Sharing something strange or funny...

Alex Bravo · Jan 5, 2007

Okay, I wrote in another thread about how we shouldn't lock ourselves up because we need to observe the world. How about sharing some of our real life strange and funny observations? (I put it in this thread because these are the stories that help writers write their own stories, or add to them. You can move this thread if it should be elsewhere.)

Here are some of mine:

A lady at my work didn't get the raise she wanted, so she protested by laying in her office, spread eagle, refusing to do any work. She eventually quit.

A man at my work, not only slept at his desk, but under it too. He kept his coffee machine on top of his computer. He was let go.

One person, who was doing particularly bad at work said this to my boss: "When I used to work for the state, we didn't have to work very hard. I thought working for the city would be the same way." Um, he was let go shortly after that.

After watching a video on sexual harrasment, one of the old-timers comes up to me and tells me, with all-honesty, that he didn't see anything wrong in the examples given. He said that a man should be free to tell a woman how he feels. Hmmm...

My college friends, in order to make our dorm nicer, figured out you could, um, take plants, from fancy hotels. They took so many trees and plants that the dorm looked like a jungle. But the fun didn't last, because they got too greedy. When they backed into a hotel and tried to load another tree, security guards were ready. Obviously, the driver got caught because he couldn't leave his truck, but the other three scattered and made a circuitous four mile journey back to the dorm.

This didn't happen to me, but I heard it on a call in show: A guy was trying to get in with a fraternity so he was in a full car with the guys and some gals when he really needed to pee, he had been drinking many beers. The people in the car told him they wouldn't stop so he needed to use one of the bottles. He was in the back seat, so he followed their instruction, a little embarrassed because girls were in the car. But as he went, he soon realized the bottle was filling too fast and it wouldn't be enough. He wasn't sure what to do, but when it got to the top, he tried to stop himself, but instead only managed to spray everyone in the car! He was never invited back...

Last one, very embarrassing for me. My son, four years old at the time, would sleep in the same bed with me. The last straw that made me send him to his room was when I woke up one night because something had hit me in the face. My son, fully asleep, had pulled his pants down and peed directly on my face. WTF!!!!

imagoodgurl4 · Jan 5, 2007

I was visiting Tennessee with some friends and we went camping for the weekend. Well, I'd gone up to the bathrooms to change and as I was walking back down, there was a flock of geese milling around. One of them sqwauked at me angrily and one of my friends told me to be careful as I walked by. Well, the goose started running at me and I had to run down the hill. He chased me. I looked back and his wings were flapping and he was snapping his beak at me. I nearly lost my butt!

One of my friends, during my freshman year of college, was coming back from the bathroom after taking a shower. I met him in the hallway by chance and we were talking. He had only a towel on as we walked. A bunch of people were in the hallway. He tripped over his flip flop and did a faceplant on the floor...and his towel went flying.

giftedrhonda · Jan 5, 2007

LOLOL those are great.

Here's one for right now. I'm sure I'll think of more soon. haha

We have a guy at work who always falls asleep at his desk. One time, he was snoring so loudly, I started throwing stuff at him to wake him up. Another time, I called my boss and told him the guy was sleeping, and to come wake him up because I didn't get paid enough to do that. hahaha

imagoodgurl4 · Jan 5, 2007

Some of the guys and me at work once had a rubber band fight (it was a friday...we were bored)...and our boss came out of nowhere and one of the rubber bands hit him in the face.

farfromfearless · Jan 5, 2007

We locked our accountant in his office once with one of those super stinky fart-bombs you buy at the dollar store. The prank backfired on us as his office had no ceiling and so the stench eventually worked its way into the rest of the office. The lunch room has never been the same since.

Akuma · Jan 5, 2007

It was in science class and a kid fell asleep at his desk, snoring loudly.
The teacher then instructed us all to file out of the classroom as quietly as we could, not waking the kid up. We then waited for the remainder of the period until the bell rang and the kid woke up, alone and quite confused. Good fun for us, though it probably scarred the poor guy.

