to have sex while pregnant, I'm just concerned about introducing a new partner while pregnant. Would readers find that distasteful?

Thanks!

I wouldn't think it would be too distasteful at all considering she's acting as a surrogate for a family member. There's nothing that says she can't meet, fall in love with, and become intimate with a man of her own while she's acting as a surrogate. Love happens when you least expect it a lot of the time! =)

DeadlyAccurate · Jan 17, 2007

I read the title as, "What about intimacy while MC is a pig?"

TsukiRyoko · Jan 17, 2007

If it were completely out of the blue, I would give it the cocked brow. But, if it were in the MC's character, or she was in a relationship, or inebriated, etc etc, I'd be fine with it.

As long as there's a lead-up, I don't see any problems.

kristie911 · Jan 17, 2007

TsukiRyoko said:
But, if it were in the MC's character, or she was in a relationship, or inebriated, etc etc, I'd be fine with it.

I wouldn't have a problem with the MC being pregnant...however, I would have a serious problem if she got inebriated and had sex while she was pregnant.

Or did I misunderstand Tsuki's post?

TsukiRyoko · Jan 18, 2007

kristie911 said:
I wouldn't have a problem with the MC being pregnant...however, I would have a serious problem if she got inebriated and had sex while she was pregnant.

Or did I misunderstand Tsuki's post?

You misunderstood, but only a little. I meant if there was no lead up, I would have a problem with it. Sex for the sake of sex, regardless of whether the MC was pregnant, is tasteless. If it belonged in the plot, no I wouldn't have a problem with it.

kristie911 · Jan 18, 2007

Gotcha, Tsuki. I'm glad I misunderstood that!

And I agree that there would have to be a lead up to the sex for it to work for me.

bylinebree · Jan 20, 2007

Well, it may be socially acceptable and not distasteful to some readers - but I don't imagine the person she is acting as a surrogate for would accept it. What about her surrogate getting infected with an STD while pregnant? That would certainly affect the baby and the outcome!

In most cases, I think the surrogate has to sign a contract that may excluse her right to engage in a sexual relationship during the pg.

Don't think sex in this case is a good idea.

Kasey Mackenzie · Jan 21, 2007

bylinebree said:
In most cases, I think the surrogate has to sign a contract that may excluse her right to engage in a sexual relationship during the pg.

I'd be interested to see your support for this statement. I googled to see some sample surrogate contracts and the only mention of signing away sexual rights that I saw was this: "H. The Surrogate agrees that she will not have sexual intercourse with anyone other than her husband, who is sterile, from the first day of her menstrual cycle before the Artificial Insemination procedure until the date that pregnancy has been confirmed by her Obstetrician, Midwife, or Family Physician." Granted, this wasn't an exhaustive google search by any means. I have a legal background (not a lawyer), and would like to see the sample language in such a contract.

Of course, there's the whole fact that surrogate contracts are rather controversial overall and courts aren't always consistent in upholding or invalidating them...

bylinebree · Jan 22, 2007

I think I found that site, too:

The Surrogate agrees that she will not have sexual intercourse with anyone other than her husband, who is sterile, from the first day of her menstrual cycle before the Artificial Insemination procedure until the date that pregnancy has been confirmed by her Obstetrician, Midwife, or Family Physician. http://www.surromomsonline.com/articles/ts_contract.htm
I wonder how many surrogate mothers have husbands that are sterile. Wow, that is one exclusive group!

Here's another ref I found:
2) The Surrogate agrees not to participate in dangerous sports or hazardous activities, and promises not to knowingly allow herself to be exposed to radiation, toxic chemicals or communicable diseases. http://www.surromomsonline.com/articles/ts_contract.htm
Wouldn't communicable diseases include risk of STDs, which are easily contracted through spur-of-the-moment "passionate" encounters?

Here's another one (I lost the site ref, sorry):
I agree to inform Surrogate Alternatives, Inc. of my involvement with a new partner at any time, while I am a Surrogate Mother enrolled in their program. I further understand that any new partner I have must also be tested for HIV and STD's, prior to my being sexually active with them.

Gee, that would require some planning. Maybe work that into the story? It could be a humorous situation, with her explaining all that to her love-interest!
Legal stuff aside, I think it is really questionable for a surrogate to have a sudden sexual encounter with anyone. Seems irresponsible and very risky.
My moral opinion, for what it is worth.

jennifer75 · Jan 22, 2007

Sounds fun. Go with it. If you need any tips on just how "frisky" one would be during pregnancy, I can help.

hehe.

bylinebree · Jan 22, 2007

Sure, one can be frisky during pregnancy! But the other complication of surrogacy was included in the original question.

