Description Wastes Space

jonpiper

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I am still new at screenwriting. Until a few minutes ago, I wasn’t sure why we are supposed to write concise, lean descriptive narrative. I was told readers are bored with long descriptions. But now I think there is another more important reason.

I’m targeting a max. 120 page screenplay, so when the reader picks it up, he/she will anticipate about 120 minutes of screen time in it. However, description of settings and costume do not translate into screen time. Only action translates into screen time, and if I'm heavy on description, my 120 page script will boil down significantly.

The realization didn’t hit me until I had written a ten page sequence filled with descriptions of the characters, their dress, and the settings. I thought it was great writing and I would impress the reader. Then I realized the reader could form his/he own vision of the setting and I could use the space to expand the story.

Does this make sense?
 
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Joe Calabrese

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Your are correct, for the most part.
The page per mintute ratio is a delicate balance and description does not eat away time as does dialog and action.

However, other reasons...

It takes away white space and slows down the read.

Also, descriptions of characters peg the actor down. You don't want to send a script to Al Pacino that has a lead that is so deeply described (at 30 yrs old, 6 foot 7 with chiseled chest and wide shoulders) that Al couldn't picture himself playing the part right from the get go. He should decide that ultimately from dialog and action only.
 

scripter1

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And film

is a collabrotive medium.
Lot's of people get involved to bring it life.
People who likely know much more about costumes and backgrounds, and archetecture, etc, etc, etc, then you do.

That's all THEIR job.

Your job is to get the story events down, to build the backbone and give the story a beating heart.

Give just enough info to spark the imagination in others, get them close to the vision and then let them have the fun of playing around with it.

Trust me, your gonna need those lines for key story details.
 

maestrowork

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I believe simple descriptions are enough (man, 30s, muscled). The purpose of a script (at least spec) is to get the action and story out. Let the production design, director, casting director, and actors, etc. figure out the details. A script is just a blueprint.

I think that's a problem for a lot of novelists-turn-screenwriters: How to pare down the descriptions and prose. There's something to say about being mean and lean to fit a complex story in 120 typed pages (instead of 500).

(Hi Joe, nice to see you back)
 

jonpiper

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Joe, Scripter, and maestro thanks for expanding on this. My background is prose -- fiction, essays, etc. -- and cutting down the descriptive narrative is one of the toughest habits to break. Everything you've said further explains why and what has to be done in the description dept.

When reading scripts, I'm now paying special attention to this aspect.

Joe, I've heard of some actors putting on weight for a part, and others wearing elevator shoes, but a six-seven Al Pacino, yes, that's stretching it.

I'm now working on that balance between enough description to "spark the imagination in others, get them close to the vision," and not too much, which would burden the script and the reader.

Any suggestions on determining when enough is enough?
 

dpaterso

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I try to aim for brief one- or two-liners, unless it's a historical where class and appearance are important, or there's something about the character's physical appearance worth noting. Some random examples just for fun's sake:

At the wheel, ROSETTA SOLAZZI, 20s, an Italian-American beauty
who could cause a major traffic accident just by smiling.
She wears black dress, hat, sunglasses.
She's going to a funeral, her clothing matters otherwise I wouldn't have included the last line.

KATE LYLE, 19, wears a plain bonnet and coat. She clutches
a small travel case as if it's the only thing she owns.
Historical horror. She's lower class, not wealthy, and is about to mix with upper class people.

We see LANCE for the first time, a cool dude in black
motorcycle leather.
Action hero. What else do we need to know about him?

Detectives CARLOS SMITH and FRANK SHERMAN talk to the CLERK.
Sherman has age and experience on his side but the younger,
smarter Smith has hair-trigger reactions.
Cops. What else...?

JOHNNY KRUGER sits in the dark, smoking. He's around 30s,
handsome in a beat-up kind of way.
P.I. Only when he gets back to his office...
Johnny enters, turns on the light. He takes off his hat
and throws it, it misses the hat stand by a mile. He shrugs
off his coat, hangs it up.
...do I mention his hat and coat, when they appear in action.

GEORGE and MARIANNE, 20s, slide into a booth. He's Irish
handsome with a charmer's smile, she's blonde and pretty.
They look as if they've been in a Die Hard movie, his suit's
torn, his lip's split, her dress is ripped, she presses
napkins to her bleeding nose.
The story opens after they've been beaten up, shot at, chased... so detailing their appearance was necessary.

MICKEY, a nervous sweat stain in a crumpled suit.
Your typical police informer!

Each to their own, just try not to get the reader hung up on long-winded meandering sentences that go nowhere.

-Derek
 

jonpiper

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dpaterso said:
MICKEY, a nervous sweat stain in a crumpled suit.
Your typical police informer!

-Derek

Great examples that make sense. Thanks. Suggest a character's appearance and reveal a bit of their character in few words. I can see how this carries over to description of setting.
 

whistlelock

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jonpiper said:
I
The realization didn’t hit me until I had written a ten page sequence filled with descriptions of the characters, their dress, and the settings. I thought it was great writing and I would impress the reader. Then I realized the reader could form his/he own vision of the setting and I could use the space to expand the story.

The reader does 50% of the work when it comes to writing. You have to find that line between fast/short writing and providing an immersive experience.