Here's a story about how I got a job but never actually worked or got paid.
Since I turned 17, I figured it was finally time to get a job. I applied to Subway, and they accepted me. The manager promised to call me when she had some training lined up for me. She never called, so I had to call her. She promised again to call me and I could see where this was going. Slow and painful phone tag.
Finally, she arranged something.
I arrived after school for my training and was promptly informed that I was not needed that day. Instead, I was to arrive on Saturday for training.
Saturday came and, since I had to drop off the car with my sister, I would call her with my cellphone when I needed a ride for home.
Imagine my chagrine when I was informed yet again that they couldn't fit me into the schedule that day (even though I was assured that I was on it).
I turned on my cellphone to find that the batteries were dead.
I walked home in the hot sun, my especially "nice" clothes being mocked by the dust whipped up by passing cars on the highways.
I decided not to call Subway and have not pursued a job since, too nervous from my experience.

Zolah · Jan 5, 2007

Once, many years ago (when I worked in a fun office with fun people) we all got really bored one afternoon and decided to do something fun. We worked on a fairly high floor, so we started making paper snowflakes and aeroplanes with messages written on them, like 'Some day, my prince will come...' and 'Help! Aliens are probing me!' and threw them out of the window onto the High Street below. Then we crouched down to watch the reactions of passersby as these bits of paper rained down on their heads. It was hilarious. One guy (who we think caught a glimpse of us before we ducked out of sight) turned around and serenaded us with 'Some Day My Prince Will Come' - right in the middle of the High Street at about three in the afternoon.

We also used to play 'desk volleyball'. We made a ball out of paper or something - once we used a friend's corned-beef sandwiches which she hadn't fancied for lunch and which had been wrapped in masses of clingfilm - and 'served' it across the desk. The contest was to keep the ball in the air as long as possible. On the day when we used the corned beef sandwiches, we had the window wide open (it was a hot day) and we accidently sent it sailing out of the window. It stuck on a gutter below the window, and we were terrified a manager would see it and figure out that it must have come from our floor. We went down to the stairway on the floor below, and I (being the tallest) climbed out onto the window-ledge with someone hanging onto my feet and tried to grab the sandwiches. I only succeeded in knocking them off, and they plummetted down into the street, bursting open in an explosion of bread, tomatoes and meat, missing a pedestrian by inches. My friends hauled me hastily back in as the lucky person below bellowed and screamed in protest. I laughed so hard, I nearly pee'ed.

Histry Nerd · Jan 5, 2007

From the "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" Department

One evening a couple of weeks ago I was sitting in the car with my two kids (boy is 8 and girl is 3) and overheard the following conversation:

Girl, seeing a plane passing overhead in front of us, says in an excited voice: "Look! A meteor! It's going to hit the car!" (We had been discussing metors and other space-thingies.)

Boy, deadpan: "That's not a meteor. It's...yep. Just what I thought it was."

Dramatic pause.

"An alien laser."

You can bet that one goes into the find-a-place-for-this file.

HN

Alex Bravo · Jan 5, 2007

Here are more funny happenings...

A friend in high school always had the habit, when he ran through rain to duck very, very low as he ran. He said by doing this, the rain higher up, didn't hit you.

A temp employee at our work who was on depression medication (yes, she told us all about it) kept a picture of herself by the computer where she was ten years younger and 150 pounds lighter. We couldn't figure out why she would torture herself like that.

My friend and I were walking back to the dorm when we passed many bicycle racks full of bicycles and he pointed out a chain that had been cut. He thought it was funny that someone's bike had been stolen. An hour later, he comes up to me in the dorm room holding that very same chain. It was his bike that had been stolen. This time I thought it was funny, he didn't!

This same friend and I were studying in the library together for our college finals when we decided to take a lunch break. As I packed all my books he told me not to waste my time, that we were coming right back. I told him that I never left my books, but he assured me he did it all the time and no one ever took them. When we came back, you got it, they were all gone, over $100 in books lost and we didn't have any books to study. Brilliant!

I'm an eagle scout, and once on a campout at a national park, two of my friends, also eagle scouts, thought we would lag behind the troop and then race around and beat everyone to the campsite by taking a shortcut. Several hours later, rangers were sent to find us because three eagle scouts, the only ones in the troop, had gotten lost in the woods.

I was trying to earn my motorboat merit badge in a motorboat filled with scouts and a camp counselor when it was my turn to drive and perform a U-turn. Now, you have to understand that I had always driven a jet boat, which turns very slowly, even when you whip the steering wheel around, at least my dad's did. So, here I am, in a motorboat and I spin the wheel. Everyone flies out of their seats, including me. Fortunately, the counselor managed to grab the wheel and stopped our spinning. The good news was that no one was thrown out of the boat, and I did earn my merit badge.