Doing it for a family member wouldn't negate responsibility, would it? That's implying that lower standards would be OK, and I don't go with that at all. You might be carrying your future niece or nephew!

:Shrug:

I don't get it, even if the acceptable standard today is 'do it with whoever you want to.'

jennifer75 · Jan 22, 2007

bylinebree said:
Doing it for a family member wouldn't negate responsibility, would it? That's implying that lower standards would be OK, and I don't go with that at all. You might be carrying your future niece or nephew!

So because one is acting as a surrogate, one should not live their life the way they normally would? And by "live their life" I don't mean parties, drugs and alcohol, I mean a healthy sexual monogamous relationship. It should be harmless, that is if they wait until the required testing is completed.

Cathy C · Jan 22, 2007

IMO, I think it's assumed by the average person that the surrogate will try hard not to corrupt the birth process of a child belonging to another, sort of like having a foreign exchange student live in your home for a school year.

The surrogate mother is, in effect, raising another person's child for nine months. So, let's up the age a little bit to say, eight. During the nine month period, yes--you would agree to change your lifestyle to one that's suitable for the child. If you took in a child who has asthma, you'd probably have to agree to smoke outside the house. If you normally run around the house nude, you'd have to wear clothing. If you have sex wherever the mood strikes you, you'd have to work behind closed doors.

So, by extension, if having sex with a partner could cause harm to the infant for any reason, including possibly altering the fertilization, then I'd think the eventual mother would request sex be curtailed.

Being a surrogate isn't something to be taken on as a lark. It's a big commitment. The few I've known have been scrupulous in their conduct, from food to health care and yes, sex.

But it would be something interesting to read in a book. A refreshing slice of reality.

Ronnie · Jan 22, 2007

Wow, thanks everyone for really thinking about this! The STD issue is one I fought with as well. Bree - I may have the hero have himself tested. You see, the h/h are BOTH related to to couple for whom she's acting as surrogate, but meet after she's pg. I think he'd be as concerned for the safety of the baby as she would.

jennifer75 - LOL I have two kids so I have a pretty good idea...

jennifer75 · Jan 22, 2007

Cathy C said:
IMO, I think it's assumed by the average person that the surrogate will try hard not to corrupt the birth process of a child belonging to another, sort of like having a foreign exchange student live in your home for a school year.

The surrogate mother is, in effect, raising another person's child for nine months. So, let's up the age a little bit to say, eight. During the nine month period, yes--you would agree to change your lifestyle to one that's suitable for the child. If you took in a child who has asthma, you'd probably have to agree to smoke outside the house. If you normally run around the house nude, you'd have to wear clothing. If you have sex wherever the mood strikes you, you'd have to work behind closed doors.

So, by extension, if having sex with a partner could cause harm to the infant for any reason, including possibly altering the fertilization, then I'd think the eventual mother would request sex be curtailed.

Being a surrogate isn't something to be taken on as a lark. It's a big commitment. The few I've known have been scrupulous in their conduct, from food to health care and yes, sex.

But it would be something interesting to read in a book. A refreshing slice of reality.

After reading this, I agree with you. If somebody were carrying for me, I'd be a nervous wreck. It would be nice to know they were doing EVERYTHING possible to safely deliver my child.

Silver King · Jan 22, 2007

If you do go with the sexual encounter, there are some things I've noticed from a male's perspective which may help your descriptions:

Some women are exceedingly turned on while pregnant. A person who otherwise may take longer to stimulate suddenly becomes aroused very quickly.

Besides the obvious abdominal distention, don't forget to mention the enlarged breasts, the darkened nipples and that lovely life-line that runs down the mid-section; also, in the later stages of pregnancy, the vulva's inflammation creates dynamic sensations for both partners.

There is some misconception that pregnant women, and their partners, do not feel strong sexual urgings toward each other. In my experience, nothing can be further from the truth.

Ronnie · Jan 22, 2007

Wow, thanks Silver King. Having been pg twice I knew these things, but didn't realize that men were so affected also.

Shows how one-sided we can be, huh?

ha ha "lovely life-line" I think it's linea nigrea or something like that. I didn't get one because I'm fair, but I saw one on a friend with a dark complexion. That's interesting...

What about intimacy while MC is pg?

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