Help with a scene - suggestions greatly appreciated.

farfromfearless · Dec 19, 2006

This might be more suited for the women here; still, I appreciate any and all suggestions as I'm in a little bit of a pickle.

I'm having some difficulties writing a scene between two characters in my novel - classic guy loves girl, girl doesn't know it kind of situation. Some insight into the characters: the male secondary character is smitten with the girl (MC), he has difficulty expressing his emotions in a way that makes it obvious to the girl that he likes her. The girl (MC) on the other hand is oblivious to his interest (though not to him); her closest friend is his sister and like a sister to the girl.

The problem I have is that I have nothing in my personal experience to really draw upon for this situation. I view this situation between my MC and the secondary charcter (the male) as being rather awkward in nature; but I think there is a lot of possibility for some tender moments in that awkwardness. First-love's type of awkwardness.

In any case, I am hoping some of you could share or suggest some ideas on how a scene with this situation might play out based on your own experiences. That is, how can these two realize a mutual attraction in a way that is both awkward and sweet?

Elektra · Dec 19, 2006

coughwatchFriendscough

Can the sister help orchestrate it? Maybe she knows about the feelings, and gets them each a ticket to a concert or sporting event or something, so that when they get there they're sitting next to each other. That way they're sort of forced into a date-like situation/confrontation.

farfromfearless · Dec 19, 2006

Elektra said:
coughwatchFriendscough

Ross always annoyed the hell out of me - by the last season I wanted Joey and Rachel to get together for keeps. heheh!

Elektra · Dec 19, 2006

I couldn't make it to the last season--after Monica and Chandler got together, it started the big long jump over that shark.

P.S., added to the above post, in case you didn't see it.

Simon Woodhouse · Dec 19, 2006

His actions won't be any different to what yours would be in the same situation. Just because he's a guy, doesn't mean he's any different to you emotionally. Reverse the roles, put yourself in his shoes, and write the scene as if you were him, but ignore the fact he's a guy. You know you want it to be awkward, so you're half way there. Build upon that and you'll have what you want.

I often right about things I have no experience of. Today I was revising a scene where a character gave birth. Obviously I've never experienced childbirth, but I can imagine how scary it must be. I used that basic idea and built the scene around it.

Oliveman · Dec 19, 2006

I think you need to push the guy in a situation, push him to the edge of his emotions, and force him to remove the wall he put up because of nerves. Make all his hopes come to a single choice or moment in time, or give him the opprotunity to do something (locked in the elevator?). Another approach is you could have the female character run into some sudden insight into his feelings on her own, but might not know everything, and she makes some wrong assumptions. Anyway there are many witty possibilities. Just make sure something happens and there is a reason behind actions or changes. It could go any way, but something has to happen.

J.S Greer · Dec 20, 2006

Oliveman said:
I think you need to push the guy in a situation, push him to the edge of his emotions, and force him to remove the wall he put up because of nerves. Make all his hopes come to a single choice or moment in time, or give him the opprotunity to do something (locked in the elevator?)

I agree. A good catalyst can make a transition like that easy. thats how it happens in real life; you keep it inside, waiting for the perfect time to let it out, and then something happens and it just comes out.

Remember to show the main characters emotion through it all, and it should work.

Euan H. · Dec 20, 2006

Simon Woodhouse said:
His actions won't be any different to what yours would be in the same situation. Just because he's a guy, doesn't mean he's any different to you emotionally.

I'm not sure I agree with this. He may not be different in the emotion felt, no, but as for how the emotion's expressed? . . . that's a different story.

I'm having some difficulties writing a scene between two characters in my novel - classic guy loves girl, girl doesn't know it kind of situation.

What do you want to happen in the scene? Is this going to be the point where the guy makes his feelings known? Or where he tries to make his feelings known and it goes horribly wrong?

Something like this IMO needs more than a scene to be dealt with neatly. There's a whole wealth of material there, a whole sub-plot--which'd probably IMO take a bunch of scenes to develop and round.

sfecphory · Dec 20, 2006

What about putting the two characters into a situation they've been in a million times before (a game they played as kids, a long trip, playing hooky...) only this time it changes because the boy's feelings are revealed in some way. A summary flashback of the "same old situation" will make the sudden change in the boy more apparent.

I have no idea if I made myself clear or not.

farfromfearless · Dec 20, 2006

The scene will happen in or around a public event - a festival of sorts - so there are certainly opportunities for the two characters to encounter each other.

On an emotional level - the male character is not quite reserved but rather inexperienced, where as the girl is reserved. I am thinking that the guy will try to make his feelings known but the attempt either ends disastrously or one or both end up embarrassed in some manner, or it actually goes relatively well but ends up being awkward in the end. The repercussions will echo through the rest of the story, and I have no intentions of letting resolve neatly - BUT I would like them to end up together.