The Lady · Jan 5, 2007

A teacher in a town where I lived lost his house and used to sleep in the classroom.

A friend got a permanent job in a hospital lab from open interviews. Apparently there was a lot of temporary lab staff there who hoped they'd be made permanent. On her first day she was accosted by a heavily pregnant woman crying, "My job, that was my job, you took my job." Repetitively. Nice!

After regaling us for hours (and I mean hours) in the bar with stories of how she pursued and won her husband, a woman I used to go horse riding with, left him for the female riding instructor. Unexpected.

This is a nice one. On a bus in Sydney a child in the seat in front of me was watching the traffic. He kept us a constant litany of, "that one's mine. The van's mine.That's mine. The green car's mine. That's mine" etc.
He was obviously referring to the traffic but the strangest thing is ,I could tell he was purposefully not claiming ownership of some vehicles. After about five minutes of this I was utterly caught up in trying to figure out what the criteria was.
Finally he announced , "all the shiny cars are mine," and carried on, "the blue car's mine," etc.
All the way home in my own head, I went, the blue car's his, the van is his, etc. etc. It's amazing how many cars don't shine.

lfraser · Jan 5, 2007

My partner, back when he was a cool dude in university, several centuries ago, lived on the 15th floor of an apartment hi-rise near the campus. Because a lot of students lived in the building, the police were often there on a Friday or Saturday night to step on the parties that erupted from various balconies.

On one occasion my partner, who was feeling his anti-establishment oats, decided to "egg the pigs," which, translated, meant chucking an egg onto one of the police vehicles in the parking lot 15 floors below. An egg was tossed, there was a satisfying clunk, and after a bit of celebratory hand-slapping, everyone retired, feeling that they'd done their bit to put down the Man.

The next morning, my partner arose late and went out to his car, only to discover that, out of the 75-odd cars that had been parked there the night before, the one he had egged was his own.

JanW · Jan 5, 2007

Here are two:
- For someone's milestone birthday (can't recall the year) the staff took all the detritus in the middle drawer of the person's desk out and somehow managed to put the desk drawer updside down with the junk back inside. When the birthday person pulled out the drawer, they got a lap of junk.

- From a recent email received from a writing colleague who says it's a true story. A little girl on a QANTAS flight wrote a note and passed it to the flight attendant to give to the pilot. It said:
Dear Captain
My name is Nicola. I'm 8 years old, this is my first flight but I'm not scared. I like to watch the clouds go by. My mum says the crew is nice. I think your plane is good. thanks for a nice flight. don't f*** up the landing
Luv Nicola XXX

All these stories in this thread are good enough for fillers, I reckon!

C.bronco · Jan 5, 2007

My family has a Xmas eve tradition which was a result of the traditional Ukranian Xmas eve fare, part of which are stewed prunes. On the way home from my grandmother's house, we always sang the diarrhea song. Each of us would take turns making up a verse. The chorus was "diarrhea, diarrhea." Most of us could rhyme, except my Dad, but his were good too.

e.g. "Dr. Mitchell had a plan
That I should eat a lot of bran
diarrhea, diarrhea..."

That's my fam.

TrainofThought · Jan 5, 2007

Hearsay: A girl from high school was kicked out of college because she stole cool license plates to decorate her dorm room.

A guy at my work took off the door handles to the men’s washroom and locked six guys in there.

I reset a user’s screen saver password and he accused someone else for doing it. He had to restart his machine. Whoops.

I was 19 coming home from a college in the same state. As we were driving, my friend said that nothing looked familiar. I was hung over and responded, “Everything looks different on the other side of the street.” We wound up in Omaha, Nebraska.

kristie911 · Jan 5, 2007

Of course, in my line of work, I get the best of the best and could probably entertain everyone for hours with stories that would make you wonder how people actually survive and make you shudder when you realize these people procreate. But here's one from last week, New Years Eve:

On NYE, police and wrecker services in our area offer free rides home to intoxicated people from the local bars...all they have to do is call 911 and we arrange it for them.

So it's about 11pm or so and a 911 line rings. My partner picks it up and it's a drunk lady calling from a residence. She says, "Is this where I call to get a free ride?"

Partner says, "Yes, where do you need to go?"

"Gasoline Alley." (Local dive bar)

"I'm sorry, ma'am. We arrange rides home from, not to, the bar."

"Okay, can I get a ride to the corner of James and Main St?" (the corner next to Gasoline Alley)

"No."

