Keeping emotions in check during the submission process...

hopeful · Dec 14, 2006

Hi Everyone,

I was just wondering how you all cope with the emotional roller coaster that is the submission process.

I have days when I am so professional and so good at emotionally distancing myself from the submission/querying process that I'm almost like an automaton on auto pilot. Rejection #18 in as many days? Sure, bring it on. Part of the business. I'm tough. I can handle it. It just gives me the chance I've been looking for to tighten/streamline/tweak that query letter 40 or 50 more times.

But I also have plenty of days when my impatience and self-pity kick in big time, which often results in my hitting the old send button on e-queries that still need work and making other very poor decisions submission-wise.

Of course, those are the days when I ought to just step away from the computer and take a nice long walk in the fresh air. But knowing what I should do and actually doing it are two VERY different things.

So, how do you guys cope with the emotional roller coaster ride, (and, if you also experience it, the temptation to e-submit/e-query at those moments when it is REALLY not not wise to do so from an emotional standpoint)?

This question applies to novelists/short story writers/poets as well as essay/memoir/book-length nonfiction writers, but I just happen to write nonfiction, so that's why I am posting the question here in this forum.

Thanks in advance for any insights/tips/thoughts on the subject.

-hopeful

MOON GODDESS · Dec 14, 2006

Like the song says: "The waiting is the hardest part." We all know the submission process can be nerve-wracking, but I find the best thing to do is just to tell yourself to "submit it and forget it" for awhile and then force yourself do so. Think of it as getting an order from someone you work for that prohibits you to do otherwise. Or sometimes I tell myself that the writing is just one aspect of my day, and after I'm done, I have to address other issues. Just go about your regular routine, especially when you're tempted to e-query. You can work on other pieces, which will take your mind off of "that one." On those days that I can't be as active/distracted as I'd like to be, I occupy my time by being good to myself. Take a long, hot bath. Learn something new. Anything to take my mind off of a submission and more importantly, risk do something that I will regret later. With a little practice, it works, most of the time.

hopeful · Dec 14, 2006

Thanks for the excellent advice, Moon Goddess. Anything to help the rational urges win out over the irrational ones when it comes to submissions, e-queries, etc.

-hopeful

OneTeam OneDream · Dec 14, 2006

In all honesty, the best thing I've done is to make sure I'm always working on a project. If I'm submitting for project A, then I'm working on project B. If you're working on something it makes the time go by a lot faster. (Okay, it really doesn't, but at least you feel like you're doing something instead of just waiting.)

hopeful · Dec 14, 2006

Thanks for your wise words, OneTeamOneDream!

-hopeful

aka eraser · Dec 15, 2006

You've got to learn early on in this game to not only alternate hands when chewing fingernails but for gawd's sakes don't develop a "favourite" finger! In no time, it'll be useless for anything except modeling bandages. It takes discipline to worry at a different finger each time you gnaw but you can do it.

Pacing can also be helpful. It burns calories. Muttering while pacing seems to make the time between mailman visits and email checks go faster. Plus it tends to keep the kids and spouse at a wary distance.

One cautionary note: If you have a pet parrot, as I do, be careful what you mutter within its hearing range. "Crap, another rejection!" can come out sounding too much like "Crap, another erection!" which is tough to explain to the aforementioned spouse.

You're welcome.

hopeful · Dec 15, 2006

LOL -- thanks very much for the laugh this morning, aka eraser. I needed it!

-hopeful

Little Red Barn · Dec 15, 2006

You get used to it...like hanging, if you hang long enough!

aarthurco · Dec 20, 2006

Hi hopeful, I'm in the same boat. Waiting and waiting. Typically I have tremendous patience, but as you can see from a recent post occasionally I am very impatient. So I pick up more work and try to "forget about it."

What will be will be. Hang in there, and don't chew all your nails off

You can come to my house to keep busy. I have three kids under three (and still find time to worry) laugh...

Scarlett_156 · Dec 20, 2006

I don't keep my emotions in check. That's what it's all about, right? Just give em a gag ball to keep the neighbors from hearing the screams, and... oh wait... you mean "the submission process" as in "submitting a manuscript".... heh. Never mind.

K1P1 · Dec 21, 2006

Umm...

1. Alcohol.
2. Chocolate
3. Dancing

Number 3 really works the best.

Seriously, make a point of getting real exercise every day. At least 1/2 hour. It improves your mood immensely and helps you sleep well at night (another primo time for worrying and feeling devastated).

Don't work all the time, unless it's making you happy. Take a break from writing to read, make something, cook, watch a movie. But whenever you stop writing or querying, know what your next task is when you come back to it.

Make a list of questions to ask before you send each query, and then actually, physically check the items off. Include: Could this be improved? Have I proof read it at least three times, with long breaks between reads? Is this really targeted to the recipient? You know your own weaknesses, so you can ask the pertinent questions. Make this part of the process and it might prevent you from sending queries you'll regret.

C.bronco · Dec 21, 2006

I agree with 1 and 2. Mostly I go on a submitting spree if it's a rejection for an agent I really, really wanted.

hopeful · Dec 21, 2006

You guys rock. Thank you all for the very good advice!

-hopeful

Keeping emotions in check during the submission process...

hopeful

MOON GODDESS

hopeful

OneTeam OneDream

Been a long time...

hopeful

aka eraser

Fish Whisperer

hopeful

Little Red Barn

haz own threads

aarthurco

Scarlett_156

asdf

K1P1

Procrastination is its own reward

C.bronco

I have plans...

hopeful