CrankItTo11 · Dec 20, 2006

I was friends with this great guy, completely oblivious that he had any romantic interest in me. In retrospect, I bet a lot of our encounters were awkward from his perspective, but they didn't feel awkward from my perspective at all at the time. Once I learned his feelings (through a mutual friend who told me after a few too many beers) all the time we spent together felt awkward retroactively.

I don't know if this helps at all (probably not)... but it could be an amusing scene when the MC suddenly realizes the feelings this guy has for her and she suddenly slips into awkward mode.

NeuroFizz · Dec 20, 2006

What you want to do is use this to build some tension. One way is to make the male hesitantly patronizing to the MC (it's easy to make a character patronizing, but here you want to back off it a little by also making him timid around her). Since she is oblivious, have that weigh on him. Have a little frustration build, first in his physical reactions, then in his responses. If you keep the MC oblivious, but concerned enough to recognize a mood change in the guy, this could frustrate him to the point of just saying "screw it." In steps the sister and gives the MC a shoulder shake. But by then, is it too late? Has the guy given up? Is he looking elsewhere? The tension draws out...

farfromfearless · Dec 20, 2006

CrankItTo11 said:
I was friends with this great guy, completely oblivious that he had any romantic interest in me. In retrospect, I bet a lot of our encounters were awkward from his perspective, but they didn't feel awkward from my perspective at all at the time. Once I learned his feelings (through a mutual friend who told me after a few too many beers) all the time we spent together felt awkward retroactively.

I don't know if this helps at all (probably not)... but it could be an amusing scene when the MC suddenly realizes the feelings this guy has for her and she suddenly slips into awkward mode.

Actually, that is exactly what I'm looking for - if it's not too awkward, would you care to elaborate on any particular situation?

farfromfearless · Dec 20, 2006

NeuroFizz said:
In steps the sister and gives the MC a shoulder shake. But by then, is it too late? Has the guy given up? Is he looking elsewhere? The tension draws out...

Did I forget to mention that the sister also has romantic inclinations towards the MC?

kwwriter · Dec 20, 2006

The sister????? Also, whose POV will you be in. That might make a diff.

NeuroFizz · Dec 20, 2006

farfromfearless said:
Did I forget to mention that the sister also has romantic inclinations towards the MC?

CrankItTo11 · Dec 20, 2006

farfromfearless said:
Actually, that is exactly what I'm looking for - if it's not too awkward, would you care to elaborate on any particular situation?

I’m happy to answer any questions you have, but I am cringing even as I type. I remember that I would regularly jog to his house as a workout. Then I’d plop on his couch and watch an episode of MST3K (a fantastic TV show for those who may not know) and then jog back home. I was so comfortable and oblivious, I remember one time I had my pants off … um, my jogging pants that is – I was wearing running shorts under them … and I was splayed out on the couch cooling down. He kept staring at me, and I was sure it was because he wanted to sit on the couch or he was annoyed that I was sweating all over his furniture. I kept saying “I can move -- here, you can sit up here”. Wow. I’m such a dumbass.

Well… that’s just one pointless little scene from the past. Our friendship lasted two years before I found out. I wonder if he just watched MST3K with me because I loved the show, or if he was truly a fan. We’ll never know.

Oh gawd… I just remembered this horrible thing I did. A guy asked me to go out on a date to a party. I said yes, but I wasn’t sure I was really into this guy. I said ‘yes’ because I wanted to give him a chance and the idea of going to the party sounded fun. The guy that asked me on the date was calling several times a day leading up to the date, so I was beginning to get cold feet and wishing that I had never agreed to go to the party with him. So what do I do? I convince my male friend (the one with the secret crush) to come to the party so I could have him there as a buffer and someone to talk to. AWFUL. AWFUL AWFUL. And he did come to the party, the sweet guy. And my date was getting drunk and handsy, and so guess who took me home that night? I’m cringing so bad right now, my face might stick like this. These are really unpleasant memories because I can't believe I put someone through such an awkward situation. That was many years ago, though...

I sometimes wonder if men and women can be friends without the complications of attraction… I certainly never intended to hurt him or to create an awkward situation. I learned to keep my guard up a bit more around male friends to avoid such misunderstandings. (Of course, I probably come off as a bitch now… great. *sigh*) I’m married now, so I’m fortunately not in danger of this happening again. I’m tagged as ‘taken’.

I feel like I should be paying you by the hour to read this. I don’t think my health insurance covers e-therapy. I’d better get off the e-couch. I’ll e-stop now.