"Okay, how about Loomis and James?" (2 blocks away...you see where this is going)

"No."

"James and Dowland?" (3 blocks away)

---long pause---

"No, right?", she asks.

"Right."

And she hung up...what do you want to bet dumbass drunk lady drove herself to the bar? <sigh> Stupidity would scare me more if it wasn't so fun to laugh at.

IrishScribbler · Jan 6, 2007

My fiance (and don't let this story scare you; he's really a great guy) fractured his finger in a fraternity game (I don't know and don't want to know) and after an x-ray, it was determined there was a small bone chip that had been, well, knocked out. While we were waiting for the doctor to bring a splint, he began to get a bit concerned.

Him: I have a bone chip in my finger.
Me: Okay.
Him: Are they going to take it out?
Me: The bone chip?
Him: Yeah.
Me: How? By surgery?
Him (contemplating the idea of having surgery): I guess not.
Pause.
Him: But isn't it bad?
Me: You'll be okay.
Him: But what if it goes up to my heart and I die?
Me (trying desperately to keep from laughing): How?
Pause.
Him: It's small.

Poor baby. As you may have guessed, it was his first broken bone.

Alex Bravo · Jan 7, 2007

Sorry to be such a thread hog but here's another, and hopefully you Aggies aren't offended: (I'm a Texas Longhorn!)

My cousin is an aggie, an electrical engineer from Texas A&M. At one Christmas he was telling us his troubles with a traffic cop on a particular road on his way to his university. Twice he had been stopped, on the same road for not wearing his seatbelt and had to pay a heafty fine. His mom asked, "Have you learned your lesson?" To which my cousin said, in all honesty, "Yeah, I'm not driving down that damn road anymore."

Also, my cousin, in between jobs as a contractor, was out on a date when the subject of jobs came up. As soon as the lady heard he was currently unemployed, she simply got up and left. He never saw her again.

Maryn · Jan 7, 2007

Alex Bravo said:
Also, my cousin, in between jobs as a contractor, was out on a date when the subject of jobs came up. As soon as the lady heard he was currently unemployed, she simply got up and left. He never saw her again.

That reminds me of something I read recently at another site. A woman in Europe (Italy? I'm not sure) was among the few English speakers in a loose social group that included a shaggy, bearded American who spoke only English. She didn't mind doing a bit of translating, but the second or third time he was part of the group, she resented them leaving an empty chair next to him for her use, as if translating were her responsibility. She sat somewhere else.

When the group separated, he asked her to join him for a drink and she did. This was her opportunity to explain nicely that she wanted to have fun with her friends, not be his personal translator. He understood and explained he hadn't meant to take advantage of her. Up close, she realized his clothes were old and in poor condition, his beard untrimmed and scraggly, as if he'd just stopped shaving a few weeks ago.

She learned he was in between jobs, with no good prospects, but hopeful he'd work again. When she asked what his job skills were, he said most people thought he didn't have any. She suggested he consider job training, but he wasn't interested.

You guessed it. As they neared the end of their drinks, he asked her out, and she refused. Who wanted to spend time with an unemployed loser who couldn't be bothered to shave or wear decent clothes? She saw him as part of the group on occasion for a few more months, did a bit of translating, but was not alone with him again, to her relief.

One evening someone asked where he'd gone, and someone else said he'd gotten work in Australia. Nothing permanent, but it paid well while it lasted. She supposed that was better than nothing.

She didn't learn the guy was Keanu Reeves until she saw him in The Matrix, for which he got $10 million plus 10% of the gross.

Maryn, who found that amusing

Akuma · Jan 7, 2007

When I was really little, my parents sent me off to a summer camp. It was mostly enjoyable except for the day when we had to go on a hike using horses.

I hate horses.

Anyways, the trail we took was walled by thorny bramble and we had to ride single file. As I sat reflecting on the smell I would be stuck with for the rest of the day, I saw the tail of the horse in front of me lift.

Things went into slow motion.

I'm not sure what they were feeding that horse, but the spraying and spattering effect was not appreciated.
To this day, I can still vividly remember feeling that one drop of the liquefied horse **** clinging to my bottom lip.

Coincidentally, I'm a bit of a germaphobe.