But, ask anything you want if you think it may help with your story. (I'll do it 'for the arts'!)

imagoodgurl4 · Dec 20, 2006

You can always have the girl cry. My ex-boyfriend was like that when I cried. He would get all awkward and pat me on the shoulder and then give me an awkward hug and not really know what to do, but the fact he didn't run away was really cute sweet. Hope that helps.

farfromfearless · Dec 20, 2006

kwwriter said:
The sister????? Also, whose POV will you be in. That might make a diff.

LOL In the novel, the sister is the one who befriends the main MC and she is the one who bridged the relationship between the MC and the male secondary character. I shift POV's over different chapters but not within the chapter itself. I'm quite strict about that. In any case, as an excercise I thought to write the scene from either perspective and follow up the event in a later chaper that illustrates the personal reactions of each character.

In an earlier thread, I asked for help in defining or identifying the sexual tension between my MC and the sister. At first it seemed to me as if this was a mutal thing, but the atraction ended up being wholy on the sister's side, with my MC feeling only affection on a sibling level. This offered some wonderful complications in character interaction. That particular sub-plot will definately end up unrequitted as the MC ends up with the brother instead - I intend to use that conflict as a springboard in the later part of the book.

CrankItTo11 - Thanks so much for opening up like that, it gives me a good sense of the emotions that I might use to paint the outcome of the scene. Your situations are quite reminiscent of scenes in the story I am writing and the awkwardness evident in your experience gives me some ideas on how I can broach the issue and bring the two characters together.

Btw, I can relate to your second ancedote as I have been the buffer for many of my female friends in the past. Again, this gives me some great thoughts on how I can approach the scene.

PS. I'm PM you the bill for the e-therapy

farfromfearless · Dec 20, 2006

imagoodgurl4 said:
You can always have the girl cry. My ex-boyfriend was like that when I cried. He would get all awkward and pat me on the shoulder and then give me an awkward hug and not really know what to do, but the fact he didn't run away was really cute sweet. Hope that helps.

That's an excellent thought!

NeuroFizz · Dec 20, 2006

farfromfearless said:
That's an excellent thought!

Please be cautious with that, though. A boyfriend may react positively to a woman who cries when things get tough, but readers may not be so inclined. Fainting couches and "getting the vapors" didn't do women any favors a century-and-a-half ago, and any modern version may put them in the same light.

citymouse · Dec 20, 2006

What are the ages of these people? How experienced are they in the realms of the heart, etc? I think that would be something to establish. If they are virgin teens then the situation is easier to handle. If they are relatively experienced then you'll have to explain that. Personally, I'd rethink the gay/bi-curious sister angle, however, an over weaned protective sister bordering on incestuous love... well. Also if this guy is a minor character you may not want to muddy waters where the MC is swimming; unless you intend to catapult him into a MC as well. Minor characters may love from afar but they don't get close enough to play the game. If they do then they're no longer minor. See what I mean?
Good luck.
C

farfromfearless said:
This might be more suited for the women here; still, I appreciate any and all suggestions as I'm in a little bit of a pickle.

I'm having some difficulties writing a scene between two characters in my novel - classic guy loves girl, girl doesn't know it kind of situation. Some insight into the characters: the male secondary character is smitten with the girl (MC), he has difficulty expressing his emotions in a way that makes it obvious to the girl that he likes her. The girl (MC) on the other hand is oblivious to his interest (though not to him); her closest friend is his sister and like a sister to the girl.

The problem I have is that I have nothing in my personal experience to really draw upon for this situation. I view this situation between my MC and the secondary charcter (the male) as being rather awkward in nature; but I think there is a lot of possibility for some tender moments in that awkwardness. First-love's type of awkwardness.

In any case, I am hoping some of you could share or suggest some ideas on how a scene with this situation might play out based on your own experiences. That is, how can these two realize a mutual attraction in a way that is both awkward and sweet?

farfromfearless · Dec 20, 2006

NeuroFizz said:
Fainting couches and "getting the vapors" didn't do women any favors a century-and-a-half ago...

LOL I bet

citymouse, sorry I guess I should clarify - the sister in this case is a sibling of the male secondary character. The sister as well as her brother pursue the MC romantically - separately LOL!

Help with a scene - suggestions greatly appreciated.

farfromfearless

Elektra

Don't Call Me Sweetheart

farfromfearless

Elektra

Don't Call Me Sweetheart

Simon Woodhouse

Oliveman

J.S Greer

Feel the power!

Euan H.

Unspeakable

sfecphory

farfromfearless

CrankItTo11

NeuroFizz

The grad students did it

farfromfearless

farfromfearless

kwwriter

let's not be cute about it

NeuroFizz

The grad students did it

CrankItTo11

imagoodgurl4

Attack!

farfromfearless

farfromfearless

NeuroFizz

The grad students did it

citymouse

fantasy dweller

farfromfearless