Simon Woodhouse · Jan 7, 2007

Many moons ago I worked as a chef in a hotel in the south of England. I quite often had to do everything myself, which meant very, very busy nights in the kitchen. After one particularly hectic shift, I was carrying a box of veg back to the cold storage shed behind the kitchen. Feeling rather pleased with how well I'd coped that night, I picked a tomato out the box and chucked it straight up into the darkness. As I waited to catch it, I suddenly realised that because it was dark I wasn't going to be able to see its descent. At which point the tomato reappeared travelling at a heck of a speed, and smacked me straight in the eye.

kristie911 · Jan 7, 2007

Alex Bravo said:
Twice he had been stopped, on the same road for not wearing his seatbelt and had to pay a heafty fine. His mom asked, "Have you learned your lesson?" To which my cousin said, in all honesty, "Yeah, I'm not driving down that damn road anymore."

This reminds me of a story that happened last summer:

My soon to be ex-husband is a police officer and was working a "seat belt enforcement zone" last year. There are several officers working in their cars w/ one spotter on foot watching specifically for people without seatbelts. There are big orange signs at the beginning of the area stating it's an enforcement zone. It's pretty darned hard to miss. Anyway, here comes a guy with no seatbelt. He gets pulled over and gets a ticket. And he's pissed! Starts yelling about how they're discriminating (against people not wearing seatbelts. Huh?) and profiling (he's a white male upper class mid 50's. Yeah, ok.). Finally, he goes on his way with his ticket after threats to take him to jail for disturbing the peace. Fifteen minutes later, guess who drives back through the enforcement zone without his seatbelt. Yep, same guy. Same ticket. Only this time he goes to jail for kicking the police car in anger! Dumb ass.

PeeDee · Jan 7, 2007

I've got a whole tribe of strange and funny observed things to share. I hang out on these forums, right? Writer's forums, called a "water cooler," something like that. Anway, the people there! Whoo! I mean, this one guy....

.....*ahem*

Never mind.

Histry Nerd · May 20, 2007

Resurrecting this one to share another "kids say the darnedest things" moment:

I went to the grocery store today with my daughter, almost 4. We had one of those carts that looks like a car, and she was sitting in the front seat "driving." I stopped the cart to pick up some pot roast, at which point she got out and started wandering around the cart. The following conversation ensued:

Me: "Okay, time to move on, Sweetie. Can you get back in your car?"

Her: "Okay, Daddy." And she kept wandering around the cart.

"Come on, Girly, back in the car."

"Just a minute."

"We gotta go, Sweetie. Back in the car now."

Her [aggravated]: "I HAVE TO CHECK THE TIRES!"

You can't make this stuff up. I was laughing too hard even to fuss at her.

Hope it brings a smile to somebody's face.
HN

Southern_girl29 · May 20, 2007

So, here's another from the kid's file. My daughter just turned four last week. The day after her birthday, our cat, Meow Meow, was killed by our neighbor's dog, right in front of her. Of course, she was very traumatized. So was I. I cried for hours, and the house still doesn't feel right without her.

Anyway, my husband and the neighbor buried her in the backyard.

As she was laying down to sleep that night, she asked me if Heaven was in the dirt. I told her no and asked her why. She said that we said Meow Meow went to Heaven, but we put her in the dirt. I explained to her about a soul, but I'm pretty sure she didn't understood it, because a little later, she asked me if Heaven was in the toilet. I said no and again asked her why. She said that Peggy (my aunt, her great-aunt) had flushed a dead fish down the toilet, and I said it went to Heaven. I explained the concepts of souls to her once again. This time, I think she understood it as best as a four-year-old can.

JoNightshade · May 20, 2007

Here's one I'm still mystified by: In college my roommate made some brownies to sell at a bake sale our club was having. She and I went out for a few hours to do something, planning to come back and wrap them when they had cooled. When we got back, however, we discovered that the crispy top had been picked off of the entire pan of brownies, leaving only the bottom 3/4 or so. Our other roommate then emerged and guiltily admitted that she had given in to temptation-- apparently she had a taste for "brownie crust"-- and after she had picked off one little bit, spent the next two hours repeatedly giving in to temptation and coming back for more. She promised to buy more brownie mix for my roommate-- but in the meantime we were out of luck for the bake sale!

Sharing something strange or funny...

Attack!

Gifted Goofball

Attack!

Rare Writer Pokemon

Over the hills and far away

Moving Forward!

Critical Member

Bored and Frantic

I have plans...

A flowering bud of bitchiness

Happy to be here

I Tried

Rare Writer Pokemon

Happy to be here

Where's my tea, please...?

Moving Forward!

has finally arrived